An Unexpected Christmas (23 page)

'Yes, really! Maybe, you can pay
next time, if you want?' She sent me a shy smile.

I thought for a moment, she
really seemed to have changed and I was starting to believe that Olivia and I
could have some sort of friendship. 'I would like that. You surprised me and I
think we could be good friends.'

'Good, I think so too.'

We headed outside and I hailed a
cab for Olivia, as it pulled to the curb she opened her arms for a hug. 'Thank
you for meeting with me.' I wrapped my arms around her.

'I'm glad I came.' We pulled
apart and I opened the car door for her, she stepped towards the door but
before climbing in she turned back to me and placed a quick kiss to my cheek then
placed her hand over it.

'If you want to talk about
anything you have my number.' She lowered her hand and smiled at me. 'Try and
work it out with the girl. If she makes you this crazy then she's probably
worth it.' Olivia climbed into the cab and waved as it pulled away. I needed to
have a serious think about what it was that I wanted and then work out how to
get it.

April

My first day back in work was
harder than I thought it was going to be. I knew I didn't really have the right
to feel so depressed about ending it with Nate but that didn't stop me playing
everything over and over in my head.

It didn't help that two of the
girls in the office got engaged over Christmas and were flashing their diamond
rings to anyone who would listen. I was happy for them, I really was, but it
was hard to show enthusiasm for someone who was so incredibly happy when you
felt like your heart would never recover and that no man will ever live up to
the one you just let go.

Somehow I managed to get through
it but it did take two packets of chocolate-caramel digestives and chain
drinking coffee all day. When I wasn't at work I was curled up under my duvet
thinking about Nate or sleeping. I had been ignoring my phone every time it
rang and I hadn't even checked the messages that I knew were beginning to pile
up in my inbox. Why, if I knew that I had done the right thing, was I feeling
so miserable about it? I wondered if Nate thought about me or if he had gotten
to Miami and that was it, surrounded by beautiful people in a stunning city, he
was probably at some amazing party every night or going on dates with gorgeous
actresses who would fit in with his life better than I ever could. Just that
image, of him moving on, broke another part of my heart.

New Years had come and gone. I
spent New Year's Eve alone and fell asleep around nine o'clock. Ella had
invited me to a party that she was taking Roddy to. He had come up to the city
to spend a few days with Ella and I didn't really want to spend the night
watching them act all smitten and loved up. She had asked me what was wrong a
couple of times but I had managed to convince her that I hadn't been sleeping
well or I had indulged a little too much the previous night.

New Years day, when I would
usually travel to see my sister, I had spent in bed watching old Doctor Who
episodes which, again, reminded me of Nate and so I watched most of them
through my tears. When I wasn't watching TV I was sleeping and my dreams were
filled with images of Nate's smile and the way he held me as we slept. I knew I
should have gotten out of my flat but I was back in work the next day so I
didn't see much point.

I dropped my bag down next to my
desk and slumped in my chair. I had taken to walking to the coffee shop on the
corner during my lunch break so that I could avoid any conversation with people
in the office. I knew it was incredibly antisocial but today all anyone could
talk about was who they snogged at midnight or which party they were at. I knew
it was the first day back after New Year but how could people still be talking
about it?

I took a long sip of my coffee
and closed my eyes for a moment. My coffee addiction was still in full swing
but I had stopped devouring entire packets of biscuits in one sitting, in fact
I had practically stopped eating all together. My energy levels were suffering
because of it and it was a struggle to get out of bed and into work. I had
seriously considered calling in sick but then thought better of it, at least at
work I could pretend that I was being distracted when in fact I was still
thinking about Nate most of the time.

I opened my eyes and placed my
cup on my desk and looked around. There were a few people still milling around
but most had either popped out for food or sat in the break room probably still
discussing their New Years parties or resolutions. My eyes passed across Gina's
desk and stopped when they landed on the cover of the magazine that sat there.
One name blazed out at me and I reached over and picked it up slowly bringing
it closer to me.

It wasn't printed very large,
just the phrase 'Nate in love?' in bright yellow lettering above a small
picture. It was definitely Nate but I didn't know who it was he had his arms
wrapped around but the by-line offered more pictures inside. I could feel the
bile rise up into my throat and I swallowed hard to try and push it back down.
Part of me, the sadistic part, wanted to see more pictures, to see who this
woman was and when the pictures were taken.

I had no idea what I was feeling;
it seemed every emotion that was humanly possible filled me up all at once. My
hands were shaking but I couldn't stop myself from finding the page with the
full article. There were four pictures in total and each one showed Nate and
the woman outside some restaurant. Everything seemed to stop when I saw that
the woman in the pictures looked the complete opposite to me. She was
everything I was not; tall, slim, blonde, incredibly beautiful, and she was
smiling up at Nate and kissing him. That was the picture that filled me with
dread and made my stomach churn. He had moved on to someone I would never be
able to compete with.

'You alright April, you look a
little peaky?' I looked up and saw the concern on Gina's face but I couldn't
find any words and I simply stared at her. She moved around the desk and to my
side. 'April? Are you alright?'

'What's going on?' It was Ella
and I moved my gaze to her face then back to the magazine in my hands. So many
thoughts were flying through my head in that moment. Where was this? When was
this taken? It had only been a week, how could he have gone back to her in only
a week? It was my fault he was with someone else. It was all my fault. 'April?'
Ella had moved in next to me and slowly she took the magazine from my hands
then after a moment she threw it onto the desk and took my hand. 'Come with
me.' I looked up at her and feeling the panic begin to bubble up inside me I
stood and let her lead me into her office.

Ella closed the door behind us
and we sat on the small sofa. I couldn't look at her. I just stared at the
carpet, my thoughts still spinning around my head and making me dizzy. She
didn't say anything for a moment but held onto my hand. 'April, you can't go on
this way.'

I looked up at her then and shook
my head. 'It's just low blood sugar; I haven't managed to eat anything today. I
will be okay if I just eat something.' I couldn't talk to her about this. I
couldn't talk to anyone. I moved to stand back up but she moved her hand from
mine and placed it on my shoulder to stop me.

'Please don't lie to me.' Her
voice was filled with worry and I felt the first tears form in my eyes. 'I have
an idea of what's been going on and that picture just confirmed everything.'

I was shaking my head again. The
image I had just seen flashed into my head and I felt sick. I loved him so much
and even though I had ended it before I thought I would get hurt it seemed that
I couldn't avoid the heartache that came with him dating someone else.

'I thought something had happened
with you and Daniel at the party but thinking back now I realise I was wrong.
It was Nate wasn't it?'

Just the sound of his name forced
the tears to fall silently down my face. 'I didn't mean for anything to
happen.' My words came out shaky and Ella put her arm around my shoulders.

'What did happen? April it must
have been pretty serious for you to be this upset about it. Did he take
advantage...'

I stared at her. 'No, God no.
Ella he's your brother, I can't...'

'He might be my brother but you
are my friend and upset so tell me.'

I looked back down at the carpet.
I could feel the panic begin to start again; I didn't want to do this. I didn't
want to tell her that I had chosen to walk away from the best man I had ever
met. That it was my own fault that I felt like this and now he had moved on it
hurt more than I ever thought it would. 'I can't.'

She took a deep breath. 'I tried
to call him yesterday. He didn't answer his phone and he didn't reply to the
seven texts I sent him so I'm guessing he probably feels as bad as you do.' Her
voice was soft but I could also tell she wasn't finished. 'And if I think back
to Christmas I should have guessed something was going on. I saw the way he
looked at you but it just didn't register until now. He cares about you, I am
sure about that.' I subconsciously reached up and ran my fingers over the metal
bar of my necklace and squeezed my eyes shut feeling the tears roll down my
cheeks. 'What I can't work out is what happened.'

'Ella don't. It's over; whatever
was between us is clearly over.'

'But why? If you care about him
and he cares about you then why?'

I stood and moved over to the
window trying to figure out what to tell her. 'Because I'm not good enough for
him.' It came out as a whisper and I wiped my hand across my cheek to wipe away
my tears.

'That's ridiculous. What are you
talking about?'

The ache that had taken up
permanent residence in my heart throbbed as everything I had told Nate came
flooding back into my head. I took a deep breath to steady my voice so that I
could make my point perfectly clear to her. 'I'm not good enough for him. He is
kind and sweet and smart and funny and the most amazing man I have ever had the
pleasure of meeting and I'm not good enough for someone like that.'

Ella let out a snort and I spun
around and looked at her. She looked pissed off now and I wondered if she would
ever forgive me for hurting Nate. 'You're being silly.'

'No, I'm not. I know he is your
brother so you can't have any idea how I see him but I know I'm right. It would
never work out between us.'

'What and you think you shouldn't
even try? After everything you said to me about Roddy you aren't even going to
try and make it work with Nate?'

'I can't. Not now he clearly
doesn't feel the same way.' I could feel myself getting worked up over the
picture again and the image of him embracing another woman, his arms wrapped
possessively around her made me feel sick. I needed to get out of here, to find
somewhere away from everyone and everything that reminded me of what I had
given up.

'And what if he did? April,
please talk to him, tell him how you really feel.'

I shook my head again as the
tears filled my eyes. 'I can't!' I practically shouted. 'I can't do this
anymore, I'm not strong enough.' I ran to the door and flung it open. I didn't
see everyone stare at me as I ran towards the stairs.

'April.' Ella shouted across the
office and I spun around at her voice. It was filled with concern and anger and
didn't sound like her. I couldn't see her through my tears and as I turned away
from her my foot slipped.

I threw out my arms to stop me
from falling; to grab a hold of anything but there was nothing to stop me. I
felt the first step smash into my hip and my ankle twisted in a way that it
naturally couldn't and I tumbled downwards. I heard a scream and I thought it
might have been Ella but as soon as I heard it, it was gone, and so was
everything else.

Nate

I didn't have much time to think
about what Olivia said as filming kicked up a notch. There was a bit of a break
for New Year and the production held a cast and crew party. It was your average
big end of the year blow out that I dragged myself to for a couple of hours but
not really feeling in the celebratory mood I had left before midnight.

I had spent the rest of the
evening in my hotel room lying on the bed and thinking about what I should do
about April. I was still in love with her, that I was certain about, and I
needed to find a way to make her understand that. There wasn't much I could do
from here and checking the filming schedule I had a three day break in a couple
of weeks. That should be enough time to work out what I was going to say.

I stood in front of the camera
and took a deep breath. We had been shooting for the past couple of hours and I
still hadn't got it right. There was something about this speech that I just
couldn't get. This was the moment in the film that my character, Mark, was
trying to reassure Lexi, the female lead, that everything was going to be
alright if they just stayed together.

This would be take twelve of me
saying the lines down the camera. We had already done it around twenty five
times from different angles and with Sasha saying her lines in response. I had
only met Sasha for the first time at the read through but she was a wonderful
actress who was professional and enthusiastic and had the most adorable ten
month old baby boy.

In the previous takes it hadn't
been so hard. Sash had given me everything I needed to deliver my lines with
the fervour that the director, Jed, had asked for but saying them into the
camera I couldn't stop my mind from picturing April standing in front of me and
for some reason I couldn't say those things to her. It was the same sort of
feeling I had felt when she told me that she wanted to end it. Her words
flitted around my head and mixed with what I was supposed to say and I just
couldn't get it right. It was like there was some sort of mental block stopping
me.

'Okay Nate, let's try it again.'
I nodded over to Jed and stood back on my mark. '…and, action.'

'How can you say that? Everything
that ever happened to you happened for a reason. To me this is not a glass half
empty moment. That glass is looking pretty full and if you don't do something
about it then you know you will regret it for the rest of your life.'

'And cut.' I felt my shoulders
sag a little and I rubbed a hand over my forehead. Jed said something to his
assistant then walked over to me. 'Is something wrong? I mean I'm a little
concerned that you don't seem to be feeling it. It's a little... flat.'

I let out a heavy sigh. 'I know
Jed, I'm really sorry I'm not quite sure why I'm not getting it.' That was a
lie. I knew why I couldn't get out all the emotion this scene called for.

'You were great the other day.
Did something happen over the New Year that's thrown you?'

'No, no it's nothing like that. I
think it's just an off day. I'm sorry.' I felt genuinely bad that I couldn't
get it right. My tone was wrong and I had fluffed my lines on a couple of
takes.

'Alright, let's take a break then
try again.' Jed patted me on the shoulder then turned to the crew. 'Take five.'

I walked over to the chair that
had been set up for me and dropped myself into it grabbing a bottle of water
from the table next to me. I took a long drink then picked up my script to have
another look at the lines I was suppose to say. I just wasn't feeling as upbeat
as the character was supposed to and I needed to focus. Alex, the makeup
artist, wandered over to me and started touching up my subtle make-up. It was a
clear bright day which in Miami just meant really freaking hot despite it being
January and it didn't help that I kept rubbing my temples where I could feel
the tension starting to build.

I had been trying to figure out
what I would say to April when I saw her and I had thought about calling Ella
and confiding in her about the situation. I had left my phone on silent next to
me but now I heard it vibrate against the table. I threw the script down and
placed the water bottle next to it. Alex stopped dabbing something on my face
and waited while I answered.

Picking up my phone I looked at
the caller ID and I felt the smile cross my face when I saw Ella's name. It was
like she knew I was thinking about her. I hit the answer button and held it to
my ear. 'Hey sis, what's up?'

'Nate?' Her voice was shaking and
I could tell that she was crying.

A felt a jolt of terror hit me
like a car crash and I sat up straight in my chair. 'Ella, what's wrong?'

'Nate, I don't, I can't...'

'Ella, sweetheart, calm down.
Tell me what's happened.' My voice had risen in volume and I could see a look
of concern on Alex's face, looking around I noticed that his wasn't the only
attention I had attracted.

 I heard her take a deep breath
like I had suggested. 'It's April.'

The feeling of terror that had
hit me just seconds before magnified into something I couldn't recognise. I
couldn't breathe and I felt like I was going to throw up. What could have
happened to April that terrified Ella so much? It had to be bad. It had to be
really bad.

'Nate? Nate, I need you.'

I pulled myself together enough
to talk again. 'Ella, what exactly has happened?'

'She fell. She fell and she
didn't wake up and I don't know what's going on.' Images of April's body,
bloodied and broken filled my head and I tried to push them aside.

'Okay, okay I'm coming home. Is
there anyone else you can call?' I saw that Jed had moved over to me and was
waiting for me to finish. When I had said the word home his expression changed
from worry to panic.

'Umm, I don't know. Umm, Roddy is
still here. Oh god I need to call her mum and her sister.'

'Okay Ella, I'm going to get
there as soon as I can. Stay calm and call Roddy first.' I knew Roddy would be
able to keep her calm until I could get there.

'Okay. Okay, I can do that. I
will see you soon.' Ella hung up and I took a breath and dropped my phone into
my pocket. I still had what seemed to be the entire cast and crew staring at
me.

Jed seemed to be hopping from
foot to foot. 'What's going on?' I could hear the panic in his voice and saw
the pained expression on his face. I knew that leaving now would throw filming
off and be a major hassle and expense but I really didn't care. I needed to get
home and see April as fast as I could.

'I have to go.' I grabbed the
couple of things I had left on the table and started to make mental notes of
what I needed from my trailer, and from the hotel, and I needed to call the
airline and get on the next flight to Heathrow.

'Nate, you can't just leave. We
have a schedule to stick to. Look, tell me what's happened and maybe you can
sort it from here.'

I could understand his worry I
really could but I needed to see her. Ella said she wouldn't wake up and the
worst possible reason entered my head. What if she died? What if she dies and I
didn't get the chance to tell her how much I love her? I could feel my whole
body shaking now and I moved away from Jed and the crew and headed out of the
soundstage and round the side of the building where my trailer stood with about
twenty others on the lot. I knew he was following me and would demand an
explanation.

I reached my trailer and climbed
inside. I heard Jed close the door behind us. 'Nate - stop. It's obviously
something really bad so just stop and tell me.'

I didn't stop and began to strip
out of my costume and pull on the jeans and t-shirt I had arrived in. Finally I
turned to him. He was a burly man with a bald head and it had seemed almost
weird that a guy who looked like he should be in a boxing ring was directing a
romantic drama. 'I need to go.'

'I gathered that but you will be
putting a lot of people out. Can it not wait until the end of the day at
least?'

I stared at him. I knew it would
cost a lot of money to stop production now and maybe the easiest thing would be
for me to quit. We were only a few days in and I'm sure they could find someone
else to take over the role. Hell, I could name two guys off the top on my head
that would fit the part. 'I'm sorry. I really am but I have to go. My
girlfriend has had some sort of accident and I need to be there.'

'Shit. I didn't realise it was
that serious. You never even mentioned you had a girlfriend.'

I hadn't mentioned it because it
wasn't true but April meant so much to me that it was the only way to describe
her. 'What do you want to do? I mean we can shoot some other stuff while you're
gone if it's only for a couple of days.'

'I don't know. I don't know how
long I will be gone. I'm not sure what has happened and until I do I don't
think I could say.'

Jed looked more worried now.
'Please tell me you're not quitting. Nate you can't do this to me.' I started
shoving things into my bag and gathering up my belongings. 'Look, take a couple
of days like I said and call me when you know what's going on. I'm sure I can
talk to the producers and the studio and move the filming schedule around
enough to cover you.'

I slung my now full bag over my
shoulder and turned to him. 'Thanks. I really have to go.'

'Sure, sure.' He moved out of my
way and I pulled my phone back out of my pocket. I made a quick call to the
airline and there was a flight in an hour I could get on leaving me just enough
time to get to the hotel and grab some stuff.

The flight I had managed to get a
seat on was delayed and for those thirty minutes I thought I might tear my hair
out. I called Ian and filled him in on what was happening, he said he would
arrange a car to pick me up from the airport and also try and smooth things
over with the studio. I also tried to call Ella to get an update on how April
was but it went straight to voicemail. I knew now that I would spend the eight
hour flight wondering what had happened, and if April was even alive. I was
going to need a drink, a very large one.