As Sean broke off the kiss, he held his hand up to her face and lightly stroked her cheek.
“How was that?” he asked, quietly.
Jodie merely nodded slightly and replied:
“That felt nice.”
“Just nice?” he enquired, as if he had been expecting something a little more enthusiastic.
Jodie gave him an apologetic look and continued,
“I’m afraid so.”
Sean nodded in acceptance.
“I can take that. I’ll keep trying.”
Jodie felt bad, but she would have felt worse lying to him. True she would have probably made out with him more if she’d just said that she had loved it, but then it wouldn’t have been fair to him and the last thing she wanted was to hurt someone like Sean. He was beginning to mean far too much to her.
“I’m sorry,” she said, “My mind’s other places right now.”
“How about a movie some time?”
Jodie smiled and nodded.
“That I can do.”
Sean smiled back at her, before slapping the letter in her hand and saying,
“So do it already.”
Jodie looked down at the brown document with her name on it and sighed. She stood up and walked a few paces away from the bench, before opening it up and pulling out her results.
Sean leaned forward, literally on the edge of his seat. Jodie had her back to him, but didn’t move a muscle as she read and re-read the piece of paper in her hand. Then, finally, she turned round to face Sean, an un-readable look on her face. Sean couldn’t take it anymore.
“Well?”
One year later...
Rob stood impatiently outside the bathroom door. He had been there for the last two minutes and, while he didn’t need to go, he did want to be on the other side of that door.
He was nervous, even sweating a little, as he pressed his ear against the door and listened for any movement, any hint that it was all over.
“I know you’re there, go away!” Katy’s voice boomed from the other side. Rob stepped back and gave a sigh.
“What’s taking so long?”
“You, that’s what, I can’t do anything if I know you’re there. Go away.”
There was annoyance in her voice, an annoyance Rob had started to recognize more and more over the last few weeks. It was just a hump that they would have to get over, as they settled into living together permanently, to not having Jodie in the house to deflect or diffuse situations and more importantly give them something to talk about.
It was a feeling that neither of them had even considered would have been a problem, but still her absence was felt and felt hard.
“I’ll wait downstairs, then,” Rob replied and slowly made his way down the stairs heading into the kitchen. He switched on the kettle and made his way to the fridge, opening the door and peering in.
He wasn’t hungry, or thirsty for that matter, but he just had to keep himself busy. It was harder than he could have thought, especially as he closed the fridge door and turned to be faced with the plastic bag, sitting on the kitchen counter, which was spilling its contents out into the afternoon light.
Rob was both amazed and appalled by the sheer number of pregnancy tests that were available from the local supermarkets these days. It was just simply not something he’d ever thought about before. How did women make a choice? Was it the brand? Maybe the name it was given? And why were they located in a section near the pharmaceuticals named
‘Family Planning’
? Surely if you were grabbing a pregnancy test, the planning aspect was out the window?
This was all evidence of how new and naïve Rob was to this aspect of life. He also found the whole thing the ‘
peeing on a stick’
aspect, a little much for a Saturday afternoon.
“I’m done.”
Rob spun round as Katy entered the room, holding the test in one hand and the box in the other. Rob swallowed, his mouth feeling dry.
“Okay,” he replied, trying to sound in control of his feelings, “what do we do now?”
“According to the box,” Katy read, “we wait three minutes.” She approached the table and took a seat, placing the box and the test in front of her.
“Fine,” Rob nodded, before taking the seat opposite her.
“What happens after three minutes?”
Katy pointed to the test.
“Well, if the little emblem turns blue, then it’s positive. Red means its negative.”
Rob nodded, before attempting to lighten the mood with a quip:
“And what are we hoping for again?”
It didn’t hit at all, Katy tilting her head in a condescending fashion and replying with a dry,
“Funny.”
“Sorry,” he apologized, “I’m nervous.”
Katy gave him a reassuring smile and took his hand. They sat in silence for what seemed like an eternity. Katy, who had been through this experience before tried to remain calm, although inside she couldn’t help but give into the sensation of butterflies in her stomach.
Rob meanwhile, was trying not to shake with anticipation.
Everything, to him, seemed to be moving so fast and, while his focus remained clear and his emotions in check, his head was spinning.
“So, did you wash your hands?”
Katy gave him a blank look.
“What are you talking about, Rob?”
“Never mind,” he replied, shaking his head. He breathed in. He breathed out. He looked around the room for some means of escape, some sort of distraction, but was faced with only the wall clock, which only served to remind him that he was a slave to its whim for the next one hundred and eighty seconds or so.
“How long has it been?” he asked.
“About thirty five seconds.”
“Shit. Do you want a cup of coffee?”
He was just rambling now and Katy knew it. She squeezed his hand hard.
“Rob...it’s going to be okay. Relax.”
This was when Rob addressed the elephant in the room.
“Are we ready for this?”
Now Katy felt nervous, unsure as to what Rob meant by asking her that.
“We talked about this already,” she replied, trying to read his face.
“I know,” Rob continued, “but I just wanted to make sure that we weren’t just deluding ourselves or making ourselves feel better about the situation. I mean, how many times does something like this come up?”
“Look who you’re asking,” Katy shrugged.
Rob shook his head, stating:
“This feels weird.”
“Calm down, now you’re making me nervous.”
“I can’t help it,” he said, and again, began to look around the room for some sort of inspiration, anything to break the tension and make everything okay. Over on the counter, the kettle pinged to indicate it was boiling. Rob sat up, “Do you want a cup of coffee?”
Katy kept a hold of his hand, as much to keep him in his seat as to keep him calm, replying:
“You already asked me that. No, I don’t.”
Rob couldn’t take it anymore and brought his attention back to the test, asking:
“Is it changing color?”
Katy looked down and studied the test. Her eyes lit up with excitement, but she said nothing. Rob couldn’t take his eyes off the test and found himself started to shake with anticipation as he realized that it was, indeed, beginning to change.
“Holy shit, it is!” he screamed, “It’s changing color.”
Katy took a deep breath and nodded her head.
“This is it,” she said, “give me your hand,” and held out her hand for Rob to take. The test continued to change and as they sat there awaiting whatever fate threw at them, they looked at each other and beyond all the fear, all the nervousness and anxiety, even beyond any bumps the two of them had had along the road to this moment, they smiled at each other.
“Rob?” she said. Rob kept his eyes on her as he replied,
“Yes?”
“Whatever happens, I love blue.”
Rob wasn’t sure what he’d just heard, nor had Katy realized what she had just said, but whatever fragile state Rob’s spine was in suddenly began to crumble.
“You love
blue
?”
Katy repeated herself, although this time, whether she had been aware of the mistake or not, she said the correct word.
“I love
you.
”
The damage had been done however, and Rob drew himself closer to her.
“Whoa, whoa, you didn’t say
you
, you said
blue
.”
Katy merely shrugged.
“Sorry, Freudian slip.”
This wasn’t good enough for Rob, however, and he felt compelled to probe further.
“Freudian slip? What the hell does that mean?”
Katy tried to get Rob’s attention back to more pressing matters.
“Do you want to look at this thing or not?”
Rob, however, was already starting to panic and, as he always did in times of crisis, he regressed into his own mind, where a random series of questions were being flung around like so much unwanted pocket change.
‘Did she mean what she said? Is she playing mind games? Or was it an honest mistake?
Does she really want a baby with me? Do I really want a baby with her?’
Rob snapped himself out of it, as he realized that Katy was awaiting an answer from him.
“I’m just saying, don’t tempt fate, whatever the outcome, we should be prepared for both, right?”
Katy nodded in agreement, before giving him a light kiss on the cheek and saying:
“I’m looking now.”
Katy’s eyes dropped to the test. Rob’s followed, if a little hesitantly. They both stared at it, focusing on the little emblem, trying to make out the color. An expression of confusion fell over Katy’s face, quickly followed by Rob’s own.
“That’s..,” Rob brought his face closer to the test.
“It’s..,” Katy did the same.
“Is it...?” Rob asked, a tiny hint of pleading in his voice.
“Purple?” Katy finally replied, confirming both their suspicions that something had gone wrong.
“That does look pretty purple,” Rob agreed, before grabbing the box from Katy, asking,
“What does purple mean?”
“It doesn’t say,” she replied. Rob studied the box himself, looking for answers. But sure enough, Katy was right, it said nothing.
Rob put the box down. Katy placed the test down on top of it and together their eyes came up to one and other, their faces stuck somewhere between hope, relief and disappointment. Neither knew what to say, neither knew what to do.
Finally, Katy gave a faint smile. It was the only logical reaction to make. She, above all, knew how strange and inconsistent life could be sometimes, a truth Rob for all his education and easy going charm still had a long way to go on his journey to
understanding.
And while he never would admit as much, as he looked at Katy and smiled back he knew deep down that he had never been happier to be taking this journey with her. And so, it was with a mixture of excitement and anxiety, that Rob broke the silence.
“Well, what do we do now?”
Edinburgh was everything Jodie had hoped it would be. Life as a student was more than that. Her first year had, so far, been a raging success, while living away from home had proved the best medicine for distraction she could have wished for.
Of course, other distractions took their place, mainly money management and a larger consumption of alcohol than she was really used to (
she knew better than to over-indulge,
these days
). Home sickness, however, had never been a factor. She phoned her mother every week and would travel up every couple of weekends to visit, when her schedule allowed it.
Even better were the times when her mother would come down to Edinburgh with Rob.
She felt lucky to have her own personal English tutor, and Rob more than happy to help her with any problems she may have been having. They would often laugh about the circumstances that had led them all to where they were now, not to mention how lucky they all were that things had worked out as they had.
Laura, who was currently working as a temp in a recruitment office in Aberdeen, would constantly text or phone, always looking for some piece of juicy gossip: who was Jodie seeing, what was Jodie doing,
who
was Jodie doing, although more often than not, she would be disappointed.
Sean was tougher to pin down, having spent part of his gap year travelling around Europe, visiting his old friends. He did however always send a postcard and e-mailed when he could. Jodie was happy with where they had left things before she moved.
They had remained open to the fact that they were friends with potential, but had never let it get in the way of their own social lives. They were both mature enough to know that with his travelling and Jodie’s new circle of friends the idea of trying a long term relationship was almost out of the question.
That being said, Sean was now looking at universities to attend, his gap year almost over and his interest in philosophy beginning to take up most of his thinking.
He had been looking recently at places further south, which would potentially have meant the opportunity to see more of her. At least, he could hope as much but Jodie didn’t hold her breath, already aware that life was never that kind.
The Halls of Residence echoed with the sounds of students chatting and laughing, with music that flowed from every dorm room and with the reverb of doors opening and closing. Jodie sat in her dorm room that Friday night; a room she shared with a girl named Mary, and opened up her laptop to log onto her Facebook account.
She sat back and waited for the page to load up. Her room wasn’t too different from her room back home, although it felt smaller due to the two beds, while the occasional arguments had arisen over equal wardrobe space. But overall, Jodie and her roommate got on really well.
She turned back to her screen, which indicated:
THREE FRIENDS ARE ONLINE.
It only took a second for the first chat box to pop up. It was Sean.
SEAN: How’s it going?
Jodie sat forward, excited and eager to talk to him.
JODIE: Hey, you! Was hoping you’d be online.
SEAN: What are you up to?
Jodie looked about her room. It was a good question, really. She was actually up to nothing.