Broken Fairytales (46 page)

As upset as I’d been five minutes earlier, I couldn’t stay mad at him, especial
ly with the reasons he’d just given
.
I wished he wouldn’t have kept it from me, but I understood why he had.

“Zack, you guys were incredible,” Rachel said sincerely, and I knew it was her way o
f trying to apologize for pushing the issue on a sore subject
. I just wasn’t sure it
would work.

Zack smiled a
nother
small smile, though, so it seemed to have done some good.

“Seriously, Em and I love y
our stuff. We totally caught one of the
show
s
you did in Durham
during
our sophomore
year. We’ve probably listened to your album a hundred times, easily.”

I held my breath as I waited for Zack’s response, but he didn’t say anything.
He knew I loved Liar’s Edge, but I didn’t think that knowledge would make things any better. Then
his face broke into a wide grin
,
as he flipp
ed the switch on his mood
once again
, surprising me as he always did when he was being bi-polar
.

“You really liked us that much?”

Rachel nodded vigorously, and Zack turned to me to gauge my reaction.

“You know how I feel about Liar’s Edge,
” I said, playing toward his sudden good mood.
“A
nd since I had no idea who you were when we listened to that song, you know I was being truthful.
”

Zack smiled at me. “You said you liked my voice,” he said quietly.

“I did,” I said. “I do, but it’s the lyric
s – your lyrics – that made me fall in love with the band
.”

The knowledge that he’d written some of the most soulful lyrics I’d ever heard made me want to tell him something I knew I couldn’t. I was in awe
,
and the
feelings
I had
for him had multiplied in the past few minutes with the knowledge that he’d had his dreams at his fingertips, and he’d given it all up for his family
.

I knew then why I hadn’t ever realized who he was. When he was singing the work of others, he sung it well, but when he was the front man of Liar’s Edge, you could hear the emotion in
e
ach one of his
songs. That was what made him
so
appealing as a singer. I
also
knew I was getting way ahead of myself, and I couldn’t share what I was thinking with Zack. I had to bring us back to safe ground.

“I can’t believe that
two years ago when I was lust
ing after the hot lead singer from
Liar’s Edge
, I
was actually lusting after you,
”
I said, pulling him to me, so I could kiss him.

“I guess so,
”
Zack said
coyly
against my lips.

I pull
ed back so I could stare at him
. “You
do realize you
’re a freaking rock god!
” I exclaimed, certain I sounded like a star-struck fan.

Zack raised an eyebrow at me.
“I
wouldn’t go that far.”

I raised an eyebrow back at him, and he smirked slightly
.
He knew
exactly
how he af
fected women when he performed. I realized that his status as a ridiculously hot lead singer of a band no doubt afforded him the ability to be decidedly ‘not celibate’ as he’d said, and I wondered how many women he’d hooked up with j
ust because he looked so good on stage.
I didn’t want to think about it.

“Do you think you’ll get back together?” Rachel asked, her mind back on the music
as she launched into reporter mode
.

Zack got a sad look on his face, as he said, “I don’t think so.”

There was so
much emotion loaded behind his
statement that he didn’t have to elaborate on
it
for me to know how much he wished his life was different. The guy I’d seen on stage two years earlier was not the same guy I’d spent my summer with. That guy had been carefree and playful and optimistic about his future. The Zack I’d met could still slip into who he used to be at times, but it was evident that he bore too much o
f a burden to let everything go
so he could
really
be that guy again. It was like he was broken, and there wasn’t anything that could fix him at that point.

“Hey, never say never, man,” Leo was saying as he strode back to where we were sitting.

“Not going to happen, Leo,” Zack said
firmly
, looking up at him. 

“I’m just saying.  We’ve got
two beautiful fans right here.
Think of how many more we could have.”

Rachel and I turned to look at him. 

“You were in the band, too?” I asked
, no believing I hadn’t recognized either of them
.

“Yea
h,” he said.
“I played the bass
guitar. Still would if Zack ever wanted to start things up again.”

“I’m in, if Zack’s in,” Derrick said, sauntering up behind us with Molly and Chase in tow. He slunk down onto Rachel’s towel and put his arm around her. “Especially if this
hottie
comes to our shows.”

On her other side, Chase stopped in his tracks, suddenly glaring daggers at Derrick. “She’s got a boyfriend, man,” he said, taking a step forward, but Rachel stopped him when she put her hand up.

I thought it was kind of sweet that Chase was acting all big brotherly toward her, but she wanted none of it.

“I’ve got this Chase,” she said, as she made a big production
of lifting Derrick’s arm off
her shoulder. “Sorry, Derrick, but you had your chance. You probably shouldn’t have forgotten to call me back after the beautiful night we had together.”

I watched Chase’s mouth drop open before his eyes turned to slits, and I wondered if he had a crush on Rachel that he wasn’t admitting
to
. It would certainly explain why he’d been acting so weird around her.

“We could have another beautiful night together,” Derrick countered, and I thought Chase might lunge at him.

Rachel just shook her head in pity. “Sorry, dude, I’m taken.”

With that, she got up off her towel and said she was going inside to get a drink. Chase watched her for a few beats before starting up the beach after her, and I wondered if he was losing his mind.

“
So
you really
like
the album that much
?” Zack asked
me
, changing the subject.

“Yeah,” I
said.  “I
love it
.
I’d love it more if all of your songs were on there. Did this one not make the cut?
”
I tapped my fingers against his tattoo again.

“We had plans to record another album, but we never ended up doing it,” he said, that wistful look crossing his face again. “
Jump
was going to be on it. I wrote it after we released
our first
album, so we didn’t get to include it.
”

He got that far off look in his eyes that he got so often, and as much as I wanted to find out why, something in me told me not to probe.

“
Will you play it
for me?”
I asked, begging just a little with my eyes. “I want to hear the song that meant so much to you that you branded yourself with the lyrics.”

Zack smiled
, his attention shifting back to the present
. “I haven’t played it for anyone in a while, but I’d do it for you.
”

God, how I want to tell him I loved him, but I couldn’t. We were keeping things casual, and I had to keep pretending I was okay with that.

Chapter
Twenty-Three

As we dressed to go out that night,
we listened to Liar’s Edge, and
I dug through what Rachel had brought and she took the opportunity
to riffle through my drawers.
I still had a hard time realizing that the amazing voice belting out some of my all-time favorite lyrics was Zack
’s
. I’d listed to the album for so many years, and all along, it was Zack I’d been listening to.

“
Cute shirt
,” Rachel
said, trying on a slinky black top that with a back that dipped way down in the
back and tied around the neck.
I’d gotten it when Molly had taken me shopping.

She modeled it in front of my mirror while I tried on a strapless black cotton dress that she’d brought.
“You should see the leather mini skirt I got. Zack’s a huge fan,” I said, grinning widely.

“
I’ll bet he is.
Ooh, I love that on you,” she said,
spinning around to look at me.
“You’
re definitely wearing that. And
I’m wearing this.”

By the time we were ready, she’d donned a silver toe ring, a thumb ring that was similar to the one Cha
se wore and big hoop earrings.
She’d done her eyes
, so they looked smoky a
nd seductive. She looked hot, and
I
knew she’d be fighting the guys off all night.

We were heading to a
bonfire
that night, so
Zack had his guitar with him
when we stopped by his house to pick him up
.
He held it with one hand and my hand with the other, as we walked behind Chase, Molly
,
Rachel
and Derrick, who’d started to hit on Molly since he’d found out Rachel was off the market. He wasn’t having much luck with her either.
The
four
of them were sharing a joint, something I was still having trouble wrapping my head around, since I’d n
ever seen Rachel smoke before.
She seemed to be right at home, laughing and tal
king and smoking
.

“Today was a good day after all,” Zack said to me as we walked.

“Oh yeah?”

I could tell.
He was lighter on days when his mom
was doing well.

“Yeah, she said that after she got up from her nap, she played cards with my Aunt Jane, watched some TV and then helped
cook dinner.
She was in a great mood when we left.”

I squeezed his hand.
“I’m so glad, Zack,” I said, feeling overjoyed that some of his sadness had disappeared, even if we both
knew it would be short-lived. “So
what are you playing tonight?”

He shrugged. “Don’t know.
What do you want to hear?”

“Anything, if you’re playing,” I sai
d, “but if we’re being honest, I’d love to hear some
Liar’s Edge
.”

He laughed.
“
We’ll see.
I don’t know how I feel about playing
it
for an audience.
It’s been a while.”

I squeezed his hand, letting him know it would be okay if he didn’t feel like playing.

“
Y
ou
really
want
to hear my stuff?”
I could hear the doubt in his voice and knew he
more skeptical of his talents than
everyone else was.

I nodded.

“Then maybe I’ll play for just you later, if you’re lucky.” He grinned and wrapped his arm around my shoulder.

“You’re
really
are
amazing,
Zack,
”
I said, being totally honest.
“
And
I’m not saying that j
ust because I’m sleeping with you
.
” I smirked at him and he pulled me closer. “
I really think you’re an amazing singer
.
Ha
ve you ever thought about going back to it
, like as a career
,
after – you know
?”

As soon as the words were out of my mouth I knew I never should have said them.
T
he sharp intake of Zack’s breath
told me
I
’d
crossed a
line. He didn’t even
respond. He just dropped his arm from my shoulder
and got quiet.
We walked in silence for a few minutes as my stomach churned with the realization of what I’d done. I cursed
both
me and my big mouth
.