An Unexpected Christmas (24 page)

April

I didn't want to move. I knew if
I moved my whole body would feel as though I was being pummelled with bricks. I
was lying perfectly still with my eyes closed and just listening to the noises
around me.

I had woken up in the ambulance
with no idea what had happened just a searing pain in my ankle and the feeling
that I had bruised every single part of my body. I couldn't remember anything
after seeing the photos of Nate. I scrunched my eyes tighter but that only made
the pounding in my head worse. The doctor had sent me to x-ray to confirm that
I had fractured my ankle and they wanted to keep me in overnight for
observation. If I was being honest I was a little relived as the thought of
going home didn't appeal to me at all but it could just be because I had left
it covered in empty biscuit wrappers and empty cans of diet coke.

Ella had insisted on getting me a
private room after she stopped crying. I heard a gentle knock at the door and I
opened my eyes to see her standing in the doorway looking like someone had
died.

I smiled at her and was glad when
she sheepishly returned my smile. 'Are you coming in or are you just going to
stand there?' My voice came out a little groggy but it was probably the
painkillers I was on that only seemed to take the edge off my pain.

 Ella walked slowly into the room
and sat herself on the end of the bed. 'How are you feeling?'

'Like I fell down a flight of
stairs.' Her smile was gone and it looked like she was going to cry again.
'Ella, I'm okay.' I reached my hand out slowly and was happy when she slipped
her fingers into mine.

'I thought...' She took a deep
breath, 'I thought you were dead.'

'Oh Ella.' I squeezed her hand in
reassurance. 'I'm so sorry.'

She let out a tiny laugh. 'You're
sorry? It was my fault that you fell. If I hadn't shouted you wouldn't have
lost your footing.'

'Stop. It wasn't your fault, you
know how clumsy I am and I was upset.' The last word came out as almost a
whisper and I dropped my eyes from her. I didn't remember her shouting at me
all I could remember were the photos of Nate and that woman together. The pain
that hit my heart was far worse than anything my body felt and I had the urge
to pull the covers over my head and disappear. I felt Ella squeeze my hand a
little and I looked back at her.

'April...'

'Don't. Please, I really don't
want to talk about it.'

A look of worry crossed her face
and she pulled her hand from mine and stood. 'Roddy is just outside is it
alright if he comes in?'

I nodded and then realised that I
really shouldn't have and I winced at the pain. I sunk a little deeper into the
pillow and waited as Ella opened the door and gestured to Roddy. A second later
he walked into the room, a huge bunch of flowers in his hand.

'Hey.' He smiled at me then
placed the flowers on the table that stood by the window. 'You gave us quite a
scare.' Ella moved to stand next to him and he placed a protective arm around
her and pulled her in close.

'I know, I'm sorry. And I'm sorry
that you have to spend some of your holiday in here. You guys don't have to
hang around you know that right. I will be perfectly fine.'

'Don't be silly, where else would
we be?' He smiled down at me and I couldn't help smiling back at him. He really
was a great guy, I was so happy for Ella and I appreciated everything she had
done for me but a wave of sadness hit me again and I wanted to wallow in it
alone.

Roddy looked at Ella and I
watched as he gave her some sort of look, Ella in turn shook her head and I
wondered what was going on. 'Guys, what's wrong?'

'Nothing.' Ella said, sounding
far too enthusiastic about her answer.

'Ella, you have to tell her.'

I wanted to sit up but I knew it
would hurt too much so just sent her a worried look. 'Tell me what?' Ella
shifted uncomfortably at Roddy's side and I noticed his arm tighten around her
as though he was giving her some strength to get her though whatever it was she
wanted to say to me. A wave of nausea hit me and I wondered if I was more
damaged than they first thought and they had left it to Ella to break the news.
'You're really worrying me now El, just tell me.'

'Well... I rang your mother.' Her
voice went up at the end so I knew that calling my mother wasn't what she was
worried about telling me. But I let her continue. 'And she said to call if it
was serious enough for them to have to come back.'

That sounded about right, they
weren't due back for another week and a half and nothing except death or a coma
would bring them home early. 'Alright, anything else?'

'I also called your sister. She
said she would try and get someone to look after the kids then she would be
here as soon as she could.'

I wondered if it was too late to
text Abby and let her know that I was okay and she really didn't need to come
all the way here to see me, especially as the doctor said I would be okay to go
home tomorrow. Ella was twisting the cuff of her jumper in her fingers so I
knew there was something else. 'Ella.' Her eyes went wide and she knew she was
busted. 'What are you not telling me?'

'Please don't freak out.' She
looked down at the blanket that was covering me then took a deep breath and
looked back up into my eyes. 'I rang Nate.'

'What?' I shouted and sat up at
the same time which was a huge mistake. 'Oww.' Ella stepped forward and looked
like she was going to cry again. I lowered myself slowly back onto the bed and
let out the breath I was holding.

'Oh my God, I'm sorry, I'm
sorry.' I held up my hand to her and waited for the pain to subside a little.

Once I was settled again I looked
up at her and in the calmest voice I could muster I asked. 'What possessed you to
call him? You knew I didn't want to talk to him.'

I couldn't hide the sadness in my
voice, and I saw as tears started to well up in Ella's eyes. 'I didn't know
what to do.' She was staring to panic and both Roddy and I could see it. I saw
his arm tighten around her. 'Nate always knows what to do. I didn't know what
to do.' Tears were falling down her face now and I couldn't be mad at her. She
did exactly what she thought was right and I couldn't hold that against her. I
opened up my arms and waited. She looked at me for only a second before moving
forward and almost falling into me. I still ached all over but in that moment I
didn't care. Ella was my best friend and she needed me as much as I needed her.

I stroked my hand over her blonde
hair and made shush noises. 'It's okay. It's okay. I understand.' I did
understand but I was still freaking out internally. I didn't need Nate knowing
about any of this. I didn't need to see him and have him feel sorry for me.

Ella released me and gave me a
small smile. 'I am sorry,' she whispered.

I took a breath. 'I know.' I
smiled back at her. I had no idea what she had told him or what he had said or
even if he cared enough to do anything but what I did know was that I missed
him so much that the pain in my heart hurt more than any physical pain I had
ever endured, and I had just fallen down a flight of stairs.

I looked from Ella to Roddy and
sent them a small smile. 'You know you don't have to stay.' I yawned, feeling
way more tired than I should for five thirty in the evening.

'You’re right, you need rest.'
Ella, still looking worried, moved back to me and placed a light kiss to my
cheek then turning back to Roddy, threaded her fingers through his and led him
out of my room closing the door quietly behind them.

I closed my eyes and I wondered
if I would be able to sleep despite feeling so tired. It bothered me that I
couldn't remember anything after seeing the photos. The images popped back in
my head and I felt my heart ache again at the thought of them. Nate probably just
told Ella to call my mum and that was it. He would be busy with the film and
his new girlfriend to worry about me.

I heard the door open and my
heart leapt. I opened my eyes to see a nurse walk over to my side. 'How are you
feeling honey?'

Disappointed, sad, and foolish -
that was how I was feeling. For a tiny moment I had thought that Nate would
walk through the door and smile at me. That full beam of a smile that I had
seen so many times, that made me feel like I was the only one in the world. 'Sore.'
Was what I told the Nurse.

She sent me a sympathetic smile
and checked my chart. 'You're not due for any more pain relief for at least
another hour. Just buzz if it gets too much before then and I will consult your
doctor.'

'Thank you.' She smiled again
then wandered back out of the room.

I wriggled as much as I could to
get comfortable without too much pain then closed my eyes again. I really was
feeling sleepy and my worry over not being able to sleep was soon gone as I
fell almost instantly into a deep slumber.

I looked down and wondered why
there was sand beneath my feet. Lifting my head I saw the sea stretching for
miles in front of me and the faint sound of barking. I looked around me to see
if I could hear where it was coming from but there was no one around just miles
and miles of sand and sea. I felt a presence behind me and when I turned I saw
a figure standing there. It was a male figure who had his back to me and I
moved slowly towards it. Something about him seemed familiar and I knew in an instant
who it was. I tried to call out but when I opened my mouth nothing came out. I
finally got to him and placing a hand on his arm I pulled to turn him but as
soon as his face came into view, he shifted into a tall woman wearing a fur
coat. She started to laugh and as I backed away from her, her laughter got
louder and louder until it was the only thing I could hear, it filled my head
and I wanted to scream at the noise.

I felt my whole body lurch awake
at once and I let out a small cry at the pain of it. My eyes flitted to the
figure standing at the window who had turned at my cry.

The room was darker now and even
though he stood in the shadows I knew who it was and I was filled with so many
emotions all at once that I didn't know how I was supposed to feel. He didn't
move, he simply stood and looked at me, a blank expression on his face that for
the life of me I couldn't read.

I couldn't take the silence.
'What are you doing here?' It was the first thing that came into my head and it
came out so quietly that I didn't think he had heard me.

He was supposed to be in Miami
with his new girlfriend not in a hospital room in London with the girl who ran
away from her own feelings and had been trying to convince herself it was all
for the right reasons.

Nate took a step towards me and I
watched as he clenched and unclenched his hands. I had no idea what was going
through his head but I had a feeling I was about to find out.

April

Nate had stopped at the end of my
bed and it seemed that he was having some sort of internal argument with
himself. He had gone from expressing no emotion to having every possible
emotion cross his face in quick succession. I just stared at him and waited.
After a moment he went back to showing no emotion and began to slowly shake his
head. He let out a heavy breath then before I knew what was happening he had
moved in close to me, placed a hand on either side of my face and lowered his
lips to mine.

His lips crashed into mine with
an urgency that I couldn't comprehend. He wasn't supposed to be here, he wasn't
supposed to be kissing me.

I felt his tongue run across my
lips and in that same moment I felt my body betray me and I was kissing him
back. My hands had reached up and found the back of his head to hold him to me.
I didn't care that it physically hurt to move, I needed to touch him. I knew
that I had missed him but I didn't know just how much until this very moment. I
stroked my hand down his neck and it was as though he suddenly realised what we
were doing and he pulled away taking a step back.

He stood staring at me and it
took me a moment to catch my breath and I noticed that Nate was also a little
breathless. That kiss must have meant something, it had been filled with so
much emotion, that I was sure, but I didn't know if it was fear, hatred,
affection or something else. I waited for him to speak but it seemed that I was
going to have to speak first. 'What are you doing here?' this time when I asked
it came out a little louder and not as shaky.

I watched him push a hand through
his hair then drop it back to his side. 'Well, I got a call from Ella.' He
turned away and walked back towards the window. He turned and began to pace
from one side of the room to the other. I waited for him to elaborate; I could
tell he was just trying to find the right words. That was just his way. 'I
hadn't been able to concentrate, like something had been bugging me and then I
get the call from Ella to say that you had been in an accident.'

I watched him move from one side
of the room to the other. I was still reeling from the kiss he just gave me and
I was still a little shocked that he was here, in my hospital room and not in
Miami.

'She blames herself, do you know
that?'

I looked away from him now. I
knew how Ella felt and I had tried to convince her that it was so far from
being her fault, that it was all mine, but I think she will always feel that
she was partly to blame and I hated that. I hated that she wouldn't let me take
all the blame for my stupidity and clumsiness. 'I know. It wasn't her fault.'

My words seemed to land on deaf
ears as Nate continued to pace from one side of the room to the other and only
occasionally glancing at me. Then after a moment he stopped at the end of the
bed and placed his hands on the table that lay across it. '
I got on the first plane I could, I had to sit next to
this old lady who wouldn't stop talking about her grandson and how he was going
to be some hot shot lawyer and how his fiancé was in medical school and how
proud she was for him and all that time, every second of her telling me every
little thing about him I was thinking that you could be dead.'

I
felt my mouth drop open. I couldn't imagine what he went through. Spending any
time thinking that someone you knew may or may not be dead must be a horrifying
thing.

He
had paused for a moment and run his eyes over me. 'I spent eight hours trapped
in a flying metal container thinking that you might have been dead. Do you know
what that is like? It's horrible and terrifying and all I could think about is
how we left things.'

I
had felt bad before but now, now I felt worse than falling down the stairs. I
felt that I deserved worse than falling down the stairs. To have put him
through something so awful, so shocking, hurt me more than anything I had ever
done.

Nate
lifted his hands from the table and slipped them into his pockets. 'I haven't
been able to stop thinking about what you said to me.' His tone had changed a
little. He didn't sound as angry or upset, just... lost. 'I just kept playing
it over and over in my head trying to work out what the hell you were really
going on about.'

I
thought that I had been clear in what I had told him. Everything I had said was
true I might have just amended it a little but I didn't know what wasn't clear,
and anyway, he had moved on pretty quickly so why was he so worked up about
what I had said. I could see why he was upset about thinking I was seriously
injured but did he really have the right to be upset with how we ended it?

'You
said that I needed someone to fit into my life.' He shook his head. 'I never
wanted someone to fit in to my life; I want someone I can share it with.'

I
thought about the photos spread out in the magazine and I scrunched my eyes up
to try and rid my mind of them. 'And you found that pretty quick.' It came out
as a mutter but when I opened my eyes I could tell that Nate had heard me.

'What does that mean?' He looked
a little shocked at my comment and slightly confused.

I looked at him for a moment.
What was I doing? He had moved on, found someone new, someone who was probably
a better fit for him, who looked glamorous and amazing and who looked right
being with him.

'There were pictures... in a
magazine.'

'And what? You jumped to a
conclusion.' His hands were in his hair again and I could see that he was
fighting with his anger. 'What were the pictures?'

'I don't...'

'April. What were the pictures
of?'

He was calm again and I took a
deep breath before I answered. 'You were outside a restaurant... with a woman.
You looked happy.'

I watched as his forehead
scrunched up like he was trying to work out where the pictures had been taken.
I knew the moment he figured it out as he looked back at me then moved to the
side of the bed and lowered himself to the mattress. 'The woman in the picture
is Olivia Reed.' I knew that name. I hadn't realised it was her when I saw the
pictures I think it was because I was in shock but thinking back I knew her and
I knew of her.

Olivia Reed was an actor, like
Nate, and from what I remember they had dated a while ago. She had been in some
of last year's biggest blockbusters and I was right in thinking she was a
better fit for him.

'She text me at Christmas and I
ignored it but she kept pestering my manager and so while I was in Miami we met
up for dinner. I was just going to tell her to leave me alone but the reason
she called was the complete opposite to what I thought she wanted.' He reached
his hand out and slowly took mine. 'She wanted to apologise but we ended up
talking about a lot more than that. I remembered that you never looked me in
the eye that morning and I wondered why. When I spoke to Olivia she suggested
something which I thought was ridiculous. She said that maybe you didn't think
you were good enough for me.'

I dropped my eyes from him like I
had done that day and I wanted to pull my hand from his. I didn't deserve his
touch or his soft voice but a part of me never wanted to let go again.

'The whole idea is preposterous.
You are... funny and smart and sexy as hell.' He reached out and with a finger
under my chin, tilted my head up so I was looking at him again. 'And I think I
fell in love with you that very first day. When you asked about me, not my work
but me, and then offered to help me without a thought of wasting your holiday.
I knew then that I loved you.' He stroked his thumb over my cheek and my eyes
fluttered closed at his touch, his words not quite processing in my head.
'Then, you broke my heart and I was so angry.'

My eyes flew open at his words.
'You have every right to be angry with me.'

Nate shook his head as he looked
down at our hands. He was slowly running his fingers over mine and the
sensation was distracting but not enough for me not to want to know what he was
going to say. 'I was never angry with you. I was angry with myself.' I felt my
brow furrow in confusion. Why was he angry at himself? He never did anything
that merited him to be, if anything he had been the perfect gentleman and I was
the one at fault. 'I didn't stop you. I just stood there and listened as you said
all those things about it not working out and how long distance relationships
never worked and that we led different lives and we were from different worlds.
I should have told you that it was all bullshit. That no matter where we were
from or how far away from each other we were, we would make it work. I would
fight to make it work.'

I could feel tears begin to build
in my eyes and I wanted to stay strong, I had shed so many tears over the past
few days that I was so tired of them. I felt the first tear fall down my cheek
and then Nate brushed it away with his thumb.

'April, tell me why you don't
think you're good enough for me?' His voice had dropped to a whisper.

I took a couple of breathes to
steady myself then looked at him. He looked tired and I could see dark circles
under his green, blue eyes and his chocolate coloured hair was messier than
usual but he was perfect. '
You are the most
wonderful man I have ever met.' I reached up and lay my hand gently on the side
of his face and looked deep into his eyes. 'You're talented, and intelligent,
and kind, and I just don't see why someone like you would want me. You could be
with any woman you wanted.'

Nate
shook his head slowly then closed his eyes. When he opened them again they
looked darker. 'The only woman I want is you.' He leaned in and placed a kiss
to my lips. It was soft and fleeting and wonderful. 'I'm in love with you and I
want to give us a shot.'

I
shook my head and I could feel the tears slowly roll down my cheeks. 'I don't
think...'

'Don't
think.' He pressed his lips to mine again and I felt it everywhere. Pulling
back he waited until I had opened my eyes again. 'When you think, it doesn't
end well for me.' He smiled and I felt myself return it.

Was
this really happening? Was everything he was telling me true? Could it really
work out? Did he really care about me so much and was I just being an idiot
thinking that it wouldn't work?

 'You
love me?' That was the main thing I couldn't get my head around. I knew I was
in love with him but having him say those words to me was something I could
only have dreamed about. 'You have only known me for about a week.'

'I told you, I knew from the very
start.'

I smiled at him and I realised I
hadn't smiled in days, hadn't felt this good in days and any physical pain was
dulled by all the wonderful things I was feeling now. 'I love you too.' He
grinned back at me. 'I do. And I'm sorry. I am so sorry for everything.'

Nate shifted forward and gently
pulled me into his arms placing a light kiss to my temple. 'You don't have to
be sorry. Just tell me you love me again.'

I chuckled into his neck before
lifting my head and looking up into his eyes. 'I love you so much that words
simply can't cover just how much.' He smiled down at me then lowered his lips
to mine once more.

Our kiss was deep and passionate
and filled with all the emotions, feelings and thoughts we had shared. I
couldn't feel the physical pain, that only moments before ached though my
entire body, and the pain I had experienced in my heart had lifted leaving only
warmth and Nate's love.

It was about half an hour later
and the nurse had popped back into my room to check up on me and see if I
needed any more painkillers, then quickly left in a flutter at seeing Nathanial
Hamilton stretched out on the bed next to me.

We lay side by side, Nate's arm
around my shoulders as I curled into his side. It was getting late and Nate's
eyes had closed a while ago and it was as I was watching his chest gently rise
and fall that I wondered when he would be heading back to Miami. I coughed
gently to see if he was really asleep but he didn't move. 'Nate?' I whispered
and was surprised to see him open one eye and look at me, a small smile on his
face.

'April,' he answered.

I loved how he said my name and I
felt a flutter in my stomach. 'I was just wondering when you would be going
back to Miami.'

Both of his eyes were open now
and I had his full attention. 'Oh no, you aren't getting rid of me now. That's
it, you have told me you love me, you can't escape from me again.' He said it
with a smile but I saw a hint of worry in his eyes.

'I don't want you to go,' I
reassured him. 'It's just; don't you have a movie to finish?'

Nate shifted a little. 'I'm not
sure I'm going to finish it.'

'Why not?' While I had been lying
there happy with our new situation a thought had occurred to me that Nate might
try and stay in London. I knew I was worried about a long distance relationship
but Nate hadn't been too concerned about it.

'Well, I didn't exactly leave on
the best of terms. And they could quite easily get someone else to do it.' He
placed a quick kiss on my forehead. 'And besides, someone needs to be here to
save you from your own clumsiness.'

'I don't want to be the one to
stop you from doing the things you want to do. You made a commitment to do the
movie and you have to stick to it. I can take care of myself and you know Ella
is going to be keeping an eye on me.' I looked at him seriously. 'I want you to
do everything you want to do. I will still be here when you get back.'

Nate took a deep breath and
smiled down at me. 'How can you not see what I see? You are a far better person
than you think you are and I don't deserve you.' I blushed a little. I wasn't
used to people saying such things about me and I knew being with Nate I would
hear them more often than I probably deserved. 'How about we make a decision in
the morning? After everything we have both been through, my sleep deprived
brain, and you being drugged up, I don't think either one of us is in the right
mind to decide anything tonight.'