An Unexpected Christmas (17 page)

 I chanced a quick look in the
mirror to check I didn't look like a total state from last night and then I
headed out my bedroom door. I closed it behind me and when I looked up Nate was
standing at the other end of the hallway smiling back at me.

Nate

I watched April walk out of her
room and close the door behind her. When she looked up our eyes met and then
she returned my smile. I walked towards her and when I reached her I couldn't
stop myself from reaching up and brushing my thumb across her cheek. 'Good
morning.' My voice was no louder than a whisper and images of her from last
night flooded my mind.

She licked her lips and looked up
at me through her lashes. 'Morning.' Her hand found my waist and she swayed
towards me. 'Where is your mum?'

'She's downstairs with Ella.' I
lowered my head and placed a soft kiss to her lips then smiled down at her.
'You know I am going to kiss you at every opportunity today. That's going to be
part of your Christmas present.'

'Only part? What's the rest?' I
loved the cheekier side to her and I chuckled at her response.

'I'm not telling, you will just
have to wait and see.' I leaned in and kissed her again and she jumped as Ella
shouted both our names from downstairs. I smiled down at her. 'You know Ella
gets a little present crazy right? She is the same when it's her birthday.'

She nodded. 'Yeah, I have
experienced Ella and her present obsession. I just hope she likes what I got
her.' She lowered her head a little. 'I hope you all do.'

She seemed to have gone a little
shy and I wanted to lighten the mood again. I tilted her head up by tucking my
finger under her chin. 'You got me a present? I thought you gave me my gift
last night?' I grinned at her and was glad to see she returned my smile.

'That was just part of your
gift.' She winked at me then rose onto her tiptoes and quickly pressed her lips
to mine. She then brushed slowly past me and sauntered along the hallway and
down the stairs.

When I walked into the living
room Ella was already sitting by the tree surrounded by presents. It was a
sight so familiar to me as it was where she had sat every Christmas we had
spent at the cottage. Mum had been sitting on the sofa but stood and came over
to me. 'Merry Christmas darling.'

I gave her a hug and placed a
kiss to her cheek. 'Merry Christmas Mum.' As I let go I looked over at Ella.
'Merry Christmas brat.'  Ella's response was to stick her tongue out at me. I
rolled my eyes and glanced over at April, who had sat herself in the armchair
between the fire and the Christmas tree, and was smiling at me. 'Right, who
wants a drink before we start?' I kept my gaze on April. 'Champagne?'

She shook her head. 'Coffee
first, champagne later.'

I smiled at her answer then
turned to my mother who looked from me to April and then back. I watched a slow
smile cross her face and then she asked for tea.

'Coffee for me too please, and be
quick!' Ella instructed from across the room. She was holding a wrapped gift
close to her ear and shaking it.

With coffee made as quickly as I
could, I passed Ella her mug then April and then settled myself in next to mum
on the sofa.

'Are we ready now?' Ella seemed
to be bouncing on the spot where she sat on the floor, she was wearing pyjama
bottoms with skiing pandas on and a t-shirt with the words
What happens
under the mistletoe stays under the mistletoe
emblazed in red glitter
across the front. Mum nodded to her and I watched as Ella passed her a present
with a huge silver bow on it. I chanced a look at April who sent me a small
smile. My attention was drawn to the gasps of appreciation and saw that Mum had
torn off the snowflake paper and unwrapped a vase from Ella.

Ella then handed April a box
wrapped in the same paper which had an equally huge bow on top. April took it
from her and that shy look crossed her face again. 'Shouldn't it be family
first?' She shifted in her seat so she was sitting up a little straighter and I
noticed she had dressed in the same dark blue pyjamas she wore the other night
and my mind flooded with all the things I wanted to do with her.

'No. Mum goes first then guests.'
Ella gestured to April. 'Then Nate and then me. Which is totally unfair.' April
laughed at her then dropped her attention to the gift in her lap. I watched as
she ripped the paper and pulled out a green scarf and matching gloves. She
leaned down and gave her a hug and I wondered what she would think of what I
had gotten for her.

'Thank you it's beautiful.'

'I thought it would go with your
long black coat.' April nodded then Ella reached for another gift and passed it
to me. I had learned over the years that I had to unwrap my presents quickly so
that Ella could get to hers so I ripped the paper off, dropping the sparkling
paper to the floor, and lifted the lid of the box.

I took out the dark grey wool
sweater that sat in bright red tissue paper and pulled it on over my head.
'What do we think?' I smiled at Ella then chanced a look at April.

She had a small smile on her face
and she was biting down on her lip and I really wanted to know what she was
thinking. 'It looks good.'

I grinned at her then turned my
attention back to Ella. 'Thanks sis, it's great.'

She grinned over at me then
turned and started rooting under the tree. 'Oh, open the one from me; it's the
one with the red paper and the silver bow.' April was pointing to a small box.

Ella picked it up and tore at the
paper like an overexcited five year old. She lifted the lid off the tiny box
and a huge smile crossed her face. 'Oh April, it's stunning.'

'What is it?' Mum asked and
scooted forward in her seat. Ella pulled out a short sliver chain and suspended
in the middle was her name. 'Oh that's lovely.'

April smiled as Ella fastened the
necklace around her neck then leaned over and gave her a hug. 'Will you pass
the one from me to your mum next?' April asked.

Ella did as April had asked and
passed Mum a larger box. We all watched as she carefully unwrapped it and
pulled out some sort of bath set and a scarf. Ella ‘oohed’ and ‘aahed’ as Mum
draped it around her neck then stood. April lifted herself out of the chair and
met Mum half way and I watched as April was enveloped in a hug. I knew Mum
liked her and I knew she would be happy to find out about us I just needed
April to be okay with people knowing. I didn't understand why she was worried
about people finding out, maybe it was not just people we knew but the press and
everyone else. Thinking about how my previous relationship had been scrutinised
by the media and the fact that most of it was made up made me think that
waiting a while might be a good Idea, I was happy to wait for her but I would
also be happy to have at least Mum and Ella know about us.

Mum pressed a kiss to her cheek.
'They are beautiful, thank you so much.'

'You're welcome. Thank you for
sharing your Christmas with me,' she said it quietly, and I saw my mum squeeze
her a little tighter.

They pulled apart and as they sat
down Ella passed me a present wrapped in the same red paper. I looked over and
grinned at April before ripping the paper off. Lifting the lid I saw there were
a few things in the box. I lifted out a book on running trails around London and
smiled; this was going to make my usual run around the park much more
adventurous. I placed it to one side then grinned as I pulled out a tiny
squishy Dax.

Ella laughed. 'Oh that's
brilliant!' She reached over and took it from me and squeezed it, giggling to
herself.

I smiled at April who sent me a
shy smile then seemed to hide behind her coffee mug. 'It's for when work
stresses you out; you can take out your annoyances on him.'

I could tell that she had put
some thought into what she had bought me and now I only hoped she would see
that her gift from me had just as much thought and feeling in it. 'It's great.'

The next thing I pulled out was a
glass wrapped in paper. I unwrapped it and looked at the crystal cut whiskey
tumbler which obviously went with the small bottle of scotch that was left in
the box. I noticed that there was something etched in the glass and my smile
widened as I read it;
'
Too much of
anything is bad, but too much of good whiskey is barely enough.'
I looked back over at her. 'This is perfect.' I put
everything, except Dax which Ella seemed to have claimed, back in the box then
placed it on the cushion beside me and rose up off the sofa. I crossed the room
and held my hand out to her. She placed her mug down then slipped her hand into
mine. I tugged and she stood so I could wrap my arms around her. I didn't care
what Mum or Ella thought I needed to touch her. 'I love it, thank you.' She
snuggled in for a second then pulled away and dropped herself back into her
chair whilst I moved back to the sofa, missing her warmth already.

Ella
passed April the present I had gotten for her and I shifted in my seat, it was
odd how nervous I felt. I wanted her to like it; I wanted her to be excited
about what I had gotten for her.

'It's
not my turn,' April said, but still taking the gift from Ella.

'I
know but I want to see if Nate has gotten you as good a gift.' Ella looked over
at me and raised her eyebrows and smiled then turned her attention back to
April.

I
watched her take a deep breath then pull at the paper to reveal the book I had
chosen for her. She opened the front cover and I held my breath. I had left a
note that simply said

I
have something else for you, but you will have to wait until we are alone. X

I
saw the blush cross her cheeks. Ella leaned close to her and April snapped the
book closed quickly.

'What
is it?' Ella asked kneeling next to her.

April
smiled at her. 'It's a copy of
Persuasion
, a very beautiful copy of
Persuasion.
'
I had found a great second hand bookshop a couple of years ago and they could
get hold of anything. When I asked for a copy of April's favourite book the guy
had shown me a few copies and I had decided on a hardback copy with a pretty
floral cover.

She
clutched it to her chest then rose out of her chair, she walked to my side then
dropped a quick kiss to my cheek. 'Thank you.'

I
smiled up at her. 'It's your
Christmas Carol.
' She returned my smile and
nodded then moved back to her chair.

The
present opening continued and everyone seemed incredibly happy with their
gifts. Finally there was only one thing left under the tree, a small gift bag
that Ella reached for then read the tag.

'Who's
it for?' April asked leaning over to get a look.

'Umm,
it's for me.' I noticed that her posture changed. She had sat up a little
straighter and then I realised that I recognised the bag. I had seen Roddy with
it last night; he must have brought it and left it under the tree for her, the
sneaky sod.

She
was really nervous about opening it but when April placed a hand on her
shoulder she let out a little sigh and sent her a small smile. She reached in
the bag and pulled out a black jewellery box. She took a deep breath then
opened the box and the smile that spread across her face was priceless. Maybe I
would be happy for them to get together if he could make her smile like that.

Ella
slowly lifted a bracelet out and examined it more closely. From where I sat I
could see that it was one of those charm bracelets. There was a tiny Christmas
present, a tennis racket, a giraffe and a crown. They meant nothing to me but
as Ella examined each one in turn I could tell they meant something to her and
I suppose that was the most important thing.

I
looked over at April and smiled, hoping that she would think my second gift was
as thoughtful and full of love as this one from Roddy was to Ella.

Shit.
I felt my smile widen. I was in love with her. I hadn't thought it was possible
to fall this quickly for someone, it had only been a few days, but I was
certain that I had fallen in love with her and the only thing left to do was
tell her.

April
broke our eye contact and turned back to Ella. 'It's beautiful. I'm so happy
for you.' Ella glanced up at her and grinned then turned her attention back to
the bracelet. Mum stood and moved over to Ella to get a better look at the gift
and I thought that Roddy was a pretty smooth bugger to have gotten something
that had all the female attention.

April
stood and still clutching the book she lifted her empty mug and walked out of
the room and into the kitchen. I watched her go and there was something about
her body language that didn't sit well.

April

I walked into the kitchen and
placed my empty mug in the sink then looked out of the window at the snow
covered garden and hugged my book closer to me. What was I doing? I was acting
like this was the beginning of something. That it would continue after
tomorrow. That our relationship was anything like Ella and Roddy's, they had a
chance and a future. They were perfect for each other. I wasn't good enough for
Nate, he deserved someone who would be able to stand next to him at premiers
and look the part, someone who was his equal in every way.

Selfishly I wanted to keep Nate,
but the more I thought about it the more my heart broke. I had fallen deeply in
love with him and knowing it was going to end hurt more than I thought it ever
could. I felt the tears roll silently down my cheeks and I reached up and
brushed them away taking a deep breath to steady myself.

I could feel him when he walked
into the room. He moved over to stand behind me then placed a hand on my
shoulder and I took a breath then plastered a smile on my face and turned to
look at him.

'Is everything alright?' His
voice was filled with concern and I felt another part of my heart break. He was
too good, even if he argued the fact, he was too good for me.

'Everything is great.' I went to
move past him and head back into the living room but he stepped to the side and
blocked my path.

'I
may have only known you for a few days, but I can tell when you're lying.' He
reached out and stroked his thumb across my cheek the look of concern on his
face which only added to my heartache. 'So tell me, is everything truly
alright? Is this because... because of last night?'
I looked up into his eyes and I wanted to tell him everything, wanted to
voice my fears, wanted him to tell me that I was being an idiot that everything
would work out fine, wanted to erase that look of worry in his eyes, but I was
too much of a coward.

'No,
no of course not. Last night was... perfect. I think I'm just missing my
family, that's all.' He nodded and stepped a little closer to me. 'I think I
will give my sister a ring, find out how the kids are.'

He
stroked his thumb over my cheek again then quickly placed a kiss to my lips. I
felt it everywhere and I wanted to kiss him longer and deeper and hold on with
everything I had. I smiled up at him then moved around him and walked back into
the living room, needing the distance.

Ella
and Maggie were sitting next to each other on the sofa and chatting quietly.
Trying not to disturb them I gathered up my gifts then headed out through the
hallway and up the stairs to my room.

I
closed the door behind me and sat down on the bed placing my presents on the
duvet next to me. I picked up the book that Nate had given me. I ran my fingers
over the worn leather and instinctively brought it up to my nose. I breathed in
the smell that triggered so many memories.

I
hadn't been a big reader as a child but in my late teens I had discovered my
love for books. The smell reminded me of all the late nights curled up under my
covers just devouring stories, reading until the early hours just to see what
happened to the characters. Reading until my eyes hurt and they wouldn't stay
open any longer. I loved that smell; it was comforting and familiar and always
soothed and calmed me.

I
finally lowered it to my lap and opened the cover and took out the note that
Nate had written.
I needed to talk to someone about what was going on
but the person I would usually go to was Ella and there was no way I was going
to talk to her about what was going on between me and her brother.

I leaned over to my bedside table
and picked up my mobile and tapped until I found my sister's number and waited
for her to pick up.

'Merry Christmas!' I said as she
answered, I could hear the kids shouting in the background.

'Merry Christmas. Thank you so
much for the presents. The kids haven't stopped since five this morning, and
I'm already on my second drink.'

I laughed and it made me feel a
little better. I lay back on the bed and listened to the background noises
coming from my phone. 'I'm glad the kids liked their presents.'

Abby was silent for a moment.
'What's wrong?'

Sometimes I hated that my sister
knew me so well but this was not one of them. 'Something happened...' I took a
deep breath then continued. '...with Ella's brother.' I couldn't tell her that
Ella's brother was Nate Hamilton, famous actor and the man I had had a major
crush on for quite some time, I think mainly because I didn't see him that way
anymore. I only saw him as Nate.

'Oh my God, really?' I could hear
the excitement in her voice. 'What happened? Tell me everything.'

'It's complicated.' I let out a
heavy sigh and squeezed my eyes shut, forcing myself not to cry again. 'Abby. I
really like him but he is way out of my league.'

'What do you mean, out of your
league?'

'Well, he's smart and funny and
really, really good looking and kind and thoughtful and he bought me a copy of
Persuasion for Christmas - and he is the most amazing kisser.' I wasn't going
to tell her that he was pretty amazing at other things too.

'Shit. Sorry, Mummy did not just
say that. Scott can you get the kids dressed please?' I heard a load of
shouting and giggles and then a door close and it went quiet. 'What are you
going to do?'

'I don't know. He gets me Abby. I
have only known him for a few days and it's too fast and I have all these
feelings and I don't know what to do. Abby, tell me what to do.' Nothing would
stop the tears falling from my eyes now.

She was quiet for a moment and I
could hear her take a large gulp of her drink. I knew I shouldn't really bother
her with my problems; she had a lot going on in her life as it was, but I
needed my big sister. 'Firstly, I think you need to decide what it is you want.
Then you need to figure out if you are strong enough to go for it. Only you can
make that decision. It might be one of the hardest things you ever do and if
you decide to go for it then that's good, but if you decide that you aren't
strong enough or you aren't ready then that's okay too.' I could hear Scott
shouting in the background and one of the kids crying. 'Sorry, I have to go;
apparently Scott can't cope with both the kids on his own.' She let out a sigh.
'April?'

'Yeah?'

'You need to stop feeling
inferior to everyone else. You are an amazing person; you just need to believe
in yourself a little more. I love you, Merry Christmas.'

'Merry Christmas, I love you
too.' She hung up and I let my phone drop to the bed beside me. I took a deep
breath and let it out slowly.
It was easy to
tell someone not to feel something but if you truly believed that you weren't
good enough then it was very hard to think otherwise. I knew deep down that I
wouldn't be right for him, that he deserved so much more than me.

I
took another deep breath then opened my eyes and climbed off the bed. I
wandered into the bathroom and turned on the shower. I knew one thing for
certain; I couldn't think when I still smelled like him.

When
the shower reached temperature I stripped out of my pyjamas and stepped under
the water. My body ached, just another reminder of what happened last night and
I just stood, letting the water wash over me. I could still feel him, the way
he touched me, the way he had kissed every inch of me. I knew more tears fell
from my eyes but they were soon washed away by the hot water. I had to pull
myself together. I needed to get through today as if nothing was going to
change, as if I was going to see him again.

I
was clean and smelled like my vanilla body wash again. I shut off the water and
climbed out, grabbing a clean towel and wrapping it around myself. I wandered
back into the bedroom and sat on the bed.

I
had been trying not to think about what Nate would do once I had gone. I knew
he was heading to Miami for his next role but after that I had no idea. The
thought of him meeting new people, and I knew eventually dating someone,
settled in my head and I felt my heart ache; I knew I would see pictures of him
with other women and I knew it would break my heart every time, but I needed to
control my feelings. I was letting him go before he realised that I wasn't good
enough. I wanted him to find someone perfect for him; I wanted him to be happy.

I
stood and walked over to the dresser; today was a day for woolly jumpers, thick
socks and comfy jeans. I hadn't bothered with too much makeup the past couple
of days but when I looked at my reflection I saw that my eyes were puffy and
red and my skin looked pale and blotchy. I tried to cover it the best I could
but after ten minutes I realised there was only so much I could do.

I
wondered how Nate saw me. All I saw was my boring brown hair and hazel eyes. I
was average height and probably on the wrong side of my ideal weight but it
never really bothered me anymore. I was just ordinary, maybe sometimes even
pretty, but never more than that. I closed my eyes and I could see the look
Nate had given me last night as I stood naked in front of him. It had made me
feel wanted and special. I shook my head and opened my eyes again.

I
had seen pictures of him with other women, happy smiling pictures in magazines.
The women were all tall and thin and stunning, and I looked nothing like that.
He should be with someone like them, not someone like me. I knew that was the
sort of woman he would end up with, someone from the industry who could
understand his lifestyle and could share his experiences. If we were
photographed together people would laugh and wonder what he was doing with
someone like me. He could date anyone and I knew that eventually he would see
that too, and all I would be left with is memories and a broken heart. It hurt
to even think about it; I couldn't imagine how much it would crush me to be
dumped by him.

I
had no idea what went on in making a movie, I didn't even know the difference
between a 'best boy' and the 'key grip'. What would we even talk about? No, I
was making the right decision. He would get bored of trying to explain
everything to me and I would get frustrated with myself for not knowing more.
He was the sort of man who would try and fit me around his schedule and
eventually it would affect his career and I couldn't do that. He had worked so
hard to get to where he was and I knew he wanted to do more and I would only
get in the way.

I
moved over to the window to retrieve my earrings I had placed on the windowsill
and spotted a figure on the beach. There were two dogs charging up and down the
snow covered sand and I knew the figure was Nate. The way he held himself was
so distinctive and confident. I knew what I had to do but even I couldn't ruin
anyone's Christmas. So I would smile and laugh and pretend that everything was
okay and then tomorrow I would say goodbye.

Tomorrow
I would go back to my life in London and Nate will head off to Miami and it
wouldn't matter that I had fallen in love with him and it wouldn't matter that
no one would be able to take his place in my heart. None of that mattered, all
that mattered was that I removed myself from the picture and he could then go
on to find someone better, someone worthy of him.

I
turned away from the window. I had made my decision. Before we got in too deep
I would do the right thing and walk away. When he meets the perfect woman he
will thank me for leaving when I did. I had to be strong and stick to my
decision. I needed to stop thinking of him as Nate and start to think of him as
Nathaniel James Hamilton again. He was a movie star with so much ahead of him and
I was never going to fit into his world.