Your Brain on Porn (6 page)

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My lowest point was when I couldn't get it up for my girlfriend (now ex-girlfriend) not
once, but repeatedly over the course of our three-year relationship. We also never orgasmed

from vaginal intercourse. I was visiting doctors; buying books on penis exercises; trying to
change habits by masturbating to POV porn (instead of the extreme porn I was addicted to).

She was totally supportive of me the entire time (this girl really loved me with all her heart).

She even bought nice lingerie and made efforts to be the ‘slut in the bedroom’. BUT even with

that, I wasn't turned on because the porn I was into was much more extreme than that (rape,

forced sex).

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I never had a problem getting hard for porn, but when it came to the real thing, I started

taking Cialis. Over time, I took more, and even then there were times when it would only
partly work. WTH? Yet I could still get hard to porn.

In contrast, most older guys began their solo-sex careers with a catalogue, a magazine, a video, grainy TV porn, or amazingly (to today's young guys), their imagination. They also generally had
some
sex, or at least courtship, with a real partner before they fell under the spell of highspeed porn. Their ‘real sex’ brain pathways may temporarily be overwhelmed by hyperstimulating internet porn, but those pathways are still operational once the distraction of porn is removed:

(Married, 52) I have many decades of porn under my belt (so to speak). I have not looked

at any porn or masturbated for nearly 4 weeks, and all I can say is the change is dramatic.

This morning, I woke up with one of the most intense erections I have ever had. My wife
noticed, and was nice enough to give me a wonderful BJ, all before 7 AM! Prior to this, I
cannot remember ever waking up like this, except when I was a teen. Plus, the feeling was
very intense, much better than any porn release I remember.

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(Married, age 50) I never thought I had ED. I managed to have sex with my wife. Boy, was

I wrong! Since my recovery, my erections are way bigger, fuller and longer and the head is
flared. My wife comments each time. I also remain erect even after orgasm, and think I could

keep it up for a loooong time. My morning wood is also bigger and fuller. I really had ED and

was too caught in my addiction to realize it. Keep in mind I am 50, though in pretty good
shape for my age and clean living.

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The reward for 4 months of no porn has been an improved sex life with my wife, and after

nearly fifteen years of being together, that is a considerable reward. Hurrah for plain
‘vanilla’ sex. I seem to feel more than I used to.

Here's a guy in the middle, who started out on internet porn, but not highspeed:

I masturbated a lot from 13 and used porn from 14. Gradually, it took more to turn me on:

bigger fantasies or harder porn, and I stopped getting hard without touching. During sex I
would struggle to get an erection or keep it, especially for intercourse. Over the past 7 years I
haven't held down a relationship, and the main reason for me has been this problem. Now, the

good news: When I realized the cause, I immediately gave up porn. Over the last 6 weeks I
held off masturbating as much as I possibly could. (My best record was 9 days!) It all paid
off. I just went away with a girl for the weekend and it was the best ever. I still get pretty
anxious from all the bad experiences over the years. But I just wanted to tell you all it can

work, and it's well worth it!

What about women? Porn use also seems to affect the sexual responsiveness of some

women:

For us girls a moderate porn-related ‘ED’ is tough to spot, but I feel it the same way as

guys describe it. There is desire but no arousal. No throbbing, pulling, overwhelming,
pleasurable sensation in the clitoris and the lower abdomen, only a kind of mental push
towards climax. And I
too
have PE [premature ejaculation], except it might more accurately
be described as PO [premature orgasm]: orgasming while excitation is low, with the quality

of the orgasm quite mediocre and unannounced except for a kind of anxiety-like tension
localized in the genitals.

Unaccustomed premature ejaculation

Although rare when compared to ED or delayed ejaculation, heavy porn users do sometimes

report this symptom. Premature ejaculation from porn use may seem counterintuitive. Two possible explanations come to mind. Perhaps a guy has trained his nervous system to ejaculate

very quickly (or while partially erect). As this man described:

Masturbation/porn can cause PE especially when you start doing it young. You want to
reach climax/orgasm quickly because of the fear of being caught. So you teach your mind that

when you’re hard your job is to cum quickly and not enjoy the interim sensation.

For others porn may become a powerful trigger due to a strong association between porn and

ejaculation. This automatic, high arousal response is similar to Pavlov's dog salivating at the sound of a bell:

I am no longer experiencing the extreme PE that I had for many years prior to reboot. It is

really a miracle, because I had always just assumed it was some genetic defect. I did not
connect the dots as possibly being porn-induced. Prior to my re-boot, my erect penis was very

sensitive (hypersensitive) making ejaculation embarrassingly easy (quick). My penis would
get rock hard and stand at attention at 12 o'clock, the skin stretched tight like a snare
drum. My penis was a fuelled rocket sitting on the launch pad. Countdown starts at 10

seconds, 9, 8, 7, 6,5,4,3,2 … 1, ORGASM. The words ‘Sorry dear’ became my motto. But
today, 52 days into re-boot, my penis is no longer on the rocket launch pad. It stands at 10

o'clock. I have a softer, but bigger erection. Don't get me wrong. It is still very hard and
capable of vaginal penetration, just more plastic, less rigid, less sensitive, and not as
explosive. Most important to my relationship with my wife, I am able to last longer. The
reboot is working very well on my porn-induced PE!

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When you watch porn you become overstimulated and ejaculation is one stroke away. I've

spoken to numerous men older than me and have asked them how they last long. Many said

that they last long naturally and don’t watch porn or masturbate. My cousin who says he lasts

20-30 minutes has said he lasts longer when he doesn’t watch porn or masturbate.

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I was going out with my now ex-girlfriend for 2 years before we broke up. I never had any

sexual problem (be it ED or PE). I wasn't addicted to porn, although I masturbated to it
occasionally. After we broke up, I used porn regularly and started going to massage parlours

with happy endings. After 6 months, I got back with the same girl, and I somewhat reduced the

frequency of my other activities. The sex was awful with my girlfriend (or at least it was for
her). I didn't have a problem with getting it up (except maybe a couple of times), but I
couldn't last for over a minute. The relationship endured a year, during which, I didn't, not
even once, make her orgasm from penetration. The same girl I was giving multiple orgasms 6

months earlier.

For others, PE may be related to a history of forcing orgasms with weak erections:

I would force myself to ejaculate in the morning before school, and several times after. I

wasn't even horny or hard, merely compelled by some urge to keep forcing myself to cum. My

mechanistic porn habits have taken away all sensuality from the act of orgasm, turning it into
a short spurt and muscle memory twitch of a climax. If you have porn-induced PE consider

the new behaviours, feelings and sensations that came with its onset. Before, orgasms were
absolutely phenomenal (my f--king knees would literally shake), but now I cum with a
mechanical twitch and no sort of real gratitude toward the act (and that is including with
women). If feels different and lame.

Alarming porn fetish tastes

Once upon a time, men could trust their penises to tell them everything they needed to know

about their sexual tastes or orientation. That was before the internet.

Brains are plastic. The truth is we are always training our brains – with or without our conscious participation. It's clear from countless reports that it's not uncommon for porn users to move from genre to genre, often arriving at places they find personally disturbing and confusing.

What might be behind this phenomenon?

One possibility is boredom or habituation meeting the developing adolescent brain. Teens are thrill seeking and easily bored. They love novelty. The stranger the better. Many a young man has described masturbating with one hand while clicking through videos with the other hand.

Lesbian porn grows boring, so he tries out transgender porn. Novelty and anxiety ensue – and both increase sexual arousal. Before he knows it he has climaxed and a new association begins

imprinting his sexual circuits.

Never before have developing adolescents been able to switch from genre to genre while masturbating. This casual practice may turn out to be a prime danger of today's porn:

I wasn't interested in any weird stuff before I started to watch internet porn. Just real
girls of my age. Now, I like BBB, BBW, MILF, Tranny, Crossdresser, Fat, Skinny, and Teen.

Once, I saw few seconds of a bisexual video (one woman, two guys) and I started to feel that

‘taboo’ feeling, but I didn't give it a chance, did not masturbate to it, and changed the video.

So, I don't watch bisexual videos and have no cravings for them. That's because I didn't gave

them a chance. But I gave a chance to every kind of porn I got into. If I had given granny
porn a chance, I would like it now too.

A second possible explanation is tolerance, which is an addiction process that drives a need

for greater and greater stimulation. As we'll see in the next chapter, sexual novelty is a sure-fire way to bring your flagging member back to attention. If a new porn star won't do it, try gang rape or gore. No, you wouldn't rape or dismember anyone, but you may now need extreme material

and underlying anxiety to get you going. As you may recall from the introduction, psychiatrist Norman Doidge also observed this process in his patients.

This phenomenon is so common, and evidence of recovery so reassuring, that I'll share a range of self-reports:

As my porn use progressed throughout college, I slowly fell prey to more and more
hardcore shit, like really weird shit, that is now no longer turning me on when I think about it.

This is one of the greatest feelings of all – to know that my fantasies are returning to those of
a normal, earth-born and bred, human being.

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I'm tired of hearing, ‘You like what you like’ from people. A lot of the things I look at I
don't like. I just can't get off to the normal stuff anymore. I never thought I'd wank to girls
pissing on each other – and now it doesn't do it for me anymore. Sexuality is tricky and I
think we've only begun to look at the effects that internet porn has on human beings. All of us
are test subjects and from what I've read over and over, people are noticing changes.

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I can say with absolute certainty that the fantasies I had about rape, homicide and
submission were never there before hardcore porn use from 18-22. When I stayed away from

porn for 5 months all those fantasies and urges were gone. My natural sexual taste was
vanilla again and still is. Thing with porn is you need harder and harder material, more
taboo, more exciting and 'wrong' to actually be able to get off.

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I never thought that I'd be able to have normal sex. I always thought that my brain was

just hard-wired to only be turned on by my femdom fetish [female-domination porn that
humiliates men], similar to the way a gay guy can only be turned on by cock and cannot
appreciate sex with a woman. Little did I know that the fetish I thought was hard-wired, was

simply the result of my porn-viewing habits. It was a hell of my own making. After 3 months of
no porn, my latest sexual encounter has removed any doubt about the effectiveness of
quitting.

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I'm a 23-year old male in good physical condition. I started highspeed porn at 15,
quickly escalating from normal porn to bukkake porn [repeated ejaculation on a female by
many men], transgender porn, femdom porn, incest, etc. I didn't realize how much I was
hurting myself until I lost my virginity at 20 and had problems achieving and maintaining an