Then there were the times when Jodie was left alone with Rob, usually while her mother was in the shower, or out picking up milk. To begin with, there were awkward silences Rob in particular was aware of them; feeling incredibly uncomfortable, but wanting to appear to be cool with anything Katy threw at him.
He felt that, if he could show himself to handle these sorts of pressures, then surely Katy would assume he could handle anything, coming across as ultra-modern and impressive.
It couldn’t have hurt that he knew Katy would give him extra brownie points for maturity, potentially in bed, which was always a plus. He had to fight these sorts of feelings, however, as they showed him up, revealing the twenty-something beneath the mature visage.
It wasn’t always awkward, of course. After a few weeks, things started to feel remarkably normal for all three of them. Katy found herself becoming far more relaxed with the idea of Rob living with her on a more permanent basis. She never said as much to Rob in conversation. She displayed a great deal of caution when it came to subjects such as that, more than happy to maintain a fun, light atmosphere when they were together. This was a defense mechanism of sorts; her past relationships having been sabotaged by her own enthusiasm too many times. So they would often lie in bed together and discuss weekends away, or when they might hang out together in the summer, but they never discussed moving in together, or even how they felt about one and other, not in any serious sense anyway, even if Rob occasionally tried to do so.
“So, what are you thinking about?” he would ask, usually post-sexual encounter.
“What do you mean?” she would reply, knowing full well what he was getting at.
They would look at each other for a moment or two, before one or the other would then change the subject, usually Rob, who felt duty bound, since the awkwardness was his making to begin with. He found this slightly frustrating. However, they hadn’t even been seeing each other six months before Rob had started to suspect that he might be falling for her pretty hard and he was hoping that they would be able to address the subject before the dreaded doubt of young men began to sink in. But then he knew Katy was more experienced in these matters and he felt confident that he could trust her to sense when he was starting to feel uncomfortable. Had he known that she had similar worries about this, perhaps the two would have talked sooner.
Then there was the night Rob had a particularly strange dream.
The dream began normally enough. Rob found himself back in Edinburgh, in the house he grew up in, in the bedroom that he spent many of his formative years. He was fifteen again, sitting on the edge of his bed, staring at the posters on his walls, the posters of all the bands he used to be into, all the girls he used to fantasize about, all the films he loved.
It all seemed so familiar, so comfortable. It made him feel good to be back here and,
‘though he was aware that he was in fact dreaming at this point, it all felt real to him, there in the moment.
There was a knock at his door, followed by the squeak of the door handle turning. A bearded, middle aged face peered around the door and looked in.
It was his father, George. He smiled at him, warmly.
“Can I come in?”
“Sure, Dad,” Rob replied, smiling back at his father as he entered the room and sat down on the edge of the bed, next to his son, a look of pride on his face.
“You’re not busy, are you?”
Rob shook his head, not quite sure what his father could have wanted.
“No, I’m just...y’know, hanging out.”
George nodded before standing up and casually pacing around Rob’s room, looking up at the posters on his wall as he moved.
“I know, I know, it’s good to have time to yourself sometimes, isn’t it?”
Rob was suddenly panicked, worried that perhaps his father thought he had been up here interfering with himself or something. He immediately tried to stutter out some sort of reassurance.
“Oh, I wasn’t doing anything in here.”
George, however, hadn’t noticed the potential euphemism in the air, turning with a confused look on his face, towards his son and asking,
“What are you talking about?”
Rob sighed, thankful that both shoes were still on the right feet.
“Oh, nothing. I don’t know.”
George shook his head and turned his attention back to the poster filled wall.
“Ah, Rob,” he sighed, before repeating, quietly, “Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob.”
Rob was pretty sure by this point that something may be up.
“Everything okay Dad?”
His father turned and smiled, before taking his seat beside his son once more.
“Fine, fine. Your mother told me about this new girl you’ve started seeing.”
“Katy.”
“That’s her name?”
“Katy McPhee.”
George put his arm gently around his son’s shoulder.
“Good, good. I just thought, maybe you needed someone to talk to about it.”
Rob shook his head, genuinely surprised that his dad would be so concerned. After all, he had had girlfriends in the past and his parents had never felt the need to intervene.
“Not really. We’ve been going out for a while now, Dad. I think I have things under control.”
His father nodded.
“Oh, I know it might seem like that now, son, but let me tell you, this thing you’re feeling for her, right now. It won’t last.”
Rob felt his nose start to crinkle up, a little out of surprise, a little out of disgust.
“Why would you tell me that?”
George, however, ignored his son’s obvious offense.
“I just want you to be aware that these sort of romances, first loves, whatever, they aren’t forever. These things fizzle out.”
Rob slowly took his father’s arm from around his shoulder and stood up, stepping towards his poster filled wall and leaning against it in defiance.
“Well, thanks for the vote of confidence, Dad, but this is different. I mean, look at you and mum.”
“What about us?” George shrugged.
“You met in school, right?”
“Fifth year.”
“And now look. Thirty years later, you’re still together.”
His father shook his head,
“But we didn’t get together until a good few years later. It was different.”
“It was fate,” said Rob, triumphantly.
“It was a two for one night at an all you can eat, is what it was. Then a movie. A quick kiss before bedtime and twenty-five years later, here we are.”
This floored Rob. He had never heard his father talk about his relationship with his mother like this before. Desperate, he tried to appeal to his father’s surely deep hidden romantic edge.
“You make it sound so un-remarkable.”
Alas, such edge had no place in George Peer’s heart.
“It was. You have too much of your mother’s romantic nature in you.”
Rob shrugged,
“You say it like it’s a bad thing.”
George suddenly stood up and confronted his son in as paternal a tone as he could muster.
“Just tell me you’re using protection.”
Rob was mortified.
“Dad!”
“What? Come on, I might be old, but even I’m not dumb enough to keep the gun loaded.”
Rob shook his head, gesturing with his arms, waving it off.
“It’s not like that, Dad.”
George almost laughed to himself, eyebrows raised as he replied,
“Oh really?”
Rob nodded, almost angry,
“Really.”
“Well, how is it so different?”
And then Rob said it. The answer that had been inside for the last few weeks and that had taken
this
dream to pull out.
“I’m in love with her.”
George suddenly stood up and walked straight out of the room, slamming the door as he went.
It was jarring, surreal and weird. But then, it
was
a dream.
Rob turned and looked up at his poster filled wall. He almost hadn’t noticed that any and every female that was stuck up there had Katy’s face or Katy’s body.
And then he woke up, that last statement still ringing in his ears,
“I’m in love with her....I’m in love with her...”
“You’re in love with him?”
Katy had been at work for only twenty minutes when the subject of her love life had come up. This time it was Glenda, who sat at the desk opposite and who had been with her the night Rob had first met Katy, so would often quiz Katy on how things were going with her new man. And while Katy was often reluctant to discuss her personal life at work, a product of having her moron manager Ted listening to every word and usually chipping in with his twenty pence worth of opinion, on this particular morning she was more than willing to spill the beans.
“I am.”
“Have you told him that?”
Katy just looked at her friend for a minute.
“I know what you’re going to say,” she replied, with a resigned tilt of the head, “but you’re wrong, it’s different.”
“It’s great,” was Glenda’s response, which took Katy a little by surprise, as she knew Glenda to be more of a pessimist than most.
“Really?”
“Of course it is. All you’ve talked about for the last few weeks is how much you like this guy, but you never brought up the ‘L’ word. If I’m honest, I’m relieved.”
“Relieved? Why?”
“I’ve been rooting for you,” she shrugged, “what do you want me to say?”
This made Katy blush a little, but in a good way. Indeed, this was the most positive thing she’d heard come out of a colleague’s mouth in months. Usually it was work related bilge like,
“Have you seen that memo?”
“Why won’t the copier do multiples?”
Or her personal favorite,
“Okay, who stole the hole puncher?”
“Thanks,” she replied, before turning back to her monitor and going over some statistics.
She didn’t get too far, however, as she suddenly felt a pair of eyes drilling into the side of her head and turned to her right to see that Glenda had wheeled herself over on her office chair, intent on finding out more, asking:
“So how is it?”
Katy smiled and sat back to indulge her friend.
“When we’re together? It’s amazing. He’s funny and kind and all that other crap you read about. And when we’re not together, I’m thinking about him all the time.”
Glenda’s face screwed up a little as though she was embarrassed to have heard such sentimental nonsense.
“What?” Katy asked.
“I meant in bed, but if you want to go with how you
feel
then that’s fine.”
“You know me; I’m not going to talk about that. No details.”
“Fine, Spoil sport.”
Glenda wheeled herself back over to her desk. Katy watched her go and a smile came across her face.
“I can tell you one thing, though.”
Glenda’s ears pricked up, as did Ted’s who was standing over by the water cooler getting a drink and not so subtly eavesdropping.
“Ooh, do tell,” Glenda replied, wheeling herself back over to Katy’s desk at record speed.
“He
told
me he was in love with me.”
Glenda’s jaw dropped a little and she leaned forward a little closer.
“He did?”
Katy nodded.
“In fact, he said it first.”
“When?”
“In his sleep.”
Glenda looked confused.
“In his sleep?”
“At least I think he was talking about me, he was dreaming.”
Glenda rolled her eyes and gave Katy a condescending nudge on the shoulder.
“Katy, you know what guys are like, he could have been dreaming about Angelina Jolie or something.”
“Or Kate Winslet!” came Ted’s voice from across the room. Katy and Glenda both looked at each other, perplexed, before turning towards Ted, who was standing awkwardly with a cup of water in his hand.
“Y’know, ‘cause your names are...um, the same,” he stuttered, before turning his attention back to the water cooler, trying to figure out how he could drown himself out of this moment he had created.
Glenda shook her head and turned her attention back to Katy.
“Sleep aside, how do you know?”
Katy thought about this question for a few seconds, for the first time faced with trying to articulate how she felt about Rob by way of an example. There were many she could have gone with, but in the end:
“I can feel his eyes on me when I’m not looking at him.”
Glenda couldn’t help but snort a little.
“Oh Jesus, slush it up, why don’t you?”
Katy however, kept a straight face as she continued,
“And I’m very rarely not looking.”
The two friends looked at each other, reading each other with their eyes, before Glenda sighed a resigned sigh and said:
“You
are
in love, aren’t you?”
Katy didn’t answer, but reclined in her chair a little with a satisfied smile on her face.
That was when Glenda asked the inevitable ‘next’ question.
“How does Jodie feel about this?”
“Honestly?”
“Of course.”
“I don’t really know. We haven’t really talked about it. But, she hasn’t said anything to give me the impression that she’s freaked out or anything.”
“Would you have spoken to your mum about it, if it had been you?”
“Glenda, I was pregnant at fifteen.”
“Good point.”
“Besides, she has a couple more months of school left, she just has to sit her exams and then she’s off living her own life. If anything it’s perfect timing, y’know?”
“If you say so.”
Glenda slowly rolled herself back over to her own desk, leaving Katy to her work. But Katy’s mind was now elsewhere, and she found herself staring at her computer monitor for the rest of the day, only vaguely getting through her work load and often forgetting to answer her phone. She began to wonder if she had let her guard down too fast, if she had given into temptation too early and, most worryingly of all, if she had, in fact, fallen in love by accident, seduced not only by Rob’s youth and considerable charm, but by her own selfish wishes to have something to call her own, something that didn’t involve her daughter, that she could claim for herself. And while this would have made many other women in her position feel empowered, for Katy at least, it made her feel selfish.