Read Rock and Roll Never Forgets (The Rock and Roll Trilogy) Online
Authors: Barbara Stewart
“
At Last
”
couldn’t have been a more appropriate song. All those years, all those memories, at last we were where we should have been all along; together, really together.
We had some good days, Eleuthera, learning her all over again. Back home, learning Carlee’s routine. They were the best times in my life and I rejoiced
.
But the weeks went by, and with each
,
Beth deteriorated a little more. She stayed tired. That vibrancy was diminishing and it was sad to experience. She slept longer and when she was awake she wanted Carlee with her as much as possible to get in every squeeze, giggle, and cuddle possible. I couldn’t leave her side, because I wanted the very same thing; every squeeze, giggle, and cuddle possible…
Those last days went by much too quickly. We were all there together, by the bed when she took that last breath. And then in the last moments I was there with her she gave me one last gift.
You are with me always
The things I shoulda done
It
’
s all a dream away
A piece of me
A part of me
My heart a part of yours
The dreams we coulda shared
It
’
s all a dream away
A thought
A plan
To be your man
It
’
s what I woulda done
It
’
s all a dream away.
~ ~ ~
I will treasure the feel of her, the
smell
of her forever. It
’
s been almost two years and we’ve all moved on
, b
ut we’ve done so together. Beth’s extended family, because of Carlee. John shared her with me, and I am forever grateful. I love that little girl so much.
Recently
Traveler
was given a star on the
Hollywood Walk of Fame
.
It was to celebrate the band’s thirtieth anniversary. Even though we have moved on, we still get together every so often and do a song. Most times, they are for a charity that one of us holds dear.
We were all there for the “Star” ceremonies, Carlee, Beth’s mom and dad. Kimmy and her family, Roddy and Vince, Norton and of course all the
Traveler
guys and their families were there. It was a grand celebration
.
When the
y
unveiled
the star
it was magic
al
. It was Dina’s gasp I heard first. The star was, as usual, but this one had a tiny sparkle in the top point of the star. The designers did it to represent Beth who was so much a part of who we were. Of course, there were tears, by all of us. Carlee and I sprawled out on the pavement beside the star, and Kimmy took a picture. That beautiful little girl is my
‘
star
’
now. That picture, along with the one of Beth from the beach in Chicago and our wedding picture are on my desk.
As I read her journals, the chronicles of us, I experienced such emotion. I read with pain the holidays and birthdays that I didn’t acknowledge. I said it
’
s hard, this lifestyle. I missed a lot of things that Beth longed for. Thinking back, now, it wouldn
’
t have been so hard to be what she needed. It wouldn
’
t have taken much more than a card to please her, something as simple as decorating a Christmas tree meant something to her. I didn’t realize it until too late.
She was a simple woman. I didn’t make the time she needed, and reading her words tore me apart. Yet at the same time, they breathed life into me. She was so willing to give, happy to do whatever I needed. She always put her own needs on hold and I was selfish enough that as long as she appeared happy, and we were together, life was good
.
I think now, on a phrase that she often used;
“
Shoulda, coulda, woulda.” And I know the things I should have done. Wish for time to go back, to do the things I could have done. And dream about the way it would have been. But that is past now, and as she said; “fate saw differently for us.”
Norton gave me copies of the tapes as well, and the sound of her voice
was
heaven. I listened over and over. Sometimes I play a portion of a tape where I know I will hear her laugh. There are copies that
I’ve
put away for Carlee, too. She will need to remember that laugh as well. And she’ll be able to read the gift of love that Norton compiled from all the notes, tapes and journals. But hearing her mom tell those stories will give her one more gift.
When I think of that quilt she referred to, I have so many thoughts. I remember snuggling under the Nana quilt. I also think about combing antique stores when we bought the chalet. We went into one store and hanging there, on an old wooden rack was a quilt. To me it looked old and worn, but Beth saw the beauty of it.
“Look at this!” She ran her fingers over the fabric
, o
f course she knew what the pattern was. “Oh Andy! This is a treasure!”
s
he yelled excitedly. We took it home and she had a frame made for it and it hung on the wall at the chalet
.
When the chalet sold Roddy didn’t know what to do with the quilt. Knowing what it meant to Beth, he had it put in storage. But time passed and it was forgotten, until I read the journals. I pulled it out and hung it in my office to remind me of the treasure Beth was.
I still wear that Mizpah; only I have both halves now. It keeps her close to my heart. All of this reminds me how special Beth was; how we are all better because of her, because she loved us, because she was Beth. I will go on, we all will, but I know now that I will grieve for what we could have had for the rest of my life…
281
Rock and Roll Never Forgets
Chapter Thirty
~
Two
The Gift
I
t’s time to put a ribbon on this and call it the gift that it feels like. I read and reread her journals, listened and listened again to the tapes. I met with her friends and family; they shared with me what they thought, what they felt, and what they remembered, about their time in her life. Beth’s story, the legacy that she left us is now complete. I can’t say for certain, but I think
we were all
changed, I know I was.
She taught all of us about dignity. She taught me that friendship and loyalty are first and foremost. And she taught me that you never forget your first love
.
I gave Andy the many journals Beth wanted him to have when I was through. I wondered how he would react. She hadn’t told him of this gift and he cried; only I realized that they were tears of joy. He had her back. He left for a short time to go back into the recording studio and
A Dream Away – Bethy’s Song
became one of his biggest solo hits
.
This is the end of what I hope is a wonderful tribute to a beautiful woman. I hope that I have told her tale well, given her the gift that she wanted for her family and friends to share. The gift of that quilt she wanted to leave them with
;
the gift of her heart.
287
Coming Soon
When I Look to the Sky
Book Two in the Rock and Roll Trilogy
Moving On – June 2003
Andy sat on the stool behind the glass watching for Marco to give him the thumbs up. When he did, Andy slipped the headset on and listened for a moment. The music began, first
a
piano intro, followed by violins; finally he leaned toward the microphone, closed his eyes, and sang the words, fighting the emotions that bubbled to the surface every time he sang them.
You are with me always
The things I shoulda have done
It
’
s all a dream away
A piece of me
A part of me
My heart a part of yours
The dreams we coulda shared
It
’
s all a dream away
A thought
A plan
To be your man
It
’
s what I woulda done
It
’
s all a dream away.
Marco DiMario, Andy
’
s sound engineer, watched from behind the glass. Andy’s friend, Nathan Perry, was beside him at the sound board as Andy sang. When Andy pulled the headset off, he looked up and saw Nathan with a big grin as Marco rose from the chair and gave him another, enthusiastic, thumbs up. Nathan opened the microphone to the studio up and yelled, “It was awesome! You want to hear play-back?”
“I’m coming over there,” Andy replied. He was anxious. This song was the last one of the tracks they were recording. He knew he shouldn’t have saved it for last. It was the one that was most important to him; it should have been the first, but he couldn’t do it, so he recorded tracks for every other song until this was all that was left. The studio musicians finished their portion of the recordings and left yesterday. He had no more excuses, and now he was done - he hoped.
Exhaustion had finally set in. T
hey’d been in the studio for a couple of weeks, and he had a lot going on outside the studio
,
as well. He only had a few days left to get ready
for
his trip, and he was eager to get things done. He pushed the door open and headed to the sound board where Marco and Nathan were waiting.
“Well,” he said with a chuckle, “by the stupid grins on your faces I guess it was OK.”
“OK?” Nathan said and thumped him on the back. “Way better than OK…”
“Are you ready?” Marco asked, but before he started the play-back added, “And remember, this is raw, no tweaks, no nothin’…raw!”
Andy sat down, leaned back in the chair, put his feet up on the console, and closed his eyes as he listened.
“Yeah,” he felt the corners of his mouth turning up into a smile. “I guess we did it, saved the best for last. What time is it?” he asked abruptly.
“4:10,” Marco told him.
“She’ll be home now. I gotta call her.” He went to the console where he’d dropped his things when he got there. He picked up the phone and dialed, leaned back in the chair again, and a big smile crept across his face when she answered
.
“Hello, beautiful,” Andy said.
Nathan watched. No one ever saw this side of Andy anymore, unless it involved her, and he smiled. It had been almost nine months since Beth passed away. Nathan worried for his friend in the beginning, for many reasons. Her death had been hard on him, but he’d had other struggles in the past and Nathan worried about that. He watched as he heard Andy ask how her day was, told her how much he missed her, and that he couldn’t wait to see her.
“Three more days,” he said. “I love you, too
, b
ye sweetheart.”
He looked up and both men were watching him. “She just got in and she can’t wait to see me,” he chuckled. “Can’t help it, dang, I love that girl!”
Nathan was glad Andy had her in his life.
~ ~ ~
They stayed at the studio until after midnight. Marco left them, and Andy and Nathan went to the house. Andy hated
even
walking in the door, but it was almost a done deal. The movers would finish boxing up tomorrow. Everything but the studio was ready for the truck to take east. He worked out a deal with the new owners to convert the studio back into a garage if they would give him three months to break the studio down and ship the equipment. That gave them time to finish the album. Marco would still be going there to oversee things once the tweaking was complete.
“Want a glass of wine?” he asked Nathan.
“Sure,” he replied and kicked back in one of the reclining ends of the sofa.
Andy returned with a bottle and two glasses, poured, and then sat in the other recliner.
“You nailed that song. I know it wasn’t easy, but damn!”
“After Marco does his magic I want to release that one as the first single.”
“I hear ya. It’s good, man. Better than good… incredible,” he said, then added, “big hit, my friend, I know these things! So, where are you taking her this trip?” Nathan asked.
“I talked her out of Eleuthera
…”