Jade Archer - Sandpipers 2 - Raven's Mark (10 page)

Raven smiled as he watched Mark and Ryan—heads bent together, so serious and intent as they concentrated on the task at hand.
Once again, Mark patiently demonstrated how to kick the football he’d bought for Ryan off the little mound of sand they’d built for it. This late in the afternoon there weren’t many people around so they had a nice wide expanse of pale yellow beach all to themselves. Which was probably just as well as Ryan lined up to follow Mark’s instructions and ended up kicking yet another great plume of the fine grains high into the air. The ball followed a wild arc to land a few feet away.
Technically, he supposed the ball could be considered a bribe on Mark’s part. But watching Ryan scramble after the small red-brown ball enthusiastically and return with a huge grin on his face to try again, Raven didn’t think it really mattered. Ryan was happy. And even better than that, he seemed to be really responding to Mark’s gentle guidance. It was a huge relief.
And heaven knew Raven would be no help to his son when it came to learning the fine art of football. It had never been his thing. The closest he got to appreciating it was admiring the players and the way their uniforms fit during the Super Bowl. But Mark and Ryan had really bonded over the half sized rubber ‘pigskin’.
“Okay, champ. Time to wrap it up,” Mark announced when Ryan reached his side. “I definitely think you deserve ice cream after all that hard work.”
Ryan looked across hopefully, and Raven smiled. “I think you b-both earned your ice cream. My t-treat.”
“I thought I was the one taking the two of you out today,” Mark replied.
Raven shook his head. “I want to take the champ and his c-coach out to celebrate.”
Mark’s expression was priceless—surprise and pleasure all mixed up together, culminating in a slow blooming smile. “Okay.”
Together they slogged their way back through the soft sand, heading towards the boardwalk.
“Thank you for today,” Mark said as they all fell into step together side-by-side. “I’ve had such a great time hanging out with you guys.”
“We’re the ones that should be saying th-thank you. Especially after the f-football lesson, don’t you think, Ryan?” Raven prompted.
“Uh-huh! Thank you!” Ryan called as he kicked the ball ahead of them, then scrambled after it when it shot off at an odd angle.
Raven smiled as they watched Ryan fumble to pick up the ball and instead accidentally end up kicking it further away—much to Ryan’s delight if the laughter was anything to go by.
Pacing themselves so that Ryan could zigzag with the ball ahead of them, Raven and Mark continued on through the sand.
“You know, I don’t live far from here,” Mark said a few moments later with a casual air that didn’t fool Raven for a second.
Not entirely clueless as to where the conversation might be heading, Raven’s breath caught in his throat, but not in a completely bad way. He’d never been to Mark’s apartment. And Mark had never visited the little two-bedroom place he’d rented when he and Ryan had first arrived in Riversands either. It was an odd mix of scary and exciting to think about taking this next step in the getting-to-know-you journey with Mark.
Up ahead, the ice cream vendor they’d spotted when they first arrived came into view, saving him from having to come up with a reply straightaway as Ryan ran back to them clutching his football and bouncing with excitement. It looked like Wolf was rubbing off on him, Raven noted with an amusement that helped ease his tension a little.
“Can I go and see?” Ryan asked.
Where the boy got the energy from after a full day of playing—both at the park and the beach—was anyone’s guess. Raven assessed the distance between where they were and the ice cream cart. It wasn’t too far for Ryan to run ahead and still be safe. And maybe it would help wear him out a bit.
“Okay. But m-mind your manners.”
“I will,” Ryan called back as he took off.
“Would you…” Mark started to say then hesitated, apparently hunting for the right words. “I mean, I was wondering if you and Ryan would like to come over to my place for dinner. Maybe stay for a movie?”
“Ryan’s p-probably going to be pretty tired after today once he actually s-stops.” Raven hedged, giving himself time to think. “He’ll more than likely fall asleep in his d-dinner.”
“I’ve got a spare room. You’re welcome to stay over.”
Raven blinked and stared openly across at Mark. That was a big step.
“There’s twin singles in the spare room. I wasn’t suggesting…” A creeping red flush coloured Mark’s neck and gradually stained his cheeks. “It’s just… I’ve got tomorrow off. I’d really like to have breakfast with the two of you. Drop Ryan off at preschool. Go for our run. Just…you know…spend the day together.”
“What about c-clothes for tomorrow? I don’t have anything c-clean with us.”
“I’ve got some stuff you can borrow to sleep in and we can wash and dry what you’ve got on for tomorrow at my place.”
Raven took in Mark’s eager expression. “You’ve g-got an answer for everything, I see.”
“Sorry.” Mark looked away, the colour high in his cheeks now. “I’m pushing too hard, aren’t I?”
“M-maybe.” Mark’s face was a picture of shame and dejection at Raven’s admission. “I’m not saying I hate it exactly,” he hastened to reassure, but it was clear from Mark’s expression he didn’t quite believe it. “It is kind of…f-flattering.”
Raven could feel his own cheeks getting hot now.
Mark shrugged as if it wasn’t a big deal, but Raven could see otherwise. “I just… I hate goodbyes. Always have. And…well, I’d really like you to come over and stay with me one day. I just thought…”
Fortunately, they’d reached the boardwalk and Ryan, who was pressed up against the ice cream cart, eyeing the selections—giving Raven an excuse and time to consider his reply.
It looked like the vendor was finishing up for the day, but he’d stopped packing up— albeit looking less than enthusiastic about having to hang around any longer. Raven hadn’t realised how late it was getting. The last of the sun’s rays were definitely disappearing fast. A shiver of unease ran up and down his spine as the man behind the cart gave them a less than friendly look. If he’d been on his own, he would have given the man a wide berth. But Ryan was busy looking at the display and Mark seemed completely oblivious to the disapproval.
“So, w-what would y-y-you like, Ryan?” Raven asked, anxiety tightening his throat.
The man rolled his eyes and heaved a sigh.
Raven cringed. This wasn’t going to end well, he just knew it. And Mark stiffening beside him only confirmed his fears.
Please don’t let this get ugly! Please don’t let this get ugly!
“I’d like chocolate?” Ryan announced—innocent and unaware of the mounting tension around him.
“Ok-kay. M-M-Mark?”
Shit! Shit! Shit! Not fair!
His stuttering was always ten times worse when he was nervous and under pressure. And the way the guy was looking at him now definitely made him feel both—along with slightly nauseated.
“You know what? I think I have an even better idea,” Mark said, eyes never once leaving the vendor’s face while he said it. “Why don’t we have dinner out as well. There’s a place up on the pier that makes the best hotdogs in Riversands, and for dessert we can have sundaes. I think we should pull out all the stops. It’s a special treat day.”
With that, Mark took first Raven’s hand then Ryan’s and turned them away.
Behind them, Raven heard the vendor murmur the words ‘fucking freaks’. Mark jerked and tensed as if ready to spin around and… Well, he wasn’t sure what Mark would do, but he couldn’t let it happen. He didn’t want a scene, especially not in front of Ryan.
“D-d-don’t,” Raven managed to whisper. “P-please.”
Mark glanced at him. He looked angry and Raven couldn’t suppress a shiver of fear. Instantly, Mark’s expression cleared and he took a deep, calming breath.
“Okay,” he finally murmured. “But only ‘cause you’re asking me not to.”
Raven considered Mark’s stormy eyes, clearly seeing how much control he was exercising over himself in that moment. The situation was incredibly crappy, but watching Mark
not
do anything—and appreciating the self-restraint that took—made him feel just a tiny bit better.
“Th-th-thank you.”
“Daddy?” Ryan squeaked, sounding suddenly uncertain and slightly scared as he peeked around Mark to stare up at him.
Raven hated himself, his stutter, and the asshole vendor just that little bit more for the insecurity he saw in his son’s eyes in that moment.
Damn it all to hell! And the afternoon had been going so well too!
Raven opened his arms in invitation, and Ryan climbed right up into them for a hug.
“Hey! It’s all fine, buddy,” Mark reassured with forced cheer. “I was just remembering the promise I made. Do you remember how I promised to look after your Daddy?”
Ryan nodded as he shifted his attention to Mark—his big brown eyes studying him with all the intensity and seriousness a five year old could muster.
“Well, I think that means hotdogs and ice creams to finish off our day together. I don’t think it would be looking after your dad properly if he missed out on the best hotdogs in town. What do you think?”
Ryan leant back a little to study Raven. Raven tried to give him a smile, but he wasn’t sure how successful he was. Ryan nodded anyway and looked back at Mark.
“Uh-huh! I think he looks hungry.”
“Yeah. Me too.” Mark got them moving again towards the pier with a light touch to the small of Raven’s back and a confident stride. “So, on to hotdogs and looking after your dad then.”

Mark ran his spoon through the dregs at the bottom of his caramel sundae then popped the spoon into his mouth to lick it clean. Across from him, Raven was studying the table intensely. It hadn’t escaped his notice that he hadn’t looked him in the eye once since they’d sat down.

Damn!
He wished Raven had let him wring that stupid asshole’s neck. He’d been so mad. Still was. Words just didn’t do the rage justice. The guy had been a complete and utter jerk to Raven—
his
Raven—and that was just—

His Raven
. Mark stopped to consider the thought that had suddenly popped into his head and settled right in like it belonged. Yes. His Raven. His to care for and protect. And much as he’d wanted to beat the guy’s head in, it wasn’t going to happen. Apart from anything else, the bastard wasn’t worth spitting on, never mind going to jail for. And at the end of the day, his one and only concern was making sure Raven and Ryan were okay.

Which was something he hadn’t been doing a very good job of, he suddenly realised. Making sure Ryan was thoroughly preoccupied with his chocolate sundae, Mark reached across and lightly brushed Raven’s fingers where they rested on the pale, speckled laminate tabletop. It was time to start looking after his man.
“I’m sorry that guy was such a—” Mark cut himself off as he looked over at Ryan, still contentedly ploughing through his ice cream. “I mean, I hate what happened back there.”
Raven’s face was so red, it practically glowed. “I’m s-s-sorry I m-m-messed things up.”
Mark added gentle pressure to Raven’s fingers where they rested under his hand. “You didn’t. Don’t ever think you need to apologise for stuttering. Not to me. Not to anybody.”
Raven swallowed. “You’re not emb-b-barrassed?”
“No.” Mark shook his head firmly. “Not even slightly.”
Raven still wouldn’t look at him.
“I mean that, Raven.”
There was a long silence. Mark could see Raven wanted to say something—he could almost see it roiling beneath the surface. He waited patiently while Raven worked through whatever it was.
“I… I’m so…” Raven looked up at him at last and Mark was shocked to see the hard, angry light in his eyes.
“Raven?” Mark said hesitantly.
But just as it looked like Raven might say something else, Ryan heaved a contented sigh and snuggled in against his father’s side.
Raven looked down at the top of Ryan’s head resting against his arm, his expression softening again. “You all d-done, sleepyhead?”
“Uh-huh,” Ryan murmured.
Mark could see the little boy’s eyelids already starting to droop. And for a moment, Mark wasn’t sure if Ryan was the only one that was drifting off to sleep—Raven was so completely still, his eyes downcast so it was hard to tell if they were open or closed.
Then Raven’s jaw clenched and he looked up—straight into Mark’s eyes with a fierce, determined look on his face.
“Is that m-movie night and spare r-room still on offer?”
“Um…sure. I mean, of course.” Mark studied Raven but he gave nothing away with his expression now. He was all closed and unwavering. The sudden change was a little unnerving. “My place is just around the corner.”
Raven nodded. “Great. Are you ready to g-go?”
“Yeah, I…ah… I mean sure. Just let me take care of the bill.”
Mark couldn’t help wondering what was going on in Raven’s head when he simply nodded once decisively and gathered Ryan up. But then again, maybe he was being paranoid. Was he really going to question Raven’s decision to come over? It was the next logical step, and exactly what he wanted. He should be ecstatic right now. So why was he feeling suddenly uneasy about it all?

Raven carefully scooped Ryan up into his arms and gently positioned him so the little boy’s head was cradled securely in the crook of his neck. And the whole time he let the anger and resentment build inside. He was determined to use it this time. He wouldn’t back down and cower away from what he wanted. What he needed.

He absolutely hated his stuttering. For as long as he could remember, it had fucked up his life. But Mark was right—it wasn’t something he should have to apologise for or even be embarrassed about. He refused to act like his usual doormat, pathetic, scared-stiff self this time. He was sick to death of being afraid of everything and everybody. He loathed the embarrassment that came with being pitied or sneered at, or, worse still, dismissed completely. Enough was enough.

“You all right with him?” Mark asked with a frown as he joined them at the table again, eyeing Ryan draped limply over Raven’s shoulder with concern.
“I’m f-fine,” Raven replied shortly. “Lead the w-way.”
For once in his life he was going to do and not hesitate. He was going to reach out and grab hold of what he wanted. Seize the day and all that. And he knew right down to his core what he wanted was Mark. To be with him in every sense of the word. He wanted to prove to himself—and to Mark too if he was being completely honest—that he was like everyone else. Normal. Deserving. He wasn’t going to sit back and take it anymore.