Throwaway (15 page)

“It’s a date,” he caught her hand and kissed
her palm.

With a small smile at him, she followed
Harmony onto the street. The hateful sun mocked her and she hid
behind her sunglasses again.

“I can’t believe you fell for a cop,” Harmony
shook her head in disgust. “You used to be so practical.”

“I know,” Jessie didn’t bother denying it.
“Grab a cup of coffee with me?”

“Can’t. I have class.”

“Okay,” Jessie felt deflated. The day loomed
long ahead of her. “Have fun.”

“See you tomorrow morning, okay?”

She was happy to have been forgiven by
Harmony, but it wasn’t really doing her much good at the moment. It
seemed there was nothing to do but head back to Spence’s with two
days to kill.

He was awake on the couch when she returned,
a terse look on his face.

“You know I should kick you out on your ass
for the way you treated me this morning.”

“I do,” she sighed and sank on the couch next
to him. Everything in his body language said he was safe enough at
the moment.

“Vance told me about your little binge last
night,” a smile tugged the corner of his mouth. It was the first
true smile Jessie could remember seeing on him; there was no trace
of mocking in it.

“I rose to the challenge. That’s all.”

“Did you win?”

“Wiped the floor with them,” Jessie didn’t
know if that was necessarily true, but it sounded good.

“Thata girl.”

“You want to play cards?” Jessie suggested
after an awkward silence.

“Poker?”

“Nah… Rummy.”

“Sure. Why not?”

Jessie rooted through the bar until she found
some playing cards. She curled up in the oversized chair across
from Spence as she shuffled the deck.

“Your nose looks better.”

“Thanks. It hurts like hell today.”

“I forgot your pain medicine, sorry. You want
me to get it?”

“Nah. It’ll just put me to sleep again. I
like sitting upright for a while.”

“Let me know if you change your mind,” she
began dealing the cards.

“You’re different lately,” he observed,
eyeballing her from above his hand.

“Maybe you’ve just never really seen me
before,” she studied the cards in her own hand.

“I know you better than you think,” he
argued. “I know you work out obsessively to counteract your huge
appetite because you worry about keeping up with the younger
girls.”

“Ouch.”

“I know you spend every Wednesday night at
O’Malley’s because of Danny. I personally think he’s some sort of a
father figure to you.”

“Is that so?” She wondered why she was
suddenly on the couch of Dr. Spence.

“I know Vance moonlights as your protector. I
used to worry he had a crush on you, but now I think you two have
some weird brother/sister thing going on.”

“I could see that,” Jessie gave in and played
along.

“I know you like Bud Light, wine from a box
and Blues—both the music and the team.”

“Impressive,” Jessie acknowledged. She had to
admit she was surprised at his depth of knowledge. “Rummy.”

“That’s crap. Deal again.”

“Sore loser,” she gathered the cards to
shuffle.

“I also know that you hate me.”

She silently slid the cards towards him to
cut the deck.

“I’ve never thought that was fair of you. I
took you in and gave you a roof over your head and you hate me for
it.”

Jessie arched an eyebrow. She had a different
view of things, but opening up a discussion along those lines
wouldn’t do her much good.

“We’ve had a good run, you and me… haven’t
we?” his pale green eyes met hers with startling honesty. She
wasn’t sure how to respond.

“You’re in it pretty deep, aren’t you
Spence?”

He opened his mouth to protest and instead
tapped the deck for Jessie to deal. She wasn’t sure what else there
was to say. How do you ask someone why they aren’t getting off the
Titanic?

For as long as she’d known him, if Spence was
in arm’s reach he was trying to get his hands on her. The fact that
he was coherent and hadn’t propositioned her once was unsettling
because it meant he had something weighing heavy on his mind. He
seemed to know he was a dead man walking. She kept circling back to
the same question—why didn’t he leave? Why did he still hand girls
over to monsters if he knew it was doing nothing to save his
hide?

For that matter, why hadn’t she left when
Gabe first suggested it weeks ago? Because deep down you
know—there’s nowhere to hide. A tiger by the tail is better than
one lurking in the bushes.

So the retired prostitute-turned-informant
and the dejected pimp wiled away the better part of two days
playing Rummy and eating takeout.

If Harmony noticed Jessie’s detached behavior
at the gym, she was nice enough not to mention it. Jessie felt a
bit like she was having an out-of-body experience as she struggled
to reconcile the tyrant who’d ruled her for so long with the broken
man sitting at home waiting to die. As much as she had hated the
one, she pitied the other.

“You free for lunch?” Harmony asked as they
wandered back down Cherokee after their workout.

“Actually, yeah. I could go for some lunch.
How about tacos?”

“I’ll see if Vance can join us.”

“Sure… hey, I’ll be right back.” Jessie
caught a glimpse of Danny walking into the Cherokee Market and
jogged to catch up with him.

“Hey, there’s a girl. How’s your head?” He
winked at her.

“Just fine, thank you,” she made a face at
him. “In all seriousness… thanks for everything.”

Dan waved off her thanks but accepted her
quick hug with a smile. She met Harmony at La Vallesana just as
Vance appeared from one of the flats down the street. The women
waited for him before going in to order.

It was a good day to sit under the big blue
umbrellas eating the most authentic Mexican food the Midwest had to
offer. The oppression of summer was a memory and the crisp fall air
had yet to arrive, in between stood meteorological perfection.

Still, sadness tugged at Jessie’s heart.
There was a hint of goodbye in the air. She wondered what her
friends would do if something happened to Spence, where they would
go. Which was a little funny, because she had no real idea what she
would do when the moment came… not beyond getting herself to the
address written in the front of her book, anyway. It wouldn’t be
the first time she found herself on the streets and penniless.
She’d find a way to survive now, too.

She wasn’t surprised to find Spence where she
left him on the couch. He stopped vacantly flipping through
channels when she walked in.

“Want to play more Rummy?”

“Why not?” she grabbed the cards as she
kicked off her shoes and curled up in her chair. She had a few
hours to kill before she needed to get ready for her date with
Gabe.

She declared a truce at seven to fix them
some dinner. Despite their odd little rapport, she didn’t think
twice about drugging his share of the food. There was a limit to
her magnanimous feelings towards Spence, and it was somewhere on
this side of him interfering with her precious time with Gabe.

Once she had him squared away for the
evening, Jessie hurried to her room to dress. She didn’t even try
to look nonchalant about her appearance, pulling her favorite
outfit out of the closet and tossing it on the bed before jumping
in the shower. Twenty minutes to nine, she stood in front of a
full-length mirror twisting and turning to gauge every angle. Wispy
blond hair framed a baby doll face. A splash of honey colored her
skin, thanks to the time she’d spent outside with Gabe the week
before. She liked the way the color made her eyes look even
bluer.

The dress was one she seldom wore. It was
bought on impulse and had spent many years languishing in her
closet. Her life rarely called for long, flowing skirts—even if
they were almost translucent. Its halter-style top and fitted waist
made her feel girly… pretty. She didn’t bother with shoes. With her
luck, they’d only fall off as she scaled the ladder to the
roof.

“Where are you headed?” Jason sat up a little
straighter when Jessie emerged from the apartment.

“For a walk. I’m tired of watching Spence
sleep.”

“It’s not Wednesday. I don’t think I’m
supposed to let you leave.”

“I’m not leaving… I’ll be in the building.
Promise.” In, on… what’s the difference? Jessie mentally
amended.

“You look awful pretty to be going for a
walk,” he hesitated.

“Why thank you,” she leaned over and kissed
his cheek, choosing to distract rather than answer the question.
“See you in a bit.”

He nodded warily but let her leave. Once she
was out of site, her pace quickened. She was early, but maybe he
would be too. Time together was too rare of a commodity to
waste.

“You’re early,” his velvet voice greeted her
the moment she stepped onto the roof. “And you’re ravishing.”

Jessie answered by launching herself at him.
He caught her with a chuckle before claiming her mouth with a
hunger that rivaled her own. His fingers wove through her hair, his
hands cupping her head. She wanted to touch and taste and feel all
of him.

“We should talk,” he reluctantly ended the
kiss and rested his forehead on hers.

Her heart seemed to stop beating as she
waited for what came next; the tone of his voice terrified her.

“Jessie, I’m leaving.”

The words hung in the air between them. Her
pulse now pounded ferociously in her ears.

“Leaving to go where?” She took a step
back.

“Afghanistan. I’ve been called up.”

She took a few steadying breaths while her
mind raced. “When?”

“I leave in the morning.”

“No!” Pain and rage flowed through her and
poured themselves into that one word. “No.”

“Trust me; I’ve tried everything I can think
of to postpone this until after the case. They’ve done it before; I
don’t know why they didn’t this time.”

“Is it because of me? Did someone find out
about us?”

“I doubt it. I think Uncle Sam is just
getting desperate for numbers.”

There were a thousand questions Jessie wanted
to ask. Only one surfaced. “What does that mean for us?”

“I’m doing everything I can to make sure
you’re taken care of... can’t say I trust Brunner to look out for
you,” he snarled.

“That’s not what I meant—I can take care of
myself.”

“Are we really back at this again?”

“I’m sorry if I happen to be more worried
about you being target practice for some zealot halfway across the
world and yes, I know it’s selfish, but I’m going to miss you. This
past week has been hell,” her gestures became more agitated as she
spoke. “And now you’re going away for God knows how long. I mean,
these wars are never going to end. Tell them I don’t want you to
go.”

“That doesn’t sound very patriotic,” he
gathered her in his arms. “I’m going to miss you too, you
know.”

“Will I even hear from you while you’re
gone?”

“I’ve taken care of that,” he pulled a cell
phone out of his pocket and handed it to her. “I will call you
every chance I get—at least once a week. I will find you when I get
back.”

“You did promise me everything would be
alright,” she reminded him.

“That I did… have I mentioned how amazing you
look tonight?”

“Are you trying to flatter your way out of
trouble?”

“Maybe a little.”

“You should have told me sooner.”

“In retrospect, yeah, I really should have. I
think I’d convinced myself Carter would be able to put it off
again.”

“You had to at least suspect he couldn’t or
you wouldn’t have sent me the key.”

“I sent you the key because I can’t watch you
every second of the day even when I’m in St. Louis.”

“Can I see you off tomorrow?”

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea. Now that
you’re living with Spence, you’re being watched as closely as he
is.”

“He knows he’s in trouble,” her mind changed
tracks.

“That doesn’t surprise me,” he answered wryly
as he led her to a cushioned chaise lounge someone had set up. He
sat down and pulled her onto his lap, where she gladly curled
up.

“It’s been an odd few days,” she frowned,
unsure how to explain it.

“Has he hurt you?” Gabe tensed.

“No, quite the opposite actually. He’s being
very… human.”

“Oh. Huh. That’s good, I guess.”

“You guess? I have to say I much prefer it.
Although now I’m wrestling with guilt.”

“Guilt? Really? Do you not remember the
bruises he gave you?” Gabe’s irritation was evident.

“Yes I remember the bruises,” she spat the
words out. “You know what? This is not the way I want to spend our
last night together.”

“Don’t try to change the subject.”

“Why not? This one is stupid.”

“Stupid? Or just uncomfortable?”

“You suck, you know that? You big, fat jerk,”
Jessie scrambled off his lap.

“Why? Because I don’t like the thought of you
feeling sorry for the man who has abused you for 14 years?”

“Excuse the hell out of me for having a
heart,” she snarled.

“I have a heart.”

“Sure you do, and a whore walked all over it
so now you’re taking that out on me. Is that why you chased me? Was
I a whore you could get back at?”

“You’re not a whore!”

“You’re right, I am retired now.”

“Stop it,” he growled.

“No, you brought this up. I said I felt sorry
for someone and now suddenly you’re worried I’ll be giving him
freebies while you’re gone… that’s it, right?”

“Stop it,” he grabbed her by the arms,
causing her eyes to snap with fire.

“Or what?” she dared him.

“Damn it, Jessie. When will you get it
through your thick skull that I love you so much it makes me
stupid?”