Rock and Roll Never Forgets (The Rock and Roll Trilogy) (23 page)

Rock and Roll Never Forgets

Chapter Twenty

I
n October 1993, Beth was preparing for the biggest function in her
Cancer Foundation
career. She worked with a wonderful committee of people to pull it off. Months of preparation, great ideas and a lot of hard work went into it. They’d planned a tropical theme. She thought of the postcards people sent, she thought about how much she had missed her Nana and came up with “Wish You Were Here”. It was a $250 a plate luau of coconut shrimp and grouper. Vince was a huge help. They were on the phone everyday planning menus, lining up caterers who would donate or provide what they needed at a much reduced rate. There were a lot of local dignitaries coming and the program they prepared would be awesome
.

Saturday came and it was a great affair. After the meal there were cocktails and a silent auction. This part was open to anyone, and it appeared that everyone had a great time. They worked hard for months getting donations for the auction and calculated that they would end up clearing over $30,000.

To Beth’s surprise, Andy was there. He showed up for the auction and cocktails, not the dinner. She knew he was there. She could feel him in the room before she saw him. It amazed her that after all this time that could still happen. She was in the middle of a group of people, talking, laughing, when she felt her skin heat. Her heart jumped, she looked up. He was watching her from across the room. He looked so handsome. He was leaning against the wall with a drink in his hand. She saw the shirt he wore and her heart stopped.
‘
Did he really still have it?
’

He wore the tropical print shirt she had made for him so many years ago. She let him be alone there for a while, maybe out of selfishness, maybe because she had to. Rick was with a group of people and when she caught his eye he winked. He knew. Finally, Beth made her way to where Andy stood and said hello. It was the first time she had really seen him in two years,
and he was more beautiful than ever. She didn
’
t know if she’d be able to breathe or not.

“
Hi,” she said casually.

“Hey,” he said.
“
Beth, you look amazing.” She wore a long lavender and bright yellow tropical floral print, strapless dress. He leaned in to kiss her
cheek. “I’
m happy to see you.”

Not Bethy, Beth. It sounded so different, so formal. She hugged him and his arms around her sent a shiver up her spine, or maybe it was a tingle, or maybe it was that jolt. She could feel eyes on them from every corner of the room.

“
It
’
s good to see you too,” she pushed back from him. The feel of his arms around her sent alarm up her spine. “You look good. Better,” she said.

“
I wondered if we’d ever share a pleasant conversation again,” he laughed an ironic laugh as he said it.

“
Me too,” Beth said, giving him a sideways, sly glance.

“
You OK?” he asked in almost a whisper.

She waited a few seconds to answer, partly for effect, but mostly because she was unsure what she would say. And then,
“
Yeah,” she laughed, nervously.
“
I wasn’t for a very long time, but it just made me tired. I was tired of being tired. So, I
’
m over it now.” She took a sip of the wine in her glass. Her throat suddenly felt like the Sahara Desert.

A very long time passed, he reached and casually moved a strand of hair from her eyes like it was the most natural thing he
’
d ever done and then quickly pulled his hand away. For some reason she felt like she had to reach to move it as well, maybe to brush away the touch, the feeling that he left there.

“
I
’
m glad,” he said finally.
“
I hated thinking that you weren’t. I hated it, but I felt helpless. Can we sit?”

“
I
’
m here with…” But he cut her off before she finished.

“
I know, Rick. How is he?
”
He looked down at the floor
.

“
He
’
s well. You should go say ‘Hello’. I know he
’
d like to see you.”

“
I
’
ll do that.” He paused,
“
It
’
s a great party. I came in after dinner.”

Was he trying to make conversation? That seemed so odd after all of those endless conversations, all the nights that they talked for hours on end… now they were struggling with small talk.

“I know,” Beth said.

“Can I call you? I won’
t pressure you; I just want to talk.”

“
Andy, I just…”

“
Beth, just talk; we used to be so good at that.” He looked at her. A moment passed, and he looked down again.
“
Just a phone call.” It was a pleading request and it hurt.

“
Andy, I don
’
t know if I have that much energy. I said I was OK, I didn
’
t say it didn
’
t still hurt.”

That speck on the floor captivated him, or he just couldn
’
t look at her.

“
I understand.” He looked up, the look lingered, and finally they were eye to eye.

Oh God, that look… those eyes t
hat peer into my soul. I caved.

“
I
’
ll be home after eleven, alone. You can call me then.” She turned away without another word, and didn
’
t look back. She had to get back to her guests, to her date.

She tried not to watch him, but she did, out of the corner of her eye until he left. He made the rounds, she saw him talk to Rick. She could see the whispering going on among the other guests. She knew it would come when she saw him there. He made a very generous donation in Nana’s name before he left.

Rick came to her rescue after he was gone. He put his arm around her shoulder and squeezed but said nothing. Not the touch of a lover, the strength of a good friend. They finished out the evening and headed home. In the car Beth felt the need to say something but couldn’t form the words. Rick reached over and patted her leg
.

“He was very cordial. I anticipated fifty questions but there were none. He just asked how I was doing. It was a pleasant exchange.” He looked over at her as he drove. “You gonna talk to him?”

She looked at him, still seeking the words she wanted, but Rick answered his own question. “You should Beth.”

“I am,” she said finally. “I don’t know why, but I am.”

“I know why…”

Rick knew then the friendship he hoped would grow into something more had no chance. He knew where her heart was.

When they got to the condo he walked her to the door, made sure she was in and hugged her; no good night kiss. “You know how to reach me. You call me,” he said.

She changed, got ready for bed, and waited. It was almost midnight when the phone rang.

“
Hey,” he said when she answered.
“
Thanks.”

“
For what?”

“
Agreeing to do this, I know it wasn’t an easy decision.”

She wanted to say something, but nothing came out. What happened to that easy conversation they used to share?

“
I want to tell you again, the event was great, you did an awesome job. I’m so proud of you. I’m really glad I was there, glad Roddy mentioned it.”

Roddy, her good friend, the one constant in her life all those years;
‘
that life
’
she thought.
“
Roddy told you,” she said.

“Yeah, it wasn’
t like he picked up the phone, called and said,
‘
Hey Andy, Beth is hosting this
Cancer Foundation
thing and you should show up’ or anything like that. We were talking and he mentioned it. He keeps me posted on stuff like that. He’s just so damned proud of you Bethy, how far you’ve gone with this. He told me you were doing great things with them and I felt like I could help out. For one thing, I know why you do it. I loved Nana too,” he said. “And,” he said, after a long pause,
“
I thought, if I could just see you…”

“Andy, don’
t,” she sighed.

“
I won
’
t Bethy.
I just needed to see you. That’
s all. Are you happy?”

“
I don
’
t know Andy; I was so happy for so
long, then so miserable, I don’
t know if I’m happy or not.”

There was a long, awkward silence and then,
“
Rick?” Andy finally said.

“Don’t Andy.”

“Is he…?”

“
Don’t, please. He’s a good friend, we go out,” she interrupted before he could finish the question. She didn
’
t want to get into that conversation with him.
“
We get together. I can laugh with him.” She hesitated,
“I didn’
t do that for so long. After everything that happened, I hid. And then, I submerged in school and books to keep my brain occupied. I stayed so busy there was no time to laugh. I ran into him a few months ago. He was playing at a bar in town and a group of us went. I stayed to talk to him. We had coffee after the show and we just decided to get together.”

“
It was good to see you, even if it was just for the few minutes we shared,” and then he said; “I miss you, Bethy, so much.”

“
Andy, please,” she pleaded
.

“
No pressure, just telling you.” He paused a moment, and then said;
“
I want to tell
you something, give you a head’
s up I guess. I have a solo album coming out soon.”

“
That
’
s great. I heard. How
’
s it going?” she asked and her desire to know was genuine.

“
Good, I love the work. I love the music even more. I think it
’
s some of my best work.” There was excitement in his voice now, the old Andy. “It’s not
Traveler
, Bethy, it
’
s me, very personal, very emotional. A lot of it will strike you, and I thought you should know.”

“
What do you mean?” It was getting late and she was tired.

“
There a
re some lyrics,” he hesitated, “you will know it’
s you I
’
m referring to. Some stuff from letters you wrote, messages you left, conversations we
’
ve shared. I read every letter you sent, over and over. I listened and re-played the messages. I saved them all. Some of the thoughts came from them. Some came from my heart. I knew there was something there and I just locked myself up and wrote… words and music… It was part of my healing process, the digging out of that hole. I just wanted to let you know.”

October 4, 1993 ~
To know that he read my letters, to know he had heard those messages, to know he knew my heart. I felt tears move to the co
rner of my eyes. All this time…

“
Why?” she asked
.

“
Because it
’
s about you, about us.”

“
No more ‘us’, Andy.”

“
I know, but you
’
ll see what I mean. I
’
ll have Roddy get a demo tape to you for a listen, but I need to ask a favor.”

“
What Andy, I
’
m really tired.”

“
I know, just this one last thing. Listen, really listen, then tell Roddy
what you like and what you don’t. I won’
t bother you about it. Go through Roddy if that will be easier for you, but do this for me, will you? Please?”

“
Why?” She needed to know.

“
Because I realized something not long ago,” he paused, and laughed.
“
All those times when Dane would get so pissed at you, he was mad.”