What Were You Expecting? (42 page)

“But I’ve known Becker Westman since we were twenty-two years old, and I wouldn’t’a made it through law school without him. Stroke of good luck for you he was doing some court filings up this way today. He says you’re legit? I guess you’re legit. But I can’t give you this form unless you answer one final question for me, Mrs. Lindstrom.”

Maggie leaned forward in her seat, staring at Officer Galvez like her life depended on it. He narrowed his eyes at her. “How does your husband pay the bills?”

“Online,” she answered quickly.

“You know you said checks? When I asked you in the interview?”

Maggie held up her free hand which visibly trembled. “Nerves, Agent Galvez. It’s been a nerve-wrackin’ day.”

He glanced at her hand then looked lazily back to her face, nodding, as he slid the approved form across his desk.

“All right, then. Welcome to America, Mrs. Lindstrom.”

***

All Nils wanted to do was grab Maggie and kiss her until they were both dizzy and breathless, but Maggie pulled Nils down the hall as soon as they left Officer Galvez’s office, walking at a clip.

“We have to find him!”

“Find who?” asked Nils.

“Beck!” She was walking so briskly, he doubt she realized that she’d dropped his hand because she kept surging ahead, out the doors and into the sunshine, leaving Nils behind.

He stopped in the hallway, a few feet from the door, and put his hands on his hips, watching as she threw herself into Beck’s waiting arms. He couldn’t hear what she was saying, of course, but when Beck—
finally
, thought Nils, with a grimace—released her, she smiled that beautiful, brilliant, happy smile that he loved so well. Nils looked down at the tiled floor, biting his lower lip.

Nils knew in his heart as he stood there that Beck’s presence in Billings today hadn’t been a coincidence. Of course he would have known the date of their interview and Nils was sure he’d made sure he was local just in case Maggie needed him, which, in fact, she had. Without Beck, they would have failed. With his help, Maggie was free to stay in Montana.

And suddenly Nils felt uncertain about the rest. It was almost as though the combination of passing the interview, Beck’s ninth-hour help and Maggie’s desperation to thank her ex-boyfriend snapped Nils back to reality—specifically, to the reality that preceded their truce. The reality where Nils had run away from Maggie, propelling her into Beck’s safe and loving arms. He thought about them holding hands in Beck’s conference room the Sunday evening five weeks ago when Nils had arrived to discuss the issue of their impending interview. In Nils’s absence, Maggie had chosen to be with Beck.

He looked down at the ring on his fourth finger, slipping it off and tucking it into his pocket. Maggie hadn’t
chosen
Nils. Maggie had been virtually
trapped
into a marriage with him. Now she was free. And her first order of business was to race into Beck Westman’s arms.

They chatted in the sunshine, Maggie occasionally looking uncertainly back at the building, maybe wondering why her husband hadn’t followed her out yet. Beck’s handsome face softened with tenderness as he spoke to her, and it twisted Nils’s heart, but his love for Maggie forced him to face the truth: What exactly was he, Nils, able to offer her, other than his name and his love?

Not a lot. And certainly not what she wanted most in the whole world: a child of her own.

He stood at the glass doors, watching as she smiled and laughed with Beck, her red hair shining in the sun. She pushed it off her face and Beck’s shoulders rolled as he chuckled at something she said. He was still crazy about her, that was obvious, and he’d been her “someone” before the mechanics of the truce had forced Maggie to quickly accept Nils as her “husband.”

Nils’s fingers curled into fists as he realized that Maggie deserved the chance to decide who she wanted to be with. Now that she was free, now that she didn’t need Nils, now that she was no longer frightened, she deserved the opportunity to make her own choice. It was the very least he could do for her—set her free.

He pushed through the doors and Maggie looked up to find his eyes, her smile more brilliant and beautiful than any work of art, any natural miracle, anything he’d ever seen.

Nils offered his hand to Beck as he approached. “Thanks, Beck. Thanks for everything.”

Beck’s expression cooled appreciably, but he took rival’s hand. “Glad it all worked out for Maggie.”

Maggie turned her face to Nils, and that beautiful smile lost a little bit of its shine as she searched his eyes, her forehead creasing momentarily in question.

“We did it,” she said encouragingly, reaching for his arm.

“Beck did it,” said Nils, stepping back from her. “He saved the day.”

Nils gave Beck a tight smile before gazing down at the confusion in Maggie’s upturned face. He tasted the bile at the back of his throat as he clenched his jaw so tightly he feared it might snap. How would he let her go if she chose Beck? How would he bear it?

He would. He would bear it because he loved her. He would bear it because she deserved to be happy.

“I’ll let you two, uh…” Nils gestured dumbly, nodding at each of them before turning toward his car.

***

Maggie watched Nils walk away, her chest tightening with that old feeling of fear. Her stomach flip-flopped, making her momentarily nauseous, and she hated the doubt that crept into her head and into her heart. He’d thrown their truce out the window the first night they’d made love, but suddenly she felt like the fantasy of their safe little glass bubble was shattering around her. Now that they had passed the interview, their truce was over: Nils was free to go back to the life he’d had before the pressure and fears that accompanied the interview.

“Still not sure of him, huh?” asked Beck.

She turned to look up at him and he searched her face with his kind, brown eyes.

Maggie smiled at him, suddenly thinking of Summer, of how lucky Summer might be one day if her prediction came true.

“I’m sure of me,” she answered softly for Beck’s benefit, to make it clear that nothing had changed between them. Then, remembering Summer’s words, she added, “Some things are meant to be.”

“Like you and Nils.”

She nodded.

“Well, I wish you luck, Maggie Leslie. Can’t deny I’ve been nursing a wounded heart these past few weeks. Been missing your smile.”

“I’ve missed you, too,” she sighed, putting her hand on his arm. “But there’s someone wonderful for you, Beck. I know it.”

“Okay, Maggie.” He chuckled lightly, his cheeks turning a little pink. “If you find her first, send her my way, huh?”

“Promise me you’ll be patient?” asked Maggie with a grin, doing the quick math that Summer needed
at least
five years before she’d be ready to sweep Beck off his feet.

Beck furrowed his brows, giving Maggie a quirky half smile. “Do you actually have someone in mind?”

“Might just. But give it a little time.” She leaned in and kissed his cheek just as Nils pulled up curbside to wait for her. “Tell me one thing. Were you in Billings on purpose today? Just in case?”

“It doesn’t matter,” he said, and she knew he was releasing her from the possibility of any debt. Damn, but he was a good man.

“You made the difference,” she said, unable to resist the urge to hug him again. “Your friend Officer Galvez said as much.”

Beck shrugged, squeezing her tightly just once before patting her back and pulling away. “Take care of yourself, Mrs. Lindstrom.”

Maggie smiled then turned and made her way to the curb, where Nils was waiting. She got into the car, sat down and shut the door behind her, immediately aware of the awkward silence between them where tenderness and communion had existed for the past five weeks. He pulled away from the curb and her heart sunk as she decided to wait him out.

After he’d been driving in silence beside her for over an hour, she couldn’t bear the simmering tension between them anymore.

“Let’s have it.”

He looked surprised, flicking his glance to her, then back to the road. “Have what?”

“Whatever’s goin’ on in your head.”

“Let’s just get home first.”

“No. That doesna work for me,” she answered, terse and worried. “I need to know now.”

“You were pretty anxious to celebrate with Beck. Kissing and hugging him.”

“That’s what this is about? Jealousy?” She crossed her arms over her chest. “You think I’m pinin’ for Beck? What have we been doin’ these past five weeks, then? Because I could have sworn it was your body next to mine every night and every mornin’, you horse’s arse.”

“Maggie…”

“You think I want to be with
Beck
? He’s my
friend.
He deserved our thanks and lots of it. That’s all.”

“Maggie…”

“Dinna ‘Maggie’ me. You’re suggestin’ I’m interested in some other man when I’m your
wife
.”

“But you don’t have to be,” he blurted out, “my wife.” He paused and she could hear him swallow beside her. “You got the green card. You don’t have to stay married to me.”

He surprised her by jerking the wheel and pulling over to the side of the highway, as her jaw dropped and tears brightened her eyes.

When the car stopped, he flexed his hands on the steering wheel, staring out the windshield, speaking quickly. “I trapped you into that truce, saying I wouldn’t help you unless we acted married. You had no choice. I made it so that if you wanted my help, you had to
be
my wife. But I won’t hold you to it, Maggie. Not if you want out.”

“Do you love me?” Her quiet, gravelly voice, infused with pain, cut through him like a knife.

He finally turned and looked at her. “It doesn’t matter how I feel. I want you to be free to choose what you want. Beck could give you children—joyfully, with a clear conscience. He could give you a family of your own—children who looked like you. If you stay with me, you’re giving up too much, and I can’t guarantee—”

Furious, she couldn’t stand to listen anymore. Her hand cracked across his face like a whip and he stopped talking, staring at her with his mouth open, stunned and frozen.

“Enough,” she growled. Her whole body trembled as she stared at him, her hand burning from the sharp contact of the slap. She blinked furiously, trying to hold back the hot tears, but they poured from her eyes anyway.

“I. Belong. To you,” she finally whispered.

“Maggie—”

“Do you hear me? I love you. I’m your wife. I
belong
to you. Don’t you understand what that means? It means
you
matter more to me. More than any childhood dreams. More than any unborn child.
You.
You who saved me and cared for me and—” her voice broke as uncertainty washed over her, “l-love me.”

He clenched his jaw, staring at her with naked love written all over the strong contours of his face. The cheek she slapped was bright red and angry and as she reached for it gently, he flinched, which squeezed her heart, but she lay her palm against it tenderly. His eyes closed and he took a ragged breath, leaning into her, his heat warming the cool skin of her hand.

“Unless you have
stopped
lovin’ me, don’t you ever suggest to me—no, not ever again, Nils Lindstrom—that there is another option for me other than you. Don’t you
ever
insult me like that again.”

“I feel like you weren’t given a choice. I just want you to be sure. To be happy.” His eyes opened, light blue and uncertain.

She released his cheek as a sick feeling unraveled in her gut, making her dizzy and nauseous for the second time in a single day. Was it possible that this wasn’t actually about her even though he insisted it was? She thought of all the times over the years they’d gotten too close to one another only for him to back up, back off, run away. This is what he did. It’s just that their “truce” had made it possible for him to relax into a temporary status quo and stay put for a while.

But now what? Now what? Would he choose her? Choose to be with her, love her, stay with her? Or would he run again?

“I don’t think this is about me,” she said quietly, staring at him gravely. “Because you’ve known from the beginnin’—aye, from that night you walked me home after May Day. I’ve gone over it in my head a million times. I told you how I felt about you that night, didn’t I?”

He winced then nodded slowly.

She smiled, a little bitterly, before looking down at her hands, neatly folded in her lap, the right one stinging much less than her heart. “You knew then and you know now. I’ve already chosen you. You’re it for me, baggage and all. I’ve wanted you for as long as I’ve known you. But I dinna know that you can say the same, because even though you love me, you willna give yourself permission to be happy with me. You willna forgive yourself for somethin’ that happened fifteen years ago, for the terrible, tragic thing that you canna undo and canna forget.”