As I Close My Eyes (9 page)

There were steps on either side of his desk that led up to another level of books - books for serious buyers. Red velvet ropes hung at the top, guarding what was behind them.

I couldn’t believe I was in his store. I sat with a beer wondering how old he was, where his family lived, and where he lived. He probably had no idea that I couldn’t legally drink alcohol and I took that as a good thing. I would much rather appear more mature than my age.

As I glanced out the windows at the front of the store, I could see Ben crossing the street with a pizza in hand. Could he really be into me? No one was ever into me. I was so used to being in the background behind Shannon that I was really unsure of this entire situation.

“
Dinner is served,” Ben said in his best British butler voice as he walked into the bookstore.

“
Wow! Thanks for doing this. I didn’t expect to be here tonight,” I replied as I took another swig of beer.

“
What were you going to do if you weren’t here?”

“
Well, I came to Tallulah to find you, so I guess I was hoping we’d be together, but I really didn’t think we’d end up in the same place.” I realized how desperate I sounded and wished I could take it back.

“
Are you kidding? I’d be home doing absolutely nothing if you hadn’t walked in today.”

“
Really?” I said, tilting my head. “That makes me feel better. I mean, I do feel a bit strange driving all the way up here just to see if I could run into you.”

Ben opened a beer for himself and sat down close to me. “Well, I’m flattered. So what’s your story, Danielle Grayson?”

“
I don’t really have one. I live in Sugar Hill. I go to Gainesville State College. And I can’t believe I’m sitting here eating pizza with you,” I said as I smirked and reached for another slice.

“
So you’re still in college? I actually thought you were older. Maybe out of college by a year or so. I may be too old for you, but I’m really glad you’re here eating pizza with me,” Ben said as he grazed my hand with his. It was a quick touch, but one that left me wanting more.

“
I’m really glad to be here, too.”

“
You know, not many girls would shove two slices of pizza down their throats on a first date. I like that.” 

Oh my God, he called this a first date. “I really like food. I don’t think I’ve ever ordered a salad at a restaurant.” I took another sip of beer and continued. “So you live here in Tallulah Falls?”

“
Yeah, but for only about a year and a half,” he explained. “I bought this store about a year ago. Actually, it’ll be a year in two months. Anyway, I came here to find peace and get away from the big city.”

“
Where did you move from?”

“
New York City. I grew up in New Jersey though where my family still lives. My mother’s not exactly thrilled that I moved away.” 

“
I’m sure she understands.”

“
My mother’s not very subtle and she’s made it very clear that I should come home more often, but I like my free time and since I’m always at the bookstore, it makes it hard to travel.”

“
I’ve always wanted to go to New York. That’s where I want to live after college. I want to experience New York because I’ve been stuck in suburban Sugar Hill for so long and I know I’d love it.”

“
No, you’d miss it here. You might love it for a year, but then you’d realize how ridiculously expensive it is to live in New York and how much faster everyone moves and you’d move back,” he said. “Besides, you can’t go ... I just met you.”

Did he really just say that?

I was dying to ask Ben who the woman was on his arm at the restaurant, but I didn’t think I had the right to yet.

Our conversation the rest of the night was smooth and easy. We talked as if we were friends who hadn’t seen each other in a while. The familiarity was a bit confusing. In fact, it was almost too much to bear. The intense attraction I had for Ben caused a fear that welled up in my chest like a rope being tightened, suffocating me. I internally tried to talk myself down to subdue any desire to run right out the door away from him.

“
I have to say. This is a first. I’ve never had anyone chase after me,” said Ben as he opened his second beer.

“
It’s a first for me, too. Sorry if it took you off guard.”

“
No, I like surprises.”

We stared at each other for a few moments. I wondered how I measured up to the other women he had been with. I desperately wanted to grab his face and kiss him, but I had already taken a huge chance on coming to Tallulah myself to find him. I couldn’t risk looking completely nefarious.

As he took another swig of his beer, I saw his eyes glance my way, then quickly turn back to another part of the room.

“
How long are you staying here?” Ben asked.

“
I’m going to leave tomorrow, I think.”

“
What are you doing tomorrow morning?”

“
I’m not sure really,” I replied, desperately waiting for him to ask me to stay.

“
Oh. Well, it’s Sunday and the store is closed. Why don’t I pick you up at nine for breakfast?”

“
That’d be perfect.”

“
Where are you staying?”

“
About a mile down the road in one of the cabins on the way up to The Falls. I’m in #10.”

“
Okay then, Danielle Grayson,” Ben replied, looking at me intently with his sparkling green eyes. “I’ll pick you up tomorrow.”

We began to clean up our plates and toss the beer bottles into a trashcan. As I closed the pizza box, I saw Ben looking over his shoulder in my direction, but he quickly went back to wiping the table. I liked the feeling of his eyes on me.

He walked me to my car and I watched him stroll away. I had just met the love of my life.

“
Looking forward to tomorrow morning, Danielle Grayson,” Ben shouted from across the street.

I smiled at him and got into the driver’s side. I was glad I knew the roads well enough to get back without really thinking. My mind was on Ben. His eyes smiled when he talked and his lips were thin, but in perfect scale with the rest of his features. I should have been paying more attention to the road. In the distance, something caught my eye. Was that a person standing on the side of the road?

“
Shit!” I shouted as a figure of a man dressed in a suit passed me. He was transparent and I could see the mountain show through his body.

“
Oh my God!” There he was again, to the left now in the same stance. What the hell was going on?

“
Caroline,” I heard a whisper from the back seat of my car, but no one was there. I turned quickly to face the road again and swerved all over the place. It was a good thing no other cars were out now because I would have most likely been in an accident. I weaved in and out of both lanes, crossing the double yellow lines several times.

As I pictured the man on the road, it slowly came to me that it was Robert. It had to have been. He had on the same suit as the Robert in my dreams and looked exactly like him. Oh dear God, now I’m seeing him in the present right in front of me.

I got back to the cabin as fast as I could. I ran inside, slammed the front door, locked all the locks, turned on all the lights, and jumped into bed, pulling the covers all around me. I desperately wanted Ben with me so he could hold me and take the scare away.

What was I going to do? How could I stop this? I sat for hours, quickly darting my eyes around the room to make sure it was just me in the cabin. I didn’t see Robert’s ghost again and eventually fell asleep in a seated position, still wearing my sundress.

Chapter 8

Ben pulled up at nine a.m. sharp in a shiny, black Audi sedan. He stepped out wearing crisply ironed khakis with bright white sneakers and a blue polo shirt. His hair was neatly in place, as usual. He slowly took off the aviator sunglasses he was wearing and approached my front door.

I opened it before he could knock and saw that he was carrying a single pink rose behind his back.

“
How sweet of you, Ben. Thanks.” Bill was the only man who had ever given me flowers before.

“
A girl as beautiful as you should get a rose every day,” he replied while kissing my right hand.

What a great way to start the morning.

“
Should we go?” he asked.

“
Absolutely.”

He opened the passenger side door for me and we drove off to our second date.

“
So, I know you drove up here to see me, but you definitely know your way around this little town. I’m assuming you’ve spent some time here before?”

“
Tallulah is just where my friends and I always came. I’ve stayed in that cabin for as long as I can remember. It’s my happy place,” I replied. “Why did you move here, besides the fact that you wanted to get away from the city?”

“
I just picked a spot on the map one day, packed all of my stuff in my tiny New York apartment and came here.”

“
That’s incredibly spontaneous. Makes me coming here to find you seem normal.”

“
Let’s not go that far,” he said with a smirk. “I got kinda burned in my last relationship and I couldn’t stand to be there anymore,” Ben said, while removing his sunglasses so we could see each other better. “Plus, I really wanted to open a bookstore and there are so many in the city, I knew I had to go somewhere off the beaten path, so to speak.”

“
Well, you definitely achieved that by moving here.”

“
So, what are you studying at college?” Ben asked.

“
Journalism. Everyone in Sugar Hill goes to Gainesville, so it was just always the plan, I guess,” I looked down at my hands, embarrassed at having chosen the path of least resistance, following the crowd. “Where did you go to school?”

“
I actually studied at NYU for a while, but was overseas in England for most of my college career. That’s what started my love of rare books,” Ben said. “I went to NYU originally for art, but when I went abroad to study, I found this little bookstore in London that I fell in love with. I knew the second I stepped foot in the doors I wanted to open one just like it in the States.”

I envied his drive to do what he loved regardless of the outcome. He fascinated me. I was drawn to him, there was no question about that, but he seemed way out of my league as a boyfriend, or even as a friend.

“
That’s amazing. I always wanted to go to Europe, but just never did,” I said with a sheepish slump in my seat. “Of course, I have some time for that, I guess.”