TTFN (20 page)

mad maddie:

u know what i hate? ppl who hate everyone. ppl who walk around so wrapped up in their own bullshit that they can't possibly imagine that everyone else might NOT be as fake as they wanna think they r.

SnowAngel:

and hello to u 2. what r u going on about?

mad maddie:

just cuz i don't wear all black, that makes me a sellout? that automatically implies that i worship taylor swift?

SnowAngel:

i like taylor swift. she's amazing.

mad maddie:

don't tell katie thompson and her minions that. they were trolling the halls today in their black eyeliner and their “wacky” clothes, and all i cld think was, “god, i'm sick of school already, and i've only been back three days.” the katies think they're so DIFFERENT, but they can only be different in a group. have u noticed?

SnowAngel:

i did back in the good old days, yes. but in case u've forgotten, katie and i no longer live in the same state.

mad maddie:

i know that. DER.

mad maddie:

i just mean that if ur gonna be different, u should be different for real, not cuz of some bullshit desire to be different. like—well, hold on, chive says it better than me. here, this is from his deadjournal:

 

Chet Baker is the man. Never learned to read music, because he heard the music in his soul. Lived hard and fast, because that's what living is for. He lost his teeth in a street fight, but still he was the best jazz trumpet player this world has ever seen. The prince of cool.

 

Check it out, from “Chet Baker's Unsung Swan Song” by David Wilcox:

 

My old addiction Makes me crave only what is best Like these just this morning song birds Craving upward from the nest.

mad maddie:

doesn't that say it all?

SnowAngel:

i don't get it. who's chet baker?

mad maddie:

just the best trumpet player ever. it says it right there.

SnowAngel:

what's the bit about the birds craving upward from the nest? is it poetry?

mad maddie:

it's a SONG by david wilcox. don't u know who david wilcox is?

SnowAngel:

no

SnowAngel:

did U, pre-chive?

mad maddie:

it's about how chet b. died by falling out of a hotel window. he was wasted, apparently. hence, like a bird leaning out of its nest.

SnowAngel:

a bird that was wasted?

mad maddie:

the point is that chet baker lived his life on his own terms, unlike katie thompson. he took risks. he was unpredictable.

SnowAngel:

u don't have to be wasted to be unpredictable. i'm not goth or emo or anything, and I'M unpredictable.

mad maddie:

U? hahahahahaha

mad maddie:

i love u, angela, but ur as predictable as they come. type in “16-year-old girl” and out pops “angela silver.”

SnowAngel:

excuse me? name ONE thing about me that's predictable!

mad maddie:

uh, let's c. your ryan gosling obsession? your need to shop? and let's not forget the fight ur having with zoe, which is over the most predictable thing in the world—a guy.

SnowAngel:

what fight? we worked things out.

mad maddie:

come again?

SnowAngel:

i still think she handled everything completely wrong … but MAYBE i shouldn't have made such a case out of her hanging out with doug. maybe i sorta knew that she liked him all along.

mad maddie:

oh

mad maddie:

that doesn't make it ok, tho. she LIED to u.

SnowAngel:

i know she did

mad maddie:

more than once, i might add.

SnowAngel:

what's your point? do u not want me to forgive her?

mad maddie:

no, i do. of course i do.

SnowAngel:

good, cuz i did

SnowAngel:

and u wanna know what's weird? it was a total power trip to let her off the hook. i didn't know it was gonna be, but it was. it was such a role reversal—the great zoe messing up!

SnowAngel:

does that make any sense?

mad maddie:

you got to be the magnanimous one. you got to choose whether to let her live or die.

SnowAngel:

yeah. i'm not saying i'm glad it happened … but part of me liked having her grovel.

mad maddie:

i can totally understand

SnowAngel:

plus, what else was i supposed to do?

SnowAngel:

she's my zoe, just like ur my maddie. i can't live w/o either of u.

mad maddie:

lucky for u, u don't have to.

SnowAngel:

which is good, cuz now i won't have to get wasted and fall out a hotel window.

mad maddie:

haha, very funny!

zoegirl:

wake up, angela! wake up, wake up!

SnowAngel:

*rubs sleep from eyes* it's not noon here, zoe. we're three hours earlier, remember?

zoegirl:

oh yeah, i forgot

zoegirl:

so that makes it … 8:45? wow, ur up early.

SnowAngel:

*smiles wanly*

zoegirl:

so what's going on? you have any big plans for tonight?

SnowAngel:

no, cuz i have no friends, cuz apparently i suck.

zoegirl:

what about glendy?

SnowAngel:

haha. glendy is WORSE than no friends.

SnowAngel:

yesterday she cornered me at lunch and made me go to the bathroom with her. she needed me to run the water in the sink while she … did her business. what a baby!

zoegirl:

why run water?

zoegirl:

ohhhhh. to cover the sounds?

SnowAngel:

she doesn't want anyone to hear her peeing. isn't that something ur supposed to be over by the time ur 16? i was like, “we ALL do it, glendy. every single 1 of us pees, even mother teresa.”

zoegirl:

i have a hard time peeing around other people too, though. in my head i'm like, “just pee, just pee!” but sometimes my body refuses to cooperate.

zoegirl:

oh gosh. does that mean i'm repressed?

SnowAngel:

huh?

zoegirl:

maddie thinks i am. she says i'm a prude.

SnowAngel:

no offense, but compared to maddie, anyone would be a prude

SnowAngel:

oops *claps hand over mouth*

zoegirl:

sometimes i worry she's right, though. like with doug, i still get nervous about all the body stuff. i can never just let go and enjoy it, not all the way.

zoegirl:

am i allowed to talk to you about this? i don't wanna make you feel bad.

SnowAngel:

the only time u make me feel bad is when u say things like “i don't wanna make u feel bad.”

SnowAngel:

so when u say u can't just let go and enjoy it … does that mean things have been progressing?

zoegirl:

well, doug wants them to. i keep kind of redirecting him.

SnowAngel:

ahhh, redirecting him. that's a good way to put it.

zoegirl:

why do i have to be this way? it's like i'm stuck in my stupid head, thinking, “crap, did i shave? do i smell? are my breasts too small? is my butt too big?”

SnowAngel:

zoe, your butt is NOT too big. if your butt is too big, then the rest of us should jump over a cliff and be done with it.

zoegirl:

and even worse …

zoegirl:

never mind. i don't want to say.

SnowAngel:

SAY IT

zoegirl:

no, cuz then you'll *really* think i'm a prude!

SnowAngel:

u don't like to pee around him?

zoegirl:

angela! as if.

SnowAngel:

then what?

zoegirl:

it doesn't have to do with peeing noises, it has to do with … other noises.

SnowAngel:

other noises? like body noises, u mean? like slurps and squelches?

zoegirl:

okay, please let's not put names on them. i'm totally turning bright red.

zoegirl:

but yeah, *those noises*

zoegirl:

i want to get over it, i really do. i want to let go and let whatever happens happen. but i can't!

SnowAngel:

wait a minute. if ur worried about noises, then u guys must have gone pretty far …

zoegirl:

below the shirt, below the underwear. *but just barely*

SnowAngel:

his or yours?

zoegirl:

uh, both?

SnowAngel:

holy cats!

SnowAngel:

zoe, u r not a prude, ok? in fact i'd say ur turning into a sex guru. shit, girl, ur gonna outpace us all!

mad maddie:

it is a mistake to wear low-riders if u have an ass the size of texas. i am not saying this to be mean, but because it is the truth.

zoegirl:

oh great! i just asked angela straight out if i have a big butt, and she said no!

mad maddie:

U? ur a size two, zoe.

mad maddie:

the ass in question is margo pedersen's. she was working at java joe's when i went by for a latte, and she had to lean over to get the milk. nuff said.

zoegirl:

oh

mad maddie:

u gonna c doug tonight?

zoegirl:

yeah, at work. and we'll probably do something afterward.

mad maddie:

ooh-la-la. give him a kissy for me!