Jade Archer - Sandpipers 2 - Raven's Mark (7 page)

Mark pulled out of the Sandpipers Restaurant parking lot and pointed his SUV in the direction of the pier and the restaurant he’d so very carefully picked out for both its reported quality and expansive view of the ocean.

The Grapevine was a relatively new place, but one that had nevertheless been getting some pretty good reviews. And being right on the pier the atmosphere at night should be a little bit romantic—with the lights and the moon playing on the water—without being too over the top.

But right now, the only thing Mark could really focus on was the gorgeous man sitting next to him.
He couldn’t believe he’d actually pulled it off. He was on a date with Raven. No matter what else happened tonight, the mere fact they’d made it this far gave him a huge boost of hope.
And he needed that. He wanted Raven with a hollow ache of longing that was rather embarrassing, actually.
Raven was special. He could feel it in his bones. If he could just get Raven to let him in.
Mark stifled a self-deprecating snort. His mother always did say he was hard-headed and stubborn once he got his mind set on something. And Raven was most definitely on his mind. Nearly constantly at the moment, in fact.
“Thank you,” Raven suddenly said, breaking into Mark’s musings.
He glanced across to see Raven studying him with a strange, almost wondering expression.
“You’re welcome,” Mark replied with a smile, although he wasn’t sure what Raven was thanking him for. There were a few options, really—some better than others. “Um…what for, exactly?”
“For w-what you did for Ryan. That was… You were incredible.” Raven ducked his head away as if embarrassed as he blurted the words.
“Oh!” Mark felt his cheeks getting hotter too. “Um…thanks.”
It
had
been a pretty intense moment—walking in and feeling the tension in the room, seeing the way Ryan eyed him as if he was a circling shark. He would have understood completely if Raven had called the whole thing off. But he was very glad he hadn’t.
By the time they’d left, Ryan was looking…maybe not happy, but at least secure enough to release his father after a quick hug and watch him walk out the door…albeit clutching Wolf’s hand in a death grip.
“How did you d-do that?”
Mark shrugged. He wasn’t really sure. It had just sort of…happened. “I don’t know. I thought it might help. I have a little brother and sister fourteen years younger than me. I remember when they were little… I don’t know… Sometimes they just needed something real and solid to hang onto, you know? And I thought it might help to reassure him we’d be back.”
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Raven nod as he stared down at his fingers, twisting them together nervously in his lap.
“Ryan has a real thing about t-time at the m-moment.”
“Yeah, I saw that the other day at the party.”
Damn!
Mark cursed silently.
Way to kill the mood.
A heavy silence settled over them as Mark was forced to concentrate on the road while he negotiated his way through a tricky intersection. To be honest, he wasn’t exactly sure what to do about it even if he didn’t have to keep his mind on the road. He wasn’t going to put pressure on Raven to talk if he didn’t want to. But at the same time it was going to be a very long night if Raven shut down and wouldn’t talk to him at all.
Of course, it might help if you could keep your big fat foot out of your mouth,
Mark admonished silently.
“I was g-going to cancel,” Raven finally confessed.
Mark nodded. He’d seen that quite clearly. “I would have understood if you had. But I’m glad you didn’t.”
“Yeah,” Raven murmured. “M-me too.”
Man. How did he do that? With just three little words Raven made him feel better. It was ridiculous. And yet so wonderful he just couldn’t bring himself to care how much of a sap it might make him.
Raven settled back into silence, and Mark let him. It was an okay, peaceful kind of quiet that wrapped around them this time. There was just the hum of the road, the low white noise of early evening traffic and a small, calm thankfulness that things were all right between them again. At least so far.
The next ten minutes passed without comment or conversation, but it didn’t feel strained. Not until they entered the restaurant and the waiter led them to their table.
Mark could feel the stress radiating off Raven as they were shown to their seats. The way he focused straight ahead and pointedly didn’t look around at anyone else. The set of his shoulders. The pale thin line of his normally full lips. Raven looked brittle enough to crack right open at any moment.
Of course, Mark knew saying anything about it would be the worst thing he could possibly do right now. He just had to hope Raven would relax once they were settled at their table—at least enough to enjoy the food and, with any luck, ultimately the date. It would put a real dampener on things if he didn’t.
“May I take your drink orders?” the waiter asked as he offered them both menus.
Mark saw Raven stiffen at the question. And it was hard to miss the look of apprehension as their eyes met across the table.
“Just a glass of water for me, thank you,” Mark replied.
“W-water, please,” Raven added in a low voice, looking distinctly uncomfortable and turning bright red.
As the waiter inclined his head and stepped away, Mark laid his menu down then reached out to lightly touch Raven’s hand. “You okay?”
“S-sorry.”
“What for?”
Raven shrugged and looked away.
Mark frowned. He didn’t know for sure what had upset Raven, but he was going to take a guess. He could at least make one thing clear up front anyway.
Mark took a deep breath and hoped he wasn’t making a mistake. “I don’t drink alcohol.”
“You d-don’t?”
Raven looked shocked, and Mark guessed that was fair enough. He hadn’t met a lot of people who didn’t drink alcohol either. He’d been the odd man out whenever he’d gone anywhere for as long as he could remember.
“I never really acquired the taste. I don’t like the way it makes me feel.”
Raven’s brow furrowed slightly in confusion.
Mark shrugged, feeling a little self-conscious. “You know, kind of spacey and out of control. I don’t…yeah, I don’t like the way it makes me feel.”
“Oh!” Raven studied him carefully, then quickly looked away when he seemed to realise he was staring. “That’s…um… I’m… I’m g-glad.”
Mark nodded.
Raven had a story, that much was obvious. And it was more than likely a pretty sad, painful one. Mark had no intention of trying to pry it out of him before he was ready to tell it, though. But he had to admit he wanted to know what was going on in Raven’s head right now.
When the waiter returned with their drinks and took their orders, Mark thought it was probably time to change the subject. He watched Raven take a small sip of water from his glass. There was one thing that had started to intrigue him—mainly because the more he thought about it the more he realised he just didn’t know…and couldn’t tell.
“How old are you?”
“Um…t-twenty-four.”
Mark considered Raven carefully. He had to admit he was a little shocked. Raven seemed older somehow. More…mature. Maybe it had something to do with the fact he’d seen Raven with Ryan at his side so often. Or perhaps it was in his eyes—that look that said Raven had seen a lot in those twenty-four years.
“You must have been pretty young when Ryan came along then.”
“Not quite n-nineteen,” Raven said as he looked away again.
Another story. The more he found out about Raven the less he knew, apparently. But he tried not to let it worry him. He’d promised to be patient.
Still, he hadn’t realised just how young Raven was. It presented an interesting and potentially troublesome little side issue he hadn’t thought much about before. Was nine years—well, nearly ten really—considered a big age gap? Would it bother Raven? “I’m thirty-three. Thirty-four at the end of the year.”
Raven nodded.
“Not too old for you?” Mark asked, trying to sound light-hearted, but somehow it came out a little strained even to his ears.
When the hell had he become the older man? Wow, life really had sort of got away from him.
Raven looked startled. “No.”
“Well, that’s a relief,” Mark chuckled.
The tightness in his chest eased a little. Still, it was a bit of a jolt to realise he’d somehow got older while he wasn’t paying attention. He’d never resent the time he’d given to his brother and sister, but it definitely brought home the fact that life really was too short. And it made him even more determined not to muck things up with Raven. Because something deep inside told him Raven could be ‘the one’. And he didn’t want to waste a second of the opportunity to find out.
Unfortunately, Raven didn’t look like he was anywhere near relaxed yet, despite the fact they’d been settled at their table a good ten minutes.
“I-I n-need to…” Raven glanced around, stress and tension bleeding out of every pore now.
“What do you need?”
“I n-need to call and ch-check on Ryan.”
“Oh! Right. Yeah, I should have thought of that.” Mark started scrabbling in his jacket. “Do you need to borrow my phone?”
But Raven shook his head, pulling one from his pocket as he stood up. “N-no. I’m fine. I’ll…”
Raven gestured vaguely towards the front of the restaurant.
“Yeah! Sure. I’ll…um…I’ll just wait here. Take your time.”
Mark clamped his mouth shut before he could add anything even more inane to his ramblings. Raven looked like he needed a moment to himself as well as wanting to check in on his son. What Mark couldn’t work out was why it made him feel so nauseated.
He really liked Raven. As in
really
liked. But their date just wasn’t turning out the way he’d planned. Mark felt his muscles growing tight across his shoulders and up the back of his neck into the base of his skull.
Shit!
He needed to relax. Being tense and edgy around Raven would not be a good idea.
Mark tried not to fiddle too much with the silverware—instead occupying himself with taking small sips of water at regular intervals and concentrating on setting the glass back in exactly the same spot every time.
When their meals arrived and Raven wasn’t back, Mark waited. A few minutes later he spotted Raven heading towards the table. Unfortunately, as he took in the meal set out waiting, he paled quite noticeably.
“I’m s-s-sorry.”
“Hey, it’s fine. They haven’t been here that long. How’s Ryan?”
“F-F-Fine.”
Damn! Raven’s stammer was getting worse—a sure sign he was stressed. Mark hunted around for something to keep him talking, hoping they could muscle their way through the awkwardness.
“So…um…Raven. That’s a pretty unusual name. How’d you come by that one anyway?”
“R-Ryan.”
Mark frowned in confusion. “Ryan started calling you Raven?”
Raven squirmed in his seat. “My real n-name is…I mean, w-was Raymond. But when Ryan first started to talk he couldn’t p-pronounce it. It came out mangled and eventually sort of morphed into R-Raven.” Raven shrugged self-consciously and looked away. “I liked it. So I k-kept it.”
Mark thought it was kind of strange that Ryan would have called his father by his first name when he first started learning to talk. He’d only ever heard Ryan refer to Raven as Dad or Daddy since meeting them. And he remembered Raven trying to introduce him to Ryan as Mr Carter not so long ago. It seemed a little…odd and inconsistent.
Raven shifted in his seat again, as if aware of Mark’s scrutiny.
Damn! I didn’t even have to open my mouth to mess things up this time!

“You…ah…you said you have a b-brother and a sister?” Raven said.
“Yeah. Twins,” Mark replied eagerly, relieved they hadn’t fallen back into an uncomfortable silence. “They’re unholy terrors when the mood strikes them, believe me. And don’t let anybody tell you it gets easier when they reach eighteen. They’re more of a worry now at nineteen than they were as toddlers!”
Raven considered him carefully for a few seconds—or perhaps more accurately, considered the sentiment behind his words. “It sounds like you really l-love them.”
Mark was a little startled by Raven’s frank observation. But it was only the truth. And sharing that honesty with Raven…actually felt pretty good. “Yeah, I do. I figure that’s what it’s all about in the end. Family.”
“Y-yeah.”
Unfortunately, Mark wasn’t sure if that was a good yeah or a bad yeah. He had absolutely no idea what was going on in Raven’s head at the moment. So he ploughed on, hoping for the best. He could hardly expect Raven to open up if he didn’t do it himself anyway. “Our dad was killed in a car accident so I sort of ended up helping to raise them.”
“I’m s-sorry,” Raven whispered.
Mark nodded, his throat suddenly tight. He hadn’t talked about the accident in years. Hadn’t even thought about it in a long time, really. It was always there, but pushed back and quiet…like quicksand. He couldn’t believe how painful the memories of that time still were.
“Mom…well, she was pretty messed up in the accident too. And she never really got over him being gone like that. Right in front of her. She tried, but…yeah, she sort of fell apart.”
“Is she…?”
“She died five years ago of breast cancer.”
As if she hadn’t been through enough.
Mark couldn’t help the bitter, acidic bite to the thought. It all seemed so unfair. He remembered how happy his parents had been. How warm and perfect his family had always felt growing up. They’d been one of those lucky, fairy tale kind of families you heard about or saw on television but never thought were real. And then, in one twisted, wicked moment everything had changed, and nothing he or anyone else did could make it right again.
He absolutely hated that last part. No matter what he did, he could never make it better.
Suddenly, Raven reached out and lay his hand gently over Mark’s, offering a little squeeze of support and sympathy. It was the first touch Raven had ever initiated between them and Mark clung to it, turning his hand over to hold on to Raven. It felt so good.
“I’m so s-sorry.”
Mark nodded. Memories of his mother’s final years settled heavily over him—the blank, hollow looks, the panic attacks and the endless medication that never seemed to make any difference. “I don’t know…sometimes when I look back on it, I think…I think it was almost a relief to her in the end. It was pretty quick. The cancer. She didn’t fight it at all. I think… Sometimes I think she wished she’d died in the accident with Dad.”
Raven’s eyes were suspiciously bright, and Mark couldn’t hold his gaze. It was way too dangerous.
After a few moments, Raven pulled away and Mark felt the loss of contact keenly. The connection that had slowly been starting to form between them seemed in danger of slipping away again. And he was desperate to hold on to it.
“What about you? Any brothers or sisters?”
The question was out before Mark had a chance to really consider what he was asking. And it was met with complete silence. Raven didn’t even look like he was breathing.
Panic rode Mark hard. He couldn’t believe he’d asked such a stupid question. It was obvious the story wasn’t going to be a good one. Hell, he’d figured out a long time ago that Raven’s family story was probably a bad one. Yet, he’d still opened his big mouth.
Shit! So much for not prying!
But just as he was frantically trying to think of some way to salvage things, Raven cleared his throat.
“I’ve got an older b-brother. Well, half-b-brother. Dad was m-married before he met my Mom. But…Sam and I d-don’t get on.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Sam’s into d-drugs in a big way. He’s a small time d-dealer back home, but…he can’t stay away from the stuff himself. It’s…not p-pretty.”
Mark didn’t know what to say. He reached out and squeezed Raven’s hand, trying to make it clear how sincerely sorry he was—both for bringing the subject up and for the pain he saw in Raven face.
Raven stared at the tablecloth for a long time, as if struggling to regain his composure. Mark didn’t interrupt.
When Raven started to speak again it was barely a whisper. “Our p-parents were…are…they’re both engineers. Working for the same f-firm. I think it’s where they mmet. But…well, they definitely weren’t soul m-mates. And they never should have had kkids. They were always fighting and…”
Raven took a deep breath and Mark felt sick. It was a telling pause—one that said everything and nothing. Poor Raven! What must it have been like growing up like that?
“Dad drank too m-much and Mom… I think she ended up resenting being t-tied down to us. Once I was old enough to g-get out, I did.”
“What about Ryan’s mother?”
“She’s”—Raven swallowed hard, like the memory hurt him—“g-gone.”
“Shit! I’m sorry.” Again. Damn it. They really needed to change the record.
Guilt ate away at him for asking as Raven refused to look at him and picked up his glass to take a sip of water with a hand that trembled faintly.
“Ryan and I ended up living with my b-brother for a while, but it got…ugly when he figured out I was starting to earn good m-money with my writing. I was saving to m-move away.”
Mark didn’t need pictograms to see exactly what would have happened next. “He stole it.”
“N-not all of it. I had a good bit hidden away under a different n-name. He wasn’t very happy though. He guessed I was h-holding out on him.”
“What did you do?”
Raven shrugged. “Grabbed what he hadn’t taken, p-packed up and got out when he wasn’t around to stop us.”
“Bastard,” Mark murmured, incensed Raven had been forced to sneak away like that. Family should look after one another.
“Ryan and I g-got out. That’s all that m-matters.”
The way Raven said it made it sound almost easy. Mark figured it had probably been anything but. He didn’t know too many drug addicts that liked to lose a free ride.
Mark noticed Raven looked horribly tense and uncomfortable again—his eyes lowered as he smoothed his thumb over non-existent wrinkles in the tablecloth and steadfastly avoided eye contact. After a few minutes of strained silence between courses, Mark knew he needed to say something, but he wasn’t quite sure where to start. Saying something like ‘So, how about those Lakers?’ just wasn’t going to cut it right now. The last thing he wanted to do was sound flip and dismissive. Part of him wished he’d thought about some easy, first date topics ahead of time. He was rather clueless about dating, really. But he knew better than to do
anything
without good prep. He wanted to kick himself for forgetting that golden rule.
Mark cleared his throat and hoped for the best—flying by the seat of his pants.
“So how did you end up becoming a technical writer?”
Raven blushed. “I was l-lucky enough to get a scholarship to do English Literature.”
Mark was pretty sure luck had nothing to do with it. “And the computers?”
“I took some C-computer Science electives. It seemed like a good idea at the time. I’m glad I did. I’ve p-picked up a lot of work because of it.”
“You must read a lot?”
“Yeah. I mean… I really l-love books. When I was a kid I’d spend hours holed up in my r-room reading. I always w-wanted to—”
Raven’s cheeks turned dark red as he cut the sentence off and ducked his head.
“What?” Mark prompted.
“Well… I always w-wanted to write young adult fiction when I was growing up. I thought that would be really…c-cool.”
“Yeah. That would be cool.” Mark considered Raven for a moment. “So do you write? I mean stuff like that, not just the technical writing.”
“Yeah. A l-little.”
“I always wished I was better with words,” Mark admitted.
“Do you read?” Raven asked.
Mark squirmed. “Not a lot. No.”
Raven looked away.
Damn!
And just when Raven was starting to open up.
“Maybe you could suggest some things.”
Raven simply studied him for a while. He did that a lot, Mark noticed. It was harder to keep still under the scrutiny this time for some reason. Perhaps because reading and writing had never really been his thing at school. He was more a hands-on, jock kind of guy.
“Really?” Raven finally asked.
“Yeah. I mean, I just haven’t had a lot of time before. But now…well, Evan and Lucy, my brother and sister, went away to college last year and…yeah…I want to try new things. Stuff I haven’t had the time to do before.”
Things felt a little more relaxed as they finished their meals and discussed books. But as the meal drew to a close and the conversation dwindled, Mark noticed Raven getting uptight again. Now and then he saw Raven steal furtive, nervous glances at the people around them. But he’d quickly catch himself and focus back on the table. It was unlikely the floral centrepieces had ever been so closely inspected. A change of scenery seemed to be in order.
Once their plates had been collected and coffee refused, Mark cleared his throat. “Would you like to go for a walk along the pier before our curfew?”
Raven glanced away. “I’m r-really sorry about that. The c-curfew thing.”
“Hey, don’t be,” Mark said, reaching out to touch Raven’s hand and let him know how sincere he was. Raven’s head snapped up to stare at him and Mark felt the heat crawling up his neck. “Really, it’s fine. More than, actually. I want you
and
Ryan to know you can trust me.”
Eventually, after watching Mark closely for several endless seconds, Raven nodded. “I’d l-like that. I m-mean…the walk, that is.”
Mark allowed a small smile and stifled a sigh of relief. After the rocky, awkward moments of the evening he was obscenely grateful Raven was still willing to hang in there with their date and join him on the pier. He certainly wasn’t going to take anything for granted right now.
“Come on then. Let’s get out of here,” Mark said, standing up and allowing Raven to walk ahead of him.
After paying the bill and stepping out to head along the pier, Mark tried to let the ocean breeze carry away the last of his own pent up tension. It was a beautiful night. A few couples were out and about—some hand in hand, others just walking alongside each other companionably like he and Raven were doing.
“I still don’t g-get, why me?” Raven suddenly said.
“Haven’t we covered this already?”
“But why p-pick out someone like me?”
Mark hated that Raven had such a low opinion of himself. And he loathed thinking about what Raven must have been through to have it so ingrained he couldn’t see past it to what Mark saw—a quiet, caring and intelligent man who had so much to offer.
“If you’re trying to get me riled, you’re going the right way about it,” Mark replied in a calm drawl that belied the tight knot of emotion building up inside him. “I like you. Just the way you are.”
Raven looked away.
“Don’t do that.” He couldn’t stand seeing the beaten down slump of Raven’s shoulders.
But the words made Raven flinch.
Shit!
He hadn’t meant to…
“I’m sorry.” Mark let out a sigh and ran his hand over his head in frustration. “That seems to be this evening’s theme song, doesn’t it?”
Raven wasn’t looking at him, but Mark saw the shadow of confusion on his face clearly enough, illuminated by the pier lights.
“Sorry,” he elaborated. “We’ve been saying it over and over again to each other tonight.”
Raven looked out of the corner of his eye…searching. Mark wasn’t exactly sure what Raven found, but something eased in his expression. It was Mark’s turn to glance away, feeling suddenly exposed and vulnerable. Raven—quiet and intense—seemed to see so much. More than Mark was entirely comfortable with.
He concentrated on his shoes and putting one foot in front of the other as they continued down the pier. Before he knew it, they were standing together side-by-side at the end rail, close enough to brush against each other occasionally as they watched the water— although he suspected it was the last thing either of them was focusing on—yet somehow feeling miles apart at the same time. Mark certainly felt a long way from gaining Raven’s trust and getting to really know him right now.
Damn!
Nothing about the evening had gone the way he’d planned.
And it was getting late.
“We should probably start heading back. I don’t want us to be late dropping you off.” Raven nodded and turned to head back down the pier to where they’d parked the car.
Unable to help himself, Mark reached out and touched Raven’s hand—not holding, but still managing to halt him for a moment.
“Thank you for this evening.”
Raven nodded. “Th-thank you too,” he replied, somewhat awkwardly. “It was…nice.”
Maybe he was being fatalistic, but that sounded suspiciously like a death knell to Mark.