He shook his head. He didn’t want apologies or pity. He was the idiot who just couldn’t stop
caring
. “You know what? You two go ahead and eat. I’m going to go home. Hit the rack early.”
Without another word, he left the restaurant. He repeated the same words he’d been saying over and over and over again ever since he left her bed the other night.
She doesn’t love me
.
Never will
.
Maybe if he said it enough times, he would actually move on. And maybe if he escaped her company for more than five fucking minutes at a time, he’d be able to get her out of his mind—and out of his heart.
Chapter Twelve
“That was messed up,” Mike said, his voice rough. “Shit, even I could see how much you hurt him.”
Kiersten blinked back tears, wanting to stay angry but failing horribly. She’d done it again. Gone all psycho pregnant woman on his ass. “
He
was the one flirting with her. He’s probably been doing it every night while I sat at home and waited for him.”
Mike sighed and led her to their table. Once they sat down, he leveled a look at her. “He hasn’t been hitting on anyone. He hasn’t been with another woman. He’s been with me, trying to hide how upset he is.”
Kiersten picked up her napkin and balled it in her hands. “And what? That’s somehow my fault?”
“Uh.” He shot her a look that said he clearly questioned her state of mind. “Yeah. It is. Are you that blind?”
She collapsed back against the chair. “Maybe.”
“He’s going to be the father of your child, and you keep pushing him away.” He rubbed his forehead. “The question is: Do you really want him to leave you? Because you’re going to get it if you continue on this way. He’s trying to be there for you but you won’t let him.”
He was right. Once again, she’d screwed up. “I came here to show him how I felt.”
“How you felt?” He snorted. “If what you wanted him to see was that you wanted him to fuck that woman, then great job. He saw that, all right.”
Kiersten bit her lip. “No. I don’t want that.”
“Well? What do you want?”
She lifted a shoulder. “Chris wants us to be a couple. So do you and Brianna. Garrett used to want that, too.”
“Fuck them. And fuck me.” He leaned in. “What do you want, Kiersten? Not your hairdresser or your mailman or Jesus fucking Christ.
You
.”
“I…I want him to be with me.”
He exhaled. “Then you have a hell of a way of showing it. Do you love him?”
“Love is such a generic word.”
“Bullshit.” He pointed a finger at her nose. “Do. You. Love. Him?”
Did she? When it came down to it, that’s all that mattered. And…she did. She loved him. It hadn’t been like this with Pete. With Pete, she’d practically gotten slammed over the head by their whirlwind romance. There had been no doubt in her mind she loved him.
But with Garrett, it had been a slow building love that snuck up on her. One that came from years of friendship and trust and loyalty. One she could believe in. A healthy, happy love that made her heart warm and her life happier. And how had she treated him?
She’d treated him
exactly
the way she had been scared he would treat her. She had hurt him, pushed him away, and refused to trust him. To believe in him. And she had done it without a second thought. She was what she didn’t ever want to have in her life again.
She was her own worst enemy.
She dropped her face in her hands and took a shuddering breath. “I do. I love him. But what if he doesn’t love me back? What if it’s too late? I ruined everything. Treated him horribly.”
“He does love you.” Mike picked up his menu. “Trust me. He’s been moping all week. He’s got all the trademarks of love. Sad eyes. Unhappy love life. No sex.” He lifted his glass to her. “If that’s not love, then I don’t know what is.”
“Gee. Sounds wonderful,” she said dryly. “Can’t wait to get me some of that.”
“It is what it is.” He shrugged. “I might not be an expert but I’ll give you a small tidbit of advice. If you love someone, don’t tell them to flirt with another woman. And don’t ignore him when he says he doesn’t want to. And most of all? Don’t push him away.”
Kiersten slumped back in the chair. “I just got so mad when I saw that woman with her hands on him.”
“Yeah. I know the answer to that one, too.” He grinned. “You were jealous.”
She rolled her eyes, but couldn’t help the smile that crept out. “You’re a veritable font of information tonight, aren’t you?”
“And you get it all for free.” He picked up his menu. “Now here’s what you’re going to do. You’re going to feed my niece or nephew, and then you’ll go home and tell Garrett everything you told me. That you miss him and want him and love him. All of that soppy shit.”
She started to rise. “I have to tell him now.”
“You’ve been avoiding it for a few months now.” He cocked a brow. “What’s another hour? Feed the baby and give him a chance to cool off.”
Kiersten hesitated. Garrett had looked pretty angry. Maybe he would need a little bit of time to calm down. But every second he spent thinking she didn’t want him was a second he could change his mind about being with her. She’d put him through enough. “I don’t know.”
A waiter walked by with a steaming cheeseburger, and her stomach growled loudly. Mike chuckled. “Looks like baby agrees with me. Food, then fight.”
Kiersten flushed. “Fine. But I’m leaving as soon as we’re done eating.”
“Deal.”
He turned his attention back to the menu and she did the same. But she didn’t see the words in front of her. All she saw was Garrett’s face when he’d left.
And the pain in his eyes.
An hour later, Kiersten entered the house cautiously, creeping inside on tiptoe. After the awkward confrontation at the restaurant, she didn’t know what to expect of him.
Heck, she didn’t know what to expect of herself, either.
Seeing him with that woman had sent her over the edge. She’d lashed out in her jealousy, and then tried to make it look as if she didn’t care. But she did. And she didn’t want him with anyone else. She wanted him with her.
It was time to tell him the truth.
“Are you trying to rob me, or come home quietly?” Garrett asked from the darkness of the living room. “I can’t quite figure it out.”
Kiersten started guiltily, clutching her purse to her chest. “I was being quiet in case you were asleep.”
“No, I’m wide awake,” he replied, an edge in his tone.
His angry voice took her off guard for a second, but she had been expecting it. Crossing her arms across her chest, she said, “We need to talk.”
“What? Do you have another girl to introduce me to?”
She inhaled sharply at his words. Okay. She deserved that one. “No. I…I didn’t like seeing you with her. It hurt. And I got mad, so I lashed out the only way I knew how. I made you think you didn’t matter…when you do. You matter.”
He dropped his face into his hands and massaged his temples. “I didn’t want to be with her. And I haven’t been out picking up other women.”
She knelt at his feet and rested her hands on his knees. “I know. I believe you. And I trust you. I do.”
He lifted his head and stared at her in surprise. “Wow,” he said. “I never thought I’d hear you say that.”
“I should have said it long ago.” She squeezed his legs. “I’m sorry.”
“I know.” Something flickered across his eyes but he quickly stifled it. “I’m going to end this conversation on a high note and turn in. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
But he didn’t get up. She had a feeling he didn’t really want to. This was her chance. He’d been there for her all along and she’d sent mixed messages. But not anymore. No more hesitation or panic. Time to step up to the basket and take a shot—or something along those lines. Geez, she was starting to sound like Garrett already. That had to be love. “This isn’t easy for me. Every time I open my mouth to talk to you, the words disappear. Or they come out wrong.”
“I’m familiar with the notion,” he said dryly.
She took a steadying breath. “I never wanted to love anyone after Pete. And I certainly didn’t want to trust anyone enough to break my heart. But somehow, you broke through my defenses. I-I don’t want to be friends. I want more. If…if you still want to be a family.” She waited for his response, her heart pounding in her chest.
It wasn’t too late, was it?
It couldn’t be.
When he didn’t say anything, she rushed on. “I treated you terribly, and I see that now. I was so scared you would hurt me the same way Pete did that I pushed you away. And in protecting myself from you, I
became
Pete. I hurt you nonstop. I was cold and cruel and horrible.” She took a deep breath. “But I see now what I was doing. And I also know that you make me whole—and you showed me what love can be like. It isn’t about mistrust or heartbreak, but about finding your other half and being happy. You make me happy and that’s all I want.”
Just him.
“My feelings have always been strong wherever you’re concerned, so maybe I loved you from the start?” Why wasn’t he
saying anything
? “And before you ask, yes. This is me talking. This is what I want. Not someone else. Just me and you.” She tucked her hair behind her ears. “I’m a mess. Emotionally and otherwise. But you’ve never given up on me, no matter how much I pushed you away. Don’t start now. Don’t give up on me because I l-love you. And I hope that maybe someday you can love me too?”
She held her breath and hoped with all her being he would take her for what she was. Flaws and all. Because wasn’t that part of love, too? She swore she’d heard somewhere that love was really loving someone because of their flaws…not despite them.
Time to see if that was true or not.
Chapter Thirteen
She loved him. Really loved him. He released a shaky breath, unable to look away from her. Unable to move or speak or process any thought besides the fact that she
loved
him.
Holy shit.
Kiersten fidgeted. “Are you going to say anything to me?” She rolled her hands and gave a half laugh, half groan. “I’m kind of
freaking
out a little bit here.”
His eyes widened at her nervous question. He hadn’t realized he’d left her hanging like that. Had been too busy listening to her words and trying to absorb them. Memorize them. Rubbing his jaw, he tried to hide his grin. “Like…?”
She huffed. “I don’t know. That you might love me too someday…”
“I can’t love you someday.”
Her jaw dropped. “Oh. Well, Okay.” She started backing away from him toward the door, her face looking a little bit green and her eyes filling up. “I’ll just…”
He grabbed her shoulders, not letting her retreat. “I can’t love you someday because I
already
love you.”
She stilled. “You do?”
“I do.”
“Oh, thank God.” She threw herself at him, holding onto him so tightly he could barely breathe. Her next words came out in a rush of babbling. “I love you. Thank God. I love you.”
He scooped her up in his arms, grinning broadly. “I love you, too. And I promise I will never give up on you.”
He kissed her, holding her close as he strode up the stairs and to her bedroom. She clung to him the whole way there. He couldn’t believe that after all this time, she finally said those three little words to him.
She loved him.
Laying her down on the mattress, he stood beside it and stared down at her. She was perfect and gorgeous, and his. All his. She licked her lips and leaned up on her elbows, her eyes smoky and hungry. The way she laid on the bed, with her legs slightly parted and her eyes devouring him, made him ache with the need to bury himself inside of her.
But not yet. Not tonight.
He tugged his basketball shorts and boxers down, and she nibbled on her lower lip. Crawling onto the bed, he lowered his body over hers, pressing every inch of her against him. She looked up at him with need burning in her gaze, and he cradled her face in his hands.
Softly, tenderly, he pressed his lips to hers. Her hands gripped his shoulders, tugging him closer, but he resisted her urging. Tonight would be all about going slow and making sweet love to her. Slipping his tongue between her lips, he kissed her until she quivered in his arms.
As he seduced her, his fingers roamed freely over her body, stroking everywhere he could reach. He forced himself to pull his lips off hers and kissed the side of her neck, nipping lightly. Moaning, she arched her back and wriggled beneath him.
“Please, Garrett,” she breathed, tugging on his shoulders. “Now.”
He shook his head and kissed her jaw before giving equal attention to the other side of her neck. Whimpering, she turned her head to allow him better access. His cock throbbed in demand, but he refused to lose himself in the lure of her luscious body.
He tugged her sweater lower so he could kiss the swell of her breasts, which had become even more abundant since the other night. When he gently cupped them in his palms, she groaned. He immediately stopped moving. The book had said she would be sore. “Did that hurt?”
“For the love of God, no. Stop asking if you’re hurting me.” Sitting up, she yanked her sweater over her head before he could stop her. “And
kiss
me.”
His gut clenched at the sight of her lacy red bra, which barely hid her delights from him, and he captured her hand before she could remove that as well. “No. I’ll do it.”
He trailed his fingers over the curve of her breasts, lightly teasing her nipple with his thumb. She moaned and arched her back, giving herself over to him. Groaning, he sucked on her nipple through the sheer fabric, unable to resist the lure of her beauty. She cried out and grabbed hold of his head, yanking on his hair in her frenzy to pull him closer. His other hand massaged her breast, and he once again marveled at how perfectly she fit into his hand—like she had been made just for him.
He dragged his mouth from her nipple to lick the other as he unlatched her bra. He loved the ones that closed in the front like she wore, because he didn’t have to stop loving her to strip her. He released her nipple long enough to slide the fabric out of the way and then latched back on, ravenous for something only she could give him.
Her whimpers sounded more like breathy moans by this point, and every tiny sound that came out of her urged him on—made him need her more. He pressed his cock into the mattress, trying to ease some of the pressure. It didn’t work. Sitting on his haunches, he peeled his clothes off. He kissed his way up one leg and down the other, making sure not to touch her where she needed him most. Her nails scored his back, digging in.
Nibbling at her inner thigh, he lifted his head to look at her—and came undone. Her face was captured in a state of bliss, and he never loved her more than he did in this moment. Her eyelids drifted open when he lowered his face between her legs, his breath fanning out over her core. She bit her lip and returned his stare, her hips shifting restlessly in his palms.
“I love you,” he said.
Her eyes widened and filled with tears but he didn’t wait to see if she would return his sentiment. He already knew she did. Instead, he lowered his mouth. He rolled his tongue around her clit in slow circles, his finger teasing her slit. She whimpered and rocked her hips against him. He thrust his fingers inside of her, moaning when she clenched down on them.
“Garrett,” she cried.
Within moments, she found her release and collapsed to the bed.
He lifted her hips and rubbed his cock against her swollen clit. She screamed and bowed her back, coming again from the slight pressure. He plunged inside her before she had finished convulsing, driving home deeply. Her muscles clamped down on his cock. Damn, he was going to come already. That’s how amazing she felt.
She cried out and clung to him, meeting him thrust for thrust. When she tightened around him and found her pleasure once more, he let himself lose control, speeding up his rhythm until he, too, collapsed to the mattress in completion. All he could see, hear, taste, and feel was Kiersten.
And he liked it that way.
He rolled over and cradled her in his arms, more at peace with the world than ever before. Everything was as it should be. He had the love of his life at his side—and she’d agreed to be his. He couldn’t stop the words from flowing from him. “I love you so damned much.”
“I love you, too,” she whispered in his ear.
Leaning closer, she kissed his jaw and then settled into his arms with a contented sigh. He looked down at her and caught his breath at the warmth in her eyes, and the way she looked at him. This is where she belonged—in his arms.
Forever.
…
The next morning, Kiersten woke up with a smile still on her face. It had been an amazing night spent in Garrett’s arms, making love and whispering plans for the future to each other. They had started out with saying he would move into her room and she could get her office back. The baby would sleep in his old room, and Chris would keep his room.
It all felt so blessedly…normal.
She stretched and reached out for Garrett, but he was gone. She rolled over and ran her hand over his pillow. It was cold to the touch. She sat up, holding the sheet up to her chest. Where had he gone?
She hurriedly dressed, and then practically ran down the stairs. She came down to the sight of Chris and Garrett playing PlayStation, laughing and talking quietly. She froze in the living room walkway, her heart warm and filled with love. This was her life now, and she’d never been happier.
Garrett looked up and saw here standing there. He paused the game and rose. “Hey, sweetheart.”
“Hey, you.” He held his arms open and she crossed the room and slid inside the warmth of his embrace. She looked at Chris as she hugged Garrett. “When did you get home?”
“An hour ago.” Chris watched them with narrow eyes. “Garrett picked me up when I called. So…you two are together now?”
Kiersten grinned. “We are. Very happily so.” She paused. “Is that cool with you?”
Chris’s eyes brightened. He liked that she asked. She could see it. He shrugged and played it cool, though. “It is. It’s better than that freaky arrangement you two had going on before.”
“I agree,” Garrett said, dropping a kiss on her head.
“Me too.” Kiersten looked up at him and smiled. “Thanks for letting me sleep in.”
“You needed it.” He looked down at her with heat in his eyes, despite the innocent- sounding words. “And you better get used to it. I plan on taking the Saturday morning shift around here.”
She curled her hands into his shirt, pulling him closer. No more pushing him away. Those days were over. “Keep talking like that, and I’ll have to make an honest man out of you.”
His eyes widened. “Keep talking like that, and you’ll be darned right.”
“Hm.” He’d even watched his mouth in front of Chris. Could he be any more perfect? “Is that a threat?”
“No,” he said, lowering his mouth until it almost brushed hers. “It’s a promise.”
“I like the sound of that.”
He closed his mouth around hers, keeping the kiss gentle and PG-13. They had an audience, after all. When he pulled back, he grinned down at her. His eyes were sparkling with life and laughter.
Chris cleared his throat. “Is the lovey-dovey crap over yet? We have a game to finish over here.”
Kiersten laughed, and Garrett’s baritone chuckle blended with hers. She stepped out of his arms and bowed to Chris. “Yes, master. You may have your stepfather back.”
Chris smiled. A real, genuine smile. “Thanks.”
“I’m going to go make some coffee. You want some?”
“It’s already made. All you need is a mug.” Garrett sank down on the couch next to Chris. “And yeah, I’d love some. Thanks.”
Chris hit start. “Can I have a hot chocolate?”
“Sure, bud,” Kiersten said, her heart swelling at the sight of her men playing together. Such a normal thing, and yet so big. “I’ll be right back, guys.”
He shot her a grin. “Love you.”
“I love you, too.”
She went into the kitchen, the sound of their laughter drifting out behind her. Yep, this was her life now. And it was damned perfect.
Thank God.