As I Close My Eyes (20 page)

“
You mentioned something about a fire in Cape May in the 1800s. Well I found out that it took place on Nov
-
”

I interrupted him. “One step ahead of you. I know when it took place, I know where it started. I also found streets I’m familiar with from my dreams and names of people I recognize. Ben ... I think I’m somehow seeing into the past.”

“
Yeah, I think so too, but you have to tell me more because I have something else to show you but I want to know if it’s the right thing to do before I do it.”

“
Okay. I’ll start from the beginning. I was in a boat in the first dream with my mama and sister, who I didn’t know I was related to initially. There was a massive fire in the background and it was very cold out ... hence the month of November. Robert and I, or Caroline really, are married and their last name is Marcum. The house I lived in with my mama and sister burned in the fire and they built it back up to look like one of the painted ladies of Cape May.”

“
Wait. I didn’t know that you thought this person
-
Caroline
-
was you. As if you’re seeing into your past.”

“
Well, I think it might be me. I know it sounds crazy, but when I’m dreaming, it’s like I’m really there. Like I’ve lived this life before and then there’s Robert, who is a lot like you and now there’s also this John guy who has the same birthmark Justin had on his right arm.”

“
So what you’re telling me is that this is possibly some life you’ve already lived?”

“
I think so. It doesn’t make any sense and I can’t wrap my head around it, but I can’t think of any other way to explain the similarities I’m seeing between people in the past and people in my present.”

“
I might have something that will help now that you told me all of that.”

“
Okay.”

Ben pulled out a picture he printed from the Internet that afternoon. It was a photo of a man and a woman standing in wedding attire. Under the photo, the caption read, “On this day, May 22, 1877, Mr. Robert F. Marcum married Ms. Caroline S. Woodward in the city of Cape May, New Jersey.” The man and the woman stood side-by-side, unsmiling. I studied the man’s face. The resemblance between Robert and Ben was astounding.

“
Dani, look at her.” The urgency in Ben’s voice was unmistakable. When I finally glanced at the picture, I realized I had never actually seen Caroline’s face in my dreams. I gasped.

I was looking into a mirror.

Chapter 18

“
I have to tell you, Dani, this completely freaked me out when I found it. I don’t even know how I saw it. I just kept searching for a Robert in Cape May, 1878 and I stumbled upon it. I wasn’t sure this was even the Robert you were talking about. Frankly, I thought you might be a little nuts and I didn’t even know if I should come here. The idea scared the shit out of me that you could be right. Something just told me I should show you this photo. I guess the fact that it looks like I’m staring at myself made me think you weren’t crazy.”

“
Holy shit, Ben. Oh my God. Could I really be seeing into my past?”

“
Either that or you and I took this picture at one of those old-time photo places at an amusement park somewhere.”

“
Oh, stop that. I’m being serious,” I said as I gave him a light smack on the arm. “I’ve never had anything like this happen to me and I feel like I’m going completely insane.” I wasn’t lying either. This was incomprehensible. In my head, I thought, What if Robert and Caroline are Ben and me from a different time period? I began to get dizzy.

“
I think I need to lie down.”

“
Here, put your head on my lap,” Ben said.

“
Oh boy, if my mama stares out that window right now, you’re a dead man.”

Ben just laughed and ran his hands through my hair as he kissed my forehead.

“
Everything will be fine. We’ll figure this out. You’re definitely the most interesting girlfriend I’ve ever had.”

That was the first time he actually put a title to what I was to him. Even though he said he loved me before, he never referred to me as his girlfriend.

“
I’m glad I’m not boring you,” I said and looked up at him, begging him with my eyes to kiss me again.

Ben leaned over and pressed his lips to mine as passionately as he did at the waterfall. When we separated, I knew I had to end our conversation before my overbearing mama appeared.

“
I think I better go inside. I need to clear the air with Mama and Bill.”

“
Yeah, that’s probably best, because I’m thinking of some pretty nasty things I could do to their daughter right here on the porch.”

“
Hmmm ... sounds yummy!”

Ben smirked and leaned in for another kiss.

“
Thanks for coming here tonight,” I said to Ben as I kissed him again.

“
No problem. For what it’s worth, you’re better looking than Caroline.”

I got up and gave Ben one more kiss goodnight and headed inside to face the interrogation that awaited me.

As I stepped inside, I could tell that Mama and Bill had been discussing my recent behavior. Their conversation came to a halt as I made my way into the living room.

“
Hey, Mama. I’m sorry I didn’t get the chance to tell you about New Jersey before. I didn’t expect Ben to get here so quickly tonight and I wanted to tell you before he got here.”

“
That’s okay, sweetie. I just have to get used to the idea of you with an older man. It’s just a bit strange for Bill and I, that’s all. He really is wonderful though, Danielle.”

“
We’re just worried that this is going a little too fast,” said Bill.

“
Well, I’m a grown woman now and I know Ben is older, but he treats me like a queen and I’m falling in love with him.”

That was all I had to say and Mama immediately hugged me while crying at the same time.

“
I’m so happy for you, Dani Bear. Ben’s great. We just don’t want to see you get hurt, that’s all,” Mama said as she pulled away from me and stared into my eyes.

I gave her a few pats on the back and headed up to my room to read more about Cape May. I wanted to immerse myself in the book so I could learn everything I could about the little beachside community.

After about twenty pages of town history, I began to nod off.

*  *  *

I was Caroline again, getting ready for the day. It was sunny and the smell of the ocean air floated through the bedroom from a tiny window that was opened just a crack. It must have been left open by mistake because it was very cold outside. I could hear a lot of chatter downstairs in the living room and as I made my way towards the bottom of the steps, I saw someone at the door with a handful of presents. It was John.

“
Merry Christmas, dear friend,” said John to Robert as he welcomed him in.

I was really getting sick of not knowing what day it was when I had these dreams.

“
Merry Christmas, John. Come on in.” Robert took the presents and then my hand and led me into the living room where my mother, Rebecca, and Mrs. Bigsley sat waiting for the moment when everyone would start passing out their gifts.

It was nice to relive Christmas in a time when electricity wasn’t even around yet. The tree glowed with real candles and the Danielle in me had to stop myself from blowing out each one for fear of another fire in Cape May. Everyone laughed and talked about how they were excited to rebuild and start a new, better year.

“
Oh Caroline, you look divine, my dear,” said Mrs. Bigsley as she came to give me a hug, oddly patting my stomach.

Rebecca had brought out a tray of cookies and tea for everyone while the opening of presents commenced.

John rose and handed Robert a small box. “To my handsome and successful brother, Robert. I hope this gift brings you many joys for years to come.”

I let out a slight gasp at the moment John called Robert his brother. “Are you alright, Caroline?” asked Rebecca.

“
Yes, perfectly fine,” I said as I took deep breaths to calm myself down. I learned something new each and every time I dreamt back to Cape May. Now it made more sense as to why everyone was so upset after the fire when we couldn't find him.

Robert opened his gift and revealed a fancy, silver pocket watch inscribed with his initials.

“
This is too much, John,” said Robert as he admired it.

“
No, nothing is too good for you. If the fire taught me anything, it was to spend what I have now in case I’m not here tomorrow.”

“
On that note, I want to give you yours then,” said Robert to John. It was a gorgeous cashmere scarf in a brilliant burgundy red with John's initials on the end. More presents were passed out until one small little gift lay alone under the tree.

“
This last one is for my darling wife, Caroline,” Robert said as he handed me the tiny box wrapped in brown paper and tied with a simple bow.

“
Oh, Robert,” I said while I opened it.

My heart stopped when I took the lid off and saw what looked like small shoes inside. I pulled back the tissue paper and discovered two tiny pink booties hand knitted with a letter M on the top of each one. I held my breath and let out a shaky exhale as I looked down at my lap. The large dresses I wore concealed a small bump in my lower belly.

Oh my God ...  I was pregnant.

Chapter 19

For the next few days, I found myself rubbing my stomach to check for any kicking inside from a baby that only existed in my dreams. I had to keep reminding myself that I, as Danielle, wasn’t pregnant. My head played games with me and I would wake up in the morning and feel like I was about to be sick. I knew it was all in my mind, but I couldn’t get past the nauseous feeling I had.

It was Friday morning and I was up in my room preparing for the trip to Cape May when Mama peeked her head in the doorway.

“
Packing for the weekend?” she asked. 

“
Yup,” I replied as I placed my other favorite pair of flip-flops in the open suitcase.

“
Dani, can we chat for a second?” Mama asked while she slowly made her way to my side of the bed. She sat down and patted the blankets as an invitation for me to sit next to her.