Scars of the Past (13 page)

Chapter Seventeen

The funeral was the following Saturday in Modesto and it was beautiful. I’m almost positive Bridget had no idea how much she was loved. The church was packed to standing room only, people remembering her as a bright, optimistic, and courageous girl. I was disgusted at how much her husband had broken her spirit in the year they’d been together.

Hunter was being held on murder charges, and Detective Bradley was certain he’d never be free. According to the report, he had confessed once he was sober and admitted to beating and raping her when she told him that she didn’t want to stay anymore. She had waited until she thought he was asleep to call me, hoping to leave without him knowing. When he caught her on the phone with me, Hunter had hit her repeatedly until the police showed up and pulled him off of her.

Bridget was officially declared brain dead that afternoon in the hospital. Her mom and dad donated her organs, saying that they wanted something positive to come from this tragedy. Bridget had officially saved over ten people and I knew that she would have been happy to know that.

The week leading up to the funeral, I hid in my room. I hated the thought that the world went on when it had lost such a great person. I hadn’t known Bridget very long, but I wished I had half her strength.

The first time I left the house after that fateful morning was Tuesday night when I went to group. I wasn’t going to go but Sarah had been insistent, even calling Josh when I wouldn’t answer my phone. He drove me down there and when I wouldn’t get out of the truck he sighed.

“You need this more now than ever, Mad.”

I didn’t reply because I knew he was right, but I had never been to group without Bridget sitting by my side.

Finally I opened the door and slowly got out. I heard Josh’s door open as well, and he came around to grab my hand. We walked into the church and he gave me a kiss on my cheek.

“You can do this,” he whispered before moving to sit in on a bench in the entry way.

I walked into the gym, and sat in my usual chair while avoiding eye contact with Sarah. She eventually stood and gave her usual opening speech when Angela interrupted her.

“Where’s Bridget? She hasn’t missed group in a while.”

A lump formed in my throat and I finally looked up at Sarah. She glanced at me before looking back to Angela. Tears spilled over, spilling down my cheeks, and Angela gasped.

“No!”

Sarah dabbed her eyes with a tissue and nodded.

“I’ve been given permission by Bridget’s parents to tell you that Bridget’s husband, who most of you know repeatedly assaulted her, took it too far on Friday morning and Bridget passed away the same day. “

A few ladies gasped, others remained silent and quiet sniffling could be heard. Sarah passed around the box of tissues and sat in her chair.

“This is not an uncommon ending to situations like these, unfortunately. That is why I repeatedly asked Bridget if she was ready to leave, and even though I think she knew this was a possibility, she refused.”

My head snapped up and I glared at Sarah. “This is not her fault.”

I could see heads turn back to stare at me, but Sarah and I maintained eye contact.

“I know, Maddie, and I’m not saying it is. This is her husband’s fault and only her husband’s fault. Bridget wasn’t ready to leave, and that was his fault, too. When we are in abusive relationships they do more than break you physically- they break you mentally and emotionally too. He had her convinced that the life he was giving her was the life she deserved.”

I finally stopped glaring at Sarah and looked back in my lap, tears still falling freely.

“Ladies, you are all worth so much more than that. Don’t ever let anyone, especially someone who hurts you, tell you otherwise. If you need help getting out, you let me know and we will get you out, okay?”

Sarah asked the group to do the usual routine, but when they got to me I refused to speak. She didn’t push me, just skipped on to the person who sat on the other side of Bridget’s chair. When she dismissed us, I didn’t hang around like I normally did and instead rushed back to Josh.

“How’d it go?” He stood up, putting down the sports magazine he was reading.

I just shrugged. “Can you please take me home?”

He opened his mouth, but behind me I heard Sarah’s quiet voice. “Josh, can I talk to you for a minute?”

He squeezed my hand and walked over to where Sarah was standing. They spoke in whispers for a moment and then exchanged goodbyes.

“Call me if you need me, Maddie. Anytime, okay?” I didn’t answer her, just nodded my head as I pulled Josh out the door.

Besides group and the funeral, I didn’t leave the house anymore. I spent most of every day in my bedroom, wallowing in my sorrow.

Two days after the funeral, I was still in bed around noon when I heard a knock on the front door. Josh had been staying the night with me, but had left that morning saying he’d be back later. So when my bedroom door opened I just assumed it was Josh, but the male voice belonged to someone else.

“Okay. Enough hiding. You need to get up and live your life.”

“Go away, Matt,” I said without turning to look at him.

My blanket was ripped off of me and I turned around to glare at him. He dropped my blanket on the floor and crossed his arms.

“No. I love you and I won’t go away. Do you honestly think your friend would be okay with you hiding away like this?”

“Shut up!” I yelled, sitting up and throwing my pillow at him. “You didn’t even know her! She called me for help, and I let her down!”

Matthew just stood there, dropping his arms to his side as he stared at me.

I felt my face crumple and I began sobbing. His big arms pulled me to him, and he just whispered quietly as I cried.

“It’s not your fault, Maddie. In the end she was ready to leave and she felt she could count on you. You should feel honored that she was your friend, and that she trusted you so much. No one is to blame but him, so please quit blaming yourself. Bridget wouldn’t want you like this and you know it.”

Matthew stayed with me for a few hours and would only leave on the condition that I would stop hiding. So I followed him into the living room, and Amanda stood, giving me a genuine smile.

“Hey Mads. I grabbed some lunch for you after class.” She gestured to the Italian take-out bags on the counter. “I also talked to your teachers and they said you can take the finals you missed today later this week.”

I wrapped her in a big hug and she returned it with a tight one of her own.

I grabbed the food and dished it onto a plate, taking it to the table to eat. I watched as Amanda and Matthew seemed to share some silent exchange that ended in Amanda scowling at him. He moved towards her quickly, his hand outstretched as if to touch her, when he turned back to glance at me. Seeing that I was watching, he dropped his hand and took two steps back.

“Okay, baby sister. Remember our deal and remember what I said. If you don’t, they’ll call me and you know it.” He put a strained smile on his face and glanced back at Amanda before looking at me.

“Okay Matty. Thank you.”

He walked over and kissed me on the forehead. “Love you.”

“Love you too,” I replied as he walked out the door. I turned to Amanda quickly. “What is going on with you two?”

She scoffed. “Nothing at all. “ She quickly dove into a story about her last Psychology final, but I knew she was hiding something.

Josh knocked twice, walking in while I was finishing eating and a bright smile hit his face when he saw me.

“You’re out of bed.”

I rolled my eyes and returned his smile. “Matt dragged me out of the bedroom.”

He sat in the chair next to me, stealing a bite of my pasta.

“Good. I’m glad I sicced him on you then.

“I should have known it was you.” I pushed my plate towards him and stood up. “I’m going to go shower.”

I gave him a quick kiss and then tousled his curly hair before I moved into the bathroom.

I’d been in the shower for a few minutes when I heard the bathroom door open. I looked around the curtain and saw Josh standing there, his arms crossed and still smiling.

I smiled back and ducked back behind the curtain to wash my hair. “What are you smiling for?”

“Just glad to see you up. I’ve missed you.”

I poked my head around the curtain again and raised my eyebrows. “Come show me how much you’ve missed me.”

He stared at me for a moment, probably trying to gauge if I was serious or not, and then he pulled his shirt over his head and kicked his shoes off.

“You don’t have to ask me twice.”

Chapter Eighteen

The world moved on without Bridget in it and I figured out how to grieve while living. I continued my sessions with Sarah, and even went to group when I really didn’t want to.

We spent the weeks after Bridget’s death preparing for Christmas, and slowly I began to fall into the holiday cheer. Between the holiday parties we were serving at every weekend and the constant Christmas carols blaring from all directions, it was hard to not be in the Christmas spirit.

Sunday evening two weeks before Christmas, Josh had taken us in his truck to get the Christmas tree. He was very patient as it took us three hours and four different lots to find the one we deemed perfect.

Josh stood in the bed of his truck, throwing rope over the tree so it wouldn’t fly out, as Sydney, Amanda, and I stood off to the side shivering.

“I don’t know,” Sydney said. “I think the other one had less bald spots.

Josh threw his hands up in the air and shot us all a dirty look.

“I’m freezing, you’re freezing, this tree looks great, and you girls are driving me nuts!”

All three of us burst out laughing as we stared at Josh’s frustrated face.

He jumped down from his truck bed and pulled his gloves off before folding his arms in front of his chest.

“Aww Joshy, don’t be mad!” Amanda shot him pretend pathetic look and he just scowled.

“You’re all riding back to the apartment in the bed with the tree.”

We laughed again, and I moved towards Josh, wrapping my arms around his neck.

“You’re so patient. Thank you for doing this with us.”

He exhaled and relaxed his arms, putting them around my waist and squeezing.

“You girls are just lucky you’re all so pretty, or else I would have left you two lots back.” He gave me a quick swat on my backside and moved to finish tying the tree down.

“You could have just let us borrow your truck,” Sydney teased. “Then you could have stayed home.”

Josh shook his head and gave a mock caress to the dark blue Toyota. “No way. I’ve seen you girls in action, and you can barely handle those little things you drive.”

I let out a laugh and rolled my eyes. Josh’s love for his almost-new truck could almost rival his love for me.

Once we got back to the apartment, Josh trimmed a few branches down before bringing it in and setting it up. Matthew came over and the five of us spent the evening decorating the tree, eating some leftover chicken my mom had sent, and just laughing.

We turned on the movie
The Santa Clause
and we all relaxed on the couches. I was sitting in Josh’s lap on the couch when Sydney opened a bottle of wine and offered me some hesitantly. I looked at it for a few beats and then shook my head, still weary of alcohol.

“Mad, if you want a little, go for it.” Josh whispered, his lips close to my ear. “I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”

I turned my head and smiled at him. “Not tonight, but maybe sometime soon.”

He nodded in understanding and said nothing else.

I watched Amanda and Matthew closely that night, and both of them seemed to go out of the way to avoid each other. I also noticed that when one thought the other wasn’t looking, they would pause and give the other looks of longing. It confused me because if those two wanted to be together, I was very much on board, but I wasn’t sure what was holding them back from approaching it.

As the evening died down, Sydney declared she was going out and asked if anyone else wanted to go. Everyone declined, and so she hurried to her room to get dressed and call the friends she lovingly called her ‘club friends’.

After she left we continued watching the movie, but sometime I had fallen asleep. I woke up in Josh’s arms as he carried me down the hall.

“I can walk,” I mumbled, burying my face into his chest.

He just chuckled and eased me onto the bed in my bedroom. He pulled my slippers off my feet and started to cover me up.

I sat up, yawning, and pulled my sweatpants off too. Josh watched, an amused look on his face.

“You’re going to freeze. It’s supposed to drop to the twenties tonight.”

“I’ll have you to keep me warm. I can’t wear pants to bed; they ride up my legs and annoy me.”

He just smiled and settled into bed next to me. “And here I thought you wore just the shirt and panties for my benefit.”

I cuddled close to him and pulled the comforter over us.

“Well, there’s that too.”

–––

I held up a dress and faced Josh. “Do I need anything more formal than this?”

He glanced up from his laptop and smiled. “Nah. You probably won’t even need that one, but bring it just in case. At the very least you can put it on and let me take it off.” He closed his laptop and pushed it aside before grabbing my wrist and pulling me into his lap.

We kissed for a moment before I pulled back and fixed a stern look upon him.

“Not going to happen, Richards. We are not having sex at your parents’ house.”

He rolled his eyes at me before giving me a lopsided smile.

I put the dress in my suitcase and shook my head at him.“I mean it.”

“Sure you do.”

Josh and I were spending the four days leading up to Christmas at his parents’ house in San Diego. I tried to explain him that I didn’t need to come and interrupt his family time, but he insisted saying that his mom had basically threatened him if he didn’t bring me. I had mentioned that I could stay at a hotel during the week, but Josh wouldn’t even suggest that to his family, saying they would be appalled.

So, I was diving head first into meeting my boyfriend’s parents, and I was freaking out a little.

“Did you pack your bathing suit?”

“It’s December.” I frowned at him. “I’m pretty sure it’s not that much warmer there.”

“My parents have a heated pool so Ben can do therapy in it year round. And a hot tub.” Josh grinned. “Definitely bring your bathing suit.”

I glowered at him for a minute, positive he was enjoying this. “You’re making this so easy.”

“Mad, I don’t know why you’re so nervous. My parents already love you, and I’m pretty sure they know that their 24-year-old son has sex.”

I took a deep breath and sat back in his lap. “I don’t know why, either. I just am.”

“Well calm down.” His kissed my nose gently. “And finish packing so we can go to bed. We have to be to the airport by six tomorrow morning.”

Amanda appeared in the door way with her camera bag over her shoulder.

“Okay, here’s my camera. The battery is fully charged, the memory card is empty, and everything you need is in the bag.”

I took it from her and gave her a hug. “Thanks sweetie. I really appreciate it.”

“Just take lots of pictures and have fun. I’m going to get to bed, but I’ll see you Christmas Eve, right?”

“Yup, we should be back by dinner time.”

She said goodbye and I heard her bedroom door close before I turned back to finish packing.

The next morning Josh drove us to Sacramento International Airport and we caught our three hour flight to San Diego.

When the plane landed, Josh led me through the airport to get our luggage before we jumped in a cab. The drive to his parents took about thirty minutes, and soon we were parked in front of a gorgeous, modern one story home. The porch looked like it had had a couple of steps at one point, but had since been converted to a ramp.

We unloaded the cab and Josh grabbed both of our suitcases before turning to look at me.

“Ready?”

I wasn’t, not even a little bit, but I didn’t tell Josh that and instead I gave him a feeble smile. “Ready.”

When we got to the front door, Josh knocked twice before using his key and turning the knob.

“Mom? Dad? Ben?”

We moved through the doorway, but no one responded. Josh left our suitcases in the living room and proceeded to move through the house, calling out the names. The house was immaculate and made me feel like our apartment needed to be scrubbed. The Richards’ kitchen was huge, with beautiful stainless steel appliances that could make a chef out of anyone.

The living room had a big plush sectional couch that looked extremely comfortable, and next to it was a huge Christmas tree so full of ornaments that you could hardly see any tree. Above the fireplace was a family picture that showed four smiling people. Josh’s mother had the same curly hair Josh did, only it went down to her shoulders. Other than the hair, though, Josh looked nothing like his mother and almost like a clone of his father. Ben looked exactly like their mother, except his hair was shaggy like their father’s.

“Well, I suppose it’s just us for now,” Josh said as he grabbed ahold of our bags again. “Let’s go put these in my room.”

I followed him down the hall and slowed down my pace to look at all of the pictures that lined the wall. The pictures of Josh and Ben ranged from the time they were babies, to ones that looked like they were taken fairly recently. Josh stopped in front of a bedroom door and looked back at me with a grin.

“Don’t worry, I’m almost positive she’ll bust out the baby albums for you.” He pushed open the door and disappeared through it. I had to tear my eyes away from a picture of a young Josh, his two front teeth gone as he cheesed for the camera, and I followed the older Josh into his bedroom.

The room looked like it hadn’t changed since Josh was in high school. The walls were papered with posters of various basketball teams, football teams, and he even had a Sports Illustrated poster on the back of the door.

The shelf above the desk held about fifteen trophies and even more ribbons, most of them looking sports related. The wall had a shelf against it that held a lot of different CDs and DVDs, and above those were a bunch of random action figures.

“Welcome to my childhood.” Josh set our bags next to the queen sized bed that was up against one wall. “Just remember before you start to tease me- this was a very normal room for a teenage boy.”

I smirked and sat on the edge of the bed. “Oh, it’s all very you. I’m honestly surprised your room doesn’t look like this now.”

He moved so quickly that I didn’t have time to react before he had me pinned to the bed, his fingers dancing quickly along my ribs. I laughed and tried to push him off, but he was too strong.

“Ready to take it back?” Josh’s fingers moved towards my armpits and I was laughing so hard I couldn’t breathe.

“Yes,” I gasped out as I squirmed under his hold. “I take it back, you’re very adult!”

He stopped tickling me and raised his eyebrows, his face inches from mine. “That sounded sarcastic.”

I attempted to catch my breath, and shook my head. “Oh no, it was super serious.”

Josh narrowed his eyes and moved to tickle me again, but a voice came from the doorway.

“They’re here, Anna, and they’re pretty frisky.” 

Josh stood up, pulling me to my feet too. He had a huge grin on his face, but I could feel a blush settling over mine.

Josh’s dad stood in the doorway, the same grin on his own face.

“Hey dad.” Josh moved towards his dad and they engulfed each other in a hug.

“Hey buddy. Welcome home.” They parted and Josh looked over to me.

“Dad, this is Madelyn. Mad, meet Paul.”

I walked towards his father, and before I had a chance to extend my arm he had pulled me into a hug.

“It’s very nice to
finally
meet you, Madelyn.” As he said ‘finally’ he shot Josh a glare, but Josh just continued to smile and shook his head.

Footsteps came from the hallway and Josh’s mother stuck her head in the bedroom door. Her face lit up when she spotted Josh.

“There he is!” She wrapped her arms around him, and like me, her head only came to his chin. “About time you come and visit your family, brat.”

They pulled apart and the affection Josh felt for his parents was all over his face. “Hey mama.” He reached for my hand and pulled me forward.

“Mom, meet Madelyn. Madelyn, this is my mother, Anna.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” I said before she gave me another big hug.

“It’s nice to meet you, sweetheart. Josh has told us so many wonderful things over the years.” She released me and gave me a tender look. “I’m just so glad you two found your way back to each other.”

Josh rolled his eyes, but the amused expression was still on his face.

“Come on, mama, don’t get all deep and emotional on her. We just got here.”

Anna gave him a little slap on the shoulder and gestured for us to follow her.

“Lunch is in the kitchen with Ben. I hope you like Mexican food, Madelyn, because we brought take-out from one of the best places in California.”

We followed her back to the front of the house and when we made it to the dining room, Ben was sitting at the table. His face transformed into a huge grin when he saw his brother.

“Josh!”

Josh darted towards Ben and bent down to envelope his little brother into a huge hug.

“Benj! How are you doing, buddy? I’ve missed you so much.”

Ben looked different from the picture that was above the fireplace. He had glasses upon his face, and a long scar that ran from his chin over his cheek, up to the center of his head. His hair had grown around the scar, but it was still very visible. His boyish face, however, still favored their mother heavily.

“You don’t visit enough.” Ben spoke very slowly, and his words had a very slight slur to them.

Josh gave a tiny frown and nodded in agreement. “I know, Benj, but I won’t wait so long in between visits again. I promise.”

I moved into the kitchen to help his mom with the food and gave the brothers some privacy.

“What can I do?” I asked, stopping beside her. She turned with a smile on her face and put both of her hands on my cheeks.

“You have done so much already. That young man in there is so in love with you and the past year or so has been hard. Thank you for bringing our Josh back.”

I choked down the emotion that was forming in my throat, but didn’t say anything. Anna leaned forward and kissed my forehead before turning back to the food.