He stepped into his jeans, his movements jerky and rough. “And what if I meant what I said? What will we do then?”
She ran her hand through her hair, and a feeling of dread dropped into his stomach. She looked like she was about to bolt. “I’m not ready for that. You know how hard it was for me when Pete left. And Chris…” she swallowed hard, her eyes closed. “He can’t go through another man leaving us. I won’t do that to him.”
“I wouldn’t leave you like he did. Or Chris.” He rubbed his eyes. “There’s really only one question at play here. Do you think you would want to try for something more than a night? Two nights? Three nights? A year?”
She paled. “I can’t. Not after Pete. And what would Chris say? I can’t put him through this again.”
“There are so many reasons we shouldn’t. Chris. Pete. Mike.” He threw his hands up. “Hell, I’m Chris’s coach and teacher. That’s a huge issue in and of itself. But if you want this,” he motioned between them with his hands, “then we can overcome it all.”
“I’m sorry.” She licked her lips, and her eyes begged him to understand. “But I can’t.”
“All right, then.” He nodded and grabbed his shirt. He tried to look as if his heart hadn’t just been stomped on. It had taken a lot to put himself on the line like that and it hadn’t paid off. But he wouldn’t show her how hard it had hit him. “Make sure no one ever finds out about this, then. I can’t afford to lose my star player because we spent one meaningless night together.”
She shook her head slightly. “No one will know. It’ll be like it never happened. We can go back to being—”
He gave a harsh laugh. He couldn’t help it. “You underestimate your talents. I won’t forget this night until I’m dead and buried six feet under. Maybe not even then.”
“You know what I meant.” She flushed. “Can we just go back to the way things were?”
“Honestly? I don’t think I can.” He dragged a hand through his hair. “I’ve been lying to myself for a long time about what I want from you and I’m not doing it anymore. And after what happened tonight… I can’t just turn it off. I’ve been trying for too long. Why did you do this tonight? Why me?”
She looked like she didn’t want to answer. “Because I…I thought…you used to like me…and Pete hated you.”
His heart wrenched. He’d been a revenge screw. It hadn’t even been because she wanted him, for fuck’s sakes. It had been about getting revenge on the man she had loved once. He’d never felt so used. “Wow. I’m going to leave now.”
“I can’t lose you.”
Those words ripped through his chest and tore his heart out. She couldn’t do this to him. Couldn’t make it seem like he mattered to her as more than just reliable Garrett, when he so clearly didn’t. And he couldn’t pretend it didn’t hurt when it did. “I just need some space. We’ll be fine.”
But he doubted that. They wouldn’t be fine ever again. He tugged his shirt over his head.
She wrung the blanket in her hands, looking as if she were fighting to find the right words. It made him feel like an ass for wanting her. Like he’d done something wrong or heinous. She stumbled to her feet, gloriously naked. “Don’t go. I’m sorry, but please don’t leave me. I don’t want to be alone. It’s a rough day for me. I wasn’t thinking clearly. I’m still not.”
His anger at himself softened and he sat beside her and lifted her chin up with his thumb. She looked up at him with hope in her eyes. He knew what she wanted him to say. Knew she hoped he would say it was a mistake. That he didn’t think he could ever love her. But he wouldn’t lie. Not even to save her from guilt.
“I’m not leaving you, Kiersten.” He dropped a kiss on the top of her head. “But I can’t be a revenge fuck. Not with you.”
She closed her eyes. “I’m sorry.”
He shook his head, but didn’t take his eyes off of her. “Stop saying that. You have nothing to be sorry for.”
“I do.”
“You
don’t
.” His grip tightened on her.
“Can you stay the night? Give me more time to think?”
“You can have all the time to think that you want, sweetheart.” He stood and rubbed the back of his neck, still coming to terms with everything that had happened since he’d arrived at her house. Never in a million years did he anticipate making love to Keirsten tonight—or how intense his feelings about it would be. But he couldn’t. “I care about you enough to wait for you—but I can’t wait for you
with
you.”
He turned on his heel and walked out of her room…and out of her life.
Chapter Four
Three months, two weeks, one day, and nineteen hours.
That’s how long it had been since Garrett walked away from Kiersten. She barely even spoke to him anymore, other than a soft hello as they passed on the court after practices. It was probably better that way. Anything more than a brief encounter hurt too much. He’d spent most of his life pretending not to care about her. Pretending he was fine without her. But now that he’d had one night in her arms, he knew he wasn’t.
And he wanted her more than he could ever possibly describe.
Oh well. Tough shit. He wasn’t going to get her on his terms. And he wouldn’t accept hers.
Fuck. He needed a drink. Or three.
He unlocked the door to his apartment and froze. Pots clanged in the kitchen. Dropping his gym bag to the carpet, he walked around the corner. Only Mike had a copy of his key, and that was just in case of an emergency or if he somehow lost his own set. But why would Mike let himself in and then cook? To the best of his knowledge, Mike didn’t even know
how
to cook.
“Mike?” he called out.
“Uh, no,” Kiersten replied. “It’s me.”
He tensed and walked slowly into his kitchen, his heart beating rapidly in his ears. “How did you get in here?”
She flushed. “I asked Mike for the key. Told him I needed something for Chris to practice at home.” She waved a hand. “He didn’t question me, thank God. My story was weak.”
He studied her. “Why are you here? You could have just knocked.”
“I was worried you wouldn’t let me in,” she said softly, averting her eyes. “So I took matters into my own hands.”
“And the dinner?”
“A way to try to make up for what I did. It’s pathetic and not big enough, I know, but I had to do
something
.”
He raised his brows. “You could give me space, like I asked. Why cook for me? What do you want?”
She looked at him. “I thought you might like to eat some food. Last time I checked, you were human.”
“It’s been over three months since we talked or hung out.” He crossed his arms over his chest, not sure what her sudden reemergence in his life meant. What game was she playing? “And last time I checked, we weren’t really on speaking terms. Yet here you are. Cooking me dinner.”
“Yep.” She set down the spoon she was using to stir the sauce, shoulders tight as she leaned on the counter. “Pretty much.”
He looked away from her and swallowed hard. Did she realize how much it hurt him just to see her face or to hear her voice? Probably not, since he’d been the only idiot who had wanted more. Every woman paled in comparison to her. No matter how hard he tried to move on, to be attracted to another woman, there was only one person on his mind. Kiersten. But if she was here…
He shoved his hands into his pockets. “Have you changed your mind about us?”
She paled and he cursed himself for jumping to foolish, optimistic conclusions. “I—no, not yet. But—”
“Then you need to leave,” he said. He raised his head and met her eyes, unwilling to back down. “I haven’t changed my mind, either. I need space.”
“It’s been three
months
. Isn’t that enough space?”
“No.” He drew in a ragged breath. “It’s not. Now please leave.”
She bit her lip. “No.”
“Yes.” He strode toward her, picked her up, tossed her over his shoulder, and headed for the door. He tried not to remember that the last time he’d carried her like this, they’d been going up to her bedroom. “If you won’t walk out on your own, then I’ll carry you out.”
She punched his back and squirmed. “Let me down. We need to talk.”
“The time for talking is over. I need distance right now. Eventually we can be friends again. But for now?” He opened the door, set her in the hallway, and closed the door in her face. “Please go home.”
He turned away and stomped into the kitchen. Damn it, he wasn’t doing this anymore. He may have played the part of the lovesick friend for months—hell,
years
—now, but he was done with being a benchwarmer she pulled out when it suited her mood.
From now on, it needed to be a starting position for him…or nothing at all.
Shutting off the stove, he picked up the pot and peeked inside. She’d made his favorite meal. Cheese ravioli. Vodka sauce bubbled away in a different pot and he could smell the garlic bread in the oven.
“Listen, Garrett, we need to talk,” Kiersten said.
Garrett jumped and faced her with a glare. “What are you doing in here—
again
?”
“I have a key.” She waved a gold key under his nose, her nose tilted up in the air stubbornly. “And I know how to open a door on my own. I’ve been doing it since I was three.”
“Congratulations.” He snatched the key out of her hand and reached for her, determined to put her right back where he had left her. “But you need to go. I’m serious.”
She jumped out of his reach and sprinted behind the relative safety of his favorite chair. “Not until you listen to me. Sit down and shut up for a second, will you?”
He pursued her, ready to stick her back out in the hallway, sans key this time. “All I asked for was a break. Can’t you respect that?”
He bolted around the chair, reaching for her arm. Her eyes widened and she darted to the side when he feinted left and ran right, hoping to fool her into his arms. “I can’t leave until we talk,” she replied.
“Why not?” he asked in exasperation, holding his hands up. “What could possibly be so damn important?”
She blinked at him, wringing her hands. “I’m pregnant.”
He stilled, unable to breathe. Nothing she said could shock him any more than those two words. He stumbled back against the wall, his heart beating so loudly it echoed in his ears. “What did you say?”
She came around the side of the chair, creeping closer cautiously. “I said that I’m pregnant. And yes. It’s yours.”
“I wasn’t going to ask that,” he snapped. He sank into his favorite chair, staring at a crack in the wall. Pregnant. Fucking
pregnant
? How? Why? “How long have you known?”
She shrugged, not meeting his eyes. “A few months.”
“Months?” He lifted his head, a sick feeling taking over him. “Were you planning on not telling me?”
“Of course not! I planned on letting you know but I wanted to wait until I knew the pregnancy was viable.” She fluttered her hands. “A lot of pregnancies don’t make it past the first couple of months. I wanted to be sure…”
What did that mean? Had she been debating abortion? The thought made him want to throw up. So did the fact that she’d been deciding this on her own, instead of with his help. “That you wanted the baby?”
“I always
wanted
it. That wasn’t the problem. But before I came to you, I wanted to be in the second trimester.”
“And now you are?”
She met his eyes. “Yes. I am.”
“I see,” he murmured. He scrubbed his hands against his eyes, stars swimming before his vision. “But we used a condom.”
She flushed. “I guess it didn’t work. I don’t know what to tell you.” She shrugged. “We’re not the first people to have a condom fail.”
He remembered how easily it had come off. It had struck him as odd that night, but never had he suspected
this
might happen. “Fuck me,” he breathed, unable to believe it could be possible.
A baby? Would it have her eyes and her hair? Would their daughter look like her…sound like her? Awe at the tiny life growing inside of Kiersten shook him, and he buried his face in his hands. A smile tugged at his lips.
Kiersten must have mistaken his wonder for dismay, because she sat next to him and said, “If you don’t want anything to do with us, it’s fine. I’m not new to being a single mom.”
“Are you kidding me?” His head whipped up so fast he nearly gave himself whiplash, fixing a glower on her. He couldn’t believe she’d actually said that to him.
Him
. “How long have you known me? Do you really think I’d turn my back on you and our child? Hell, I’d ask you to marry me if I thought you would say yes without vomiting on my shoes.”
She flushed and avoided his eyes. “Oh, please. It’s not the nineteenth century anymore. Marriage isn’t necessary. I just thought I’d let you know that I don’t expect you to dance attendance on me just because you are the father. We can work this out in a mature fashion, I’m sure. Or, you can do nothing. That’s fine, too.”
“Do I look like a deadbeat dad to you?” He clenched his fists, unable to believe she would even insinuate such a horrible thing about him. Twice. “I will be there for every single step of the pregnancy and every second of that child’s life, no matter what you want from me. Do you understand?”
“Yes, of course.” She nodded and stood. “Well, then, I’ll be going.”
He grabbed her hand, taking a deep breath to calm the queasy feeling in his gut. She wanted to drop this bomb on him and then skip out? Not happening. “Eat the dinner you started—if it’s not ruined by now. We have a lot to talk about.”
They went into the kitchen and the whole time that Garrett helped serve their burned garlic bread and overcooked, soggy ravioli, he kept stealing glances at Kiersten. He couldn’t believe that she carried his baby inside of her, a small piece of him.
By God, he would love that baby to pieces.
He carried out their plates and, after setting the dishes on the table, helped her sit before taking his own seat. Though she pushed her food around on her plate, he didn’t see much actually go
in
her mouth. Morning sickness, perhaps? But it wasn’t morning. He made a mental note to go to the bookstore and buy a few pregnancy books. Something along the lines of
What to Expect When Your Not Girlfriend Is Pregnant and Wants Nothing To Do With You
or something like that.
Pushing his empty plate away, he leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms behind his neck. “So, what are we going to do about this? How do you want this to work out?” he asked.
She set her fork down and wiped her mouth—despite the fact he doubted she actually ate anything. “We’ll go on as we were before but we’ll have a kid together. Simple.”
“Yeah. No. Not happening.” He gritted his teeth. Leave it to Kiersten to come up with the most impersonal solution possible to their predicament. But he had a different plan. One that just might give him the chance to show her he could be trusted. And they could build a future as more than two friends with a baby. “I have a slightly unusual idea but I think it’s a good one.”
She blinked at him. “Do tell.”
“We move in together,” he said, holding his hand up when she opened her mouth to protest, “as friends and co-parents. I’m obviously not going anywhere, nor leaving your life, and we’re both single. So…we live together. I’ll be there to help with feedings and diapers and all that other parenting crap—but we keep our hands off of each other, like we should have done all along.”
She raised a brow and folded her arms across her chest. “Somehow, I don’t think we can do that. Not after what happened between us last time.”
His cock twitched just
thinking
about that night but he stubbornly ignored it. He took a deep breath. If he played this wrong, she would refuse him. He had to make her think he didn’t want her anymore. “Sure we can,” he said.
“Oh? And what about Chris? Your job? The team?”
Garrett froze. Shit. He hadn’t thought about that. “Uh…”
“Yeah. Uh.” She let out a frustrated breath, her eyes shooting fire at him. “We can’t just swoop in and make all these decisions without thinking of other people. I have a
kid
to think about.”
“Yeah. And so do I.” He gave a pointed glance at her stomach. “The school doesn’t have any anti-dating policies between parents and teachers. Besides, the school year is almost over. I won’t be his teacher anymore after that.”
“But you’ll still be his coach again next year.”
He shrugged. “Once again, no rules against it. Parents coach their kids all the time. They’re usually the best kids on the team, so it’s fitting here.”
“But he’s not your kid,” she said, her hands tight on the table edge. “He’s
mine
.”
He stood, anger making him see red. “And you’re fine all by yourself? Don’t need me?”
“Yeah.” She lifted her chin. “I don’t need anyone.”
“Well guess what?” He pulled her to her feet and she wobbled for a bit. He didn’t drop her hands even once she steadied herself. “You didn’t make this baby by yourself. You needed my help that night. And you need it now, too. You can’t push me away this time.”
She tried to pull free of his hold but he didn’t let go. “I never said you should stay out of our life. But why should I let you move in with me? What good would that
possibly
do?”
“Wouldn’t that look better for Chris? To see a good father figure in his life?” He let go of her hand and tilted her face up to his. “One who won’t ever leave him? Or you? Don’t you want that for him?”
Her jaw softened, and she shifted on her feet. “Of
course
I do. But things like that never actually work out.”
He flexed his jaw. “I will not leave you, or him. Or our baby. I can be a father to them both, Kiersten. A man they can rely on to never abandon them.”
“But you said,” she said in a quiet voice, stealing a glance at him, “you thought you could love me. How could we possibly move in together, and not have something get in the way?”
He shrugged, and mentally prepared himself to tell the biggest lie he’d ever told. Funny how just months before, he’d been swearing to himself he wouldn’t lie to her. But drastic circumstances called for drastic measures. Or some bullshit like that. “I’m over it. I’m smart enough to see a lost cause when it’s staring me in the face. You don’t want me. That’s fine. But there’s no reason we can’t be roommates of sorts and raise this baby together.”