Rewriting Destiny (Forsaken Sinners MC #1) (2 page)

I reached over and took his hand. “You have to go, Zane; he would want that for you.”

He stared at me, not even blinking. He finally looked away and said, “I’m not sure if I can. Without him, there is nothing there for me.”

A single tear slipped down his cheek. I reached up and wiped it away, then turned his head so he was looking at me again. “I know it’s hard right now to see it this way, but I know that he wouldn’t have wanted you to quit. You have to go, Zane, if not for yourself, then go for him. He may no longer be able to be here with us the way we want him to be, but he’ll always be with us in our hearts. Play for him.” I don’t know where my words of wisdom came from, but they flowed out of me and felt like the right thing to say.

We sat there for an unmeasurable amount of time, staring at each other. We didn’t have to say anything else, because there was nothing else to say in that moment. I squeezed his hand, then got up and walked back over to my house. I cried myself to sleep that night.

The next couple of months were hard, having to attend the funeral and learning how to go on without Zeke. Things started to get better, though. It was gradual, but what do you expect? Zane and I started to hang out more. We leaned on each other to help with the loss we shared. Losing Zeke was devastating for both of us, but I think in the end it brought us closer. We started hanging out every day after school, tossing the football around, talking about my drawings and the bike he wanted to buy for his upcoming birthday, and going out on the town. Zane become my best friend, and we forged an unbreakable bond.

After he finishes his senior year in a couple months, he will be going to the University of Texas like he and Zeke always talked about. I’m going to miss him a lot, but I’m so happy that he will be living out their dream. He seems more at peace with his decision to go to college since he went back for a tour of the campus a couple weeks ago.

***

I just finished with Zane’s graduation present and plan to give it to him tonight. I’m so nervous, unsure what he will think. After his brother died, I decided I wanted to draw a memorial for him. Zeke always liked my drawings, so doing this for Zane only seemed right. And since he’s turned eighteen and has been talking about getting a tattoo, I decided a design for a tattoo would be perfect.

I wanted to draw something that I could incorporate his brother into. So I did some research and came up with an idea; it would be mostly military themed, but with a little twist. I drew the boots, rifle, and helmet for the memorial. Then I added the Texas Longhorns symbol on one side and a motorcycle on the other. I figured since they both wanted to play football together and loved motorcycles, it would be the perfect combination. On the top in big block letters I wrote
‘
He Gave His Life For Me’
…
and on the bottom,
‘
I Live, Play & Ride For Him.’

Tonight is the party for all the seniors who graduated this year. I have an hour before Zane will be ready to go, so I jump in the shower to wash my hair and shave my legs. After I dry myself off, I go over to my closet to figure out what to wear. I decide to go with my favorite pair of jeans. They are old and faded but they fit me perfectly and are comfortable. I throw on a plain white tank top that shows a hint of my midriff, then complete it with my cowboy boots. I don’t have time to do anything with my hair, so I just throw it up into a messy bun and call it good. I’ll add a bit of makeup, and I’ll be ready.

Just as I’m finishing with my mascara, I hear Zane honk his horn outside. I grab the folder with the tattoo sketch in it and run down the stairs. I stop to give my grandmother a kiss and tell her I’ll be back later. She looks up from her book and gives me a tired smile. “Have fun, and be safe.”

Concerned, I force a smile and ask, “Are you feeling okay, Gram?” She looks so worn out. She is barely able to get around anymore.

“I’m fine, sweetheart, just tired. I’m going to go to bed early. Don’t you worry about me.” She gets up and starts to head for her room.

“Okay, Gram. I love you!” I tell her as I head outside.

Zane is waiting for me in his driveway. I take a good look at him, and holy shit does he look good. He’s wearing his favorite black boots, an old pair of faded jeans that have tears in the knees, a black t-shirt, and the cap I got him for his birthday, on backwards. His dark brown hair is cut so short that it’s hidden by the hat. His green eyes, which are so deep they almost look gray, sparkle with mirth. Add his signature smirk, and damn that boy is H.O.T.

“Hey, Baby Girl!” he says as I run up and give him a hug. He’s been calling me Baby Girl for the last couple months. I’m not sure why he does it since I’m sixteen now, but I like it anyway.

“Looking good, college boy!” I tell him with a smile and give him a wink.

He laughs at me and opens the passenger door. “Get in the truck, smartass.”

“I’d rather be a smartass than a dumbass,” I say with a chuckle as I slide into the truck and wait for him to walk around to his side. Once he’s in, he starts the truck and cranks up the music.

***

We pull into the field by the lake a little after seven. There are a lot of people here already, but I guess I shouldn’t be surprised since Zane is the most popular guy in the senior class. Star quarterback on our football team, champion for the last three years in wrestling, and he was also nominated Prom King this year.

We head over to where his friends from the football team are all standing around the keg. Most of them are seniors like Zane. There are a couple that will be taking their place next year, but I don’t really recognize them except for a guy I know whose name is Jaxon. Someone hands Zane a red Solo cup filled with beer, which he passes over to me. Now that’s what I call service! I smile at him and start to walk away to see who I can find to sit with while he talks with his buddies. Before I even get a couple steps away, someone is pulling me back by the waist.

“Where do you think you’re going, beautiful?” I recognize the voice as Zane’s best friend—Kolby.

“Well, I was going to go find a place to sit down and drink my beer away from you circus clowns,” I tell him with a laugh and go to remove his hands so I can get away.

“Oh, come on, at least have a drink with us first. It
is
our party, ya know.”

I turn around to look at him and then over to Zane. At first when I glance at his face, he’s staring at Kolby’s hands around my waist with a glare of utter hatred. But before I can really think about it, he looks up at me and puts on his trademark smirk and winks.

“Fine, I’ll have one drink with you guys, then I’m going to see if I can find some girls to hang with.” I glance back over at Kolby, who is holding his hand over his heart.

“You wound me, babe!” Whatever. I lift up my cup and say cheers to them all.

After finishing my drink with the guys, I get myself a refill, then head off to see who’s here. I spot Becca, Leanne, and Tori over by the lake sitting around a small fire. I pull up a chair beside Tori.

“Hello, ladies!” I say with a smile. We aren’t close friends by any means, but they are usually the ones I hang out with at these parties. They are seniors this year as well, so if I decide to come to any parties after this year, I’ll have to find new people to drink with.

After chatting with them and nursing my drink for an hour, I head over to the keg for another refill. As I’m filling my cup, Zane comes over holding a brown paper bag. “How about we break out the good stuff? What do ya say, Baby Girl?”

I drop my eyes down to the bag, then lift them back up at him. I tip my full beer to my lips and chug the whole thing. “Abso-fucking-lutley!” I yell.

He pours us each a shot, then we hold our cups up in the air. “To Zeke,” he says.

I share a sad smile with him and clink my plastic cup with his. “To Zeke,” I reply. We down the shot, then fill it with another. “To new beginnings,” he says for his next toast. “To college boys,” I say next, with a laugh when he gives me a look that says “Really?” Then we down that shot too.

We spend the rest of the night drinking the bottle of Jack Daniels and sharing memories of the good times we had with Zeke and our plans for the future. When the bottle is empty and the keg is gone, we head back to his truck. Once inside, we sit there trying to sober up a bit before heading home. We’re staring out into the night and listening to music from the radio.

“Thank you for tonight, Zane! I think that was the most fun I’ve had in a long time. I don’t know what I’m going to do when you leave,” I tell him after a couple minutes of silence. I’m really going to miss him when he leaves.

“I’m glad you had a good time, Baby Girl. And don’t worry, I’ll be back,” he says as he turns and looks at me. I flinch a little at his last words, remembering that his brother said those exact words before he left. It never happened, but I’m hoping this time will be different. Zane will come back to me. At least I really hope he does.

“Your gram is going to be so pissed,” he says after a while.

I laugh and tell him, “Nah, she told me to have a good time. She knows you’re leaving soon, and since I don’t go out much anyway, she wanted me to get out of the house and have fun.” After the words leave my mouth, he stares at me. I can’t look away. I feel like I’m under a spell. There’s something about the way he’s looking at me that is making my head spin.

I shake my head and am finally able to look away. What was that? It felt like I was floating, as if I couldn’t breathe. I hear him clear his throat, then he puts the truck into gear. “I better get you home.”

I don’t want to leave, I want to stay here in this moment forever. It feels almost perfect, but it scares me too. I have no idea what I’m feeling right now, but it feels like more than the brother/sister/best friend bond we have had for the past couple years. Like my feelings for him are growing, changing.

He pulls up into his driveway, so I get out to walk over to my house. When I’m almost to the porch, I turn around. “Oh, hey! I can’t believe I forgot to give this to you.” I pull the folder out of my purse that holds my drawing and walk up to hand it to him.

I watch his face as he opens the folder. He looks at it for the longest time with a blank expression on his face.

“It’s for a tattoo. I thought it would be something you could get, sort of as a memorial for Zeke,” I whisper with a small smile on my face. I’m so afraid that I did a horrible job and he’ll hate it.

After about a minute of him not saying anything, I start to get uncomfortable and feel worried. Maybe I should take it back so he doesn’t feel like he has to keep it. I shouldn’t have given him anything that would make him remember he lost his brother. I should have drawn something different or given him something else.

Finally, he looks up at me and a blinding smile takes over his whole face. Wow…just wow. He is so beautiful. That smile, it’s like I told him he won the lottery. I have to look away because it’s too much.

“It’s amazing, Baby Girl. I love it,” he says. Then he walks over and tips my face up to look up at him. “You’re amazing. Thank you for making this for me.”

Oh my God, I think I’m going to pass out. He’s so close, and he’s touching me. The way he’s looking at me is like I hung the moon for him and it’s making me feel crazy things. It’s like I have a swarm of bees in my stomach.

I step out of his reach and look away again. “You’re welcome. I thought it would be something you might like,” I say with a shy smile. I look in his eyes for a second and then start walking backwards. “Well, thanks again for tonight. I’ll see ya later.” I give him a little wave and jog up to my porch.

Once in my room, I quickly undress and jump into bed. I lie there thinking about the night. I go over every detail—the fun we had, the way he touched me, and the feelings I got when it seemed like he was staring into my soul. Just as I’m on the verge of sleep, a thought passes through my head.

I’m falling in love with Zane Hendricks.

Chapter 2

The sun is shining brightly and I’m with Zane on his motorcycle. I’m pressed up against his back with my arms wound tightly around his stomach, and my thighs are squeezing his hips. I can feel the vibrations from the bike underneath me and his hard abdominal muscles under my hands. It feels so real and natural, like I was meant to be here with him like this.

He pulls over by the lake; then suddenly the sky turns dark and not even the moon can be seen over the water of the lake. He reaches back and pulls me over his leg so I’m straddling him on the bike. I should be nervous or stop him, but it feels so right, like we’ve done this exact thing a million times before.

I look into his eyes and I see not just his love for me as a friend, but something new, something that builds a fire deep down inside me. I lift my hand and run it along his jaw. “I love you, Zane.” It comes out smooth, as if I’ve said it to him before. He looks deeply into my eyes, like he’s searching for something.

Then, suddenly, in the distance, thunder booms and lightning flashes. It scares me so bad, I jump in his lap. I look off into the distance and see a storm brewing. I turn back to tell him we should go, but when I do, he’s not my Zane anymore. He’s this hardened version of himself, and he’s looking at me with such contempt and hatred that it makes me fall off of him and the bike. I get to my feet in front of him and reach for him, but he turns his head in disgust. He turns the bike around and leaves me there, alone.

It starts raining, and I hit my knees and my arms reach out to him automatically like it will make him return to me. “Zane! Come back! I love you! I need you, please don’t leave me!” But he doesn’t even look back, and then he’s gone completely from my sight.

***

I gasp and sit up in bed. I can’t breathe and my body is trembling so hard I can almost hear my bed shaking. My clothes are sticking to my skin, soaked from my sweat. What the fuck was that?

I’m so far in my head, I barely register that someone is walking up the stairs. It can’t be Gram; she hasn’t been up here in years. Then there’s a knock at my bedroom door.

“Baby Girl, you awake?”

Zane. What the hell is he doing here?

“Um…yeah, give me a minute.” I jump out of bed and toss my drenched clothes on the floor, then slip into a pair of yoga Capri pants and a sweatshirt. “Uh, you can come in now.” I sit back on my bed with my arms wrapped around my knees and wait for him to walk in. When he opens the door, he looks around my room and then his eyes land on me.

“I didn’t wake you, did I?” he asks with a sexy smirk on his face.

“No, um, I’ve been up for a while. What are you doing here?” I glance at him and then lower my eyes. I can’t even bear to look at him; all I can see is the face I saw in my dream. The one before his expression hardened.

“Well, it’s past lunch time, but I was wondering if you wanted to go get some breakfast with me.” He wiggles his eyebrows.

He comes over and sits on my bed. I’m suddenly nervous, even though I shouldn’t be. I mean, he’s been in my room numerous times before. We’ve even lain in my bed and he’s held me while I’ve slept. Why does it feel so different today? Oh yeah, maybe because last night I realized I’m falling for him. “Um…I should really stay here. Gram wasn’t looking well last night.”
Please don’t question me, please don’t make this into a big deal. Walk away, Zane, just walk away.

“Oh no. I talked to Gram when I got here and she said she must have just been tired last night, but she feels fine now. She said I should drag you out of your bed if I have to. So, come on, get up. I’m hungry, and I’m not taking no for an answer. End of discussion.” He gets up and strides to the door. Before exiting my room, he glances over his shoulder. “If you aren’t downstairs in five minutes, I’m coming back up here. And trust me, it will not be pleasant. For you, anyway.” He mumbles the last part and I almost don’t catch it. Then he walks out of my room and I can hear him whistling as he goes down the stairs.

Well, shit! This is just what I need today, hanging out with him after last night and that fucked-up dream I had. But I know how stubborn he is when he has his mind set on something. I quickly get up to get dressed. The sooner I go and get it over with, the sooner I can come back home to try and figure out what the hell I’m feeling.

I head down the stairs, stop to give my grandmother a kiss, and head out the door with Zane not far behind me. He walks over to his bike, hops on, and hands me my helmet. This just isn’t my day. Of course we would have to ride his bike after the dream I had.

On the way to the diner I try to figure out what the hell is going on with me. Could I really be falling for him? I mean, we have always been close, like brother and sister. But after last night, it’s like there is a shift in our relationship. Or maybe it was just me and all the alcohol I consumed at the party last night. Maybe I need to stop thinking so much and forget about it.

***

The past month has flown by, filled with softball practice and games, and spending as much time as I can with Zane. At the same time, I've been going back and forth in my head on whether to keep distance between him and me. Or maybe I should continue on like I didn’t have that mind-numbing epiphany the night of the party. Not only is it stressful, but it’s exhausting, both physically and mentally. I don’t know what is going on with me. I can’t get the idea out of my head that there has been a shift in our relationship, but I can’t put my finger on it. Maybe things are changing because he’s going away soon and I’m getting older? But what I fear the most is that I’m actually falling in love with him. I don’t know what I would do if that is the case; there is no way he returns those feelings, and I don’t want to lose him as a friend by bringing up that I may feel more for him than just friendship.

On top of all of that, my grandmother hasn’t been herself since she got back from one of her doctor’s appointments a couple weeks ago. It seems like she is always sleeping. Today I even found her asleep in her recliner. I’m trying to get her to make another appointment with Dr. Tatum, but she says there is nothing wrong with her but old age. I don’t believe her, but what else can I do? I worry that I’m losing her, that it’s been too hard on her taking care of me for the past thirteen years.

I’m in the middle of cooking some soup for my grandmother, since she hasn’t been getting around well and I want to make sure that she is at least eating, when the doorbell rings. I go to the front door to see who it is. When I peek through the curtain, I see Zane on the other side. When he sees me looking at him, he makes a funny face at me, which has me laughing. I open the door and head back into the kitchen. “Hey, I’m making Gram some soup. Ya want some?” I ask.

“You know I can’t pass up food when you’re cooking, Baby Girl.” That makes me laugh even harder, because he and I both know that I’m a crappy cook. I’m only even
attempting
to make something because I feel I have to for my grandmother's sake.

“Ha ha, you’re so funny. One day my cooking skills will be amazing, and you won’t get to eat any!” I stick my tongue out at him, loving the way he can make me forget all that has been getting me down with only a few simple words.

After I take my grandmother her lunch, I sit at the table with Zane sitting across from me. “So what’s up?” I ask him. He’s been coming over every day for the past week to see if I want to hang out, but I haven’t wanted to leave Gram.

“I was thinking about going swimming at the lake, and you’re coming with.” He doesn’t ask, he tells me. “Then we’re going to a party tonight.”

Swimming does sound fun, and with today feeling like it’s going to be the hottest day in recorded history, it’d be great to take a dip in the lake to cool off.

“Oh my God, that sounds amazing! Who’s all going?” I get up to put my empty bowl in the sink and turn back toward him.

“Just you and me. I asked Kolby if he wanted to go, but he’s busy finishing up some last minute things before he leaves for California in a couple weeks.” Whoa, what? I thought Kolby was going with Zane and a couple others to the University of Texas. He must have read my mind, because he says, “Yeah, he was going to come with me, but I guess his dad really wanted him to go to California. Says he wants him to follow in his footsteps, or some shit like that.”

“Well, let me check in with Gram quick and then I’ll go put my swimsuit on. I’ll meet you outside in say, twenty minutes?”

He stands up and walks over to me. “Sounds good, Baby Girl.”

I follow him to the door, but he stops abruptly, which causes me to run into him. He reaches out to steady me.

“Did you forget something?” I ask, not sure why he stopped.

“Yeah. I forgot to tell you to wear your red swimming suit,” he says with a smirk.

Why would he say that? And not only did he say it, but he’s also still holding my waist from when he caught me from falling after colliding with him. And his hands aren’t
just
on my waist for balance anymore, his thumb has worked my shirt up a little in the back and it’s now caressing the skin that he exposed. Add that to the way he is looking at me, like he’s been told he’s on death row and I’m his last meal. My head is spinning out of control and I have to reach out to steady myself. Except this time, it has nothing to do with running into him and everything to do with
him
.

I’m speechless. I mean, what the hell do you say to that? He must realize that he caught me off guard, because he quickly adds, “I mean it’s a perfect day to catch a tan, right?” If he only knew how badly I wanted to wear my bikini for him. Then have him slowly strip it off my body.

Dammit! So much for trying to get over what I thought I was feeling that night of the graduation party. My emotions for him seem to grow stronger each day, and he’s not helping by doing things like this. It’s like falling in love with him is inevitable, like it’s a part of me. But would he feel the same way? It could be
my
fate to fall for him, but what if it’s really destiny being a stupid cunt again and he doesn’t feel the same way? What if he’s the only person I’ll ever love but he’ll never be mine?

I wonder what he would do if I jumped him. That would solve the problem of not knowing what he feels toward me
really
quick. He would either catch me and meet me in the middle for a steamy kiss. Or he would reject me. Sometimes I swear from the way he looks at me that he wants me too, but maybe I’m reading way too much into it. Maybe this is how friends act. It’s not like I have an abundance of friends to base this on, and I don’t have a lot of experience with guys and flirting, either. Shit, I’m so out of my league here!

I have no idea what to do. I want him, but at the same time, I don’t
want
to want him. There’s also that little fact that he leaves in a month for college, and I still have two years left of high school. And when he gets to college, there will be parties and lots of girls that would probably do anything to have him. Let’s face it, I don’t have any experience when it comes to sex, but Zane is no saint. I know he’s slept with at least two girls, but probably even more than that. So if it came down to it and he felt the same way, would he be faithful or would a relationship with him be doomed right from the start?

I feel his hand stroke my cheek. “You still with me?”

I shake my head to clear my thoughts and say, “Uh yeah…I-I’m good. I’ll see you in a few.” I nervously laugh and push him out the door. I have no idea if he was just messing with me or not, but maybe I should wear the red bikini and see how he reacts. Who knows, maybe he’ll make a move and I won’t even have to think about it.

God, I hope he does, because if he teases me any more I’m going to combust.
Wait, stop! He’s leaving in a month. You need to forget about it, Danielle, it’s never going to happen!
But I’m still going to wear my red bikini, not because he told me to, but because it happens to be my favorite one.

I head over to my grandmother's room to check on her and to let her know I’m leaving with Zane. When I walk in, I see that she barely touched her soup and she is now sleeping. I don’t want to wake her, so I write a quick note to tell her I’ll be back later.

I head up to my bedroom and hunt for my bikini. I put it on in a rush, then throw on a pair of cut-off jean shorts. I forgo a shirt since it’s so fucking hot out and grab my beach towel and sunscreen and put my flip-flops on. I take a quick look in the mirror, put my hair in a loose side braid, and head out to meet Zane by his truck.

He’s already waiting for me when I get outside. Holy shit, he’s not wearing a shirt! He’s got his aviator sunglasses on, black swim trunks, and black flip-flops. Yum! I just want to lick him all over. I swear, I’ve never fantasized about any guy, ever, until last month. Now my thoughts are consumed with all things Zane. I’m still holding on to my v-card, but if you had someone as sexy as Zane as your focus, your imagination would go wild too.

I walk up to him and throw my sunglasses over my eyes. I don’t want him to be able to see what he does to me. I’m sure my cheeks are bright red, but I can blame that on the heat.