She snorted. “Right. Of course.”
“I’ve heard it’s quite simple.”
This time she laughed. She couldn’t help it. “Like raising a plant. Feed it and water it.”
He rested his arm over the back of the couch and looked at her seriously. If not for the dancing light in his eyes, the effect would have worked. “Should we be worried that I’ve killed every single plant I’ve ever touched?”
“Nah. How hard can it be?”
He chuckled. “Now you’re talking.”
She forced a smile. “Well, I’m going to go to bed now. Alone.”
“Yeah. I figured.” He gave her an odd look. “Good night.”
“Night,” she mumbled, climbing the stairs to her lonely bed.
“Wait a second,” he called out. She froze mid-step and waited. “Why did you let me move in?”
She turned around, surprised to find him directly behind her. When had he moved? “What?”
He stepped even closer, filling her senses with his nearness. “Why did you let me come here?”
“Because you said it would be best for Chris.”
“Bullshit.” He leaned closer, his eyes locked on hers. “If you didn’t want me here, I wouldn’t be here. So what’s the real reason?”
She flinched. He was right. That was a cop-out answer. She should have known it wouldn’t work on him. “Honestly?” Her breath caught in her throat, and something about the way he looked at her compelled her to honesty for once. She couldn’t give some lighthearted, teasing answer. Only the complete truth would do. He deserved it. “Because you’re my friend. I care about you. You…you’re part of my life.”
Satisfaction crossed his features and he stepped back, dropping his hand back to his side. “Quite the pair we are, huh? Can’t stay away from each other.”
Why should we
?
It was on the tip of her tongue, but she swallowed it back. She needed more time to think about what she wanted. Nothing good came out of impulsive behavior. Just look at what happened a few months ago.
She covered her belly with her hand. No, that wasn’t fair. She couldn’t call her baby something “not good.” She might not have been expecting a child, but she didn’t regret it, either. She already loved the baby. How could something so precious be a mistake?
She swallowed and forced a smile to her face. “Yeah, we’re pretty messed up.”
“At least we get to be messed up together,” he breathed, stepping around her to climb the stairs. “I’m going to go shower and hit the rack.”
“’Night.”
“Good night,” he called over his shoulder.
She closed her eyes and imagined herself following him up the stairs. In her fantasy, they went into the same room. They joked while he showered and they brushed their teeth. Then? They curled up in bed together and he held her throughout the night. Kept her safe.
The door to his bedroom shut, and she sighed.
Then she climbed the stairs to her empty bed in her lonely room. It looked too big for one person. She wished he would stop leaving her alone. Wished he would press her harder until she finally caved and let him in. But more importantly? She wished she wasn’t so scared to take that step herself.
She curled up on the bed, hugging her pillow tight to her chest. It was going to be one hell of a long, sleepless night.
Chapter Nine
A week later, Garrett cranked the Allen wrench harder, sweat pouring down his face and stinging his eyes. Earlier tonight, he’d been digging around in the spare bedroom and had found a white crib, still in the box, shoved in the back of the closet. He, like the genius he was, decided it would be a good idea to put it together to surprise Kiersten. At ten o’clock at night.
Yeah. Fucking
genius
.
He blinked a few times, wincing at the blurring of his vision. Shit, he was having a hard enough time putting this damn crib together as it was. Now, he couldn’t even
see
.
Maybe he should have followed his instincts and ignored the damn thing. Kiersten would probably get mad at him for putting it together without her and their tenuous peace would be ruined—all because he’d been the fool who decided to try to build a crib.
He flung the Allen wrench to the floor and picked up his discarded shirt. Swiping it over his eyes, he leaned against the wall and took a swig of water. Who would have thought it would be so hard to do? Hell, he’d built a damned deck in half the time it was taking him to do this. There was something seriously wrong with that.
Maybe he was in over his head, in more ways than one. Kiersten kept pushing him away. He was starting to worry that he’d made a mistake in insisting he move in. It had only been a short time, but already he felt out of place and out of sanctuary. The guys at work were constantly asking him questions he couldn’t answer.
When were they getting married?
When was the baby due?
What was the baby’s name going to be?
What did Mike say?
He didn’t know, damn it. Didn’t know a single thing except that he was here—and he wasn’t going anywhere. He used to go home to lick his wounds after a rough day at the school. Now, he came home to a family.
A shadow fell on him and he lifted his head. Kiersten stood there wearing nothing more than an oversized shirt. Did she have shorts on underneath it? God, he hoped so for his own sanity.
Or maybe he hoped she didn’t.
No. Shorts on. Definitely on. “Sorry if I woke you up,” he said, scratching the back of his head. “This was supposed to be a surprise.”
She grasped the doorframe. “You…you’re building the crib? Already?”
“Yeah.” He shrugged, feeling like a complete idiot. They had months until this thing needed to be ready. “I saw it in the closet and I just couldn’t resist.”
“I couldn’t resist
buying
it.” She stepped closer, her eyes on his. Now she was going to tell him he should have waited. Should have let her do it. She didn’t like people swooping in and taking charge like he’d done. He
knew
that. “You’re really something else. You know that, right?”
“Uh…” He swallowed hard. She was looking at him in a way that he’d only ever seen her do in his imagination. Looking at him as if she needed him in her life. By her side. “I’ve been told that a few times. Usually not in a good manner. I can take it apart. I messed it up anyway.”
She sank to her knees and rested her hands on his shoulders. “Don’t. I like that you…that you did this. It’s sweet.”
He gulped in a deep breath. Her proximity was so tempting it physically hurt to hold himself back. His muscles ached with the strain to stay completely still. “You do?”
She leaned close, brushing her lips across his cheek. He smelled her toothpaste and something that reminded him of spring flowers. Her hair was damp, so he could only guess it was her shampoo. His fingers twitched with the desire to bury themselves in her locks and pull her closer so he could see if he was right.
“I do,” she breathed as she pulled away from him. “And I like you. You know that, right?”
Like
. Such a tepid word. He gave a soft laugh. “That’s good to know. Otherwise, the rest of our lives might be a little bit tricky.”
Her face went pale, and she scooted even farther away from him. She didn’t like the reminder that she was stuck with him for the next fifty or so years. He couldn’t say her actions surprised him…but it didn’t mean the rejection didn’t sting.
“It’s kind of crazy when you talk about us in that way,” she said, smoothing her bangs behind her ears. “We had one night together…and now we’ll be together as parents…forever.”
So why couldn’t they give it a go, then? Why couldn’t they try a relationship, and see how it went? No matter what they did, they were stuck together. Why not be stuck together, while being together? “Well, having a kid kind of does that even when you’re not together together.”
“What if you get married someday?”
He cocked his head. The only woman he could picture marrying was sitting right in front of him, but her failed engagement with Pete had killed that possibility. “What if
you
do?”
She snorted. “Yeah. So not going to happen.”
“Ever?”
“Ever.” She hesitated, her eyes flitting to his before she picked up the instructions. “I tried that once. Look what it got me. And Chris was devastated. I won’t do that again. We have you. Why do we need anyone else?”
“Pete was an ass.” Garrett picked up the Allen wrench and started working on the crib again. Anything to keep his hands busy. Idle hands meant temptation to touch. “You can’t judge every man by the actions of one.”
“You make it sound so easy.” She handed him a piece of wood. He checked the instructions to make sure it was the right one. It was. “But it’s not.”
“Why not?” he asked.
When she stiffened, he remembered saying those very words to her right before they made love. He glanced up at her and stopped breathing. She was looking at him like she needed him again, only this time she needed something a bit more elemental. He ignored the answering surge of lust within him.
She licked her lips and looked down at the instructions again. “When your heart is broken, it’s not easy to just tape it back together and move on. Especially when you have a kid.”
Garrett flinched and finished torqueing in the nut. “I know.”
She picked up another, identical piece of wood and handed it off to him. Damn, she was good at this. Better than he was. “Did you ever have your heart broken?”
Not until her. He hadn’t gotten close enough to anyone for his heart to be on the line. But if anyone had ever near it, it would be Kiersten. That one night together had hurt, and it hadn’t stopped hurting yet. “Yeah. Sure. Once or twice.”
“Then you know how stupid you can be when it comes to love.” She blew out a breath. “Even knowing I was probably making a mistake, I let Pete get to me. I even thought that maybe I was wrong. That love was pure and good and could heal all things. Brianna had found it once. Maybe I could, too.”
“And then he pulled a dick move and cheated on you.” He spun the wrench tighter than necessary. The prick needed another ass whooping. Garrett
might
have already given him one the night he heard the news. And he might have fractured his hand punching the dickhead in the jaw. But it had been worth it.
Hypothetically.
“Yeah.” She traced the curve of the crib leg. “Brianna found Thomas, and got married again. And I got…well, pregnant.” She laughed, but it sounded forced. She looked away from him, but didn’t say anything, then picked up another piece of the crib. The pile was getting a lot smaller. “Here you go.”
“Thanks.” Their fingers brushed, and they looked up at each other in surprise. Was that an answering need he saw within her eyes? “You’re good at this. Where did you learn how to build furniture?”
“Mike.” She grinned, and the moment between them passed, which was probably a good thing. He probably shouldn’t be throwing her on the nursery floor and fucking her next to the unfinished crib. “He said if I was going to be an old maid, I needed to know how to take care of myself.”
Garrett chuckled. “You’ll never be an old maid. You’re too pretty.”
“If you say so,” she said skeptically, her brow quirked. She handed him a nut. “You forgot to do the middle one.”
He looked down. Damn it, he had. “Oops.”
As he twisted the wrench, he came to a scary conclusion. She really didn’t
need
him at all. She could have probably built this crib on her own—and faster, to boot. She already knew how to be a single mother, and was damn good at it. What did he bring to the table here? What could he possibly offer her that she didn’t already have?
Love.
That’s all he could ever give her, and she didn’t even want it.
She nudged him with her elbow. “What’s wrong? Forget how to twist a wrench?”
He forced a laugh and took the next piece from her. There were only three pieces left. “No, but I have to stand it up now.”
“I’ll help,” she said, starting to rise.
“No, don’t even
think
about touching something heavy.” He frowned at her as he set down the Allen wrench. “I’ve got it.”
She pursed her lips, and a flash of irritation lit up her eyes. “It’s going to be a long nine months if you keep up this crap the whole time.”
“Maybe.” He leapt to his feet and made quick work of standing it upright. “But when I’m here, I do the heavy lifting for you. You can supervise.”
She rolled her eyes. “That’s both adorable and annoying at the same time.”
“That’s me.” He took the nut from her and fastened it. “You can put it on my tombstone when I die. ‘Here lies Garrett Kelley. Loving Father. Both adorable and annoying at the same time.’ It has a certain ring to it, don’t you think?”
“Don’t say that,” she said, her voice raw.
“Say what?” When he turned back to her, his grin faded. “Hey, what’s wrong?”
She frowned. “I lost a
sister
, Garrett. And a brother-in-law. I know what losing someone is like and I don’t even want to think about you dying. Or about your funeral.”
He realized how insensitive he’d been. He knew better than to joke about something like that to Kiersten. He dropped the wrench and hauled her to her feet and into his arms. “I’m sorry. I’m not going anywhere.”
“I bet Michael thought that, too,” she said, her voice sad. “But he died right after Katelyn was born.”
He flinched. “That’s not going to happen to us.”
“How do you know?” She pulled back and looked up at him with shining eyes. “How can you be so sure? If you died, I…I…God, I don’t know what I would do. I can’t even picture it.”
When she shuddered and laid her head on his shoulder, his arms flexed around her. “You won’t have to. I’m a lot harder to get rid of than that,” he said, tilting her face up to his with his finger under her chin. “Just look at me. I’m here, building a crib in your house, annoying you at ten-thirty at night.”
She laughed. He couldn’t help but get a small thrill when she didn’t immediately move away from him. “If I wanted to get rid of you, I would.”
That was the closest she had ever come to admitting she liked having him here. It might be a tiny victory, but it was a victory nonetheless. “Ready to finish this crib?”
She nodded and moved out of his arms. “Yep. Here’s the next piece.”
He took the wood, and they worked in companionable silence until the crib was complete. When they finished, they both stood back and looked at their handiwork. “Not too bad, huh?”
She nodded. “It looks good.”
He nudged her. “Are you sure? I can take it apart if you want.”
She put her hands on her hips. “You even think about it, and I’ll dropkick your ass all the way to your room.”
He held his hands up. “Okay. It stays.”
“Damn right it does.”
“See? We make a good team. Who needs a slip of paper when you’ve got this?” He threw an arm around her, and she snuggled in close. “Next, we’ll have to decide what color paint to use.”
“I hadn’t even thought of that.” She scrunched up her nose. “Do we want to find out what it is ahead of time, or wait?”
“That’s up to you, I say.” He ran his hand over her belly, then let it drop. She didn’t tense up at his touch. “You’re carrying her. So you decide.”
“Hm.” She picked up an empty bag and threw it away. “I think I want it to be a surprise. It might be good for me to accept that I can’t control everything in my life.”
“Okay.” He blinked at her in surprise. She never wanted to be out of control. He would rather find out, but he’d meant what he said. It was her choice. “So yellow or green it is.”
“Yeah. Maybe.” She stole a peek at him, then yawned. “Yellow, I think. Really light.”
“That sounds nice,” he said. He made a mental note to remember that. “I bet she will like that.”
“Yeah. He might.”
He grinned. “We’ll give the baby a complex already.”
“Might as well get a head start.” She yawned again. “And now I’m ready for bed.”
He scratched his head, his eyes on the newly assembled crib. It made the baby feel so more real to him. Funny, he’d been teasing her about that very sentiment a few weeks ago. Or had it only been days? Shit if he knew. “Yeah. Me too.”
“Garrett?” She grabbed his hand and squeezed it, but didn’t look at him. Her eyes were on the crib, too.
“Yeah?”
“Thank you.” She finally turned to him. “I really mean it. For everything. You’ve made this whole situation so much easier than it might have been. If not for you…I’d be lost.”
His heart raced. “If you get lost, I’ll just have to find you.”
“You know what?” She dropped his hand and headed for the door. When she reached the hallway, she turned back to him, her face open and vulnerable. “I think I might actually believe you.”
She went to her bedroom, and he stood there staring after her. His sign had come to him tonight. He was where he belonged. Where Kiersten needed him.
And she didn’t want him to leave.