TTFN (17 page)

zoegirl:

helloooo! i can't chat for long—i've got to get ready for tonight—but i wanted to talk to u one last time before the new year. is that dorky or what? i'm turning into my grandmom. every year, on the night before my bday, she calls and says, “i just wanted to talk to u one last time while you're ____, honey.”

SnowAngel:

awww

SnowAngel:

what r u getting ready for? do u have big new year's eve plans?

zoegirl:

oh

zoegirl:

um, not really, just a party

SnowAngel:

a party? with who?

zoegirl:

actually, it's not a party, it's more like people are just going to hang out from work.

zoegirl:

it's no big deal

SnowAngel:

will doug be there?

zoegirl:

huh, i don't know

zoegirl:

but i wish i was doing something with *you* instead. you and maddie, that is. like last year when we made chocolate fondue and maddie fondued a tomato. remember?

SnowAngel:

u could still do something with her even tho i'm not there.

SnowAngel:

why aren't u?

zoegirl:

cuz we both have plans already, i guess

SnowAngel:

that's lame. have u seen her at all this whole vacation?

zoegirl:

well, we've both been out of town

SnowAngel:

i talked to her about chive.

zoegirl:

you did? what did she say?

SnowAngel:

she got defensive, and then i felt bad for bringing it up. and then … i dunno. i decided to let it go.

zoegirl:

angela!

SnowAngel:

i don't wanna spend my time with her arguing—i get so little time with her as it is.

SnowAngel:

anyway, it's her life. she knows what she's doing.

zoegirl:

does she?

SnowAngel:

as much as any of us, i guess

zoegirl:

mads! happy new year!

mad maddie:

oof, if u say so

mad maddie:

can u txt me later? i'm kinda hurting here.

zoegirl:

hurting how? are you hungover?

mad maddie:

maybe just a tad

zoegirl:

just give me a second. it's important.

mad maddie:

*groans* wassup?

zoegirl:

i have something to tell you, that's all. it's about …

mad maddie:

yessss?

zoegirl:

hold on, first let me ask you something. things aren't weird between us, are they?

mad maddie:

huh?

zoegirl:

angela thinks it's strange that we haven't seen each other much over vacation. but that's just because we've been busy, right?

mad maddie:

duh. why else?

zoegirl:

no other reason at all. i just wanted to make sure.

mad maddie:

so what's going on that u need to talk about?

zoegirl:

aaargh. it's about doug. we kind of … hung out together last night.

mad maddie:

oh yeah? did u go to a new year's eve party?

zoegirl:

no, it was just the two of us.

mad maddie:

as in a DATE?

mad maddie:

does angela know???

zoegirl:

er … that's part of the problem.

mad maddie:

yeah, i'll say. angela's gonna think u purposely waited till she was gone, and then BAM! u stole her man.

zoegirl:

he's not “her man.” sheesh!

mad maddie:

well, is he YOUR man?

zoegirl:

that's the other part of the problem. because i don't know, maddie. i just don't know!

mad maddie:

explain

zoegirl:

we went to dinner at La Fonda, and that was great. i love their guacamole. and then neither of us wanted to go home, so we went and hung out in the basement of trinity church. doug's an acolyte, so he's got the key to the youth group lounge.

mad maddie:

oh god, zoe. again?

zoegirl:

what do u mean, again?

mad maddie:

this doesn't ring any bells for u? any CHURCH bells, per chance?

zoegirl:

what are you talking about?

mad maddie:

oh, nothing. definitely not a certain holy-roller teacher of yore …

zoegirl:

do u wanna hear my story or not?

mad maddie:

by all means, pray continue

zoegirl:

we were sitting there talking, and it was chilly, so doug told me to come sit on the couch with him because it would be warmer. so i did, and … we kissed.

mad maddie:

holy cow

zoegirl:

that's not all. we *kept* kissing … and kissing and kissing and kissing. and it's not like i was swept away or anything, but at the same time i
didn't stop him, you know? i didn't want to hurt his feelings.

mad maddie:

u didn't wanna hurt his feelings? u did NOT just say that, zoe.

zoegirl:

anyway, we somehow ended up with both our shirts practically off, but not completely. they were just pushed up really high.

zoegirl:

actually, i was wearing a sweatshirt—and i wasn't wearing a bra underneath. it was thick enough that i didn't need to! i didn't *expect* anyone to find out!

mad maddie:

whoa, zoe! u hussy!

zoegirl:

i know! i'm sure he was pretty startled. but i didn't *plan* it that way—it just happened!

mad maddie:

and in the church basement, no less. what is it with u and jesus? does he, like, turn u on?

zoegirl:

can we let go of that, please? i knew you would have to say that, and now you have, so that's over.

mad maddie:

first mr. h, now doug … u give religion a whole new meaning. “hussies for christ”!

zoegirl:

what if doug *does* think i'm a hussy? what if he woke up this morning and was like, “there's something wrong with her”?

zoegirl:

we did more last night than i've ever done with *anyone*. what if he looks down on me now?

mad maddie:

zoe, u r so insane i can hardly stand it. i'm sure he went home with a stiffie, while visions of zoe danced in his head.

zoegirl:

i just wish i didn't feel guilty. why do i feel guilty?!

mad maddie:

i have nooooo idea. all u did is fool around.

mad maddie:

ooo, do u think u made his scrotum tighten?

zoegirl:

*what*?

mad maddie:

chive's been reading james joyce, and apparently
there's something in one of the books about some guy's scrotum tightening. it cracked me up.

zoegirl:

okay, please do not talk about that particular part of the body in reference to doug ever again, all right?

mad maddie:

doug has a scrotum, doug has a scrotum!

zoegirl:

i mean it, maddie

mad maddie:

cuz u think it's DIRTY? cuz u think it's NASTY?

mad maddie:

zoe, u need to learn how to relax if ur gonna have a boyfriend.

zoegirl:

i don't think any of those things. i just think that not everything is a joke, and that fooling around should count for something. it shouldn't be a free-for-all.

zoegirl:

maybe that's something *you* need to learn if *you're* ever going to have a boyfriend.

zoegirl:

maddie? you still there?

mad maddie:

nothing like a cold dose of reality from one of your best friends, eh, zo?

zoegirl:

maddie …

mad maddie:

no need to hold back, u know. just tell me how u really feel.

zoegirl:

look, u started it.

zoegirl:

but i didn't tell u about doug so that you and i could get into a fight. i told you because of *angela*. what am i supposed to do about angela?

mad maddie:

two words, zoe, and i've said 'em before: TELL HER, U IDIOT.

zoegirl:

that's four words

mad maddie:

i'm giving u the bird, just so u know

zoegirl:

ack—she's calling me right now!! i'm not ready to talk to her, so i'm going to turn my phone off and hide it. bye!

SnowAngel:

hola, maddie. happy new year!

mad maddie:

same to u, a-boogie

SnowAngel:

do u know where zo is, by any chance? just called her but went to voicemail.

mad maddie:

huh, fancy that

SnowAngel:

oh well. i'll try her again later.

SnowAngel:

how was your new year's eve??? any smoochy-smoochy action with chive???

mad maddie:

ixnay on the oochie-smoochy-say … at least b/w me and chive. altho SOMEONE was smoochy-smoochy-ing last night, i can tell u that.

SnowAngel:

oh yeah? who?

mad maddie:

er … no one in particular. i just mean that surely someone was getting it on, cuz after all it was new year's eve, right?

SnowAngel:

r u just being random? cuz sometimes i don't know what ur talking about.

mad maddie:

forget it. yeah, i was being random.

SnowAngel:

so how was the concert?

mad maddie:

the bands sucked, but we had a blast. this one band played a cover of “stairway to heaven” and we turned on the flashlights on our phones and waved them over our heads like lighters.

SnowAngel:

aw, fun

mad maddie:

by the end of the song u could see glowing lights from one end of the amphitheater to the other. it was pretty cool.

mad maddie:

also, chive bought us all beers with his fake, so we were verrrrry happy. at least until chive spilled his on the guy in front of us, who happened to be bald. the guy whipped around all mad and fuming, and i was like, “oh shit! sorry, man!”

SnowAngel:

what did chive do?

mad maddie:

he just sat there cracking up. i was elbowing him and going, “dude, U spilled it!” but he fully let me take the blame. it was hilarious.

SnowAngel:

oh yeah. it sounds hilarious. *deadpans to show hilarity*

mad maddie:

but i'm hurting today, i'll tell u.

SnowAngel:

well, that's too bad

SnowAngel:

but i don't feel sorry for u, wanna know why? cuz while u were out whupping it up with chive, i was trapped in glendy's room watching “The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants” on netflix.

mad maddie:

wowzers. dipping into the oldies, huh?

mad maddie:

but i thought u liked that movie

SnowAngel:

i do!

SnowAngel:

but only with u and zoe. i mean, c'mon. four girls, friends forever? that's US, except with three instead of four.

mad maddie:

and we're cooler. and we say words like “fuck.”

SnowAngel:

u, maybe. zoe and i r more refined. *adopts snooty expression and sips from teacup*

mad maddie:

fuck, fuck, fuck

SnowAngel:

but it wasn't just the choice of movie, altho that WAS the most horrible awful irony imaginable. it was the fact that glendy was such a baby the whole night. they didn't have any popcorn, so she asked her mom if she'd go to the store and buy some. her mom said no, so she worked up these fake tears and tried again with her dad. she was all, “oh, daddy, please? i REALLY need popcorn when i watch a movie. and my friend's here, and she needs popcorn too. please, daddy, please?”

mad maddie:

and her dad gave in? bad move, buster.

SnowAngel:

i know. she is such an only child.

mad maddie:

ha. like zoe?

SnowAngel:

no, cuz zoe's parents r strict.

SnowAngel:

i guess it's possible that glendy's mom is too, but it makes no difference since mr. boss gives in whenever she pretends to cry.

mad maddie:

and yr sure she's 16 and not 6?

SnowAngel:

omg, exactly!

SnowAngel:

she kept talking through the whole movie—of course she's a movie-talker—and she was like, “i'm lena, the beautiful one. she's so me.”

SnowAngel:

and i was like, “uh, no, ur bailey, the annoying kid who leeched onto tibby. only bailey turned out to be cool, and u r the epitome of uncool.”

mad maddie:

maybe glendy'll get a terminal disease like bailey did

SnowAngel:

maddie!

mad maddie:

those sisterhood chicks wouldn't say that either, i know. but it made u laugh, didn't it?

SnowAngel:

anyway, i couldn't get away from glendy fast enough. and yet, this is who i get to go to school with on tuesday, cuz maddie, we're CARPOOLING!!! mr. boss is gonna drop us off each morning so my mom can drive chrissy to junior high.

mad maddie:

yuck

mad maddie:

u better just move back here. hop on that plane like u said.

SnowAngel:

plane fares cost more than i thought.
the cheapest was $454, which is $200 too much. *grrr*

mad maddie:

that sucks

SnowAngel:

maybe i should ask glendy for a loan, or rather, get her to ask her daddy for 1. what do u think?

mad maddie:

i think u need to give the glendinizer the boot. just quit talking to her. she'll get the message.

SnowAngel:

like i can do that when we're squished together in the same car every freakin morning.

mad maddie:

oh—i have to tell u one more funny thing that happened at the concert. whitney and i had to pee, but the line in the ladies' room was ridiculously long as usual. so whitney starts whining about how she REALLY has to go, and i'm like, “what do u want me to do about it?” she goes, “i dunno. something!” so i clapped my hands super loud and said, “listen up, ladies. ten seconds apiece! that's your limit!”

SnowAngel:

oh god

SnowAngel:

and how did u enforce this limit?

mad maddie:

i started counting down from 10 to 1 each time someone stepped into a stall. at first ppl just stared at me, but then this big ol' trucker gal with a beer belly started chanting with me, and then other ppl in the line joined in too.

SnowAngel:

did it work?

mad maddie:

that was the best part! girls started charging out of the stalls with their pants unzipped, trying to beat the clock. one woman yelled, “i need 20! i had dinner at Max's Burritos!”

SnowAngel:

good lord

mad maddie:

heh heh heh

SnowAngel:

i hope whitney appreciated your gesture of goodwill.

mad maddie:

r u kidding? she was mortified. AND she took longer than her allotted 10 seconds. she got booed by trucker gal.

SnowAngel:

ha!

SnowAngel:

i can so see that whole scene. it makes me miss u, mads.

mad maddie:

i miss u 2, a

SnowAngel:

it's not fair that i have to spend new year's day alone

mad maddie:

well, do something nice for yourself.

SnowAngel:

like what?

mad maddie:

i dunno, whatever u feel like doing. and now i've g2g, cuz it's time for a little nappie. byeas!