An Unexpected Christmas (21 page)

Nate

What the fuck just happened?

I shut myself in the office as
soon as I left April's room. I couldn't quite work out what had just happened.
Walking around the desk I dropped myself into the chair and leaned back. I was
running her words through my head and trying to comprehend them.

Was it all one-sided on my part?
I knew it had only been a couple of days but how could I have been so wrong? I
thought she felt as strongly as I did. I knew we never said how we felt out loud
but I thought it was implied, and it had all been so sudden that I didn't want
to scare her off but maybe that's where I went wrong? Maybe she didn't think I
was serious, and what the hell was all that about two different worlds? From
where I was sitting we lived in the same one.

I let out a heavy sigh and stood
moving over to the window that looked out towards the beach. My mind was
flooded with images from the past few days and the moments we shared on that
beach. Our first kiss had been on that beach and just the thought of it now
sent a strange excitement through me. It was like I was under some sort of
spell that she had cast and no matter what she said to me I was hooked.

I thought about leaving, going
for a drive or a run until she had left but it wouldn't help and I still had
some things to sort out before I left tomorrow. I didn't want to think about
work and I didn't want to think about leaving there was a sadistic part of me
that wanted to just think about April and everything she had made me feel and
want.

Her words kept circling in my
mind and there was just a part of me that couldn't stop thinking that she was
holding something back, that it wasn't the whole truth. I had to agree that a
long distance relationship was hard work but that was why I had planned for her
to visit and I would have done everything in my power to make it work. So what
was stopping me now?

I moved back over to the desk
chair, sat down and stared up at the ceiling. What was I doing? What was
stopping me from storming out of here and demanding she tell me what the hell
has her so freaked out? Maybe it was the way she said it all, so calm, like it
was just a fact that we wouldn't work out, that we wouldn't be happy. Well how
would she know? She was making me question myself which just drove me mad and
also made me realise that she was the first woman to ever make me so. She had
gotten under my skin so quickly and found her way in to my heart and I knew it
was going to take everything to get over her.

Could it be that she had gotten
enough out of me that she didn't need to carry on? Maybe she would sell her story
and get her fifteen minutes of fame. I might have to warn Ian about it. I
reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone then woke up the screen then
dropped it on the desk in front of me. What was I doing? If I knew anything
about April she wasn't the sort of woman to sell a kiss and tell story, she
didn't like crowds for God's sake she wouldn't like all the attention something
like that would bring. No, I couldn't see April selling anything about what
went on the past few days.

It was just playing around in my
head all the things we said to each other and all the things we did. She was
still in the house but a part of me missed her already. I squeezed my eyes shut
and rubbed my fingers over my eyes. I could feel the tension start to build in
my head and I knew I would have a banging headache in the next hour.

No matter what I was feeling
physically or mentally I had things to sort out. I needed to call Ian and
finalise my travel and accommodation for the first couple of nights and I also
had to cancel the flight I booked for April to come and visit. I wasn't looking
forward to either of the calls and choosing between which to do first was like
choosing between the lesser of two evils. I decided to sort out the flight and
get that over with, I had only called them the other day and I was going to
surprise her once she had decided where we were going in the relationship, I
hadn't thought she would end it.

I dropped my hands and lifted my
phone then scrolled through to the number I had called on Christmas Eve. I
waited and listened until someone answered.

'Good morning British Airways how
may I help you?' The woman who answered sounded friendly and upbeat for Boxing
Day morning.

'Good morning. I rang the other
day to book a flight to Miami and now I need to cancel the booking.' I pulled
the notepad I had left on the desk with the booking details on closer towards
me.

'I'm sorry to hear that sir. Do
you have your booking reference?'

I gave her all the details she
asked for and only ten minutes later the flight I had booked to surprise April
and to have her come and visit me was cancelled. I thanked her then hung up the
phone and leaned back in the chair. Well that was one tiny hurdle I had jumped
now I had to call Ian and I couldn't decide whether to fill him in on what had
gone on over the holidays or not to mention it.

I decided on not mentioning it on
the grounds that it was no one's business and it was no longer relevant, no
matter how much I wanted it to be. I couldn't quite bring myself to call Ian
just yet so opened up my laptop and switched it on. Maybe checking my email
would take my mind off everything that happened this morning.

I was swaying towards swearing
off women completely. I was starting to get a really bad track record when it
came to relationships and I wondered what it was about me that was apparently
wrong. My head was starting to pound more and I let out a heavy sigh. I needed
to focus on work, that was how I was going to get through this; work was now my
only priority. I clicked onto my emails and began to wade through them. There
were a couple from Ian which I could deal with when I eventually rang him.
There was also a ton of junk mail which I deleted and an email from Olivia
which also joined the junk mail.

After fifteen minutes of procrastinating
I picked up my phone again and called Ian. Waiting for him to answer I couldn't
stop drumming my fingers on the desk just to vent some of the tension that was
still coursing through me. I really needed to go for a run but I knew I had to
sort stuff out with Ian first.

'Nate, how was your Christmas?'

I rubbed a hand over my face and
took a deep breath. 'Yeah good, and you?'

'Oh yeah you know the usual,
spending the day with the family, eating far too much and falling asleep in
front of the telly. The kids had a good time though, thank you so much for
their gifts; you really didn't have to do that.' I could hear shuffling about
in the background and I could picture Ian sitting in his kitchen, his two kids,
Hannah and Megan running around and Karen, Ian's wife, sitting across from him
with her sketchbook.

Karen owned a very successful
bridal boutique where she created and designed all the dresses. As a couple
they fit together perfectly and I realised that was something else I had to not
think about, how they had found each other and started a family and I was still
alone, now even more so.

'They deserve it. So a good
Christmas all around?'

'Really good. Right then down to
business. I have forwarded all your flight details for tomorrow. A car will
pick you up at two and your flight is at five. Do you need me to sort out
anything else for tomorrow?'

'Not for tomorrow, no.' I leaned
back in the chair and looked over to the window to see that it had started to
snow again. The weather had warmed a fraction, enough for the snow that had
fallen just the other day to have melted slightly and I hoped that this flurry
would only be light as I needed to get back home and away from everything that
reminded me of April.

'Great, that's great. There is
something I needed to talk to you about.' Ian paused and I wondered what it
could be that had him feeling nervous to bring it up.

I sat a little straighter in
anticipation. 'Alright, what is it?'

'Well I had a call from Olivia
Reed's people.'

'Ian. No.'

'All she wants is a meeting with
you. She is going to be in Miami.'

'I know.' I cut him off. I
couldn't believe she had gotten her 'people' to call to arrange something, unbelievable.

'What?'

'I know she is going to be in
Miami, she text me. I'm not meeting up with her.'

'Look Nate, I would very much
appreciate it if you just gave her fifteen minutes. Apparently she went through
a pretty bad time and just wants to talk. I know it's a big ask but it is all
arranged and you can leave whenever you want.'

I thought for a moment, did I
really want to meet up with a woman who used me? Not really, but the way Ian
asked made me think that maybe she was trying to change and if I was going to
be there anyway. I let out a heavy sigh. 'Alright but only fifteen minutes.'

'Brilliant. Okay, now I have
arranged a couple of auditions while you are there from the feedback you sent
me.'

I listened as Ian continued to
talk to me about work but to be honest I had tuned out. The mention of the
feedback I had sent over to him the other day just filled my head with images
of April, curled up on the armchair and totally engrossed in what she was
reading. She had looked so calm and peaceful and content that I had wanted to
scoop her up and curl up with her.

'So what do you think?'

'What? Sorry Ian I zoned out for
a second.'

'Are you alright? I mean has
something happened?' I could hear the concern in his voice which made me feel
worse.

I needed to get myself together,
focus on my work and forget everything that happened over Christmas.
'Everything is fine. Sorry I'm just tired I guess, don't worry I will be on
form by Thursday.'

'As long as you're sure? Well I
don't think there is anything else I need to talk to you about. You know where
I am if you need me and I will see you in a week.'

'Okay, thanks Ian, bye.' Ian hung
up and I placed my phone back on the desk.

I knew I needed to pack my stuff
up and get ready to leave but I really did fancy that run. I needed to clear my
head and running was the only way I knew how to do it even if I had already run
along the beach today, but I could go again. A quick glance out of the window
and I was happy to see the snow had stopped and so it would be alright for my
drive home. I stood and glanced at my watch, I knew Ella wanted to leave soon
but wasn't sure when. I walked out of the office and headed upstairs to quickly
changing into my running gear and then back downstairs and through to the
kitchen.

'There you are. Have you sorted
everything you needed to sort?' Mum smiled at me from her seat at the table.

'Yes thanks. I'm just going for a
run. What time is Ella leaving?'

'Your sister and April are
leaving in about half an hour. Are you going out?'

'Just for a quick run.' I called
for the dogs and was met with silence.

'April is out with the dogs you
might see her on the beach.' I remember the last time April and I had been on
the beach together and I felt a stab to my heart.

'Right.' I nodded then moved over
to the back door. I pulled it open and Milly and Toby came running in. I looked
out and saw April, red cheeked, coming up the path towards me. She looked up
and stopped in her tracks, her hazel eyes were wide with shock and I was filled
with the urge to grab her by the front of her coat, haul her against me and
comfort her. The sight of her looking so sad hurt me and I just needed any
indication from her that it was all a mistake, everything she said was a
mistake and she wanted to make us work.

I moved to the side to let her
through and she dropped her gaze from me, nothing in her stance said she had
made a mistake. I resisted my second urge to drag her back outside and find out
what the hell was really going on. I sent Mum a quick smile then walked through
the back door and closed it behind me.

Just that one look at her had the
tension throbbing back in my head and now I really needed that run.

April

The back door opened and I
watched the dogs disappear inside and then Nate's frame filled the doorway. I
felt my heart beat quicken as I looked into his green-blue eyes and I had the
sudden urge to look away. I felt as though I didn't have the right to look at
him anymore, no matter how much I wanted to imprint his image into my head. I
watched as he moved out of the way and I lowered my gaze and quickly moved past
him. I heard the back door close behind me and knew that Nate was on the other
side of it.

'Did you have a nice walk?'
Maggie was smiling at me from her seat at the table and I realised there was
something soothing about her smile.

'I did, thank you. I'm going to
miss strolling along the beach when I get back to London.' I unbuttoned my coat
and draped it over the back of one of the kitchen chairs then moved over to the
kettle for one last coffee before I left.

'Well you are very welcome to
visit whenever you like. It's been nice having you here.' I turned to see that
she was being honest with me and her offer was a genuine one.

'Thank you, that's very kind of
you.'

'Nonsense, it is completely
selfish of me I love having some company.'  Her smile widened and I could see
so much Nate in her that I didn't think I would ever be able to take her up on
her offer no matter how much I wanted to.

I sent her a small smile then
made my coffee and headed back upstairs to find out where Ella was and if she
was ready to leave yet.

'I know, but it won't be for long
and I will see you in a couple of days. I'm going to miss you too.' I could
hear Ella talking from where I had stopped just outside her bedroom door. It
stood open and I felt bad for eavesdropping and so knocked lightly on the door
and pushed it a little further open until Ella came into view.

She stood next to the bed looking
down at her now full case but looked up as I moved into her room. She smiled at
me and gestured for me to sit on the bed. I lowered myself on to the mattress
and took a sip of my coffee.

'Okay babe, I have to go. I know.
You too. Bye.' She dropped her phone from her ear and grinned at me. 'Hey, how
was your walk?'

'It was good. Was that Roddy?
Sorry to interrupt.'

She waved her hand in the gesture
of don't worry and continued to fill her case with the pile of stuff on her
bed. 'I don't know how I am going to cope with not seeing him. I mean we just
got together and I'm trying to stay positive but I know I am going to miss him
like crazy.'

I could hear the worry in her
voice but from what I knew about Ella she would be determined to make it work.
'You will talk to him all the time and you know there is so many ways to keep
in touch with him and you aren't going to be that far away. You can visit him
and he can visit you. It will all be okay.' I sent her a reassuring smile.

She took a deep breath and
returned my smile. 'You're right. How are you always right?'

'I'm not always right I just
think that you and Roddy will be fine. That you can make it work.'

Ella nodded and the look on her
face was a little dreamy. Then placing the last thing in to her case, she stood
to zip it up and place it on the floor. 'Right do you have everything packed?'

'Yup, my case is by the door.' I
took another sip of my coffee and let out a sigh.

Ella sat back on the bed and
looked at me. 'Are you going to tell me what's going on? You don't seem like
yourself.'

I sipped my coffee again and
wracked my brains for an excuse and the only one I knew came to mind. 'I'm just
tired.'

'Bullshit.' Her smile was gone
and she looked at me seriously and I knew I would have to tell her something
but what was I suppose to tell her? That I was in love with her brother? That I
had spent this Christmas kissing and making love to him and it felt like the
most amazing thing in the world? Or that I had known it wouldn't work from the
start but I still indulged in all the things my mind and body wanted from him.

'I don't know what to tell you.'
I said honestly. I really didn't. It was all still so raw and even though I
knew what I had done was right it didn't make it any less heartbreaking.

'Well, how about I guess? It has
something to do with a man. Is that why you agreed to come, you wanted to get
away from the city? Is it someone I know?'

She was right about it having
something to do with someone she knew but if I hadn't left London then I never
would have met Nate and I never would have gotten myself into this mess. 'I
don't really want to talk about it.'

'April.'

'Ella, please. Just leave it.' I
shook my head and swallowed. I could feel the tears forming in my eyes and I
needed to keep it together. 'I would just like to go home.'

She looked over at me for a
moment and then leaned forward and wrapped her arms around me pulling me in for
a hug. I knew I had bought myself some time but Ella wouldn't leave it there
and it was only a matter of time until she found out everything. 'Okay.' She
rubbed my back then after one last squeeze she let go and stood. 'Let's go and
load the car up and then we can head out.'

I stood and sent her a small
smile, thankful that she changed the subject. I followed her out of her room
and down the stairs. I drank the last of my coffee and placed my empty mug on
the small table in the hallway. Not bothering to retrieve my coat from the
kitchen I followed Ella out onto the driveway and around to the boot of her
car. Unlocking it Ella hauled her case into the space and shifted it to one
side so that mine would fit in next to it. I still had a bag but it would fit
on the back seat. I wrapped my arms around myself to help ward off the cold and
waited while Ella closed the boot then followed her back into the house.

We found Maggie in the living
room, a cup of tea sitting on the table in front of her and a magazine open in
her lap. She closed it as soon as we moved around the sofa and sat down, each
in one of the armchairs. 'So you are ready to leave me are you?' She smiled but
I could see that she was sad that we were leaving.

'Well the car is loaded up.
Where's Nate?' I tried not to let even the sound of his name effect me but I
wasn't strong enough and I felt a jolt of pain hit my heart.

'He went for a run about twenty
minutes ago. He should be back soon; you know he doesn't stay out long in this
weather.' Maggie took a sip of her tea and cradled the mug in her hands. She
looked over at Ella. 'How was Roddy when you left him?' Maggie turned to me. 'I
do like that boy.'

I felt myself smile back at her.
She was such a lovely person I was going to miss her.

'He was okay. Sad that I was
going but we are both going to stay positive and keep in touch as much as we
can. He is going to come to town for New Year and spend a few days in the city
as he is still on holiday. I suppose that's one of the perks of being a
teacher, all the holidays.'

I hadn't even thought about New
Year until Ella mentioned it and even though I had been invited to a party by
one of the girls from work I knew I would be spending it alone wallowing in my
own self made sorrow.

I saw a figure in the doorway out
of the corner of my eye and I looked to see Nate filling it. He only glanced at
me before turning his attention to Ella who had stood when he appeared. 'Time
to go?' He moved further into the room and stopped when Ella reached him. I
watched as he pulled her into a hug.

'Yup, time to go. It's been so
good seeing you.' They broke apart and he smiled down at her. 'You take care of
yourself and if you get the chance send me something pretty from Miami.'

Nate laughed and I made a mental
memory of its richness. 'Sure, if I get the chance.'

Maggie had also stood and I
followed suit and watched as Maggie looped her arm around Ella's waist and led
her out of the room and towards the front door, leaving me alone with Nate.

I glanced at him and saw that he
was watching me. I looked away and down at my hands, linking my fingers
together. I heard him let out a heavy breath and then when I looked up again I
was just in time to see his back disappear out of the door. I rubbed a hand
over my forehead. I could feel a headache coming on and all of it, the headache
and the heartache was all my own doing and I deserved to feel every painful
second.

I took a breath then headed into
the kitchen to retrieve my coat and slipping it on I headed to the front door
where Maggie, Ella and Nate were saying their final goodbyes.

'I have to pop up to town in a
couple of weeks so we will go out for lunch alright.' Maggie was hugging Ella
now and I waited and watched as they pulled apart.

'Sounds good, just let me know
when.' She smiled. 'Bye mum.'

'Goodbye sweetheart.' Maggie
pulled her into another hug then led her outside.

I looked up at Nate then, he was
standing by the door looking out at his mum and sister. I found enough courage
to move and stand next to him. I wanted to take his hand, to pull him to me and
hug him and ask him to not think ill of me. I looked up and waited until
finally he looked down into my eyes. I felt my heart speed up like it did every
time he looked at me.

'Goodbye.' His voice was deep and
rich but I could hear a coldness to it that sent another jolt of pain to my
heart.

I looked into his eyes to see if
there was any affection still there for me and was disappointed to not find any
there. 'Goodbye.' It came out as a whisper and taking one more second to look
at him, I walked out of the door and onto the driveway.

'April, it was so nice having you
here.' Maggie pulled me into a hug and I wrapped my arms around the older woman
and tried my hardest to hold back the tears.

'Thank you for having me.' Our
hug broke and I smiled at her and moved around to the passenger side of Ella's
car and climbed in. Shutting the door I waited for Ella to receive one final
hug from her mum and climb in next to me.

'Ready
to go?' I looked out the window and up at the house. I was going to miss it but
it was time I headed back to reality.

'Yeah,
yeah I am.' I looked back at her and smiled. She returned it, handed me her
iPod, started the car and put it into gear. Waving goodbye to Maggie through
the window Ella pulled the car out onto the lane and headed back home. I
reached up and ran my finger over the necklace Nate had bought me. I probably
shouldn't have kept it. Just boxed it up and left it for him but I couldn't
part with it. I looked out of the window and said a final silent goodbye to the
beach.

'Is
that new?' Ella's voice broke me from my thoughts and I turned to look at her.
She nodded her head towards my necklace that I was still touching.

'No,'
I lied. 'No, I've had it for a while.' I turned to look back out of the window
and as Ella turned up the music in the car I drifted off into my thoughts.