The Strip Club Dating Survival Guide (10 page)

CUSTOMERS

I should probably take a moment to explain the difference between the terms customer, and guest or visitor. For our purposes, a
guest or visitor
 will be a somewhat casual patron at the club, or perhaps someone who may stop in one time, never to be seen at the club again. This is typically someone who has walked into the club just looking to have an enjoyable time while they are there. They aren’t planning to make a career out of it, get to know anyone on a personal level, or even come back necessarily.

This generally includes bachelor parties, groups of guys out partying or anybody who just dropped by for fun or because their wife or girlfriend is out of town and they think they can get away with it. Guests who are just visiting the club on a whim aren’t in the running to catch one of the girls in a moment of weakness and score some ass.

Those of you who fit into this category and still believe or tell your friends that you can hit it with the girls at the local club are wrong. Actually,
lying to yourself
and otherwise looking like a complete juvenile asshole is probably more a far more accurate way to say that.

Strippers don’t get excited by three drunken jerks too scared to be in a strip club by themselves. Your attempt to make it rain on stage with a handful of sweaty dollar bills may certainly have been breathtaking, but you still aren’t getting laid in the VIP room tonight.

A
customer
, on the other hand, is somebody who makes regular, often predictable appearances at the club. These people will normally schedule their appearance in the club to coincide with the presence of one or more girls in whom they are interested.

The objects of the visits are most likely specific dancers but could also be a favorite waitress or bartender. Usually one or more people on staff, as well as strippers they tend to favor, will have the customer’s phone number and be familiar enough with this person that they can openly send them text messages urging them to come in.

To have any real chance of making a connection with an exotic entertainer, you will almost assuredly need to be a customer, well known and approachable. The trick is that you must become the right kind of customer and then know how to exploit that status to your benefit. This is one of the reasons why you’ll need to understand who the various customer types are and where you are going to fit within the strip club ecosystem.

REAL
LIFE

So, perhaps being a hater is a poor choice for the man looking to form an outside relationship with an exotic dancer. Hopefully you know also that being a dick in real life is probably not a winning option either.

While I will leave that up to you to decide, try to keep in mind that acting like a douchebag toward the clerk at 7–11 may not be any more conducive to
positive and fulfilling life outcomes
than acting abusive toward a twenty-something stripper is.

A brief note here on things that are in real life and the distinction between those things and what happens in the club environment. Inside a strip joint, once you pay your cover and pass the doorman, assaulted by loud music, quite often lubricated by alcohol, and inundated with attractive people of the opposite sex waltzing around in string bikinis you must realize that you
have
a made a departure from that which is strictly real.

What is happening here is nothing short of a middle-age crisis daydream fantasy writ large.
Reality,
 that thing that normally involves paying bills, schlepping off to a job you fucking hate, calling your mom on her birthday, taking the kids to the dentist, and mowing your lawn
does not apply here
. So leave it at the door. Similarly, the things that happen within the confines of the club have no business existing outside it.

You need to make this distinction and create a useful separation that allows you to enjoy the fantasy of the club and pursue your
hooker with a heart of gold
 dream girl while doing so in a way that does not impair, impact or damage things that exist in real life. Take a moment to recall, if you will, that the most notable things outside the club are
almost always people
.

Wives, girlfriends, kids, other family members, those you work for or whom work for you. So make the distinction between what’s real and what’s a fantasy; draw a line and be careful how and when you cross it, and with whom. You’ll be happier that way, trust me.

FALLING
FOR
GAME

Honestly there is nothing wrong in absolute terms with being a guy who is always at the mercy of
stripper game
. Almost all of those guys are getting something out of being a sucker; otherwise they wouldn’t be doing it. Precisely what they are taking from the experience varies considerably from one customer to another, may change over time and is entirely subjective.

Despite how hard it may be to determine what positive benefit a sucker is reaping from his arrangement with a dancer, know that he is getting
something
that he desires, and whatever that may be is making him happy, even if it looks goofy to you.

As I’ve noted before, however, being on this status within a gentlemen’s club is unlikely to make you seem like a solid choice as a mate. The girls might fight with each other for your attention, which is certainly gratifying if you are ignored at home, but that is just a function of the fact that you will be a solid, easily controlled customer once acquired.

Dancers are territorial about their money customers and will fight to keep them. They also may be willing to meet with you outside the club for what is known as
money dates
.

We’ll touch on the idea of money dates a little later. For the moment, just know that they exist, they don’t
necessarily
involve sex, and that if your intended target dancer is going out on these things with another customer it does not mean that she is a lost cause and that you are out of the running. On the other hand, if the girl you are after does go out on these things with customers, it has the potential to cause problems and is something I’d be wary of.

Suckers would like to think that outside social engagements like the money date provide some level of legitimacy for their relationship with the dancer in question. They often believe that this is an indication that he is dating the stripper who happens to be walking around with him at the mall or wherever.

Here, we are confronted with another problem endemic to sucker status; a false belief that he is involved in an, as yet, unconsummated serious relationship. I have seen these guys get super upset when their “girlfriend” goes off doing something stupid or ignores them for another customer altogether.
Do not be this guy.

LOVE
,
LUST
AND
CREATIVE
NAMING

By now you are most likely wondering what kind of customer you’ll need to be in order to attain success with the dancers. Well, other than just mainly being authentic, fun, and respectful, you should be, and probably are,
addicted to strippers
 to some extent.

Why else would you even be reading this book right now, if you weren’t somehow stuck on the idea of taking one of the girls you see at the club, and making her your own? You should just be honest with yourself, admit that you are addicted to strippers and are seeking a way to make your dream of romantically connecting with them a reality.

Do you know what the difference between the early stages of fixated, physically-based sexual attraction (commonly referred to as
lust
) and addictive behavior is? If you aren’t sure of the answer, don’t sweat it, the scientific and medical communities don’t know for sure either. Fact is, the same things happen to you emotionally, mentally and physiologically whether you are lusting after some new person in your life or heading to your dealer to pick up an
eight ball of coke.

There are definite chemical processes that occur when you become seriously attracted to someone, normally involving something known as the
Love Molecule
. As you can see, the imagination of world science in creative naming has outdone itself here. Way to go the extra mile on
that one
, science dudes.

Be that as it may, this so-called Love Molecule works literally to addict you to the physical presence of the person you have fallen in lust with. That is why it actually physically hurts when she’s not around. Turns out you aren’t the emotional man-girl you thought you were, or at least
not so much
. The effect of this thing wears off after about a year or so and, in good relationships, is replaced with high production of the hormone
Oxytocin
, known as the
Cuddle Hormone.

And yes, Science just scored another point in the category of: “Giving overly obvious names to shit that we probably could have figured out for ourselves.”

The Love Molecule ensures the continuation of the species by forcing you to want to break down any barrier, overcome any obstacle and risk
everything
for a chance to bang it out with someone of the opposite sex. The Cuddle Hormone then ensures that you successfully pair-bond with that person, and team up to raise your offspring, hopefully protecting them from dangerous predators, like
wolves, zombies and the rampaging Orcs of Middle-Earth.

LOVERS

Apparently, there is little difference, scientifically speaking, between someone hopelessly addicted, and someone deeply, lustfully, in love. So, instead of worrying about whether you’re barking up the wrong tree or obsessing over something unhealthy, you should seek simply to embrace what you love. If what you love is strippers, then embrace that and become
the Lover
.

For the true lover of anything, exotic dancers included, the pleasure derived from their vice most often lies in the pursuit of it. Satisfying such a desire may lead to actual, permanent, healthy fulfillment. Of course, it can just as often lead to a continuation of the pursuit in other venues, with other targets or for higher stakes. Such is the risk one takes when seeking out something as inherently unstable and dangerous as forming ongoing, intimate relationships with strippers.

If you have somehow, in whatever way, become fixated on exotic dancers, then what you need most is the ability to actualize your desire in the most positive way possible. There is no need to stress out about it if this is what you’re into since chasing love with the girls down at the local strip joint is far more enjoyable than a lot of other things you might do with your life. Embrace your desire,
seek mastery
over your impulse driven behaviors, and learn to remove the futility and frustration from your interactions with the women you love. 

I’m not using the word,
love
 lightly either. That’s one of the funny things about stripper addiction; those afflicted with it genuinely love strippers for what they truly are. They are sexual, independent women with real issues that can suddenly cause their therapists to disappear for weeks on end to some remote Vermont meditation retreat.

Exotic dancers alternate between being the best and worst that womanhood can offer, and have the ability not only to draw the greatness within a man forth but also to induce extreme recklessness and
suicidal behavior
. A lover of these women truly appreciates them inside the club and out, by the name they use on stage, and the one they were given at birth, whether in heels and a thong or pajama bottoms and t-shirt. 

Someone like this always tries to keep enough perspective on the situation to know that this may not be appropriate and, most likely, will not end well. Yet, this may be the greatest weapon that can be brought to bear in their pursuit of the
ultimate girlfriend
; the ability to see strippers as women first.

Perhaps real lovers may be the only type of customer patronizing clubs that retains this ability. Mostly, other people tend to see the girls as a stripper first, only belatedly realizing that dancers are actual people with all the same issues as other women, if not more. You can be sure that this can be
somewhat disappointing
for the average guy who just scored his first round of dancer ass and is now confronted with her reality the morning after.

If you actually can love strippers though, you’ll generally avoid that kind of perceptual delusion. The women you are chasing are those who have fully decided to possess and inhabit their sexual selves on a near full time basis as a means to an income and an identity, but that doesn’t define who they are as people. You’ll always need to relate first to the woman as a person, and then to her choice of identity. Not only will this be more compelling for you, but for the strippers that become the
focus
 of your attention, as well.

I think that it bears repeating that the dancers who work in adult show clubs are typically seen as strippers first and often as nothing more than that by most guys who come into the club. Thus, they become empty vessels for whatever emotional baggage, odd aspirations or perverted desires that the customers wish to pour into them. They are never real people themselves with their own lives fully in progress.