Just F*ck Me! (3 page)

This can be for a variety of reasons, none of which are deal breakers, and absolutely none of which are anyone’s fault. Let’s go over some of these reasons now, and see if maybe you can recognize yourself in these examples.

Sometimes, if a man is inexperienced sexually, there might me a few ways in which he is not responding to his partner’s desires. He might be timid in the bedroom out of a fear of doing something wrong. It can be tough to know exactly how to please a woman in bed if you don’t have a lot of experience in this area.

Also, inexperience sometimes correlates with an inability to read the signs a woman might be giving her partner that she wants to do certain things, or wants her partner to behave a certain way. It can be intimidating for a woman to come right out and say, “Slam me up against that wall and have sex with me while standing up!” But she might utter an excited cry, or say “Yes,” and her partner might not be experienced enough to equate that directly to what he is or isn’t doing and act on it further.

For more experienced men, there might be some confusion in their bedroom tactics that can lead to his partner’s dissatisfaction. They say women are like snowflakes – no two are alike – and that couldn’t be truer than in the bedroom.

So, if a man tried something with one woman, and she loved it, he might try it with another who hates it and runs out of the bedroom. That might be an extreme example of a woman’s reaction – but it’s not too far off the mark in terms of the visceral reaction women have while they’re making love and are brought abruptly into or out of “the zone.”

The problem this type of man has is that he’s using a general tactic for all women, instead of paying attention to the woman who is with him right here, right now. He’s not reading the signs during their lovemaking, and he’s not taking into account the kind of woman she is outside of the bedroom as well.

This can lead to both partners being on different wavelengths while having sex – and that’s not good for anybody! Men have to know how to read their women in bed.

Just because she says she wants you to be more assertive, that doesn’t necessarily mean all the time. So if she’s in a romantic mood, it’s probably not the best moment to pull her hair. Likewise, if she’s breathing hard and scratching your back and being rough with you, and you respond by taking her face in her hands and kissing her gently while you’re inside of her, you’re missing the mark.

This can be incredibly frustrating for a woman, especially if she is not used to having to explain herself in the bedroom. And, in the case of consensual sexual aggression, it might be hard for her to talk about it outright.

THE ART OF BEING ASSERTIVE

I know you love your lady, and you want her to be open and honest with you. But in the case of asking you to be assertive, there can be all kinds of conflicting feelings going on inside of her, and she’s not quite sure how to broach the subject in a way that wouldn’t completely freak you out.

Put it this way: Think about getting a blowjob. (Hey! Stay with me here.) A blowjob just plain feels good, right? It’s not necessarily about love, admiration, mutual respect or any of the other things that makes your life with her so amazing. It’s a blowjob.

But there can also be another element to a blowjob – the one in which you recognize that the woman you love is servicing you. There’s little to no sexual arousal for a woman giving a blowjob – and if a woman tells you differently, she’s doing so to make you feel good because she knows you might feel a bit guilty about the pleasure you derive from such an act.

So let’s say you wanted to ask your wife or girlfriend to give you more blowjobs. Do you just come right out and say it? What if it makes her feel inferior, or like a bad sexual partner? What if she tells you to go to hell? What if she becomes convinced that you only like them because it puts you in a superior position?

You can see how you might feel conflicted about that. Well, it’s the same with women – only reversed. In effect, she is asking you to treat her like a sexual object, to maybe talk to her like she’s a whore, or maybe to get physically aggressive with her. You can only imagine the confusion she’s feeling about how to approach you with such a request.

She’s anxious. She doesn’t want to talk about it for hours, because that will kill the mood once you eventually do try it in the bedroom. She wants to make sure you understand that it’s ONLY in the bedroom; then she feels bad, because of course you would realize that; then she feels anxious again, because what if you don’t? What if you reject her idea, and think she’s some kind of freak?

There is a lot going on in that pretty little head of hers, and she’s not telling you any of it right now.

For a certain kind of woman, there’s also the issue of speaking up when it comes to sexual requests in general. She might not even know exactly what it is she wants, but she knows she’s been frustrated in bed lately. However, she’s simply not able to put words to the feeling she has – nor is she able to follow her own thought processes enough to get to a point that might seem extreme or taboo for her.

But every woman, even the most sexually inexperienced, finds ways to let you know what she does and doesn’t like about your bedroom techniques. It’s up to you to be able to read the clues, and act on them.

The key is to be aware when there is a change in her breathing, her rhythm, the way she speaks, her physical movements in relation to your body, and the general vibe she’s giving off. Think about what you’re doing at the moment you sense a different reaction in her, store it away for future use, and become that man she knows you can be.

• How did the sex initiate? Had you planned beforehand to have sex? Was it after a romantic evening out? Did she come in the door from work, take your hand and lead you into the bedroom? Did it seem to come out of nowhere for both of you?
  

• What kind of things is she doing to you? Is she leaving marks in your back? Is she lazily playing with your hair? Is she biting your shoulder? Is she kissing you deeply, for a long time? Is she nuzzling gently in your neck?
  

• How is she reacting to what you’re doing to her? Is she locking her eyes with yours and giving you hot looks? Does she seem lost in her own world? Does she pant and say, “Yes!” or kind of give you a kiss and send you on your way to an orgasm?
  

And speaking of orgasms, let’s talk about them for a moment. I’m going to move past all the clichés about faking it, and just give you the truth – your woman has probably faked an orgasm with you.

Now, that’s not necessarily a reflection on you. Because women don’t need to have a physical reaction in order to have sex, it can be easier for them to simply allow sex to happen, without being particularly engaged in it – and this holds doubly true for women in relationships. We love you guys, and we know that when you’re feeling particularly randy, it’s better to have sex with you than to watch you behave like an injured puppy dog.

Or, it could be that she is really into the sex you’re having, but her body is telling her otherwise. Trust me when I tell you how frustrating that can be. When this happens, it can be easier simply to fake an orgasm and be done with it than to make you go through a whole production to try to achieve something we know is not going to happen. It’s also less awkward than telling you simply to stop, because we’re aware of how that might be misconstrued when it’s really not your fault at all.

The other reason why women fake orgasms is because they know there is just no way on earth you’re going to get them to have one. Your timing is off, your technique is not doing it for them or you’re simply not working in the sexual compatibility zone in that moment. This is not necessarily your fault. In fact, most times it’s not your fault at all! But it does happen, and again, it’s simply easier to fake it.

I’m going to give you some tips that can help you figure out if your woman is dissatisfied in the bedroom.

1. Porn noises. If your woman is naturally vocal in bed, I assure you those noises are involuntarily, even if she’s aware she’s making them. Therefore, I suggest you listen to them. If they’re not sounding like their usual pitch, or tone or if she’s sounding more like a porn star than like a woman in the throes of passion, she’s faking it.
   

1. Pushing your buttons. In any long-term relationship, each partner knows one little trick that immediately sets the other person into a tailspin of pleasure that crash lands in orgasm. If out of the blue she pulls out all the stops to get you to come, it’s usually because she’s ready for the sex to be over but she loves you enough not to push you off and get out of bed.
   

1. “Silent” orgasms. There you are, having sex with your ladylove, and all of a sudden you feel that she’s kind of just lying there. Ask her, and she’ll say she’s had an orgasm, and is spent. In truth, she’s done having sex, and is lying to you.
   

1. LOUD orgasms. If your partner sounds like Meg Ryan in the deli scene of
   When Harry Met Sally
   , she’s faking it. You see, there is a place from where orgasm sounds come, and it’s not a place one would call upon consciously. Note also, if loud orgasms make you orgasm, that’s a win in her book. If she comes, and then you come, and she hops out of bed to check her email or walk the dog, she faked it.
   

HOW TO SATISFY HER (ALPHA MALE STYLE)

Now that I’ve got you all hyped up and extremely aware of the need to please your woman, let’s go about succeeding at it. Let’s get down to brass tacks.

I’m going to appeal to your problem-fixing nature and give you some serious, real-world tips on knowing your woman better, figuring out how to satisfy her and experimenting with your new-found sexual assertiveness. Fasten your seat belt!

If your partner has said absolutely nothing to you about it, but you want to find out if she wants you to be more sexually assertive, there are two ways to play it so that you’ll have a pretty good idea. One of them is relatively easy; the other one, as far as I know, might be one of the most difficult things you’ve ever tried in bed.

The easier way, although it might be difficult for you at the start, is to plan out, all by yourself, a “spontaneous” moment of passion.

This can be pretty tricky. You want to catch her off guard and see how she reacts to your passionate ravishing, but you don’t want to choose a time when she’s going to glare at you and ask you if you have lost your mind.

In the interest of clarity, I’ll go ahead and give you some straightforward pointers on the right and wrong times.

Right time: Immediately after you get home from a formal function. She’s feeling devastatingly beautiful, you’re looking fine, and you’ve been in a relatively uptight setting all night. Drop some hints about how much you want her throughout the evening. If she bites, start making out heavily as soon as you get your key in the door – or even sooner, maybe in the car on the way home. If she tells you to shut up or gives you the “knock it off” look when you’re dropping your hints, let it go and try another time. She might be feeling a bit too uptight, particularly if it is her family you’re with at the function.