Rock and Roll Never Forgets (The Rock and Roll Trilogy) (33 page)

“Rebecca told me right up front that she didn’t want anything from me and that she had no intention of going to anyone else with what she was going to share with me. And then I knew for sure.

“‘Your dad and I were lovers,’ she told me. She didn’t beat around the bush with ‘we were friends,’ ‘we worked together,’ just came right out with it. All I could think about was Phyllis. And as I listened, my mind raced and I knew that she knew, all those years, she knew it…”

Beth wanted to say something, but she could tell it wasn’t the right time, he wasn’t done unloading.

“She told me that they ‘s
hared a bed’ for fifteen years.

“Shared a bed…” he repeated, “my dad, Bethy, he was a cheater and a liar. All those nights ‘working late’… he was with this woman and Phyllis knew it, and she sto
od by him and loved him anyway.

“After I was home from rehab I talked to her about it. I had to, and she told me she knew. She told me she forgave him.
‘
How?
’
I wondered at the time, and then I thought of you and every time you forgave me, but it was too late for us by then. When I knew that I could commit to you, when I knew that I could go forward and be true and honest to you, it was too late. I loved you, love you now more than I can say, but I was afraid
to commit to you, afraid of
hurting you.”

Beth didn
’
t know what to say, so she listened. She knew how hard it was for him to share this with her. She wanted to comfort him, but she knew that wasn’t what he wanted. It wasn’t why he was telling her. He wanted her to know why he held back all those years. It made her sad for him, as well as her. But she knew; if fate had led them down a different path all those years ago she would
n’t
have Carlee, wouldn’t have had the
Cancer Foundation
.

‘
Everything is part of a greater plan. We can only move
forward and learn from the past,
’
Beth thought.

~ ~ ~

Carlee
’
s Birthday - Dec
ember
1
, 2001 ~
Today is Carlee
’
s fourth birthday. We woke her early and everyone sang to her, and she loved it. Then John took her out to lunch while Andy, Vince and Kimmy got a little party together, just family, but there seemed to be a lot of that lately. Carlee loved the Little Mermaid. Kimmy ordered a cake. Andy, Vince and Mom put aqua tulle all around to make it look like water. When she and John returned everyone was there and the party began. Keeping in the theme of things Andy had Roddy get her a pearl necklace.
I
’
m afraid she is going to be spo
iled, but my girl was so happy!

~ ~ ~

Dec
ember
3
, 2001 ~ I
’
m feeling so much better and I
’
m up, out of bed more. I love sharing in all the activities that lead up to the holidays. I still can
’
t sit. Soon, I hope…
Andy, John and Carlee put up the Christmas tree
last night
and made it fun! I just sprawled out on the sofa on my stomach and said things like;
‘
more on the left, add some tinsel over there…
’
I think Andy enjoyed it. Carlee just adores him. I think the feeling is mutual, and John is jealous. But I think it
’
s OK.

This was a repeat performance for Carlee and John, but a new thing for Andy. All those years and Beth couldn
’
t remember him ever even hanging an ornament on the tree.

Beth and Carlee sat at the kitchen table and wrote her Santa letter. Andy looked on and smiled at the picture he saw.
Beth folded the letter when they finished and
they put it in an envelope and addressed it
.

“Daddy will mail it in the morning.” 

John took the list to go out Santa shopping. Kimmy had taken Carlee to her house for a while, so once again, Andy and Beth were alone. She tried to get him to get out for a while, not shopping, just go for a ride or something, but he wouldn
’
t hear of it.

December 4, 2001 ~ I
know, first of all
,
he doesn
’
t want to chance being recognized so he is laying-low to avoid any chaos here. I also know that none of them want to leave me alone for a second. But I know, too, that Andy wants to squeeze in every second that he can as long as John
is OK with it. I like it, too.

~ ~ ~

There had been so much going on that no one paid much attention to things going on outside the house. Roddy called daily, but it wasn
’
t much about business, he called to check in. This day was different, though. Andy had released a greatest hits album in March. There was new material on it and Roddy called with some wonderful, exciting news of accolades for Andy.

“
Yesterday, Today and Forever”
had been nominated for a Grammy for Song
o
f
t
he Year. It was very exciting news. Andy was being stubborn about it, and said he wasn’t going to go to the awards ceremony. Beth knew it was because he was afraid he
’
d miss something there with her. The ceremonies were still weeks away. Beth made it her mission to wear him down telling him he needed to go, needed to be there; needed to celebrate.

He really needs to go, this is a big deal
!

~ ~ ~

Christmas 2001

Beth didn’t want any Christmas celebration for herself. She wanted to make it all about Carlee. There wasn’t a gift greater than the love of family that anyone could have given her. The best gift for her little girl would be to have the most fun holiday ever. They did make a big deal celebration of the day. Her family was there
, h
er brothers and families visited all day
, all of them together,
so it was a
special time for Beth
. Dina and Nathan came in, and of course Roddy and Vince were there. It wasn’t the big sit down meal like at Thanksgiving, but Vince and Liz put together a spread of party foods that everyone nibbled on and enjoyed all day long. Her family always said if Beth could live on chips and dip, cheese and crackers, and a birthday cake, the corner with the border and a rose, that she’d be the happiest girl on earth.

~ ~ ~

Beth talked and talked to Andy about the importance of him going to the
Grammys
but he wasn’t budging. He had no desire to leave her. He stayed with her every second John was away and he couldn’t imagine loosing those precious moments.

And then, sudden
ly,
he had something on his mind. He thought long and hard
,
and struggled, but he had to proceed. One evening after Beth was asleep he opened a bottle of wine and invited John to join him in the sunroom.

“I have an idea that I’d like to talk to you about,” Andy said to him after a while. “I have already talked to Dr. Reilly, because I wanted to make sure she was able before I even brought it up to you.”

“What is it?”

“I would like to ask Beth to
go with
Roddy and me
to the
Grammys
. I haven’t mentioned it to her. I wanted to talk to you first.”

John sat for a while looking across the table and wondered how he would respond.
‘
What was best for Beth? What would it mean for them?
’

“I know this is a difficult request, John. It isn’t easy for me to ask. Roddy will be there the whole trip.” Andy felt he needed to clarify. “We will charter a plane so the flight will be comfortable for her. We would leave on Monday, the ceremonies are Tuesday evening, and we would return Wednesday. I think Roddy can pace it out to give her plenty of time to rest. He will make arrangements for private arrival and departure from the event. We would have a suite for her to assure her comfort.”

‘
He isn
’
t begging,
’
John thought,
‘
he
’
s giving me a proposal for
consideration
.
’

John still said nothing
,
though. He was going through the facts in his head just as he would any proposal presented
to him
. He sipped the wine, and gave each consideration the full thought process.

Andy watched him and could see the wheels in his head turning. He knew it wasn’t an easy request.

“I have to do what is best for Beth,” John finally said.

Andy nodded. He understood
how
importan
t that was
.

John paused a moment longer and asked, “And Dr. Reilly knows this and gives his approval?”

Andy nodded again.

“It might be good for her to get out.” And he knew that was so. But his decision caused turmoil for him. The bottom line was that if he agreed he would be allowing her to return to her past, and he feared that outcome.

Feeling like he
could read
John’s
mind
, Andy
wondered how he would answer such a request, but he didn’t think he would have been OK with ‘her past’ staying in the same house. Andy realized how different from himself John really was.

Finally, John responded, “It will be good for her. Yes, you should ask her.” And he worried what that decision would come to mean in the end.

Andy did ask her to go and she was very excited. She’d been feeling pretty good, physically, and the thought of the trip gave her a mental boost as well. She talked to J
ohn, a lot, about going to the
Grammys
with Andy. She was torn with mixed emotions. He told her over and over again that it was fine, it was the right thing to do; it would be a good diversion.

It terrifies me a little…

~ ~ ~

Jan
uary 1,
2002
~
Another year passes and it all goes far too quickly. I am trying to absorb every precious moment that I can.

Norton comes and goes, working on the book, but he has also become part of this family, these people who I love. He spends hours with me, but he visits with everyone, I know he is gathering info, but I see friendships forming…

As the time drew closer
to the
Grammys
Beth was suddenly concerned about being out, worried about her appearance. Kimmy came over one evening with a gift to help ease her mind. She had gone to
Fred
e
rick
’
s of Hollywood
and present
ed Beth with panties with built-
in buns. She had gotten several pairs and had them altered so that only the left side was padded. Everyone got a big kick out of those
.

January 16, 2002 ~ I
have this big, huge dent where the cheek of my butt used to be. Those panties sure helped! Kimmy wants to take me shopping. I don
’
t think I feel up to that. I
’
m sure I have something, or maybe she can just go and find something, I
’
m not that excited
about it, the shopping I mean.

Beth was alone in the bedroom, a somewhat cherished moment because alone time was very minimal any more. She went in the closet and dug until she found it. Wondering if it might still fit she found the black dr
ess from the first trip to the
Grammys
. She still had it. She took it from the garment bag and pulled a pair of the padded panties on and slipped the dress over her head. She
’
d lost some weight the last couple months so it was kind of loose, not clingy at all. She stood in front of the mirrors in the bathroom, turning this way and that to see it from every angle. It looked good
.

She called Kimmy, and shared her thoughts about the dress. Kimmy loved the idea. She went to Beth’s and Beth put the dress on and modeled it for her.

“Perfect!” Kimmy said.

“I think I like that word!”