What Were You Expecting? (45 page)

The sudden realization of what she’d just seen was like a gathering storm in her brain.

She whipped the plastic container back open again. She bought her pill packs three at a time at the Target in Bozeman and when she got home, she labeled them all at once. This was the second pack of three packs, and she stared down in horror as she realized that the next pill was for Tuesday.

Which would have been fine, except for that today was Thursday.

“Oh, my God,” she whispered. The tiredness and nausea? Her extremely sensitive breasts? “Oh, my God.”

Reminds me of when you were sick…

Her eyes fluttered closed as she snapped the pill pack shut and her stomach rolled over. She barely made it to the toilet in time to heave the contents of her lunch into the bowl, and it all came together in a flash. Over the two days she was sick with the flu several weeks ago, he’d woken her up to give her Advil and antivirals, but there were two small pills she’d missed during her illness because he hadn’t known to give them to her and she was too sick to remember. And she’d been so caught up in their truce and falling in love with him, she hadn’t noticed before now.

She sat back against the tub on the bathroom floor and lifted up the skirt of her dress, looking down and placing her hand over her bare belly. A breathy smile turned into a giggle, turned into laughter as she covered her abdomen carefully with both hands processing the miracle of what was happening inside her body. In that second, that moment, that pause in the endlessness of time, Maggie fell in love for the second time in her life. A surge of happiness—of pure, unadulterated joy—made her eyes flood with tears as she realized she was almost definitely carrying Nils’s child.

Nils’s child.

Her laughter tapered off…

Nils’s child.

…but her hands remained protectively over her tummy…

Nils’s unwanted child.

…as her face fell.

***

Maggie was acting weird.
Super
weird.

He noticed it as soon as he got home. Instead of greeting him at the door with a kiss and smile, he found her on the couch, an open magazine on her lap and a faraway look on her face.

“Maggie?” he asked, once he was standing in front of her.

She lifted her eyes to him, giving him a small smile. “Hi.”

“Heya. You feeling any better?”

She sort of shrugged, closing her magazine and walking into the kitchen. She set the little table with two plates, two glasses and two napkins.

“I thought we’d have pizza,” she said. “I know you were going to cook, but I’ve been craving it lately…”

He watched her: the way her eyes didn’t quite connect with his, as though she were avoiding him somehow, even though he was standing right there. That was weird enough, but she was almost standoffish, too. Cooking dinner together every night was their way of reconnecting with each other. If it was his night, she’d sit on the counter, teasing and heckling him as he prepared their food, and at least half of the time, they’d end up going at it on the kitchen counter or floor before he even got a chance to finish. If it was her night, he’d sit in one of the kitchen chairs, remarking on the way she moved her body around the kitchen, all the ways she was turning him on. And finally, when she’d had enough, she’d walk over to the table and straddle him in his chair, kissing him deeply, burning the dinner and giggling later as they ate charred chicken breasts or overcooked pasta.

“That’s fine,” he said carefully, wondering what was up. Had he done something wrong? “Want me to go pick one up?”

“Had it delivered.” She gestured to the oven. “Keepin’ it warm. Will you put it on the table and pour the drinks? I’ll be right back.”

He watched as she left the kitchen, hating how detached he felt from her. Where was her warmth and teasing? The way she was acting was the behavioral equivalent of the dreaded “I’m fine.” He must have done something wrong, but he couldn’t think of what. Heck, he’d just been here a couple of hours ago having intensely awesome afternoon sex. Maybe that was it? Maybe she didn’t feel cherished because that had been such a slam-bam-thank-you-ma’am style interlude? But she had seemed as into it as him, and she knew he loved her. She knew that. Didn’t she?

He took the pizza out of the box and filled their glasses with beer.

She walked back into the kitchen dressed in sweatpants and a T-shirt, not her usual short-shorts and camisole.

“You never answered me before,” he said, staring at her as they both sat down. “Are you feeling better?”

She took a piece of pizza, biting into the slice and sighing. “Mm-hm.”

Sipping his beer, he took a slice and put it on his own plate. “At least you got your appetite back.”

“I guess so,” she answered, without looking up. She was staring at the beer. “But, best not to try a beer. Might come back up.”

She took it to the sink and poured it down the drain, refilling the glass with water.

“Maggie,” he asked, his appetite all but lost and his insides in a twist. “Is everything okay?”

She turned around, the glass still touching her lips. He searched her face to figure out what was going on with her, but she didn’t seem angry or sad. Just…detached. Distracted. “Mm-hm.”

“Is Graham giving you a hard time?”

She sat back down across from him, drawing her knee up to rest one foot on the seat of her chair and taking another sip of water.

“Nae. He’s still on his best behavior. Though I think he might have eyes for your cousin.”

“For Julie?”

Nils wasn’t sure how he felt about this. For all of Graham’s tattoos and smart mouth, he hadn’t been any trouble to Maggie, and Nils could tell how much she loved having him around. Many times, Nils had caught her tousling his hair, or staring at him from the bar as he bussed one of the café tables. In fact, as long as Graham continued to behave himself, Nils was all in favor of Maggie having her cousin around, and since Bethany and Summer were back in school, he was glad Graham was there full time to give her a hand when he wasn’t working hard building the outdoor deck.

“Mm-hm.” She took another bite of pizza.

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea. Julie’s pretty innocent. She’s lived a sheltered life.”

“And Graham’s such a hellion at nineteen?”

“I didn’t say that.” He looked down at his plate, feeling off kilter. They were chit-chatting like friends, like two people who weren’t madly in love with each other, and it felt cold. It felt strained and he hated it. “He’s just experienced a lot more of life.”

“That’s true,” answered Maggie. “But sometimes opposites attract, you know. Look at Sam and Jenny.”

“Or you and me.”

“We’re not so opposite,” said Maggie, looking at him thoughtfully. “Though I suppose we’re not on the same page about everythin’.”

He picked up his beer and took a long sip, considering her words. Is that what this was about? Children? He swallowed, wondering if he should share his more recent thoughts with her. How much his heart had softened toward the idea of having a baby with her. Somehow he felt as if Veronica and Jens had released him from any debt, and his heart felt free to belong completely to Maggie. If he could only overcome his fears for her health, for a safe pregnanc—

“Anyway, I’m not sure he’ll do anythin’ about it. She snubs him every chance she gets,” added Maggie, chuckling lightly as she finished her pizza and reached for another slice.

“Smart girl,” said Nils, trying for humor, but he couldn’t carry it off, and he ended up sounding like he didn’t like Graham.

She looked up at him with brows knitted and hurt in her eyes. “He’s not so bad, Nils. He’s tryin’ to fit in. You could try a wee bit harder too.”

Was that it? She didn’t think he liked her cousin? Damn, that wasn’t true at all. Sure, he’d been initially apprehensive about Graham being a handful or sucking up all of Maggie’s time, but he’d been fine. He mostly kept to himself, just making a smart-mouthed remark now and then. But, Maggie loved him and despite his rumored past and tough appearance, Nils didn’t have any actual problem with him.

“Oh, I know. I didn’t mean anything. It’s great for you to have him here.” She didn’t look up and he reached for his pizza, taking a bite, but his appetite was all but gone. “Maggie, are you sure that everything’s—”

“You know Paul’s Miss Mystic?”

Did she purposely cut him off and change the subject so he couldn’t ask about her? “Yeah. I mean, I know
of
her. The whole town knows of her.”

“Speaking of the town, she’s here. She’s in town.”

Nils’s eyes darted up to meet Maggie’s. “What? No! Holly’s
here
?”

“Her name’s not Holly, it’s Zoe.”

“Zoe? No,” said Nils. “I met Zoe. Gave her a ride in from the airport on Saturday.”

“And Paul brought her to the Prairie last night. Took me a beat before I recognized her, but it’s her. Holly. Zoe. Actually, her name is Zoe Holly.”

“Well, I’ll be…” said Nils, distracted from Maggie’s strange behavior by this new bit of information. “She looks nothing like her picture.”

“She was in a bad accident some time ago. Changed her hair and wears contacts now. But it’s her, all right.”

“Paul must be on cloud nine,” he said, reaching for her hand. “To have his girl here finally.”

She slid her hand away and picked up her water glass, taking another sip. His hand sat limp and alone on the table, and his stomach flipped over with worry. Was she pushing him away? Why? And why didn’t she just come out and tell him rather than torturing him like this?

“Paul doesn’t know,” she said softly.

“Doesn’t know?”

“Like you said, she doesn’t look a think like her picture. She doesn’t know how to tell him.”

Nils took another sip of beer, considering this. “Won’t go well if she keeps lying to him.”

Maggie’s eyes whipped up and she looked like she was about to say something. She looked away, polishing off the last bite of her pizza and standing up to put her plate in the sink.

“Maggie, have I done someth—”

Her eyes glistened as they held his for a moment. “Sometimes the truth is messy and you dinna know how to…well, I—I hope they figure it out. They love each other.” Then she picked up her glass from the table and placed it carefully in the sink, keeping her back to him.

“I know. I—I hope so, too,” he said softly to her back. “I can’t say anything right tonight.”

He couldn’t stand it anymore. Standing up, he moved quietly to stand behind her, putting his arms around her, trapping her between his body and the counter. He dropped his lips to the back of her neck, relieved when she relaxed, leaning back into his chest. “Should I be worried?”

She took one of his hands and drew it up to her face, pressing her lips to it.

“Dinna be worried,” she whispered against his skin, but her voice wasn’t reassuring. It was quiet and tense.

“Are you upset with me?”

She turned in his arms, her eyes still glassy and a little bit sad…or concerned…or, damn it, he didn’t know what, but not happy, not relaxed and not like his carefree, loving, teasing, tender Maggie.

She shook her head, blinking her eyes like she was about to cry. “I’m just tired.”

“I want you to see a doctor tomorrow,” he said. Maybe that was it. If she was under the weather it might explain some of her strange behavior tonight.

“Maybe I will.”

She reached up and kissed his lips briefly then wiggled out of his arms, leaving him confused and alone in the quiet of her kitchen.

***

She hadn’t meant to act so weird last night. The secret she was keeping from him was so big and so life changing, every time she uttered a word she worried she’d blurt it out. He kept asking her if everything was okay, and the reality was that everything was
not
okay. Her mind was buzzing with about a hundred different thoughts and questions, and most of all, she was anxious to start figuring out the answers to them. She wanted to jump online and research pregnancies. She wanted to call her OB/GYN in Bozeman and get an appointment. She wanted quiet time alone to figure out how to best share the news with Nils. And she could do none of these things while Nils was home.

So, as bad as she felt to see the concern creasing his face as he said “good-bye” and as much as she would miss him while he led a three-day tour over the next few days, it was a relief to have a few days to herself.

The first thing she did was call her doctor and book an appointment for tomorrow.

She explained that she only had a short window and was grateful when Dr. Sweetwater managed to slip in an appointment tomorrow afternoon. She’d close the Prairie for a few hours, and without Nils in town, no one would even notice. She shared some of her concerns, including what limited information she had about Veronica Olsen’s pregnancy, but her doctor was reassuring.