Rock and Roll Never Forgets (The Rock and Roll Trilogy) (37 page)

He stroked her hair and kissed the top of her head. “Bethy,” he said again.

Lying in his arms
,
her mind was racing. She had obligations at home. She loved John, she loved Carlee, but at that moment all she could think of was that life was too short, this life. She thought about Pops. She thought about her mom and Kimmy
.

What would they think
?

She thought about all those years before and the ones since. Her heart and her mind were in different places. She felt guilty because she didn’t feel guilty. The feel of Andy’s arms around her made her forget all the pain, physical and mental, and she didn’t know what she was going to do. Her heart was breaking. Her love for him was overpowering every rational thought she had.

“Bethy,” he said once more. She pushed back to get a better look at him, but said nothing. “We don’t have to leave.” He pulled her back into his arms, and there was a long, awkward silence
.

“
Thank you,” she said caressing his cheek.
“
Thank you for all of this. I feel happy for the first time in months.”

“
No, thank you. Thank you for letting me be here with you, and for being here with me. When I think of all the time we
’
ve spent apart.” He hesitated,
“
God, what did I do to us?”

“
It doesn
’
t matter now,” she said, sadly.

“
It does, Bethy. It matters.”

“
We were so good for so long, and then we weren
’
t. And then we were and then we weren
’
t,” she said and laughed
.

“And now we are,” he said. “We are really good, Bethy.”

There was a long gap of speechless time, and finally Beth said, “I love you Andy, and for whatever length of time
‘
always
’
is, I always will.”

“
Bethy, I love you so much” he said wrapping her tightly in his embrace.

“But there’s more to it now. It’s not just me. It’s not just us anymore.”

“So what do we do?” he asked pleadingly.

~ ~ ~

John lay awake all night. In the morning he made some calls for work, called Liz
,
and went into Carlee’s room. She was sound asleep. He watched her chest rise and fall with each breath she took. “I love you sweet girl,” he whispered and placed a kiss on her forehead and left the room.

He put his bags in the trunk of his car and waited for Liz to arrive. He was off to Atlanta for a business trip
the h
e had quickly set up in order to be away when Beth came home. He wasn’t ready to face his own fears.

~ ~ ~

It was after eight that evening when Beth arrived home, Andy at her side. They found Beth’s mom there and Liz explained John’s absence. But Beth knew. She suspected that Liz did, too. She went and looked in on her sleeping angel. Liz had bathed and tucked her in. Beth sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed her back, kissed her forehead, and breathed in the scent of her, then dimmed the light.

Andy had gone into the sunroom to give them a moment. “Mom?” Beth said as she sat down at the table. Liz handed her a cup of the coffee she had just made
.

“Beth, his heart is broken. He thought he could do this, share you with Andy. He thought it was what you needed and he did it for you. But he knows that you still love Andy.” Liz stood behind Beth’s chair and wrapped her arms around her daughter. She paused and added. “We all know that sweetheart.”

“Mom,” Beth began again, “The hard part is that I love John.”

“He knows that, too, Beth and that is why this is so hard. When I saw that vision of you on the TV last night you were absolutely radiant. You looked so beautiful, so happy. You glowed like you haven’t in a very long time. Andy did, too. Pops saw you and said aloud, before he thought, that you looked better than you had in months. And then I saw John out of the corner of my eye. I saw him break. When we got home Pops and I talked, we knew. Kimmy called me this morning and she knew.”

Beth was sad, but she still didn’t feel the guilt that she thought she should. She loved Andy. She had never stopped.

As though
Liz could read her mind
, she told Beth,
“Sometimes circumstances change things. I’m not going to judge you, I understand. I understand when you love someone so much. Beth, you should call John.”

Without saying a word she went to the bedroom.

Andy waited a moment and went to the kitchen when he saw that Beth was gone. He braced himself but he knew he needed to go.

“Liz…”

She looked up at him and saw the emotion on his face. She saw the look in his eyes. She had known this man for so long that she knew his heart, too.

“The coffee is fresh, and leaded,” she added. “I thought it might be a long night.”

He poured a cup and sat down at the table. Liz reached across and patted his arm. “Talk to me,” she said.

“I’m sorry,” he said first. Liz looked at him over the rim of her cup. “Nothing happened that Beth should be ashamed of,” he continued.

“She’s my daughter Andy, I knew that much,” she smiled at him.

“We shared a bed, nothing more. We held each other.” He looked away.

“But you did,” she replied. Andy looked up and started to protest, but Liz held up a hand to stop him. “Your hearts,” she said. “You shared your hearts Andy, and we all saw it.”

He took a big gulp of the coffee. “I have loved her since the first moment I laid eyes on her. Through every up and down we’ve had, I have never stopped. I thought years ago that I had lost her forever and then this,” he struggled, “this… this horrible, horrible thing happened. And she was returned to me. John gave me a gift, but I took something away from him in order to get it.”

“I love her so much Liz,” he paused and sipped the coffee, “I can’t imagine another day without her.” And the reality of that hit them both.

“I know,” she replied, sadly. “I know, and now you have to figure out what to do about it.”

Beth was standing in the hallway at the corner of the kitchen. Her intention was to call John but she hadn’t. She’d thought about it, but she wasn’t sure what she would say. She washed her face, then went
to
look in on Carlee again
,
and was headed back to the kitchen when she heard the exchange between these two people she loved so much. Her eyes filled, and spilled at their conversation
.

She returned to the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed. She reached for the phone and dialed, knowing nothing would ever be the same once he answered.

“Hey,” he said sadly when he answered, knowing it was her. “I’m sorry I left without talking to you first. I knew I couldn’t be there when you came back; I couldn’t face you. I needed to clear my head,” he rambled.

“John,” Beth started to speak but he cut her off.

“Beth, I’m hurt. I’m not angry,” he explained. “Really, I know you, and I know that you are struggling with this more than I am. My not being there will make this easier for both of us. I’m not coming back for a while. I made arrangements to take care of some things here. I’ll be in Atlanta for a few weeks. I’ll call Carlee every morning and every night,” his voice wavered.

“John, I love you,” Beth said.

“I know, but it’s not enough anymore, is it?”

She thought a long moment before she answered, “No,” she said, finally.

In the matter of a few days,
once again,
Beth’s life changed
.

~ ~ ~

Beth was feeling good. She hadn’t had any medical issues in a while. Angel wasn’t coming daily, just once a week to take blood pressure, samples, and such. Things
were
going smoothly. Everyone was settling into the changes. Nothing was moving too quickly and she liked it that way just fine. John returned two weeks after he left and packed up some more things. Beth anticipated a bad encounter upon his return, but there was none
.

John asked to talk privately.
“I filed for legal separation,”
he told her when they were alone.
“We can proceed however you see best, whatever you want. I won’t contest anything. I don’t want to fight, it will only hurt Carlee.”

“John, I’m sorry,” she said with tears in her eyes.

“Beth, don’t, it’s OK. I thought with time you would get over him, but it wasn’t meant to be was it? I know what it feels like to love someone that much.”

He leaned and kissed her cheek. “All I ever wanted was for you to be happy. If this is what it takes then that’s the way it has to be.”

“I want you to know, I don’t regret a moment of our time together. We wouldn’t have that beautiful child if you hadn’t loved me.” She smiled thinking of Carlee
.

“We have that,” he said.

“Where will you be?”

“Not too far, you know I can’t be away from her for very long,” he smiled.
He hugged her and turned to leave an
d as he walked to the door Beth
realized that it w
ould
be OK.

249

Rock and Roll Never Forgets

Chapter Twenty
~
Seven

April 2002

J
ohn let her go. It all happened quickly. She asked for nothing. Another chapter
i
n her life
closed and a new one was beginning.

‘
Beginning…
’
she let out a heavy sigh whenever she thought about that.
‘
For how long?
’
She wondered continually, only not over Andy this time. She tried not to dwell on it, but it was always there, just below the surface.

She and Andy were renewing their relationship, learning each other again and it was good. He was making himself part of her life and learning what that was in those years they were apart. They found daily rituals that his lifestyle kept from them in the past, coffee and the paper in the mornings, dinner together, with Carlee at night. All of that kept his mind racing.

They made only one change to the living arrangements. Andy had Roddy ship their bed from Corpus Christie, and he moved into her bedroom, unable to think of another night without her in his arms. The first night they slept there Beth cried, remembering the first time, a lifetime ago. She stayed awake all night; unable to believe he was there with her.

~ ~ ~

“Spring in Eleuthera, what do you think?” Andy asked over coffee one morning, thinking the cottage for a few days would be good for her.

Carlee was in day school, and dance. Beth was working on the book and just wanted to
stay
home
.

“Maybe later,” she told him and prayed that there was a ‘later’.

Beth
was happy. Andy was happy. John was around enough that Carlee adjusted, and she loved ‘Papa’ being there. It was OK and Beth was happy about that. She still
wasn’t comfortable being out,
so people came in. And the change in their lives didn’t seem to surprise anyone.

In the daytime
Andy
didn’t
want
ed to stay as close to Beth as possible,
so
he
wrote
; music and his thoughts for the book
. He put anything
to do with his career
on hold. Time was far too precious, and it had taken him a lifetime to learn that. He spent a lot of time wandering around the house. He wanted to know about the part of her life that he’d missed. He would flip through photo albums and his heart would break with each photo of Carlee, for many reasons. He would pick up a framed photo of her from a table and wonder what it was about that particular one that it
Beth chose to
display
it. What occasion, what memory…
Beth loved remembering whatever was going on at the time and sharing it with him. Andy fell in love with Carlee, love like he never dreamed possible.

~ ~ ~

There came a couple of bad days. Beth was emotional and very weepy. She just kept saying, “I
’
m really not up to snuff.”

I feel tired and weak, not moving too quick, and I
’
m taking too many naps.

When Andy expressed concern,
Dr. Reilly explained that it was normal for her to have bad days and reminded him that the
re
had been very few. He put her on an anti-depressant and it helped.

His new family life, and Beth’s bad days seemingly in control again, Andy kicked into high gear. He
was on
a mission. He knew what he wanted but first he needed Roddy’s help. Andy called him, and Roddy was ready. He gave him the details, and Roddy got busy with what Andy needed. A few days later Andy was in Beth’s office, at the house, to receive Roddy’s fax.

He called him. “That’s it Roddy, thank you. Take care of it, please.”

On Mother’s Day, ‘Papa’ and Carlee got up early and made French toast
to serve
Beth breakfast in bed. Beth watched, from the hallway, peeking around the corner at the activity, and couldn’t have been happier. She snuck back to bed when they were almost ready and the three of them backed up against the headboard and ate and giggled. Andy relished every moment and Carlee was ecstatic over the whole affair.

The next day a courier arrived with the package.

Andy called Kimmy for the other
help
he required. The following day she called Beth.

“Hey! Jenna wants Carlee to spend the night Saturday, is that OK with you?” Kimmy asked. “It’ll give you a bit of respite.”

“I think she would love that!”

“We’ll do pizza, and movies. Jenna got a new sleeping bag and she’s so excited to use it! Carlee can sleep in the old one. I’ll dig Lane’s out and we’ll all sleep in the floor. It’ll be so much fun for them!”

W
ith t
hat settled, Kimmy made the other plans Andy needed.

~ ~ ~

On Saturday, May 18, with Carlee at Kimmy’s, Beth and Andy were alone. They snuggled on the sofa watching a DVD of a Robert Redford, Brad Pitt movie. “I’m getting hungry. How about some popcorn” Beth suggested.

“Let’s wait just a few, this is too good.”

“We can pause it,” she said.

“In a minute,” he looked at his watch. It was getting close…

His phone rang
and he checked the caller ID;
“It’s Roddy. I gotta take this.” He walked into the kitchen as the doorbell rang.

“I got this,” Beth shouted.

She looked out the window beside the door. There was a caterer’s van in the driveway. The peephole showed two women in white uniforms
.

“Hello,” she said sweetly. “I think you must have the wrong house.”

They looked at the paperwork, then the house number. “No, we’re right where we
’re
supposed to be. Are you Beth?”

“I am,” she replied, puzzled.

“We are Gina and Marie and we have your dinner,” one girl said.

“My dinner?”

“Yes ma’am! Can we come in and set up?”

She turned and Andy was behind her. “H
ello ladies! Come in!” he said. With
a sweep of his hand
he
directed them to the dining room and the kitchen and led Beth back to the movie. The two women carried in several large totes.

“What’s going on?”

“Shh, it’s a surprise. Watch the movie.”

About half an hour passed. Beth had no clue what was happening in the movie. She was too busy wondering what was going on in the kitchen. She smelled wonderful smells and heard lots of activity.

Gina came around the corner. “All set!”

Andy finally paused the movie and reached for Beth’s hand. “Shall we?”

They went into the dining room
where the light was soft,
and there were candles of all types all over the center of the table, various heights, colors and styles. There were rose petals scattered around. There were two places set, one at the end of the table, one to the side. There were beautiful china plates and crystal that was not Beth’s at each setting. One plate had a Calla Lily lying on it, a bud vase filled with water to the side.

Beth looked at Andy, “What is going on?”

“Have a seat,” he pulled a chair out for her, and she sat.

Gina took the flower and placed it in the vase as Marie brought the salad and filled their glasses with wine.

“Andy?”

He took her hand, kissed it; “Please, eat.”

She took a bite of the salad and tasted pear and Gorgonzola cheese along with the greens, walnuts and a tangy dressing. She sipped the wine that she knew was Andy’s favorite Chenin Blanc. She enjoyed, but she was curious.

Gina came and took the plates away
as Marie brought them a lovely C
hicken Marsala and pasta. Gina returned and filled their glasses with Chianti and said, “Enjoy, we’ll be back in the morning to clean up. Dessert is in the fridge!”

They shared a wonderful evening, great conversation which Beth did enjoy, but she continued to wonder
.

Done with the meal,
they finished their wine and Andy rose to go get the dessert.

He returned with two slices of Tiramisu and more of the Chenin Blanc.

“OK
. What. Is. Going. On?” she asked emphasizing each word.

Andy looked at her over the rim of his glass as he took a sip. “You want to know right now?”

“Yes, I can’t stand it any longer! What is going on?”

“Are you sure?” he asked teasingly.

“Yes!”

He said a silent prayer, reached in his pocket and rose from his seat
. T
aking Beth’s left hand
in his,
he dropped to one knee
.

“No,” she whispered.

“No? But I haven’t asked yet…”

“I mean, No! I can’t believe it,” she laughed a nervous laugh.

“Elizabeth Ellen Morgan Oliver…” he said nervously as he took the ring from the box. “Bethy, I’ve waited far too long to do this, so ‘No’ is not an option.”

He leaned to her and placed a kiss on her lips. “You were wrong about me,” he whispered.

“I was?” she replied with tears spilling from her eyes.

“I
am
the marrying type,” he said with tears in his own eyes. “
Will
you be my wife? Mrs. Andrew Stevens,” he said and slipped the ring on her finger.

Beth threw her arms around his neck. “Yes!”
s
he said
.
“Yes, yes, yes!”

Lying in bed, later, admiring the ring she rolled to him. “Are you sure about this?” she asked. “I mean, who knows what tomorrow will bring.”

“Are you changing your mind? ‘Cuz I think we made a deal.” He kissed the tip of her nose.

“No, I just want to make sure you know what’s ahead of you, ahead of us.”

“No one ever knows what tomorrow holds, and I have never been more sure of anything in my life,” he said wrapping her in a loving embrace.

“OK then, me, too. When?” 

“You tell me,” he said pushing her back to look into her eyes.

“Is tomorrow too soon?”

“Not for me, I already told you, I waited far too long…”

~ ~ ~

After a busy week of preparation, on Saturday, May 25, with their friends and family present, Andy and Beth became husband and wife. The ceremony was in the gazebo by the pool in Kimmy and Lane’s back yard. Beth wore a beautiful
pale
pink dress that Kimmy and Liz picked out.
She carried a bouquet of plum and white Calla Lilies that Andy ordered for her. He
w
ore the tux he had worn to the
Grammys with a white Calla Lily on his lapel.
And instead of Pops giving her away, she and Andy walked together hand in hand. Roddy was his best man and Kimmy and Carlee stood up with her. All the
Traveler
guys were there with their families, and Angel was as well
.

It was a beautiful ceremony. Beth’s only request; that ‘till death do us part’ be removed from the vows they exchanged. Andy’s request; that the minister who performed the ceremony call her ‘Bethy’.

There was only one dance. Andy took her in his arms as Etta James sang “At Last…” He held her close and kissed the top of her head as she cried.

Gina and Marie prepared a lovely reception. Everyone ate, drank, and celebrated something that none of them believed would ever happen. John came to take Carlee home with him. He made a big fuss over her dress and she informed him; “Papa belongs to us now, Daddy.” 

“Yes, he does, sweet girl. Yes, he does.”

That night, after everyone was gone, Beth was tired. That was a lot of excitement and activity for her in one day. Even though she was feeling good she still tired easily. She changed and went to the big bed they shared, to rest. Andy set candles all over the room,
turned on
soft music, and went to where Beth waited.

“Bethy,” he said in a soft whisper; and they made love. It was full of joy and tears. It was bitter
-
sweet and beautiful
.

~ ~ ~

She was feeling good. Carlee stayed with John while Andy took Beth to Eleuthera for a few days. The doctor OK’d a short trip. Beth wondered if she would ever see that beautiful place again. It was a relaxing time filled with nothing but ‘them’. They made love, they talked and they enjoyed. She wasn’t able to make those long walks that she used to, but she found that she didn’t need that now. She did it before for the respite, for the solitude, to clear her head. Now, all she wanted was to be with Andy.