Rock and Roll Never Forgets (The Rock and Roll Trilogy) (31 page)

“
Hey darlin
’
,” Beth answered. He rose from the chair, went to her bedside, and leaned to kiss her.
“
Thank you,” she added.

“
For?” he asked her.

“
Andy…”

“It
’
s what needs to be. I know that.” They were quiet for a while, and he finally scooted the chair close to sit and took her hand. They stayed just that way until they came in with her dinner. John got up and fussed with the tray. It gave him something to do with his hands, his nerves
.

“You should eat,” he said.

Beth looked over the plate, “Maybe later. I’m really not hungry.”

“Andy offered his cottage in Eleuthera for you to recuperate. If you want that we can make it happen.” He returned to the chair beside the bed.

“
No, I really just want to go home.” 

In reality she couldn
’
t even begin to imagine being there with anyone but Andy. It wouldn
’
t feel right, wouldn
’
t be right.

“
When can I bust out of here?” Beth asked after a while.

“
When do you want to?”

“
Yesterday,” she said, and laughed.

“
We
’
ll talk to Dr. Reilly in the morning, see what he says.”

“
John?”

“
Yeah baby?”

“
I love you.”

He squeezed her hand.
“
I know honey. I love you too, so very much.”

Again Beth said,
“
Thank you.”

He laughed, and asked again,
“
For?”

“
Loving me.”

“
I always will.”

The next morning they met with Dr. Reilly. He explained what the tests revealed, information that, in her heart, Beth already knew. John cried. She explained to them both that knowing this just made her decision to not endure any kind of treatment other than pain management all the more right.

John, not Dr. Reilly, asked several times; “Are you sure?” Beth knew she was, she had thought and prayed, and thought and prayed some more. Dr. Reilly didn
’
t do or say anything to try to change her mind, an affirmation of sorts. This would be what was best
.

~ ~ ~

Three days later Beth went home. Mom and Pops
, her brothers and their wives, and Kimmy
had
all worked hard to
prepare the house
for her arrival
. They worked hard making it just right for her and all that was
g
oing on.
Her brothers, Ethan and Michael,
got a big comfy day bed and put it in the sunroom. That was the closest she would get to outside for a while. Her time would be divided between there and the bed in her room.

Andy settled into the guest r
oom. Kimmy and Beth’s sister in-
laws
, Angie, Rachel, Ashley and Stephanie,
had cooked and baked for days, and the freezer was full. They would surely never go hungry.

Beth was so happy to see Carlee. She just couldn’t get enough of her. She didn’t understand the ‘boo-boo’ she just knew that Beth had one.

A Hospice nurse came daily to change the dressing, check the area
’
s progress, bathe her, and keep her pain medications up to date. She was an older Jamaican woman named Angel. Beth thought about how appropriate that was. Her accent reminded her of Edwina. She was a kind, caring, warm, and wonderful woman in her early sixties. Each day as she prepared to leave she would hold Beth’s hand silently, in prayer.

That moves me beyond words.

~ ~ ~

Carlee took to Andy in a big way. She followed him everywhere, made him hold her hand and kept him a captive audience. At three and a half she was very talkative and very inquisitive. She wanted to be with Andy all the time, asked him a million questions. She would love on him continually, wrapping her little arms around his neck. It was so precious. One evening Andy was sitting in the floor Indian style, legs crossed, and Carlee was sitting in the opening of his lap, her legs lazily draped over his, leaned back against his chest. He was reading to her and she was ‘reading’ back to him
.

Watching them Beth ached, terribly. Seeing Carlee with Andy made her think about them. What would their children have looked like? Carlee was John head to toe. She had John’s darker skin tone, her curly hair was auburn. But she shared Beth’s passion
.

Beth knew it made Andy think too. He would watch her playing, looking at books, sitting with him, and he wondered as well
.

She had been home a little over a week, but movement was minimal. There was still a lot of pain and since she was still on bed rest that is pretty much all she did. It had been thirteen days since the surgery and she was waiting for Angel to come help her bathe. She needed to stretch her legs. The bathroom was right there and she knew Angel would be there any moment, so she went in to get the towels ready. She hadn’t been in there alone since she had been home
.

There before her was a big mirror, actually it was two mirrors that came together in a corner so you could see forward as well as behind if you turned at the right angle.
‘
Behind
’
was calling her.
There had been no
opportunity
before now
to look. She needed to know. She raised the gown and closed her eyes. She hesitated
, s
cared, but still curious. She had no idea what to expect, but there it was. She became weak in the knees and thought she was going to faint, when she saw Angel in the mirror. She took Beth into her arms and held her as she cried.

Amazingly to everyone there had been no press of any kind outside or calling. Andy had pulled off the ‘great escape’. He was content to stay right there. He wanted to lay low, knowing that being out and going back and forth might cause unneeded chaos
.

John went back to work quickly and Andy spent a great deal of time with Beth. Between Kimmy and Andy, and her Mom and Pops, Beth didn
’
t need anything. John was able to get back to that part of his life. It was important that he did. For a couple of weeks Beth stayed in bed until her bottom healed. Someone would help her from the bed to the day bed, but she was pretty much confined to one bed or the other.

Andy
would go to Beth after John left for work and stay until he returned home. John and Kimmy made arrangements for Carlee to start a day school and Kimmy would take her and pick her up. When John was home Andy spent his time in the sunroom. Roddy sent his portable keyboard and a guitar, and Beth knew he was writing.

“
Honey, that money,” Beth said to John one evening after dinner.

“
I know, I
’
ll call
the attorney
and get him over here as soon as you
’
re ready.”

“
Call him tomorrow, please. I want to tell you what I’d like to do. Roddy says keeping it where it is it will continue to grow. We haven’t had a need not knowing it was there, so let’s proceed that way. Don’t you agree?” John nodded in reply.

“I would like to donate some of it to the
Cancer Foundation
. I think that
it
’s right to do that. There
’
s so much.”

“
I think that
’
s good. I’ve talked with Roddy and Andy, and it is a lot.”

“
I know.” Quietly, for a moment she thought.
“
Make sure Carlee goes to school, honey. Help her find who she wants and needs to be. She is so like you. Kimmy and Mom will help you. Get her in dance. We can do that now. She needs a diversion.”

“
Yes, I know.”

“
Make her eat broccoli, brussel
s
sprouts and peas,” she laughed, needing to lighten the moment.

“
Be
ets? What about beets, Beth?” h
e asked, smiling.

“
Thank you. John?”

“
Yeah?" h
e smiled at her.

“
I know that you will move on. You are so handsome, so successful.” She reached and caressed his cheek. “Some woman will come along and be so blessed to find you, just like I was.”

“
Beth, don’t.”

“
Oh, honey, I have to, and you will, and I want that. Carlee will need female influences in her life.”

“
She
’
ll have Kimmy, and your mom, my mom…”

“
But not all the time,
”
Beth added.
“
You don
’
t want to think about it now, with me here, with all that is going on, with all this emotion, but I want that for you, for her. Don
’
t be alone. You will both need someone.”

“
Beth…”

“
And something else, John, please be friends with Andy. I know you can. He
’
s a good man, honey.” She rested a moment, thinking. “Keep him in Carlee’s life. She adores him.”

“
I know.” John paused a moment, his brain racing, Beth could tell, and then he added;
“
I didn
’
t know how it would feel, Beth, you know, him being here and all. I just knew it was what we needed to do.”

“I know it’s not a normal situation, but I am glad you can accept abnormal,” she laughed.

He needed to leave her for a while, thinking about Andy, thinking about Beth, thinking about the two of them… he didn’t want her to see what he was feeling. He rose and kissed her.
“
You need to rest. I
’
ll get Carlee ready and bring her to say good night in a little while.”

~ ~ ~

During one of John’s business trips that kept him away overnight, Kimmy took Carlee home with her for a sleepover. Andy had been playing with a tune in the sunroom late into the evening. He went to look in on Beth. She was sleeping, and with all that was going on she looked so peaceful, beautiful. She looked so tiny in that big king-sized bed on her stomach, hugging the pillow, as was so familiar to him. Always with that one leg drawn up, fist at her mouth
.

And for the umpteenth time as he watched her sleep the moon shone upon her face, and he cried. He realized at that moment what was really going on, and that he was going to lose her again, forever this time. He felt sad, for everyone, but the selfish part of him was only sorry
for
hi
m
self. He stood there for some time watching her sleep, and she stirred, finally, and rolled to her side and saw him.

“
Hey,” she said in that sleepy voice he loved,
“
What
’
cha doin
’
?”

“
Just enjoying the view.”

She laughed and started to sit up.
“
Don
’
t,” he said,
“
I
’
m sorry I woke you.”

“
You didn
’
t. I just woke up. I’m really thirsty.” She sat up and pushed a hand through her hair.
“
What time is it?”

“
Just after two.”

“
Why are you still up?”

He went to her and poured a glass of water from a carafe that was kept beside her bed.
“
I was working on a tune that popped in my head. You know me. Once it starts I can
’
t let it go; gotta get it while it
’
s there.”

“
Let me hear it,
”
she said, reaching to switch on the light beside the bed.

“
Later, go back to sleep, I
’
ll play it for you later. Now you need to rest.”

“
No, now, we
’
re both up so humor me.”

“
OK, wait and I
’
ll go get the guitar.”