Rewriting Destiny (Forsaken Sinners MC #1) (7 page)

He puts his hand on my shoulder and gives me a look of apology. “I’m sorry, Danielle. I tried to reason with him, but I think he is too drunk to know better.”

Looking at him in confusion, I try to laugh it off. “What are you talking about, Jax?”

He lowers his hand from my shoulder and shakes his head. “Wait, you’re not here because someone told you about Gunnar?”

What would Gunnar have anything to do with my being here? Sure we’re dating, but he isn’t the only reason I would come to a party. “Tell me about what? Gunnar called me earlier to tell me about the party. I wasn’t going to come, but I finished what I had to do at home so I decided to show up to have a couple drinks.”

He doesn’t say anything for a few seconds, and the look he is giving me is a look of confusion, anger, and pity.

“What’s going on, Jaxon?” There has to be something more to this.

He runs his hand through his hair and gives a nervous chuckle. “Uh…nothing. Just didn’t know you were coming. Gunnar said you weren’t, is all.”

“Jax, spit it out already. I know something is going on, and if you don’t tell me, I’ll find someone who will.”

I turn to walk away, but he grabs my hand to stop me. “Look, Danielle, I thought you already knew. I don’t want to be the one to tell you, but you should know.”

I wait for him to continue, but he says nothing. I go to walk away again, but he pulls me back. “Just say it, Jaxon!” On top of everything else I’ve dealt with tonight, I don’t need to add any more. Everyone wants to beat around the bush instead of being straight with me. I’m sick of it.

“Okay, okay…Gunnar, he uh…he left with Sophie.” He doesn’t say anymore.

So what if he left with Sophie? I would rather have him catch a ride home than…Wait. He left with Sophie… “As in…he left with her to get a ride home or…” I don’t finish. I think I already know the answer.

“Exactly.” I can tell Jaxon is upset on my behalf, but surprisingly, I’m not. I don’t know if it’s because I’m already feeling numb inside from my conversation with Zane, or because I was planning on breaking up with Gunnar after Thanksgiving anyway. Regardless, it doesn’t bother me.

I start laughing, which makes Jaxon look at me like I’m losing it. Maybe I am, but I don’t care. Finally, I calm down enough to speak. “Look, Jaxon, I can tell you are upset for me, and I appreciate it, really. But it’s okay.
I’m
okay.”

This has him staring at me like I’m certifiably crazy. “You’re okay with the fact that your
boyfriend
left with another
chick
and is doing
God knows what
right now with her?”

Having him break it down for me out loud should have me flinching or at least making me want to cry, but I feel nothing.

“I was going to break up with him anyway. So he can do whatever he wants. I’m fine, really. Let’s just drink and have a good time, all right?” I sidestep him and head over to the rest of the guys. I don’t really talk to any of them except Jaxon since that first day of school when he plopped himself down across from me at lunch, but I don’t care. I came here to have a good time, and what better way to do that than to lose myself with a bunch of football players and have a few drinks?

I no longer feel like I need to get wasted, but I can still have a good time and drink socially. In a way, hanging with the football players makes me feel closer to Zane. Closer than I’ve felt to him in a long while. So tonight is going to be about reminiscing about the good old days, and thinking about me for once. I’m not going to worry about my grandmother, what I’m going to do with Gunnar, or missing Zane. Tonight is about me, myself, and I for a change. Everything else can wait till tomorrow.

Chapter 8

It’s early afternoon when I finally get out of bed and head downstairs. My grandmother is in the kitchen slowly moving around and making the stuffing before putting our small turkey in the oven. When she looks up, I see her smile. “Morning, sweetheart. You look happy today.” She winks at me before resuming her preparations for our Thanksgiving dinner.

I guess I am happy, or at least happier than I have been the last couple months. After the revelations of last night, I feel lighter almost. Maybe I should feel down and depressed or even pissed off that Gunnar most likely cheated on me last night, but I don’t. I feel relieved that now I have a viable reason to end our relationship. Though I would have ended it anyway, I think it will go smoother now that there is a reason. To be honest, he was probably thinking the same thing, and that’s why he cheated.

Since it’s always just my grandmother and myself, we don’t have to make a lot, but we make plenty to stuff ourselves to the max for dinner and have plenty of leftovers. Thank goodness I made the pies yesterday, otherwise it would be hell getting it all done after I slept in. I didn’t drink too much, but I stayed out till five this morning joking and talking to Jaxon. He really is a nice guy. I think we will be good friends.

With the turkey in the oven, we don’t need to do anything until we make the potatoes, green bean casserole, gravy, and the dinner rolls about an hour before the turkey is done. I tell Gram to sit down and relax, then head upstairs for a quick shower before cleaning the rest of the house.

After everything is cleaned, I get everything set up for the rest of our dinner, then sit in the living room to watch the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade. It’s a tradition that Gram and I do every year. I love watching all the floats and listening to the different kinds of music. It makes me feel happy, no matter what mood I wake up in. I can always count on the parade lifting my spirits.

I decide to take the pie I made for the Hendricks’ over to their house before finishing dinner; that way I won't have to worry about it later. We always make a pie for them on Thanksgiving. Gram taught me that this holiday is about giving, and what better thing to give than a yummy pie? I know it’s going to be weird going over there without Zane, but I’ll get over it.

With the pie in hand, I walk to the door, but Gram stops me. She says she could use the fresh air and will take it over instead.

“Okay, Gram, I’ll finish dinner while you’re gone.” I hand her the pie and return to the kitchen. Once everything is in the oven, I head upstairs to change into a new dress I bought for today. It may be silly since no one will be coming over, but I want to look nice. I usually wear a dress for all our holiday dinners, whether it’s just us here or we have guests over. It feels right to do so on special occasions.

As I turn to walk out of my room, I spot the football Zeke left. I should have given it to Zane after Zeke died, but I wanted to keep something of his for myself. I know that was selfish, but it’s the only thing I have of his except for a couple of old shirts. This football is more personal, though, and it was something he specifically gave to me to hold on to.

I walk over and hold it in my hands. I remember all the times the three of us played catch, and all the times I watched the boys play a friendly game of tag football in their back yard. Those days were the happiest I’d ever been. I had a best friend and a big brother. But those days are long gone, and I’ll never have that feeling back. With a heavy heart, I put the football back where it was on my shelf and head downstairs to check on the food.

***

Dinner was delicious, as always. There’s something about Thanksgiving that I love; it could be the food, or maybe it’s the fact that I have my grandmother to be thankful for. Being here with her all these years has been great. I can’t say that I wish I didn’t have my parents with me, because who knows, maybe if my mother hadn’t died, or my father hadn’t walked out on me, my life would have been different—perfect, even. Or maybe things happened the way they were supposed to. Let’s face it, it could have been worse. I could have been placed in foster care and ended up with strangers. Instead, I got to grow up with a family member who loves me. Even though when I was young I was resentful that I didn’t get to do some activities or go places the other kids got to, now that I’m older, I appreciate the little things like helping my grandmother do yard work, working in the kitchen with her, and listening to her tell me bedtime stories. Those memories are priceless, so yeah, I have a lot to be thankful for.

I finish cleaning the kitchen, tell Gram goodnight, and head up to my room for a hot bath. After last night and a day full of cooking, I could use a nice long soak.

While I’m sitting in the water, I close my eyes and try to clear my head, but I keep thinking about Gunnar and Zane. It’s like a broken record going back and forth, skipping between the two: how much I miss Zane and where things are going with Gunnar. I can’t believe that I haven’t heard from him yet. I thought someone would tell him I showed up at the party after he left, or that he would feel guilty about what he did. It’s possible it was all innocent, but I find that hard to believe. Jaxon said they were pretty cozy even before they left the party. I’m almost one hundred percent positive something happened. They may not have had sex, but it was far from innocent. Not like it matters; we were doomed from the beginning. Which brings me back to Zane. I thought my feelings for him would have diminished, but they seem stronger than ever.

I get out of the bath, grab a pair of panties and a tank top, then plop down on my bed. I reach for my phone to see if I might have missed a call or text from Gunnar, but realize I never turned it back on after I sent that last message to Zane. Shit, maybe he
has
been trying to get in touch with me all day and I didn’t even know it.

As I turn my phone on, there’s suddenly a sound at my window. It almost sounds like the glass is cracking or a tree branch has hit it. I look outside and stay quiet to see if it happens again. After a moment, I hear it, but this time I can tell it’s a rock being thrown at my window. It must be Gunnar. If he tried calling me and I never answered, he probably decided to come over to see what was going on. I was planning to wait to end things with him, but I suppose the sooner I can get it over with, the better.

I open the window, and lean out to tell him I’ll be out in a minute. It takes my eyes a couple seconds to adjust, but once they do, I’m stunned to see who is staring back up at me. I almost fall out. “Zane? What are you doing here?” Am I dreaming? I can’t believe after all these months and the excuses for not being able to make it home, he’s here. Outside my bedroom.

“Hey…can I come up?”

I’m so shocked that he’s here that before I can answer, he’s walking around to the front of the house. He’s no stranger to sneaking in. We used to do that a lot after Zeke died and I was having nightmares. He would sneak over, and we would stay up all night talking so neither of us had to go to sleep, afraid of what we would see in our dreams. Then, when I finally passed out, he would hold me till the early hours of the morning before he’d sneak back out.

I am still at the window when I hear the door open. He closes it and stares at me with a look I can’t quite place. I glance down and notice that I’m only in my panties and tank top, so I rush to my dresser for some sweatpants. Zane has seen me in almost every state of dress or undress except complete nakedness over the years, but tonight it feels more intimate somehow. Or maybe it’s the fact that I haven’t seen him for months that makes me suddenly nervous around him.

We stare at each other across my room for what feels like hours, but in actuality, it’s probably only a couple of seconds. Finally, I find my voice. “W-what are you doing here?” I can’t figure out why he came back after he made such a big deal that he couldn’t make it. Did he send a text to let me know plans had changed and I didn’t see it because my phone was off? I feel like I should pinch myself, like I’m dreaming he is here with me. But if I’m dreaming, I don’t want to wake up, because then he will be gone.

“Well, after your last text last night, I tried messaging you back to see what was going on. You said you and what’s his name weren’t together anymore, so I wanted to make sure you were okay. But you never answered me, and then when I called, your phone was off.”

I forgot I had told him that I was breaking up with Gunnar. “Wait a minute. You mean to tell me that you came all this way because I told you I broke up with Gunnar and then didn’t answer you after you pretty much bitched me out for asking why you couldn’t come home?” Why would that warrant a trip home? Especially since he said he had so much going on that he couldn’t make it.

“I don’t get it. You told me you had practice and a project so you weren’t coming. Then all of a sudden, I tell you I broke things off with Gunnar and turned my phone off so I could forget about everything for a night and have fun. You try to get ahold of me, and when you can’t, you decide to rush to the rescue?” It’s actually kind of sweet that he would drop everything to make sure I was okay. “Ya know what, forget it, it doesn’t really matter why you came back, I’m just glad I finally get to see you. How long are you staying?” I don’t have any plans for tomorrow because I hate going Black Friday shopping. I would rather stay away from all the crazies and not lose any sleep.

“I’m only here to make sure you’re okay. I have to go back tonight, Baby Girl.” He says this like it’s causing him physical pain.

“You drove all this way to make sure I was alright and then you’re going to leave again? But you just got here!” I turn away so he can’t see the tears that I know are coming. I’ve missed him so much, and now that he’s here with me, I’m not sure I can watch him drive away again. It’s going to hurt worse than the first time I had to watch him walk out of my life. The only difference is now I know things are different, and going off of the way things have been the last few months, this could be the very last time I see him.

I hear him come up behind me. Then his arms slide around my waist and he turns me around. “Don’t cry, Baby Girl. I can’t stand it when you cry,” he whispers into my hair as I let the floodgates open and stain his grey shirt with my tears.

I’m not sure how long we stand there, me crying and him rubbing small circles on my back while murmuring assurances, before I finally get ahold of myself enough to look up at him. What happens next comes out of nowhere. I have no explanation and I could not tell you who leaned in first, but the next thing I know, my arms are around his neck and his are so tight around my waist that I guarantee there will be bruises in the shape of his fingertips tomorrow. I don't care, though; I want his mouth on mine. I have dreamed of kissing him, but even my wildest fantasies don’t come close to this.

He walks me backwards toward my bed without breaking the kiss. I feel lightheaded from our connection or it could be that we hadn’t come up for air yet. Either way, I wasn’t going to complain. If I died right now, I would be happy.

Suddenly, we are falling back onto my bed. Fuck oxygen! I don’t need to breathe when I have Zane kissing me like this.

He is the first one to break the connection, but it isn't long before he moves his lips down my neck. “Please don’t leave me,” I beg. If he leaves tonight, I think I may die, because not only is he here with me, he’s making all my dreams come true with a couple strokes of his tongue.

He doesn’t answer me with words, but his actions are enough. He kisses down my neck, across my collarbone, and up the other side of my face. God, his mouth is magic. I feel like I could come from his kisses alone.

His hands are still in safe areas, but fuck, I want him to touch me everywhere. I want to strip him of his clothes slowly, and feel all the ridges of his abdomen with my hands and then my tongue. I want him to make love to me. The thought alone should scare me, or at least make me nervous, but it doesn't. I’m ready, and I want him to be my first—my only.

He makes his way back up to my mouth, but his hands are slowly moving down. His finger slips under my shirt, and he draws tiny circles on my stomach. He’s driving me crazy, and he’s barely touched me. I turn my head to the side to catch my breath, but grab his hand to move it up toward my chest while keeping the skin on skin contact. He hesitates for only a second before he starts to massage my naked breast, then runs his fingernail over my nipple. I gasp at the feeling that travels down my stomach to my core. Fuck, I’m so close to coming.

He lifts his head and looks at me with hooded eyes. “Fuck, you’re so beautiful.”

I reach out for him and run my hands up under his shirt. Holy shit, his chest feels better than I had imagined. I’ve seen it a million times, but touching him like this is unbelievable. I move my hands back down to the bottom of his shirt, and push them up gradually. “Please, take it off.” I don’t even recognize my own voice. It’s thick with lust and desire.

I don’t have to tell him twice. He leans back on his knees, reaches one hand behind his neck and pulls it off. His muscles flex in a way that has my mouth watering. He throws the shirt on the floor and reaches to take mine off. His eyes meet mine like he’s asking permission. I nod slowly and bite my lip. That draws his eyes to my mouth and makes his eyes heat. Before I know it, my shirt is ripped off and thrown somewhere behind him, then he’s on me again. I cradle him between my legs while he has one hand on my breast and the other fisted in my hair, pulling me into another dizzying kiss.