Your Brain on Porn (7 page)

erection. It seriously hurt my self-confidence and made me fearful of sex. Similar results with
other women. I kept increasing the frequency and length of porn sessions, and escalating to

more disturbing fetishes. After a year, I tried to have sex with an attractive girl. I couldn't
perform. I spiralled down a hole of despair. I started watching sissy hypno porn, and
occasionally anal masturbation. I thought I might have turned gay, but gay porn never did it

for me. I found NoFap and quit. After a few relapses, I made my 90-day mark. I have lost my

cravings for all porn, especially extreme porn. At 87 days, I had my first date in ages. At 96

days, my first BJ [fellatio] since quitting. No problems at all, which is amazing because I
used to get bored during BJs and lose my erection. And at 113 days, I had sex and performed

better than ever, with a rock-hard erection the whole time. I feel like I've been given a second
chance at life.

*

As any porn junkie knows, the more porn you watch, the more you need and the more
hardcore porn you need to feel fully aroused. At my worst I was dabbling in bestiality,
frequent incest scenes, or other hardcore porn. Actual vaginal sex was never too arousing for

me. Oral or other types of non-vaginal sex were
way
more appealing. They made the woman
just a pleasure-giving object. After months of ‘mental detox’, if you will, and multiple real-life partners, I've lost my fixation to alternative types of sex. I'm actually attracted to vaginas
now. Sounds funny, doesn't it? I still enjoy other types of sex on occasion, but the intimacy of
being inside of a woman is second-to-none. Seriously, it's way, way more sexy now. This is
obviously a win-win in real life. And my urge to watch porn went from a constant roar to an

occasional whimper. This is not an exaggeration.

Men have long believed that what arouses them to orgasm is ironclad evidence of their sexual orientation. Therefore, it can be especially distressing to escalate through shifting porn fetishes that ultimately cast doubt on sexual orientation. Yet such escalation to unexpected tastes is surprisingly common today, especially among young people who grew up dabbling in

‘anything-goes’ tube sites from an early age:

When I got internet back in my late teens I found many YouTube-like porn sites that
categorized content by fetishes. At first my tastes were those of a normal teenage boy, but
over the years my tastes shifted into aggressive content. Violent themes against women to be

more specific, especially those anime/hentai videos with scenarios too vile to portray in real
life. Eventually I got bored of that stuff, and in my 20s found new stuff. Within a year I had
acquired many new fetishes, each changing within a shorter time frame than the one before it.

I'm experimenting with quitting because my tastes are now making me really uncomfortable.

They conflict with my sexuality.

Worse yet, there's a widespread meme online that internet porn is enabling users to ‘discover

their sexuality’. Some bold young explorers industriously seek out the hottest material they can

find in the belief that it reveals who they are sexually. They don't realize that a boner isn't the only measure of a person's fundamental sexual proclivities.

For example, the addiction process itself can drive escalation to more extreme material, while making porn that used to seem hot appear confusingly unexciting. Also, anxiety-producing

material pumps up sexual arousal.
[24]
As one researcher explained, a quickening pulse, dilating pupils and clammy skin – the body's reaction to adrenaline – can be mistaken for sexual attraction. ‘We misinterpret our arousal. It is an error of presumption’
.[25]
A review of existing research confirms that sexual interests are conditionable (changeable),
[26]
and different from fundamental sexual orientation.
[27]

By following their erections from genre to genre, some young users migrate to content that they feel is at odds with their sexual identity:

I'm gay but porn can get me sexually interested in females. Well ... not breasts, but the
other female parts become arousing. Porn is an overly charged erotic atmosphere. All
inhibitions are down and the desire for arousal becomes dominant.

*

In the beginning it was just porn stars. But as the years slipped by gonzo simply wouldn't

do it anymore. I added a collection for soft core first. The girls that I liked when I was 18-19

were interesting again. And then they weren't. So I added a collection for new soft core. Then
Hentai. Then Dancers. Then KINK BDSM. Then spanking caning. Then Futa / Shemales.

Then finally recently, although I never added a collection for it, I actually looked at gay porn.

Not because I found it arousing; I don't. I'm not attracted to men. I looked at it because I was
bored. It was like, here I am, 28, and I've seen all the porn on the internet essentially, so I
might as well look at gay porn. I think that was the moment the seed was planted in my brain

that said to me 'This is seriously f--ked, you need to stop this'. Of course I didn't then.

When users become obsessed with sexual-orientation doubts they refer to it as SOCD or HOCD, that is, ‘sexual-orientation (or homosexual) obsessive-compulsive disorder’:

(Age 19) I seriously thought I was turning gay. My HOCD was so strong at that time, I
was contemplating taking a dive off the nearest high-rise. I felt so depressed. I knew I loved
girls and I can't love another dude, but why did I have ED? Why did I need transgender/gay

stuff to shock me into arousal?

Let me emphasise that it is not only heterosexuals who become anxious about their sexual orientation due to escalation to new porn genres:

I myself had HOCD
,
in the sense that I feared myself to actually be heterosexual, since I
eventually was exclusively turned on by straight and ‘lesbian’ porn. Yes, ‘feared,’ because my
entire social identity was as a gay man and I am married to a man. If I went ‘back to straight’

– a move that nobody would ever believe and is more taboo nowadays than coming out as gay

– I would be a social outcast. Finally, I realized that I had eroticized the fear itself.

Any form of OCD is potentially a serious medical disorder. Whether you are gay or straight,

if you have these symptoms, seek help from a healthcare professional who thoroughly

understands that OCD is a compulsion to check constantly to reassure yourself, and who won't

jump to the conclusion that you are in denial about your sexuality.

I went to psychiatrist. He confirmed I have OCD and he prescribed alprazolam (Xanax).

Now, my symptoms of HOCD are very, very mild. I can think way clearer. It improved my
appetite and I've had some of the best sleep of my life. Also, now I know I am not gay or bi,

and my withdrawal from porn has become a lot easier because my anxiety has dropped. So, if

someone asks you, ‘How serious is porn addiction?’ say that you know a guy who had to get

on Xanax in order to make it through the withdrawal.

Loss of attraction to real partners

‘Young Japanese men are growing indifferent or even averse to sex, while married couples

are starting to have it even less,’ reported the
Japan Times
, citing a 2010 poll that revealed a striking trend. More than 36% of men aged 16 to 19 had no interest in sex, more than double the

17.5 % from 2008. Men between 20 and 24 showed a similar trend, jumping from 11.8 % to 21.5 %, while men between 45 and 49 leaped from 8.7 % to 22.1 %.
[28]
Japan isn't alone. In France, a 2008 survey found that 20 percent of younger French men had no interest in sex
.[29]

Something peculiar is afoot.

It is not unusual for people on porn recovery forums to ask the question, ‘Do you think I am

asexual?’ When asked if they masturbate, the answer is usually, ‘Yes, 2-3 times a day to porn’.

Are they asexual or just hooked on porn? Its never-ending stimulation can provide a buzz long

after real-life partners begin to pale.

I'm not asexual strictly speaking, as I still find women beautiful. But I'm no longer
attracted to them, either sexually or romantically, though I
consciously
know they are
attractive. Do you guys get that painful feeling when you look at a hot girl? You would like to
be turned on but you just can't. It makes me angry.

*

(Age 18) Before starting porn at 15 I was EXTREMELY horny and would chase anything

on 2 legs. I made out with girls and got insane boners. After porn ruined me, I was completely
disinterested in girls and could never maintain an erection. At my young age I knew there was

something definitely wrong with me because I'm supposed to be women-crazy like I used to be

before porn. At 17 I began my reboot. Yesterday I successfully had sex with no ED drugs and

my boner was amazing.

*

There's a new orb of light surrounding women. They're just beautiful, and cute, and
playful. And yeah I love to look at them and admire their beauty and sexiness, because we're

guys; that's what we do. But it's so much more than that. It's almost indescribable how
stopping using porn has made me value woman and the time I spend with them in so much
more of a wholesome way. After years of fapping 5-12x per week to pornography, sex was
embarrassing. Not only was there not enough friction but it felt like the ‘wrong’ type of
stimulation. Six months later I have no performance issues of any kind. Sex is now 20x more

fulfilling than masturbation. It takes foreplay for me to reach my peak arousal now and my
partners absolutely love that. I laugh at myself when I fap on occasion and am left a bit
disappointed.

*

(Age 19) For years, I thought I used porn because I was horny. I thought that if I could get

a girl to have sex with me, I wouldn't have to fap. But I recently passed up having sex with a
woman I work with
twice
! And then I
f--king went home and fapped while fantasising about having sex with her.
The most messed up thing about this is that I didn't realize how f--ked up
this was until yesterday. I mean, if I had actually been fapping because I wanted to have sex, I
would have just gone through with it, right? I was in denial.

*

(Day 46) For the last three days I have felt that strong, natural sexual attraction to real

women while out and about. I just naturally notice a woman's figure and it turns me on
without me having to think about it. Duh, that's how it's supposed to work! Damn, it's
amazing how porn screws you up! My penile sensitivity has been off the charts, too. I honestly
don't remember ever feeling like this.

*

I'm known as the ‘unrealistic-high-standards-on-chicks’ guy among my friends, yet I

hardly score. After 40 days, I'm approaching more girls than ever, not -only-for their looks,
but the way they are and what they talk about. Before, girls weren't special. They were ‘just

ok’. My brain wanted unrealistic whores, and it's just now that I've realised how many years I
wasted chasing fantasy relations instead of being happy with what life was giving me (which,

in hindsight, were some of the nicest girls I've met). Yet I continued the useless search…

*

In the past I noticed beauty, of course, but never FELT a DESIRE to be with a girl. I
directed all my sex drive toward porn. Everything sexual for me WAS porn. I could never think

about me, this guy with this cock, having real sex with a real girl. Now, I feel like sex is the
most natural thing to do. ‘Hell yeah it's possible for me to have sex. Hell yeah there's a lot of
girls out there wanting to have it with me!’ Suddenly, self-defeating thoughts seem so stupid

and time-wasting. I finally feel what most males feel. And it's awesome.

Effects on libido, romance

Relationships, too, are affected by porn use, which makes sense. Too much stimulation can

interfere with what scientists call pair-bonding, or falling in love. When scientists jacked up pair-bonding animals on amphetamine, the naturally monogamous animals no longer formed a preference for one partner.
[30]
The artificial stimulation hijacks their bonding machinery, leaving them just like regular (promiscuous) mammals – in which the brain circuits for lasting

bonds are absent.