Jade Archer - Sandpipers 2 - Raven's Mark (6 page)

By the time Raven made it to the small landing in front of Brody, Lark and Zak’s apartment, he was a bundle of nerves. Holding Ryan’s hand, he took a moment to gather his thoughts. Not to mention his courage.

Tonight was the night. Date night. Or ‘D-day’ as he’d started to think of it. He couldn’t believe he was really here, ready to go through with it. Okay, so maybe not ready exactly, but he was still certainly standing on the edge of the precipice, preparing to jump.

He had to admit, somewhere deep inside—really, really deep—it felt kind of good. He was taking another step towards becoming stronger, more resilient and normal. But another part—a cynical, distrustful and definitely more vocal part—wondered if it was actually bravery or just plain stupidity to put himself in this position.

And on top of everything else, finding the guts to actually announce their arrival turned out to be a bit like raking water into a bucket—rather futile and wholly frustrating.
Really, it shouldn’t have been that hard. After all, he’d been to the trio’s apartment dozens of times now—bringing Wolf home or taking Ryan over to play. He liked the family, and had even found himself starting to relax in their home—children’s birthday parties and random panic attacks aside. But then, he’d never arrived with a pillow tucked under one arm, Ryan clutching his teddy bear as if his life depended on it gripping his other hand, and the minutes fast ticking down to the first date he’d had in…well, forever.
Raven caught himself about to start shifting nervously from foot to foot and managed to stop just in time. The last thing he needed right now was to let Ryan know how nervous he was. But it was hard to stifle the restless movement.
Taking a deep breath, Raven tried to reason with his anxiety. It would just be a handful of hours—at most—face to face without any distractions, where he and Mark could get to know each other better. Enjoy a meal. Perhaps a little light conversation, but they’d end up talking about largely unimportant, non-controversial issues while they sized one another up. Then, if all went well and depending on where they ended up going for dinner, maybe they’d take a stroll along the waterfront. A normal, non-threatening, getting-to-know-you, first date, leisurely walk on neutral ground.
Raven felt like a nest of fire ants had taken up residence in his belly.
“Are you okay, Daddy?”
Raven looked down at Ryan—so small and yet so serious. “I’m f-fine. Are you looking forward to movie n-night with Wolf?”
Ryan nodded. “You could come too if you want. Wolf won’t mind.”
Raven was embarrassed by how tempted he was to accept the offer. “No. It’s a special n-night just for you boys. But th-thank you.”
The truth was, more than anything, Raven wanted to run away and hide right now. A wicked little part of him had even thought about pretending the date had somehow slipped his mind—that he’d been so busy with work and Ryan he’d clean forgotten what day it was. But he knew that would be the ultimate cowardice. Not to mention a truly despicable thing to do. Mark deserved better. He seemed to be a genuinely nice guy. He’d certainly been nothing but kind in the short time they’d known each other.
Deeply ashamed of himself for even entertaining the idea of standing Mark up, Raven took a deep breath and pressed the buzzer.
Almost instantly, Lark threw open the door.
“Raven! Come in! Come in! Hey, Ryan!” Lark ushered them into the foyer and gestured for their coats.
The man couldn’t have been more than a few inches from the door when Raven had rung the bell. Somehow, it wasn’t all that much of a surprise—Lark had been keyed up and excited about ‘the date’ ever since Raven had officially asked them to look after Ryan for the evening. And nothing Raven did or said seemed to dampen his enthusiasm.
In contrast, Raven felt like he could probably market his stomach acid as an industrial strength solvent. He desperately wished he’d remembered to bring along some antacids.
“Wow! You look good,” Lark said with a low whistle as he hung their coats in the hall closet.
“Thanks,” Raven managed to mutter as he eased off his shoes—he wasn’t about to make that mistake again.
He
had
gone to quite a bit of effort to look his best tonight. And the only reason he could come up with for the shameful amount of time he’d spent getting ready and picking out just the right outfit was that he didn’t want to disappoint Mark. Which was both confusing and a little uncomfortable to admit, even to himself.
“What do you think, Ryan? Don’t you think your dad looks hot tonight?” Lark continued with a huge grin and a wink, obviously hoping to generate some support and enthusiasm for him.
Ryan nodded, but it was an extremely reluctant little movement. He really didn’t look at all happy with the situation.
Raven’s stomach twisted into a tight, guilty knot. This was starting to look like a bad idea all round. But at the same time, he didn’t want to appear ungrateful. “Thank you for agreeing to l-look after R-Ryan tonight.”
“How many times in the last couple of months have you helped us out?” Zak asked as he stepped into the hallway and walked towards them. “It’s the least we could do.”
Zak wrapped his arms around Lark from behind and Lark readily snuggled back into the embrace. Raven’s stomach clenched at the display in something that, if he was forced to put a name to it, might have been jealousy. Only it wasn’t Zak or Lark he was jealous of, but the deep comfort and affection they shared. He wanted that. Always had.
Having never received much in the way of care and attention growing up, Raven knew he was susceptible to wanting to soak up any and all warmth that happened to come his way, no matter how small. But it was an incredibly dangerous longing that could quite easily lead him to do all sorts of reckless, stupid things, and had in the past. He needed to keep his head on straight and be very careful he didn’t let his hungry heart lead him blindly into a bad situation…again.
“How are you doing, Ryan?” Zak asked, breaking into Raven’s dark thoughts.
“Good.”
“All ready for movie night?”
Ryan nodded mechanically.
“Wolf’s just finishing up his bath, then you guys can get started right away if you like.”
As if summoned by his name, Wolf appeared in the hallway, wearing pyjamas and still a little damp around the edges. Brody followed in his wake, looking almost as wet as Wolf.
Spotting Ryan, Wolf ran up with his usual enthusiasm. But something happened along the way. Instead of the standard pounce and drag away routine he usually engaged in, Wolf slowed as he approached, as if sensing something different about his friend. When he was finally close enough, he threw his arms around Ryan for a hug, then stood quietly by his side with his arm still wrapped around Ryan’s waist. It was kind of eerie actually. And made Raven feel even more anxious—it looked like even Wolf was worried now.
“So when’s Mark picking you up?” Lark asked, eyeing the boys as they huddled together.
Raven swallowed. This just wasn’t going to work. “Seven.”
“He’s coming here, right?” Lark continued.
“Yes. But I…” Raven stared between Brody, Lark and Zak, not sure what to say or do to make things right.
He did want to go out with Mark. At least in theory. But he wasn’t sure he was ready. Hell, he wasn’t sure he’d ever be. With the amount of baggage he had he could rival a jumbo jet’s cargo hold. And Ryan’s apprehension played on his mind too. What if it wasn’t just that he was worried about his dad—which was bad enough? What if he wasn’t ready for the whole daddy-has-a-date thing either?
“Just give it some time, Raven,” Brody said, low and calm, like he thought everything would work out. Then he turned his attention to Ryan. “So who’s your friend, Ryan?”
Brody pointed to the well-loved teddy bear currently in a fierce headlock against Ryan’s chest.
“Chewy.”
“
Star Wars
fan, huh?”
Ryan shook his head. “Daddy called him Chewy ‘cause I used to chew his nose. I don’t chew him now, ‘cause I’m not a baby anymore.”
“Yeah, I know. You guys are growing up so fast.” Brody nodded.
“So, what are we going to watch tonight, anyway?” Lark asked, rubbing his hands together, apparently hoping to just ignore the tension in the room. “Should we head into the living room and have a look at the choices?”
Ryan clutched Raven’s hand a little tighter.
“How about we all go into the living room?” Zak suggested, still watching Ryan closely.
Ryan clung to Raven the whole way and even in the living room refused to leave his side. Settling on one of the couches, Ryan almost sat on top of him in a bid to stay close. The situation looked completely hopeless. There was no way Raven would even think about leaving Ryan like this.
Undeterred, Lark laid out a few DVDs on the coffee table for the boys to choose from. “There you go, guys.”
Then he settled into the corner of the large leather couch and started chatting casually— asking Wolf which he thought was the best choice, engaging Brody in a heated debate about which superhero was superior. Silly, inane topics. And gradually, miraculously, it seemed to work. Ryan eventually slid off the couch and joined Wolf on the floor to pore over the DVD selection and act out his favourite scenes with some of Wolf’s action figures.
“How about some snacks, boys?” Zak asked as Wolf started spreading out his sleeping bag on the floor to build a city for them to rescue.
“Yeah!” Wolf cried enthusiastically, grinning and relaxed again.
Lark clicked his fingers. “Oh, hey! That reminds me. Did we invite you guys to the picnic next month yet, Raven?”
“Um…n-no.”
“Huh, I was sure I’d already invited you. But Brody said we hadn’t. Well, anyway, we’re having the first official Annual Sandpipers Restaurant Family and Friends Picnic on the eighth,” Lark announced grandly. “It’s just the guys from the restaurant, a few friends. Nothing huge.”
Zak snorted. “Lark planned it, just so you have some idea of ‘nothing huge’ there, Raven.”
Lark glared at Zak. But before he could say anything, the doorbell rang.
Zak leapt up off the couch. “I’ll get it.”
“Coward,” Lark muttered, then focused on Raven again. “You will come, won’t you?”
“Ah—”
“Come on. We can’t have a family and friends picnic without you guys.”
“It’s really not going to be that big,” Brody added. “And it’s on a Monday so everyone from the restaurant can come, which means it should be pretty quiet at the park too. We’re organising for Wolf to have a day off preschool.”
Just as Raven was trying to sort out a halfway decent, coherent reply—his brain already catapulting into overdrive as it registered who was most likely to be at the door—Zak and Mark walked into the room.
Raven leapt to his feet. Sitting just didn’t feel right. He needed to be up and moving. At the same time, Ryan and Wolf stood up. Much as he wanted to stare at Mark—because yes, the man looked damn fine tonight—Raven couldn’t tear his eyes away from the boys standing side by side, Wolf holding Ryan’s hand and both watching the adults in the room with serious expressions on their little faces.
It was just too much. He couldn’t do this.
Before he could suggest they call the whole thing off, however, Mark cleared his throat. “Hi everyone. What’s up?”
It was a little startling how uneasy Mark sounded. Raven instantly felt guilty for what he was about to do to the poor man.
“Hey, Mark!” Brody said with the kind of false cheerfulness reserved for moments of high tension. “We were just talking about the Sandpipers’ picnic.”
“Oh, yeah?”
“Raven was just deciding if he and Ryan could make it or not.”
“You’re coming, right, Mark?” Lark asked quickly.
“Yeah, I thought I might come along for a while.”
“Great. See, Raven? Everyone’s going to be there. I hope you’ll at least think about it.”
Raven managed a nod. He would think about it, but right now Ryan and Mark and the whole date disaster looming on the horizon was taking up all his attention.
“So where are you guys going tonight?” Brody asked, still sounding too cheerful.
It seemed his friends were just as anxious right now about everything as he was. In a strange, twisted kind of way, it was…nice. Raven couldn’t remember the last time he’d thought anyone would care.
“The Grapevine. If that’s okay with Raven.”
Zak nodded in approval. “You’ll have to let us know what their menu’s like.”
At that, Lark gave Zak a little shove—one that hardly registered on the bigger man’s broad frame. “No spying on the competition on a date, Zak. You know the rules.”
“I thought those were just our house rules.”
“They’re in the house. Hell, they’re practically family.”
Mark focused in on Ryan, ignoring Zak and Lark’s banter. “Are you okay with this, Ryan?”
Ryan paused, then shook his head. Raven’s breath caught in his throat. That was it. He was putting a stop to the whole thing right now. But just as he opened his mouth to say something, Mark carefully went down on one knee in front of the boys.
Raven’s heart seized in his chest before it started an erratic double-time.
“What’s up?” Mark asked gently.
Wolf turned his head to look at Ryan, but neither boy said anything.
“You don’t want your Dad to go, do you?” Mark prompted in a quiet voice that held no anger or resentment.
Something tight and scared Raven hadn’t even realised had been wrapped around his heart loosened a little as he watched Mark—his voice soft, his expression kind and accepting—as Ryan shook his head again.
“I can understand that. He’s pretty special, huh?”
Ryan nodded.
“Yeah, I think so too. How about I make you a deal?” As he spoke, Mark took off his watch and fitted it around Ryan’s left wrist, adjusting it until it wouldn’t slide off Ryan’s thin arm, although there was nothing to be done about the fact it dangled upside down. It was just too big to do anything else. “You know,
my
dad gave this to me when I was a kid. I guess I must have been slightly older than you—it’s a bit big. But how about you look after this for me and I promise to take care of your Dad and bring him back by the time the big hand’s on the twelve and the little hand’s on the ten.”
Raven opened his mouth to intercede—the watch looked old, and obviously had a lot of sentimental value to Mark as well. But Ryan beat him to it.
“How long is that?” he asked in a small, but considering voice.
“Three hours.”
For a long time, Ryan simply stared at Mark. And Mark held his gaze patiently the whole time, waiting for Ryan’s verdict.
“You promise to look after him?”
“Promise,” Mark replied, crossing his heart.