Read Rewriting Destiny (Forsaken Sinners MC #1) Online
Authors: Shelly Morgan
He smiles and finishes putting the rest of his books in the last box. “Well, there’s not much we can do here, so I was thinking we could chill at your place,” he says, taping the box he filled.
“Why don’t we go get that pizza you suggested earlier? And then we can pick up some movies and head over to my house to watch them. We can make popcorn too!” I suggest. I don’t feel like going out, but I’m so hungry that I think it would be a good idea to stop and get something to eat. Plus, that will save me from trying to cook something.
“Sounds good to me.”
We jump in his truck and head over to the pizza place in town. After ordering, we sit in the booth and talk. At first, it’s stupid stuff, but then he brings up Gunnar again. Why did I think we could get through this night without him bringing up my new boyfriend? Wow, I have a
boyfriend
. It's going to take some time getting used to saying that. Zane doesn’t know that it’s official, though, so I better tell him before he hears it from someone else.
“Well, he asked me to be his girlfriend, and I said yes. I really like him, Zane. Do you think I’m stupid for starting something with him this soon?” I can’t help but ask. I need him to say he understands and is happy for me, but I also need him to tell me the truth.
“Well, it does seem a little fast. But, if it’s what you want to do, what can I do to stop you? Doesn’t mean I like it, though.”
I smile. That’s his way of saying he is not going to make it into a big deal. He may not like it, but he won’t stop me.
“But if he hurts you, I will hunt him down and make him wish he was never born.” Of course he would have to say something like that.
“Okay,
Dad
!” I scoff, like he is irritating me, but I secretly love the fact that he is acting so protectively. At least it shows he cares.
The rest of the night is amazing. After finishing our pizza, we rent a few DVDs, then head back to my house. We only talk about the good times we’ve had and everything we are looking forward to in the future. We eat popcorn, watch lots of movies, laugh, and even cry a little until he heads back over to his house around 4 a.m. I’m so glad we hung out tonight. It was like old times.
As soon as I wake up Sunday morning, I send a text to Gunnar, letting him know I’m going to be busy for the next few days. I feel bad at first, but if he doesn’t understand, then it’s best to find that out now. Zane is a huge part of my life and always will be. Thankfully, though, Gunnar isn’t upset and just tells me to message him when I could.
The weekend passes in a blur, and before I know it, it’s Tuesday morning and I have to say goodbye to my best friend. Even though we spent the rest of the weekend together, I’m not ready for him to leave. I don’t think I would ever be ready for that, but whether I like it or not, in an hour he’ll be off to college and starting the rest of his life without me. I’m probably overreacting, but I hate the thought that after today, things may never be the same. Sure, I’ll see him on holidays and maybe a couple times here and there in between, but it will never be the same.
Once I’m out of the shower, I put on a new purple summer dress and head downstairs to grab a bite to eat before I go to see Zane off. Gram is already at the kitchen table drinking a cup of tea. “Good morning, Gram. How are you feeling today?” I ask as I grab the orange juice out of the fridge and pour a small glass.
“Good morning, sweetheart. I’m feeling pretty good today. I slept real well last night.”
After finishing my OJ and putting my cup in the sink, I give her a kiss on the cheek. “I’m heading over to see Zane before he leaves. Will you be coming over shortly to see him off?” I ask. I know she was talking about going over, but I’m not sure if she is still up to it. If not, I know Zane will come over before he hits the road to give her a hug.
“I’ll be over before he leaves.”
Nodding, I give her a small smile and head out the door.
I can already feel the tears forming in my eyes because this will be the last time that I run out of my house to go to his.
I need to get myself together though, I don’t want today to be anything but smiles and well wishes. I just can’t help thinking about my last goodbye to his brother. Even though I know deep down this is nothing like last time, it still feels final in a way. After today, Zane and I won’t be the same. He's not going to be only a short walk and a door away anymore.
As I’m walking up his porch steps, the door opens and Zane storms out.
“Whoa, where’s the fire, college boy?” I force out a laugh, but as soon as I get a good look at his face, my smile falls. “Zane, what’s wrong?”
He grabs my arm as he walks past me without even breaking his stride. He doesn’t stop till we are in his back yard. Letting go of my arm, he starts pacing back in forth. I have no idea what would have him this upset.
I don’t say anything because I can tell he needs time to figure it out in his head before he talks. Finally, after what feels like hours, he stops in front of me with his head down. He runs his hands through his hair before raising his head. The look in his eyes is pure agony with a hint of anger. I have to turn away because it breaks my heart to see him like this. I still have no idea what happened, but I need to take a minute to gather my thoughts before I face at him again. Whatever is going on, I have a feeling it’s really bad.
Once I meet his gaze again, I take his hand in mine. “What’s going on?” I whisper. I don’t have the strength to speak louder.
I know he hears me, though, because he squeezes my hand before answering. “It’s nothing for you to worry about, Baby Girl. Just not seeing eye to eye with my parents.” He blows out a breath and then runs his hand through his hair again. He must be all out of sorts because he only does that when he is really pissed off or upset.
“Talk to me. What don’t you see eye to eye about?” I’m trying to figure out what would make them fight the day he leaves for college, but I’m coming up empty. I mean, they are thrilled he is going to the University of Texas and playing football. It’s a great college, but they thought after Zeke died, that it would never happen. I also know he still isn’t sure on what he wants to major in, but I don’t see why that would upset them. Not everyone knows what they want to do when they go off to college. Sometimes you need to take some general classes before it hits you. I don’t know what I want to do, though I’m pretty sure it will have something to do with art.
He hasn’t answered me, and I can’t figure out if that’s good or bad. We are usually open about everything, though we haven’t been lately with all the strain on our relationship. Maybe he doesn’t feel like he can talk to me anymore. Regardless, I won’t push him; I know that he’ll talk to me about it when he is ready. I only want to be able to help him. “Anything I can do?” I ask after a couple minutes of silence. He understands this is my way of letting him know he doesn’t have to tell me, but that I’m here for him.
“Nah, it’s all good. They’ll get over it,” he says, and pulls me into him for a hug. “I’m going to miss you, ya know that?”
He kisses the top of my head, and suddenly I can’t stop the tears. He thinks he’ll miss me, but he has no idea what he means to me. I try to compose myself before I speak, because I don’t want to make this worse for him. “I’m gonna miss you too. Who am I going to annoy now that you won’t be here?” I say, trying to make him feel better with a joke.
He laughs and tickles my side before letting me go. “I’m sure you’ll find someone.”
Grabbing my hand, he leads me back over to the front of the house and takes me upstairs to his room. It looks so different, even from the last time I was up here. His desk has been cleaned of all his belongings and his bed is made up with two boxes sitting on top. No personal touches are left except a couple of motorcycle posters on the wall and some football and wrestling trophies on a shelf.
I walk over and sit on the edge of his bed. “When do your classes start?” He’s told me before, but I need to hear him talk right now. The silence in the room is making me feel edgy.
He sits down next to me and lets out a long breath. “Next Monday.”
I still don’t understand why he needs to leave a week before his classes begin, but I suppose it would be good for him to get settled before everything gets busy. I want to be selfish and keep him here as long as possible. I know it wouldn’t make a difference, because he’s leaving no matter what, but at least I would have him here with me for a couple more days.
Zane turns toward me and takes hold of my hand. “You know I’ll always be here for you, don’t you, Baby Girl? Doesn’t matter how far away I am; I’ll always be there for you.”
I look down and try to push the tears back, but I can feel them fall anyway. If I didn’t know better, I would say this sounds like he is making his final goodbye. Like I won’t ever see him again. I know that is nonsense, but it’s the way I feel. My heart hurts so much I can’t stop the sob that takes over me. He wraps me in his arms while whispering reassurances into my hair. He gently rocks me, running his hand up and down my back until I can pull myself together. It’s while he is holding me in his arms, getting ready to say goodbye that I realize that I’ve truly fallen for him. There was never really a choice or anyway around it. I’m madly in love with Zane, and things are never going to be the same again. He’s walking out the door today, and even though I know I’ll always have him as a good friend, he’ll never be mine. But even with this knowledge, I also know that no matter who I am with, I’ll never feel for them what I feel for Zane.
I do my best to dry my tears so I can see him off. I can break when he’s gone, but right now I need to show him I’m okay. If he knew how much it is killing me to watch him go, it would make it so much harder for him to leave. And he really needs to go, to live the life Zeke would want for him. I won’t stand in the way of their dreams. I would rather live in hell for the rest of my life knowing that Zane is happy and doing what he and his brother wanted most, than hold him back so I don’t lose him. When you love someone, sometimes you have to let them go.
I follow him down the stairs and out the door. We put the last two boxes in his truck, and make sure everything is secured in the back. My grandmother has just stepped outside, but before she can walk down the steps to come to him, Zane jogs up so he can say his goodbyes. I watch the exchange, but when I see Gram kiss his cheek I have to look away. Zane is such a big part of our lives, I know she will miss him dearly. After saying one last goodbye and giving her a final hug, he turns around and walks back to me. His parents aren’t out here, but I’m sure they’ve already said their goodbyes this morning.
Once he reaches me, he pulls me in for one last hug. He’s holding on to me so tight I can barely breathe, but I don’t want him to ever let me go, even if it kills me. At least if I die right this second, it would be in his arms. He kisses the top of my head, gives me a final squeeze, and lets me go. I look up into his eyes and see something I’ve never seen before: desperation, but it’s gone before I can think any more of it.
He leans down and presses his forehead against mine. With his eyes closed, he takes a deep breath and slowly releases it. His warm breath hits my face and sends chills down my back. “Take care of yourself, Baby Girl.” Before I can answer him, he releases his hold on me and gets in his truck. I’m in a daze as I step back onto the sidewalk before he pulls away from the curb. I stand there until I can no longer see him, then drop into the grass and stare at my hands. He’s gone.
I’m not sure how long I sit outside, but eventually I make my way into the house. I walk right past Gram and up to my room. As soon as I open my door, I strip out of my dress, grab my sleep shorts, and throw on an old shirt of Zane’s. I grab Zeke’s football and my phone before slipping under the covers.
I send a quick text to Gunnar to let him know I’m not feeling up to doing anything tonight and that I’ll call him tomorrow. Before I turn my phone off, I type a message to Zane. One last goodbye.
Me: I miss you already…
You’d think that staying in bed all day and feeling depressed would make the days tick by slowly. But instead, I woke up this morning and it was already Thursday and first day of my junior year. As soon as I opened my eyes, I knew today was going to be a horrible day. Not only have I not been able to sleep since Zane left, but also knowing I wouldn’t be riding to school with him or even seeing him at some point today is almost enough to break me.
We haven’t talked since he left except for his reply to my text that he would see me soon. And a couple hours later when he let me know he made it. I couldn’t bring myself to reply, even though I probably should have. I thought I would need a couple days to get used to the idea of him not being here, but now it’s Thursday and I still haven’t replied. I need to get over it and call him already. I don’t want him to know how much I’m suffering, or risk him thinking I don’t miss him.
After getting out of the shower, I grab a pair of cutoff shorts and a tank top, then slip on an old sweatshirt I stole from Zane last year. It’s huge on me and almost covers all of my shorts so it looks like I’m not wearing anything underneath, but I don’t give a damn; I want to have something of his with me today. I should care what I look like, since it’s the first day of school and I’ll see Gunnar at some point, but I can’t bring myself to be concerned. I toss my hair up into a messy bun, throw on my tennis shoes, and run downstairs. As I’m pouring myself some OJ, my phone goes off.
My heart starts beating so fast I think it’s going to jump right out of my chest. I run over to my bag to pull my phone out and unlock the screen, eager to get to my message. I’m not sure why I thought it was from Zane, but I am sorely disappointed when I see it is from Gunnar.
Gunnar: Good morning beautiful. I was wondering if I could pick you up for school…
Me: Good morning to you too. I wouldn’t mind a ride if you are offering. What time will you be here?
I put my phone down to grab my OJ and put a bagel in the toaster for breakfast, but I barely manage to get across the kitchen before my phone is going off again.
Gunnar: I’m outside your house now ;)
Not sure if that should make me happy or a little freaked out, I decide to go with the former. I type a quick reply that I’ll be out soon and finish making my breakfast.
Once I have my bagel in hand, I give a quick wave to Gram and grab my book bag.
“Hey,” Gunnar says and then leans in to kiss my cheek. That one action has me smiling and my mood lifting a little.
“Hey, yourself,” I say as we walk to his truck. He opens my door and once I’m situated inside, he jogs over to his side and hops in. Before he pulls out onto the road, he leans over and kisses my lips softly.
“Mmm, this is what I’ve been missing for the past five days.” I haven’t seen Gunnar since the day he came over to take me to pick up my car. With trying to spend as much time as I could with Zane before he left, then saying goodbye to him, I didn’t have the energy for anything else. I feel bad, but when I talked to Gunnar Wednesday morning, he assured me he understood.
“I’ve missed it too,” I say shyly. This whole having a relationship deal is still new to me, but it feels nice. He grabs my hand and starts the drive to the school. He’s able to navigate through town, heading in the right direction. I almost ask how he knows where he’s going but dismiss it. I’m sure he’s been there since moving here to fill out paperwork. Plus, this town is small. It wouldn’t be hard to figure out even if he has never been there before.
Five minutes later, we are pulling into the parking lot. He finds a spot in the middle, then jumps out and walks over to my side. I’ve already got the door open and I’ve started to slip out when he grabs me by my waist. “I’ve got ya, babe.” Once I’ve got both feet firmly on the ground, he leans in to give me a quick peck on my nose and closes the door. We both grab our bags and start the trek to the front doors of the school.
On the way, we pass a couple of the popular groups that hang out outside until the first bell rings. I’m usually not so self-conscious, but walking into the school with Gunnar has me feeling not so sure of myself. Maybe it’s because this is the first year I’m without Zane by my side, or at least close by. Or it could be that I’ve never had a boyfriend before, so everything seems so weird. Whatever it is, I try not to let it get to me. I lift my chin and we continue on our way.
Once we are through the doors, I walk with Gunnar to the office to grab his schedule and locker arrangements.
“I’ll see you at lunch, if not before?” he asks me.
I smile at him and nod. “I’ll see you at lunch.”
He leans in to give me a quick kiss before I walk down the hall to my locker. He sure likes to kiss a lot. I’m not sure yet if this bothers me or not, but I figure I’ll get used to it. Feeling wanted by anyone besides my grandmother and Zane is new to me, so it will take time.
My first class of the day is English, so after dropping my bag off in my locker, I head that way. Since I don’t have a lot of friends, I have no reason to delay getting to the classroom. At least this way I can try to get a seat in the back so I don’t have to worry about being called on often.
I walk in, and thankfully there are only two other students there, who have both chosen seats in the front row. I don’t know who they are except for their first names, and I really don’t care. I accepted the fact early on that I don’t need friends. I have people that I talk to every once in a while, and then there are a couple of girls that I hang out with at parties, but no one that I confide in or look forward to talking with. It makes choosing a spot much easier, since I don’t have to try to save seats. My days in school are boring, but I’m not there to do anything but learn, so I don’t care.
Ten minutes later, Mr. Murray starts class by doing roll call and handing out our books. He jumps right in to what he expects of us this semester. English isn’t my favorite class, but it’s one I excel in. I don’t mind reading or writing papers, so when he tells us at the end of the semester we have to write a ten-thousand-word essay on a book from a list he gives us, it doesn’t faze me.
Second period I have Phys Ed, third period is Geometry, and the last class before lunch is Chemistry. The morning goes surprisingly fast, which I’m grateful for. I’m a little nervous about meeting Gunnar at lunch, though I’m not sure why. I get to my locker and drop off my books. Then I head to the cafeteria. Once I’m in line, I spare a quick glance through the room to see if I can spot him. By the time I make it to the food I still haven’t seen him, so I grab what food I want and head to the table outside, where I usually sit. I like eating outdoors whenever it’s possible, since I’m inside all day.
I’ve barely sat down and started to open my soda when someone joins me at the table.
“Hey, Danielle. How has your first day been going?”
The guy is not someone I’ve talked with much before, but I’ve seen him around hanging with the rest of the football players at parties. Jaxon Reynolds is a quarterback, but has never seen any game time because Zane had been first string since his sophomore year. I’m really not sure why Jaxon is sitting by me, which makes me a little uncomfortable.
“Um, hey, Jaxon. I, uh, guess my day has been fine so far. H-How has your day been?” I have no idea what to say to him but don’t want to be rude. Who knows, maybe this will be a year that I will come out of my shell and maybe even make some real friends.
“Well, it was going good, but recently tipped the scale to great,” he says with a smirk that makes me think I’m missing something.
Not knowing what else to say, I nod. “That’s good to hear.” Then I go back to opening my soda and start picking at my food.
Thinking he’ll just get up and leave, I don’t pay him any more attention or say anything else, but a minute later he’s still there. I look around to see if there is a group of his friends pointing and laughing like this is some dare he’s been put up to, but I don’t notice anyone even looking our way. I decide to let it go for now.
He asks me what classes I have this year, and how softball was last season. I politely answer his questions, and since he asked me about softball, I ask how the start of the football season is going. I’m half-listening and half trying to decide if this is something that should concern me or not. Since he has never made an effort to socialize with me before, I feel like this is a big joke and the laugh is on me. As he’s in the middle of telling me about how good he thinks the team will be this season, he looks up at something behind me and stops talking. He gets this confused expression on his face as he glances at me, and then at whatever caught his attention. Before I can turn around and see what he’s looking at, someone wraps their arms around me. I stiffen at first because I’m not used to having anyone grab me like that, but then I remember Gunnar.
“Hey, beautiful,” I hear him say close to my ear. I smile and turn toward him to return the greeting, but notice his attention isn’t on me; it’s on the person sitting across from me.
I don’t think they have met each other yet, so I decide to introduce them. “Jaxon, this is Gunnar. He moved here from Florida. Gunnar, this is Jaxon. He’s a senior as well.”
After my awkward introduction, they still stare at each other, almost like they’re sizing each other up. Like I said, I’m new to this whole relationship thing, but if I didn’t know better I would say that Gunnar thinks Jaxon is stepping on his territory. I’ll have to tell him later when we’re alone that he doesn’t have to worry about anyone trying to steal me away from him. I’ve been going to this school all my life and no one has ever shown any interest in me until he came along.
After a few more tense moments between the two, they finally seem to loosen up. “Hey, man, nice to meet you,” Gunnar says. Then he sits down next to me and pulls me closer against him.
“Yeah, you too,” Jaxon replies, as he looks at Gunnar and me like he’s trying to figure us out. “Uh, how do you guys know each other if you’re new here?”
Before I can answer him, Gunnar gives a small laugh. “We met about a week ago at a party out by the lake. I saw her and decided I better make my move. I wasn’t sure if she was with anyone, but figured if she was, I would have to change that and claim her as mine. And have I told you lately how glad I am that I did, babe?” He finishes by looking down at me with a smile on his face.
I don’t like the way this conversation is going, but I don’t know if this is a normal thing for a guy to do when he sees another guy talking to his girlfriend. I wish I could ask Zane, but that's not going to happen. And I especially don’t like the way Gunnar is staking a claim on me, like I’m a possession. I’ve seen plenty of guys go caveman on girls before, and it has never been something I thought I would want. Turns out, I was right. It makes me go from feeling wanted and cared for to ashamed and pissed off. I’ll definitely be having a talk with him sooner rather than later. I don’t want to become one of those girls that lets a guy control her; I’ve heard how relationships like that end. It starts off almost innocent, like this seems now, then turns controlling and in most cases becomes violent. There is no way I will let that happen to me.
Instead of answering, I give him a little smile and finish my sandwich. Lunch is almost over, and I want to get to my next class. “Well, I better get going. I’ll see you later,” I say as I stand.
He grabs my hand and stands with me. “What class do you have now?” he asks, pulling me closer to him.
“Uh, I think I have Government,” I tell him. This day seems to be going from bad to worse. I just want to get to my next class so I can be over and done with this.
“I’ve got English with Ms. Liner, I think. Then I’ve got a free period, so if you want to skip out early, come find me,” he says with a wink. I have no clue whether he is joking or not, but decide to not comment on it.
“Okay, well, I’ll see you later. Nice talking with you, Jaxon,” I throw over Gunnar’s shoulder and walk toward the door to head back inside. But again, before I can get too far, Gunnar wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me back to him. I’m so surprised that I slam into his chest. He doesn’t give me any time to recover before he grabs my face and kisses me. I’m too shocked to kiss him back, but he soon lets me go and walks away. I think I may start taking my lunch in the art room like I used to do before Zane got me to start sitting with him. At least that way I would be able to eat in peace and not have to worry about getting in the middle of a pissing contest that I have no interest being involved in. Maybe this whole relationship deal isn’t for me, or maybe just not with Gunnar. I need time to think this through.
My last two periods are both in the art room. I have a free period, and instead of taking a study hall, I asked Mr. Tillman if he would be okay with me helping him out. He’s always been my favorite teacher, and he has never had a problem with me. In fact, he has told me numerous times that I have an amazing talent and if there is anything I need, to let him know. So it came as no surprise that he was okay with letting me be his T.A.
Since art class isn’t really a class with homework and most students use it as a free period anyway, there isn’t much for me to do to help out around the classroom. Mr. Tillman says that I can use that time to work on my homework or draw. I figure at least until I know what the work load will be this year, I should take advantage of having extra time for my drawing. My free period bleeds into the next, and since I don’t have to change classes, I continue at my easel in the corner of the room to get as much done on my drawing as possible.