As I Close My Eyes (15 page)

“
Why weren’t you wearing your ring earlier, darling?”

“
I took it off while helping with the fire. I feared it would be damaged.”

“
Hey there, Robert,” yelled John from the second story. He nailed in a board to complete one of the rooms on the top floor. “Out for a stroll on this lovely day?”

“
Yes, we wanted to see how the town was coming along with the rebuilding process.”

“
Well, it’s almost Christmas so we don’t want to waste any time.” John put his hammer down and made his way out the front door to the street to greet us. “And how are the two loveliest ladies in the Cape today?”

Hmmm ... the Cape. Was I in Cape May or Cape Cod? I thought it was Cape May, but I wasn’t sure if I was right. The style of the homes being built was similar to photos I had seen of Cape May from my high school history class. I couldn’t believe I was standing in the time period when these historic homes were constructed.

Rebecca let out a little giggle when John took her hand and kissed it. I could see patches of hair growing in scattered spots on his cheeks and his hair kept falling into his eyes. Rebecca graciously moved the strands away from his sight.

“
How kind of you to ask,” said Rebecca as she pulled her hand from his grasp.

I paid close attention to the inflection in his words as he spoke to see if they were similar to Justin’s. His mannerisms and stance were definitely something I had seen before. John also seemed to have the same way with people that Justin did. He was probably the life of the party and was very well liked. As I studied his movements and expressions, I noticed a birthmark on his right arm. Justin had the same birthmark in the same place. I made myself remember the location of the mark on Justin’s arm, recalling a volleyball game when Justin spiked the ball over the net. John’s was a mirror image of Justin’s.

The four of us talked for a brief moment before Robert and I made our way back to our house just a few blocks back. Rebecca stayed behind with John to help rebuild. She didn’t strike me as the kind of woman who liked to get her hands dirty. I was surprised at her willingness to help.

“
You look wonderful today, Caroline,” said Robert as we stopped along a side street to take a rest on a small bench. “Are you feeling well?”
             

“
Yes, I’m fine,” I replied.

“
I don’t want to push you, especially in your condition,” Robert said.

I turned to look at him and opened my mouth to speak, but quickly shut my lips together.
My condition,
I whispered to myself. Was I sick? If something happens in this life, does it happen in the present?

“
I’m perfect, darling. No need to worry about me. I think this is all a bit much to handle, though. My house is gone, the town looks horridly destroyed, and I can’t get Mother to talk about any of it. She’s completely retreated into herself.” I didn’t look at Robert while I spoke. I wasn’t sure my facial expressions would match my emotions.

“
You let me worry about fixing this town. John will have it back up to normal by the start of spring. As for your mother, she’ll come around. Just give her time,” Robert said as he kissed my forehead. “Although you told me not to worry about you, you look a bit peaked.”

I let Robert help me up to a standing position and we slowly began our trek back to the house.

*  *  *

My cell phone rang and I quickly jerked awake, almost falling off the top step of the porch. A book was resting in my lap, open, as if I had been reading and dozed off. It was Ben.

“
Hey, Dani. What do you think about coming to Tallulah tomorrow to see me?”

I had to switch gears from Robert to Ben and focus on the present so I could actually hold a conversation. Sugar Hill, Georgia.

“
Tomorrow ... that would be great. I have to work until two, but I can be there after that. Should I meet you at the store?”

“
No, I’m going to close it tomorrow. I have a big day planned for us. You can come straight to my house.”

“
Okay, how do I get there?”

“
It’s easy, just go past the bookstore towards town and make your first left. I am the fifth house on the right. 248 Woodland Street.”

“
Perfect, can’t wait to see you. Can you give me a little hint about what we’re doing?”

“
Nope, you’ll just have to wait and see.”

I hung up with an enormous smile on my face. He wanted to see me again. I jumped off the porch and did a little dance.

As the day progressed, I counted down the hours until sleep so I could wake up the next morning, get through work, and head to Tallulah. Just as I hopped into bed, I heard Eric calling my name from outside my window.

I opened the window and called back. “Hey, I was just about to go to sleep, but I want to talk to you, so come on in. I’m sure my parents won’t mind.” 

Eric arrived in my doorway seconds later and sat down on the edge of my bed.

“
I wanted to come here to apologize to you,” said Eric.

“
For what?”

“
I haven’t been fair to you. Ben is really great and you seem very happy with him. It’s just that, when Justin died, I promised him at the funeral that I’d take care of you like you were my own sister and I don’t think I’ve been doing a very good job.”
             

“
What are you talking about, Eric?” I adjusted my position in bed so I could sit upright.

“
See ... um ....”

“
What? Just say it.”

“
I think of you as more than a sister.” He said it so fast I wasn’t sure I heard him right.

“
What?”

He repeated himself. I shifted uncomfortably on the bed and traced the pattern of the bedspread with my fingertips. Eric looked despondent. It had been raining and wet hair matted to his forehead. Droplets of rain slowly moved down the sides of his face, but he didn’t notice.

“
Well, that was unexpected,” I said, shying away from him.

“
See, I knew I shouldn’t have told you. I should have just kept my mouth shut.”

“
Is this why you want to move to Boston? Because of me?”

“
Partly, well ... mostly, yeah. I just don’t want this to get in the way of our friendship and now that Ben’s in the picture ... I know I’m not the one you want.”

“
Oh, Eric. It’s just bad timing. I didn’t expect to meet Ben, but even if I hadn’t, you and I would never work as more than just friends. I’ve known you forever and I just can’t imagine - ” 

He cut me off. “You know, the weekend you went to The Falls by yourself, I had planned on talking to you, but then you came home and said you met Ben and I felt like I couldn’t compete with him.”

“
It’s not about competing, Eric. It’s just that I don’t think of you that way. I’m sorry to hurt your feelings, but you are like a brother to me. You followed your promise to Justin better than you know.”

He sat silent on the bed and pulled at his fingers while subtly bouncing up and down.

“
Look, you and I will always be friends, but it will never be more than that. You’re an awesome person with so much potential and if you want to go to Boston because that’s where you think you’ll succeed, then I’ll support you all the way, but don’t go just because of your feelings for me.”

“
I’m just not sure I can stand watching you and Ben.”

“
Maybe you need a vacation of your own for a while.” After years of being friends, how could Eric ever think we could be more? I wondered how long he had felt this way. I was so oblivious sometimes.

“
I’m really sorry I said anything. I just had to get that off my chest and I knew it would end this way. I was just hoping that the two percent of me that thought we’d be something together would have won tonight,” Eric sighed.

I leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. “I’m so sorry, Eric. If it helps, I’m really glad you told me.”

I felt horrible for letting him down. He was going through a lot lately and I had only added to his misery. His parents were on the verge of divorce, I just rejected him, and he really didn’t know what he wanted to do with the next chapter of his life. Maybe it was a good decision to go to Boston. He could get away from his family and figure things out for himself.

“
So, what do you think you’re gonna do about Boston?” I asked him as I glanced at the clock, trying to change the subject. I wanted to get a good night’s sleep for my day tomorrow with Ben and now that seemed to be out of the question since it was already midnight and I had to get up for work at seven.

“
I don’t know. I figure if I have the chance to take my grandparents up on the offer to pay for such a big-ticket school, I might as well do it.”

“
What is it, like fifty thousand a year to go to Northeastern?”

“
Something like that.”

I wasn’t ever sure of why Eric’s parents removed themselves from any relationship with his grandparents. I don’t think Eric knew the whole story, either. I think that was what the bulk of their arguments were about. His mama always wanted to clear the air with his grandparents, and his daddy wanted nothing to do with them.

“
Well, I’d better get to bed since I have to wake up early for work tomorrow.” There was no point in telling Eric that I was going to The Falls to see Ben again. Now definitely wasn’t the time.

“
I hope we’re okay. Are we?” Eric asked me.

“
Of course we are. Forget it ever happened.”

He left as silently as he came, except that a damp spot covered the bottom of my bed where he had sat, wet from the rain. At least the sound of the drops hitting the windowsill would make it easier to fall asleep.

Chapter 14

I left work ten minutes early because I just couldn’t stand to be there one more second. I didn’t think any of my other co-workers noticed since there was a line of people waiting to be served as I walked out the door. If I got in trouble, I’d deal with it later.

The sun shone bright and the drive was fast. I was glad there weren’t any state troopers on the way to Tallulah because I definitely would have gotten a ticket.

As I drove along the windy roads, the Spanish moss that hung from the trees blew sideways as I passed. Each long, green strand looked as though it would lose its grasp and blow away with the wind. Spanish moss was one of the things I loved the most about living in the South.