As I Close My Eyes (3 page)

“
Hi, buddy.” I tried to pet his head as he spun in circles. Eric led me to the couch because he could see that I wasn’t feeling well.

“
Just lie down and I’ll get you some water.”

“
Thanks. I really appreciate you staying with me. Set the alarm on your phone so you remember to wake me every four hours.” I curled up on the couch and took every pillow I could and placed them behind my head. It felt better to be elevated rather than lying flat.

“
Already on it.”

Almost instantly, I was asleep.

*  *  *

“
Caroline, we have to move.” There was a blonde woman who stood over me. She was next to the older woman whom I had seen before.

“
The fire is getting bigger. We have to get out of here. Can you walk?”

“
What?” I said.

“
Can ... you ... walk?” she repeated deliberately.

“
Yes.”

We ran down the dirt street and away from the fire. I looked around and noticed that all of the women wore bustled dresses that probably dated back to the late 1800s or early 1900s. I shook my head and squinted, trying to see if I could focus more on my surroundings and possibly come back to reality, but everything stayed the same. The buildings looked ancient, but new at the same time and everything seemed hazy and dark. The blonde stood next to me, her mouth gaping in disbelief, and my chest tightened with fear.

What was I doing here?

“
Come on. Over here!” yelled the older woman who dragged the blonde woman behind her with me holding on for dear life. We were all linked together, desperately trying to escape the danger in the distance.

We got into a boat at the end of a dock and glided across the water and away from the chaos. As we sat out in the ocean for several minutes, I could see firemen trying to put out the massive fire in what looked to be a hotel or large convention hall. They had buckets of water and tossed them into the blaze. The only fire truck on the scene looked more like a buggy horses would pull. It was painted a bright red with gold accents and several firemen pulled a long hose from the back of it.

“
Oh Caroline, I hope Robert is okay,” said the blonde as she squeezed my hand sympathetically.

Who the hell was Robert?

Chapter 3

The turn of a key in the door shocked me into consciousness.

“
Hi, Dani. We’re home!” It was Mama. I stared at the digital clock on the DVD player under the television and saw that it was after eleven a.m. I had been asleep for over fourteen hours.

“
Oh, hey,” I replied, barely awake.

“
Oh my word, Danielle! What in the hell happened to your pretty face?” asked Mama. “Looks like you got yourself in a heap of trouble, young lady.”

“
I’m fine, really. I just fell off water skis yesterday. It’s no big deal.” As I sat up, my nose thumped from pain.

“
Did you go out on Brad’s boat again? You know how nervous that makes me.”

Mama never fully grasped the concept of letting me grow up. Once, last year, I arrived four minutes after curfew from a night at Shannon’s and she practically called the FBI. Her new husband, Bill, acted as the voice of reason when it came to calming Mama down from the hysterical mess of emotions that swarmed within. Southern women were known for their expressive nature, but Mama’s inability to cope with any normal situation made her completely obnoxious to the citizens of Sugar Hill - especially to her own daughter.

“
It was the first day of summer, Mama. We just wanted to relax on the boat,” I told her with a definitive tone of annoyance. “It’s just a little bruising. I’ll be fine. How was the wedding?”

“
Awww, it was beautiful. Your cousin was just stunning and they had this DJ that put leis on everyone in a conga line.” Mama demonstrated as she pranced around the room with her hands in the air, making waving motions. She stopped, scrutinizing my face. “You sure you’re okay, Dani?” Her fingers caressed my cheeks, inspecting the damage.

I pulled away. “I’m fine, Mama.”

She walked back into the kitchen to go through the mail. “Looks like Eric stayed the night.” I wondered how she knew. “He left a note on the table saying he had to go home this morning.”

“
Yeah, I needed someone to stay with me and he volunteered.”

“
That boy is so good to you.”

“
I know.”

The phone rang.

“
It’s for you,” said Mama as she handed it to me.

“
Hey, Dani. Brad and I just had a huge fight. Wanna go to The Falls for a few days?”

“
Sure beats sittin’ around here. Let me get my stuff. Can you pick me up?”

“
Be there in an hour,” Shannon said. “You sure you’re feeling up to this? You heard what the doctor said.”

“
I’m fine.” I hung up the phone. Even though my head throbbed, I’d rather be at The Falls than at home. I was sure Mama would object, but I didn’t want to sit around the house all day waiting for my head to stop pounding.

I ran upstairs to my way-too-pink bedroom in search of a bag to throw my clothes in for our two-day trip. As I packed for the weekend, I saw something shiny peeking out from under a sweater on my floor. It looked like a necklace. I pulled at the gold chain and realized it was the gift Justin had given me for my sixteenth birthday. Two years had passed since his death. I expected this year to be easier than last, but it wasn’t. Memories swept back from a time when he was still alive. We had a good relationship and he protected me as a big brother should. In the second grade, this older girl cornered me on the playground and dumped my entire book bag out on the grass before school. Justin had been talking to another boy behind me and saw it happen. In an instant, he pushed this bully against the metal fence. He didn’t say anything to her. Overpowering her was enough and she never bothered me again.

I could still hear his laugh and see him bursting through my bedroom door to tackle me to the ground. Tears welled up in my eyes even though I tried to hold back my emotions.

Mama had never been the same after Justin’s car accident. When he hadn’t come home by three a.m., we knew something had gone very wrong. He always checked in. Our last conversation ate at me almost every day. I couldn’t recall what the fight was about, but I did remember telling Justin I hated him.

I was sure my Mama thought every day about her last moments with Justin as well. My parents’ marriage just didn’t stand the test of losing a child. Daddy and Mama stopped talking and I felt like I was caught in the middle of keeping my mama sane and my daddy sober. There wasn’t time to make sure I dealt with my brother’s death in an acceptable way. They had their own nightmares that haunted them.

Bill was a great person and it made me happy that Mama had found him after Daddy went off the deep end. One fall day in September, he left and never came back. When Mama woke up in the morning, most of his clothes were still in the closet. Things had been strewn all over the bathroom as if he had left in a hurry. Everyone reacts differently to tragedy, but I had always felt like he abandoned us. He had lost Justin, but so had we. Every fiber in me wished I knew where he was.

I stared at the necklace in my hands and wondered how it had gotten on the floor beneath piles of clothing. It didn’t really matter how it materialized there though, just that I had finally found it after months of searching. I had always kept it in my jewelry box on my dresser and then, one day, it disappeared. The only person, besides me, who knew where I kept it was Mama. I knew she had probably found it while cleaning my room. I pictured her sitting on the edge of my bed holding it with tears in her eyes. Maybe she had panicked when she heard Bill or me come in and dropped it on the floor.

Shannon held her hands on the horn of her VW Beetle loud enough to rouse the dead. I raced down the stairs as I pulled my hair up into a ponytail. “See y’all in a few days!” I yelled just before I slammed the front door. I could picture Mama rolling her eyes as I ran out of the house. She thought I was being completely irresponsible. I didn’t even give her a second to object. I was eighteen and could do whatever I wanted.

We drove for an hour up to Tallulah Falls. It was one of our favorite getaways. Well, one of Shannon’s favorite getaways from Brad when they fought. I’d listen to her complain about him for a few days if it meant I could escape from Sugar Hill for a weekend before I started my summer job serving tourists ice cream all day.

Shannon had called ahead to reserve our cozy cabin. She had also made reservations at the best Italian restaurant in town. This only meant one thing - Shannon had caught Brad staring at another girl, then quickly dumped him for the millionth time, leaving her completely distraught and miserable. We only ate at Fiorentinos when they were fighting. Their relationship was something I’d never understand. I always thought love should be uncomplicated and gratifying.

“
God, he just makes me crazy. I don’t even know why we’re together.” She slammed her hands on the steering wheel.

I’d heard this before. “What did you guys fight about this time?”

“
He wants to take a break over the summer so he can find himself.” Shannon used air quotes around ‘find himself.’

“
Well, maybe it’s a good thing,” I tried to explain. “Maybe you can do what you like to do for a change and be by yourself for a while.”

“
What are you talking about, Dani? This sucks,” she replied.

“
Okay, sorry,” I said, but I really wasn’t. I truly did think that Shannon could use some down time away from Brad. She had always been with Brad and it was about time she took a break to figure herself out. Isn’t that what we were supposed to be doing in college?

I had one boyfriend during my junior year of high school and that only lasted for a few months. He just got in the way. When I got to college, I really wanted my experience to be about friends and finding a career. In a lot of ways, Shannon and I were complete opposites. It was pretty amazing that we had stayed so close over the years. She liked fashion and I enjoyed reading books; she wanted to go to parties while I’d rather stay in. And then there was that one, huge difference - she was gorgeous and I was just average - the kind of girl who sat at the back of geology class, never looking up for fear that someone would notice. 

We drove for a long time without saying anything and before we knew it, we were in the town of Tallulah. As we made our way past the brick visitors center, we wound around a wooded road driving by only one car on our way to check-in. The Falls - as we had termed it years ago - made me feel like I was completely severed from the rest of the world. The trees kept it cool all year round and a warm comfort came over me as we got closer and closer to the guesthouse where we could check in. We had turned the radio off about fifteen minutes before so we could just enjoy the drive with the windows open and the sounds of birds in the distance.

As we pulled up to the guesthouse, two miniature schnauzers greeted us. The owners lived in the house and their furry welcoming committee remembered us only by the treats we brought them each time we came. Our home for the next few days sat just around the corner. As we pulled up to cabin #10, memories of the four of us coming here after prom and before we headed off to Gainesville flooded my mind.