Rock and Roll Never Forgets (The Rock and Roll Trilogy) (25 page)

He eased the cork out of the bottle as Beth sat two glasses on the counter. Turning to look at her over his shoulder, Andy said
,
“
Thanks for doing this. We could have gone out.” He poured the wine and handed Beth a glass.

“
No. No, this i
s better, really. I really didn’
t fee
l like I was up to going out. I’
m still a little nervous about this whole thing.”

“
Don
’
t be nervous, Bethy.” As she took the glass he placed a gentle hand on her cheek.

How could something as simple as his touch w
reck me so?

“It’s just dinner,” he paused, looking around. She could read his thoughts before he spoke.
“
Everything looks great,” he said, noticing everything, noticing her home.

“
Thanks. Yeah, just dinner,” she repeated, and looked around as well.

“
It really does smell incredible. What have we got here?” He stood at the stove lifting lids. He sounded so good
.

“
I just whipped up some Alfredo
s
auce. I’ll cook the pasta and throw in some veggies and shrimp when we are ready to eat. Easy, just something easy,” she repeated, the nervousness she tried to hide was more than noticeable.

“
Then I picked well on the wine,” he said.
“
It
’s OK, Bethy, really. Let’
s sit down.”

He sat on the sofa. She sat across from him in Nana
’
s rocker. She couldn’t be close to him, she was too afraid. The smell of him was almost more than she could bear; that same soap and musk, that familiar smell of
him.

“
So, Roddy said you liked the new stuff.” He had settled back into the sofa and he looked so natural there. He sipped the wine and looked so at ease, so comfortable, with one arm thrown across the back, like that was exactly where he belonged.

“
Mmm hmm,” she took a sip of the wine.

He leaned forward, elbows on his knees and asked,
“
What
’
d ya think, really? Change anything at all, last chance,” he laughed.

“
Nope… nothing… it
’
s perfect.” Another sip…

“
Good.” He rose, walked to the stereo and put a tape in. “This is a cleaner version. What you heard on the other tape is rough. This will be better, it’s had some tweaking.
”

She knew the process, but she doubted that it could be better. But he was right. It was beautiful. This time that raw feeling wasn’t just tears that trickled down her cheeks. It became the body wracking sobs that come from your soul. So much pent-up emotion, another sip of wine and she lost it, completely fell apart.

He went to her and sat on the floor at her feet. He took her hands in his. With so much emotion he expressed his sadness at their situation.

“Bethy, I am so sorry. I had no control, it was beyond me.” He cried too, saying those words.

“
You are no sorrier than me. Why, Andy?” Beth asked him,
“
Why?”

“I don’t know.” He sat there on the floor looking up at her and finally asked, “Can we ever go back, Bethy?”

She waited, a long time to respond. She was thinking, deeply pondering her reply, and then she spoke to him from very deep within her heart.

“Oh Andy,” she sighed, “I just don’t know. I’m just so scared. I’m afraid that if something happened I couldn
’
t recover the next time.”

They sat quiet for a long while, listening to the tape. It was beautiful, and the tears continued to flow. Finally, they went to the kitchen to fix dinner, and again, they fell into an old familiar routine. It was pleasant; they shared good conversation, once more.

After the meal Andy keyed up one of the songs and started it again. He went to Beth and took her in his arms. She backed away, but he pulled her closer.

“
Just let me hold you.” He held her tight to him, and they fell into step as the song played on.

She could feel the tears running down her cheeks as he held her in his arms. He wiped them away with his thumbs, pulling her closer still, and wrapped her in the place that she loved. That place that she missed. He kissed the top of her head and continued to hold her, humming softly. He cupped her chin and turned her face up toward his and looked into her eyes, and then his lips were on hers, so soft, and so gentle. His hands so light on her back, like a feather as he held her
.

He whispered her name, and it took her by surprise. He kissed her neck and she realized how badly she missed him. So gently he kissed her, and then she was kissing him back. It felt so good. Slow and easy, and then it wasn
’
t.

Suddenly it was quick, and heated, and passionate, a frantic removal of clothes as they made their way to the bedroom and made wild love.

When she awoke the next morning with him beside her, she watched him sleep and remembered a million times before when she had done the same thing. She was more frightened of how it would be than how it was. After a while she slipped quietly out of his arms, out of the bed, and went to the kitchen to make coffee. Didn’t she know he’d want some?

She rolled the blinds to look out. There was a squirrel working diligently at something in the yard. She watched for a very long time, just standing there at the window with her arms folded across her chest, maybe protecting her heart. And then she felt him behind her. His arms wrapped around her and the embrace was warm, and again it felt natural and right. She turned into him, and he kissed her.

“Good morning beautiful. Oh man, something smells heavenly,” he said looking toward the pot of coffee that had just finished brewing.

“
What now, Andy?
”
she asked him.

“
Well,” he said with that devilish look in his eyes. She laughed and pushed him away. “How about that coffee?”

“
I
’
m serious, Andy? What next?” She poured him a cup of coffee, just like he liked it, strong and black.

“
Bacon and eggs?” he said it casually, and they both laughed. He was trying to keep it light.

Beth did fix breakfast, and they spent the day together not discussing anything important. Later in the day, they found themselves in each other
’
s arms again. Maybe Kimmy was right.

             
As she prepared dinner that evening he sat at the table and they talked, like they had been together forever. It seemed like old times. And then, it was like Beth was hit with a ton of bricks.

“
After din
n
er you have to go,” she said.

“
I do?” he was clearly surprised. He went to Beth and wrapped his arms around her as she cooked and nuzzled her neck.

“
Yes. You have to go. I need to get my head straight and think about this, about us, without you here confusing me even more.”

She turned around into his arms. His eyes swallowed her, those beautiful pleading eyes. He reached out and touched her cheek.
“
Can
’
t we talk it out together, Bethy?”

“
No,” she said, firmly,
“
Not now. I need to think Andy. Dinner, and then you go. You really have to go.”

It didn
’
t make the meal uncomfortable. She was afraid it would, but she knew she needed time. After they cleaned up, he grabbed his jacket, kissed her on the forehead and headed for the door.

“
You know where I
’
ll be,” he said easily,
“
A phone call away.”

“
I know, now go. Call me in the morning,” she said.

He leaned to kiss her.
“
Don
’
t,” she said.
“
Please don
’
t.”

He went out the door and she closed it behind him. With her back against the door, an overwhelming feeling came over her, and she slowly fell apart, and started to cry.

Andy hadn’t walked away. He was still there, just standing outside the door. And finally he spoke.
“
Lock up pretty lady,” he said sadly.

“
Leave,” she said.

She sat in the dark for a long time, playing that tape over and over
.

I remember holding you in my arms

Your sweet voice whispering my name

I remember your touch

Can it ever be the same

I need you

You
’
re gone

I want you

I
’
m holding on

I miss you

You
’
re the one

I let you go

I can
’
t go on

She fell asleep on the sofa listening to the tape. Sunday morning a ringing phone woke her.

“
Hello,” she said sleepily.

“
It
’
s me,” Kimmy said.
“
Did I wake you?”

“
What time is it
?
” she asked as she sat up and wiped sleep from her eyes.

“
Nine - you alone
?
” Kimmy laughed as she asked.

“
Yes,” Beth said sarcastically.
“
But if you
’
d called yesterday morning I wouldn
’
t have been!”

“
Ha!
”
Kimmy laughed out loud, and said,
“
I knew that
’
s what you needed, a good roll between the sheets! How was it?”

“
Like riding a bike,” Beth said more sarcastically.

“
So now what
?
” Kimmy asked, knowing that Beth was struggling.

“
I don
’
t know; figured it was him when the phone rang.” She walked to the kitchen and started coffee while they talked.
“
It definitely felt good having him here, but how long would it stay like that? I
’
ve been there before, I can’t hurt like that again, ya know?”

“
I do know. I know that this isn
’
t in you, but think about it, go slow, have dinner once in a while, have that roll in the hay. Go back to the way it was in the beginning,” she said.

“
I don
’
t know if I can, Kimmy. I
’
m afraid it’s all or nothing with him, with me.” Beth said as she sat at the table waiting for the brew to complete.

“
Just think about it.”

“
What
’
s my Jenna doing this morning?” Beth asked changing the subject.

“
Lane took her for a bike ride; forty minutes of peace and quiet for me! We
’
re going to his folks this evening for their weekly spoil Jenna rotten quota!” She laughed easily
.

As soon as she hung up the phone rang again.
“
Mornin
’
beautiful! Get ready, we
’
re going out.” It was Andy.

“
You and the mouse in your pocket?” 

“Nope, you and me;
come on, say you
’
ll go and I
’
ll be there in twenty.”

“
I
’
ll be ready when you get here.”

She showered, slipped on some jeans, a t-shirt, sneakers and a quick dip through the make-up. She was finishing her hair when she heard the knock at the door.

Opening it Andy greeted her with an armful of Calla Lilies.
“
They’re beautiful, thank you.” A quick brush on her cheek and he pounced on the coffee pot.

Beth found a vase as he poured the coffee.
“
I knew you
’
d have this!” Rolling his eyes as he drank, he said,
“
Mmm, the elixir of the gods.”

She realized that he was staring at her.