As I Close My Eyes (27 page)

Mama

I’m not sure when she found a moment to place this gorgeous sundress in there, but it was perfect for today. She also included matching sandals, which didn’t surprise me because Mama had some not-so-subtle ways of telling me to dress more like a southern belle. 

The rest of the morning was filled with breakfast at The Shack, a tour of the town of Scotch Plains and a stop at a local market to pick up the essentials for dinner. Apparently Maryann did most of the shopping, but Ben’s father insisted she have the day off since she’d be working extra hard when Mrs. Sheffield came home. The apparent fear of Mrs. Sheffield made me very nervous about the next day and knew I wouldn’t sleep much that night.

Later that evening, Ben’s friends trickled in a few at a time. Some had dates and others arrived alone, but all of them brought liquor.

My favorite person at the party was his friend Tristan. He was this enormous African-American man who stood about six feet, five inches tall and probably weighed two hundred and eighty pounds. The second he saw me, he hugged me and I felt every breath escape my body.

“
Ohhh, Danielle, it’s soooo good to meet you,” Tristan said as he gave me a squeeze that I’m sure was like crushing an ant to him. It felt like my bones were being folded onto one another and capsizing inside me.

“
Triiisssstan ... youu’rrre crrrushhhing meee,” I said in a whisper since my lungs were now squished down into my stomach. Suddenly, I felt coursing pain run though my body and I crumbled to the floor, again retreating to my past. I could sense the transformation to Victorian Cape May and it was as if I was going in and out of both worlds, witnessing glimpses of the present and the past as I tried to fight it off. Tristan held me up and everyone crowded around me, calling my name, but I couldn’t come back yet. The pain from Tristan’s bear hug must have triggered the pain I had in the hospital in 1879.

I fell to the floor in Tristan’s arms.

Chapter 26

I awoke to the sounds of a crying baby who lay next to me in a small, dome-shaped bassinet. Robert remained sound asleep in bed, completely oblivious to sounds of Grace’s hysterics. I carefully picked her up and truly saw her for the first time. She was beautiful. Her rosy cheeks were fat and cute, and a tiny light brown curl sat on the top of her head in the center, almost completely unnoticeable, but adorable to me as I stared at her chubby face. Bottles sat next to the bed on my nightstand and I let out a sigh of relief when I saw them because that would mean that I didn’t have to whip out my boob. Could I even do that? Oh well, it didn’t matter since she eyed up the bottle as much as I did.

I placed the nipple in her mouth and watched as she slowly drank with utter satisfaction as she began to fall back asleep. I held her for a while after she was finished. Her smell made me smile and I felt an immediate attachment to her, like I wanted to protect her from everything harmful in the world. Then I began to realize she was from the past and tears streamed down my face. Someday she’d grow up and if I wanted to, I could find her death certificate, too. I made a pact with myself that I’d never search for it. I didn’t want to know how or when she died. At the moment, I just wanted to watch her.

After I wiped the tears from my eyes, my mother came in to the room and asked if I needed any help with Grace.

“
I’m fine, go back to bed,” I said, but instead, she sat beside me, gently petting the baby’s head. A minute later, she kissed my cheek and slowly backed out of the room, leaving me and my precious new baby to drift back into slumber.

*  *  *

I awoke with one arm cradling the other, as if I really was holding a baby. I could see that I was back in the present, and I found myself disappointed that Grace wasn’t with me in this life.

I got off the couch and headed towards the kitchen. I stood in the doorway and caught Ben’s eye. He quickly came over to my side. “You’ve got to stop doing that,” he said, but he wasn’t laughing.

“
I know. I think Tristan’s hug made me pass out,” I replied.

“
Come on, you know it wasn’t Tristan,” Ben grabbed my hand and led me back out to the couch. “Dad has our family doctor coming over after dinner to check on you and I don’t want to hear that you don’t want him coming. Enough is enough, Dani. We need to figure this out.”

“
The problem is, I don’t think he’s going to find anything.”

“
Danielle, you had a really bad fall off that boat. I saw your face. And you haven’t called your doctor since you started passing out and seeing dead people.”

“
Wait,” I interrupted. “You didn’t say anything to anyone about the dreams I’ve been having, did you?”

“
No, I don’t even know where to begin with that one. I just think we need to make sure you don’t have anything serious going on.”

“
I appreciate your concern, Ben, but I’m fine.”

“
Listen, I want to marry you someday and I want to make sure you’re there at the altar with me.”

“
You want to marry me?” I held my breath for his answer.

“
Well, yeah ... I mean ... someday ... not now, but someday,” he stuttered.

All I could do was giggle and wrap my arms around him while planting a huge kiss on his lips.

“
Looks like Drinky McDrunkerson is awake,” shouted one of Ben’s friends from the kitchen.

“
I haven’t even had a drink yet,” I rebutted.

“
Are you sure you’re okay, Danielle?” asked Ben’s father as we made our way to the large dining room table for dinner.

“
I’m fine. And thank you for calling the doctor, Mr. Sheffield.” I turned to face Tristan. “You have a hell of a grip.”

“
Sorry. Guess I don’t know my own strength,” Tristan replied, sitting across from me at the table.

Shrimp pancetta over spinach linguine sat in a heap in the center. Everyone collectively made the meal except me, since I was passed out on the couch. Wherever there was Ben, there was good food.

Leah insisted on sitting next to me at the dinner table, which gave me a bonus point in Ben’s sister’s eyes. His friends were all so nice and hysterically funny. I could see why they all remained friends since grade school.

The doorbell rang as we were cleaning up and I went to answer it. I knew it was the doctor coming to check on me. Ben’s father introduced us and led us to the office right next to the kitchen so we could have some privacy.

“
So, how long have you been passing out like this?” the doctor asked as I laid down on the brown leather chaise lounge.

“
It started when I had an accident falling off water skis a few weeks ago. I began to have these dreams and then, recently, I just started fainting for no reason.” I went on to explain the accident in more detail and how I felt when I passed out. He checked my pupils and my head and said it was probably nothing more than a product of a concussion, but prescribed me some medication for the “hallucinations,” as he called them. I knew they were more than that and I’d never fill that prescription. This was precisely why I didn’t want to go back to the doctor in the first place: because no one except Ben truly believed me.

I went to bed that night feeling overly stuffed and completely thankful that the introduction of Ben’s friends and family went so well, although the fainting spell earlier made me more nervous for the meeting of his mother the following morning.

Since I wanted to make a good first impression on Ben’s mom, I decided, much to Ben’s disappointment, that I would sleep in the guest room like a good little houseguest. Truthfully, it was mostly out of fear of the wrath of Karen Sheffield.

The guest room was as I expected; perfectly decorated with Pottery Barn quilts adorning the bed and delicate silk curtains draped over two windows in the front of the house. An antique green dresser held more pillows and blankets in its drawers and there was a guest book resting on the top with a decorative gold pen sitting on the open book. I glanced through it and saw some very recognizable names - Chelsea Clinton, Margaret Thatcher, and even Martha Stewart. That would explain a lot. Seriously, what the hell did Ben’s father do? I paged through the book, thinking I’d find a Kennedy in there for sure, but that never happened.

I crawled into bed and heard footsteps in the hallway by my door, then a quiet scratching noise like fingernails scraping the outside. “Dani ... you awake?”

“
Benjamin, you leave me alone. I am going to be on my own tonight and I locked the door. Now go away. I’ll see you in the morning.” Sheesh, he was persistent.

“
Awww, come on ... let me in. I’ll be out of there before my mother comes home.”

“
Ben, I said no. I’m going to make the best first impression I can and do it with dignity and you’re not going to mess that up. I love you, now leave and I’ll see you tomorrow.” I walked away from the door and crawled into the extra-poufy guest bed and prepared to see Robert again. I started to feel like a bit of a cheater. Like looking forward to seeing Robert in my dreams meant that I was being dishonest with Ben somehow. The dream never came though and I wondered why Robert appeared to me one night and not another.

When the sun rose up over the horizon, I could smell coffee brewing downstairs. It was early and I knew she must be home. I quickly prepared myself in the guest bathroom and made sure I looked as presentable as possible. Hair combed; bra on; a dash of make-up, but just a bit so I looked natural and not like I was trying too hard. Then I followed the smell of coffee beans to the first floor.

“
Good morning, Danielle,” Mrs. Sheffield said with her back to me, stirring half and half in her mug of coffee.

“
Good morning, Mrs. Sheffield,” I nervously replied.

“
How did you sleep?” As she asked, she turned around and revealed a First Lady appearance with perfectly-coiffed short, blonde hair, a navy blue tee, white capris, and practically airbrushed make-up. She was a vision at six a.m.

“
I slept wonderfully, thank you. Your house is amazing and it’s so nice to be here to finally meet you and your family. Well, everyone besides Ben because I know Ben. I mean, he’s my boyfriend and all so I should know him.”
Shut up Danielle
, I said in my head. I knew I would never be as poised as Ben’s mother. Maybe it took years of practice, but something told me she was born to intimidate.

“
I went to the market this morning and got fresh berries and absolutely delectable bread. Would you like some?” she asked.

“
That would be perfect.” I sat down at the enormous center island as she served me coffee and a bowl of berries with jelly-topped bread. I felt like I should be in a caf
é
in Tuscany or something with the presentation and the amazing view.

“
So, you’re in love with my son?” she asked as she took a sip of her morning brew.

I almost spewed my coffee all over the counter. “Umm, yes ... yes, ma’am, I am.” 

“
I’m glad, because you’re the prettiest one he’s had at this house. And from what he tells me, you’re as smart as you are cute.”