Just F*ck Me! (2 page)

And that’s on top of the fight women have had for equality, of which I’m sure you’re well aware. Unlike the generations before you, you’ve probably had at least one female boss, or at least know women who make more money than you or are in higher positions in your field of work. So, it’s been drummed into your head that:

• Women are just as good at tough jobs as men.
  
• Women deserve equal pay.
  
• Women can assume positions of authority.
  
• Women must be treated with the same respect as men.
  

And dating is another whole kettle of fish, isn’t it? Seriously, how much advice have you received over the years about dating and relationships? How many magazine polls have you read? How many times have you pulled one of your friends aside and asked them for help with a girl?

And, what have you learned?

• Treat your woman well.
  
• Respect your woman.
  
• Do everything you can to make your woman feel appreciated.
  
• Make sure your woman knows she’s important to you.
  
• NO means NO.
  

And, of course, when it comes to sex, there is an entire universe of things to remember in order to please your partner:

• Be gentle.
  
• Follow your woman’s lead.
  
• Your priority should be pleasing her.
  
• Women like to be romanced a bit.
  
• It’s not just “Wham, bam! Thank you, Ma’am.
  

Taking this lifetime of advice into account, you’ve become a man who understands women better, treats women with more respect, and is more in tune with his partner than at any other time in modern relationship history. You finally feel like you’ve gotten it right – and you and the ladylove of your life have never been happier.

But then you find out that your woman wants you to be an alpha male. What the hell are you supposed to do with this ticking bomb of information she’s laid at your feet? What does she even mean?

Take a breath. Relax. That’s why you’re reading this book. We’ll figure it all out together, and get you on the road to having the best sex of your life with the woman you adore.

*** *** ***

Obviously, having great sex and exploring your sexual side is an important part of your relationship. But this book has absolutely nothing to do with how you relate to each other on a day-to-day basis. This is not a relationship advice book. This is a guide to pleasing your woman in bed.

So, let’s talk about sex!

WHY BEING AN ALPHA MALE IS SUCH A TURN-ON FOR WOMEN

The first question you probably have is,
Why do women want men to be sexually assertive?

The answer to this can be incredibly complex. And while every woman brings her own unique perspective to the table when it comes to sexual relationships, there are a few common reasons why women like men who are more assertive in the bedroom.

Surprisingly, one broad-stroke reason is feminism.

WHAT?!
I know.
How could something that inspires a woman to be strong and in control also be behind her desire for an alpha male in the bedroom?

It might be hard for you to truly grasp what a day in the life of a woman is like. But, let me tell you, it ain’t easy. For so many women, each day is filled with worries, struggles, slights, plans, maneuvering – you name it, and they have to find a way to handle it during the course of their day. In addition, these things double in intensity when she’s dealing with men in any capacity.

If you are still not convinced that women have it hard, consider these examples:

• The woman who thinks life is just dandy, and never has a problem getting what she wants – especially from men. Little does she know, the very essence of her personality is derived from how she perceives the world perceives her, and she’s learned how to work it.
  

• The woman who has been a bridesmaid 14 times in the last two years, and has had to find lighthearted answers every time she is asked when it’ll be her turn to walk down the aisle.
  

• The woman who gives a detailed opinion about Madonna’s marriages, divorces, fitness regimen and mothering skills – because she feels she has to have an opinion, otherwise people might think she feels touchy about aging.
  

• The woman who really loves her career, and doesn’t feel the need to be in a relationship – or the woman who loves being a stay-at-home mom.
  

• The girl who wants to wait until she’s married to have sex – or the girl who really, really doesn’t want to wait even one more second.
  

Do you see the complex issues involved with being a woman? Yes, that includes your woman as well. So sometimes, at the end of the day, a woman just wants to be ravished by her man. She wants to shed that hard defensive shell she’s had to lug around all day and lose control in the arms of the man she loves.

Here’s an analogy for a woman’s desire: It’s like how Ed Norton’s character feels in the movie
Fight Club
. He’s just so beaten down by everything about his life, as well as the expectations he is supposed to live up to, that he finds a kind of release and purity in participating in the fight club. It’s a strange correlation, I know, but it’s that core emotion that is similar to what your woman feels.

Another reason she wants you to be more assertive: it’s a normal impulse. Men don’t come anywhere near realizing this impulse in themselves (i.e. the impulse of wanting to be dominated) because they tend to be stopped by the fear of seeming weak – something that has been drilled into them since they were little.

But it’s a perfectly natural thing. Just as sometimes she likes to get on top, ride you like a bronco and call all the shots, so too does she sometimes want you to show her who’s the boss of your bedroom.

Honestly, testing your sexual control is a healthy part of any solid sexual relationship. You probably have already done this on a more subtle level; now, your woman wants you to kick it up a notch.

One more general reason has to do with a combination of feminist reaction and assertiveness. It’s about your woman’s sexuality, and how she perceives the power of her own beauty and confidence.

Whenever your woman buys a new piece of clothing, a new kind of makeup or gets her hair cut or colored, she is rethinking her appearance and testing the boundaries of what she considers to be beautiful. She’s seeing how far she can go to show her beauty to others, while still maintaining her dignity, in a manner of speaking, and a solid sense of self.

It is this notion – the conscious objectification of herself – that can make almost any woman feel a rush of animal-like arousal. It’s her taking control of her sexuality by using it as a tool. By appearing more feminine and beautiful, she is also feeling more powerful.

I know it sounds weird. And I realize that it might be a confusing idea to men, who walk into a store, pull a pair of pants or a shirt in their size off the rack, pay for it and leave the store without a second thought. But really, it’s that single moment of primal sexuality that can lead a woman to want to experiment with it in the bedroom too.

WHAT IS AN ALPHA MALE?

So, what is an “alpha male”? Simply put, an alpha male is a man’s man. He is someone who exudes masculinity. Someone who looks like they’d be a challenge in a fight. A man who is all man, inside and out.

Does that mean an alpha male is one of those ex-frat-boy douche bags who still thinks he’s on the high school football team? Well, to be honest, sometimes it is. There is a definite bulldog, I’m-the-man-here quality to that type of guy. And there are girls who are attracted to that type of guy.

But for the vast majority of women, there is something decidedly unattractive about this kind of alpha male. There is a certain vibe that comes off a guy like that; maybe he doesn’t know when to set aside his alpha, or maybe he uses his alpha for the wrong reasons. But whatever it is, a douche bag alpha male is not particularly attractive to most women.

The ability to bench-press more than his body weight does not make a guy an alpha male. Again, there are women who are attracted to men whose muscles can barely be contained by their shirt. But more often than not, their vanity gets in the way of them appearing attractive to women.

An alpha male doesn’t have to be the hottest guy in the room, either. Millions of women around the world fell in love with Leonardo DiCaprio as Jack in
Titanic
; and even today, Johnny Depp continues to capture female hearts aplenty. Even men can see their attractive qualities. But alpha men, they’re not. Usually, famous alpha men are the ones whom men admire, too. So as not to betray my own preferences when it comes to movie stars, think back to men like Clint Eastwood, John Wayne and even Gene Hackman. None of them are necessarily sex symbols, but no one can doubt that they were MEN.

Or, let’s talk about TV characters. It’s Don Draper, not Peter Campbell, from
Mad Men
. Jack, not Charlie, from
Lost
. Josh Lyman, not Sam Seaborne, from
The West Wing
.

An alpha male has an indefinable quality that makes women of every stripe want to literally lie down for him. It’s a take-control vibe. It’s an “I can handle it” vibe. It’s an “I’m the man, and you are the woman” vibe that, despite its sexist overtones, can still convey a sincere sense of respect for the fairer sex. It’s a man who will break up a fight without throwing a punch, or whom you believe 100 percent when he says that everything is going to be all right.

Unless your relationship is severely dysfunctional, your woman is with you because at some point, and on some level neither of you might even be aware of, you exuded this alpha male quality. However, no matter how consistently you are an alpha male in your day-to-day relationship, there remains the fact that sometimes, it simply doesn’t translate over to the bedroom as effectively as your woman would like.