The Strip Club Dating Survival Guide (11 page)

Remember to
re-frame
 your encounters with at the club so that you can see the stripper first as being a woman, then as a woman being an exotic dancer whether out of financial need or as some form of lifestyle choice. Being a stripper is just something that your girl
does
, not necessarily what she is. If you can do this, the actual physiological change in the way you interact with your girl will make a real difference in how you both view each other.

If you do love dancers, and have the
desire
 and free time to date them, then there is no reason in the world why you can’t succeed. Strippers are people too, you know, and tend to have the same sets of needs, dreams and desires as anyone else you might meet. What sets them apart is that they live in a world in which being used for one’s physical appearance, and
presumption
of
promiscuity
 is commonplace.

In other words,
they know that you just want to fuck them. 
Or they think they do. Getting around that barrier is one of the primary things this book is about. If you can do that, you may just find that dating exotic dancers is one of the easiest things you ever done.

The hard part is living with them afterwards.

Chapter 7. Jackass

I came here to kick ass and chew bubblegum…And I’m all outta bubblegum.

-
T
HEODORE
R
OOSEVELT,
S
ECRETARY OF THE
N
AVY, COMMANDER OF THE
R
OUGH
R
IDERS, 26TH
P
RESIDENT OF THE
U
NITED
S
TATES, INVENTOR OF MANLINESS AND GETTING SHIT DONE.

When you are in a strip club, pursuing that dancer that you have fixated on, you may encounter a series of potential challenges to avoid or master. I would like us to take a just a few moments to run through and clarify some of these things, so that when you do run up against them, you
will
be prepared. It’s better rehashing things a few extra times, even obvious things, than to be left with a stupid look on your face or lacking the right thing to say.

ASKING
FOR
SEX

I think we’ve already mentioned the deal about asking girls to go home with you. This is a no-no and nothing happy will come from it,
for you at least
. Some dancers will get their teeny, tiny panties all in a bunch over a proposition like that. Some may even decide to involve the security staff and/or the club manager. This could be a fantastic way for you to get your ass kicked out of the club, possibly even
86’D
(permanently banned) from the club itself. Since any girl that would actually agree to such a thing isn’t truly going to be worth the time,
why bother?

FAKE
JOB
OFFERS

This is equally true for propositions that seem more innocent, yet are simply a less direct way of asking the same thing. An example of this would be asking a girl to be the bartender (or something to that effect) at your weekly poker game. Offering some totally bullshit job, like that of
personal assistant
, that mainly involves her hanging out with you also falls into this realm. This kind of thinly-veiled sham is, in its own way, worse than simply asking her to go to a motel and give you head. A straight up
sexual proposition
 at least involves a certain amount of honesty, whereas this kind of thing taints you as a dirty
creeper
without even enough balls to ask openly.

PRIVATE
PARTIES

If you legitimately need a stripper as the centerpiece entertainment at your best friend’s bachelor party next week, your local strip club probably isn’t the best place to look despite what you might think. The type of entertainer that is available for
private engagements 
like a bachelor party is totally different from the average girl you will find down at the club. There are plenty of services online and in the phone book that are specifically equipped to handle private party requests, but remarkably few of the people involved in that kind of thing also work in strip clubs.

BOYFRIENDS

What possible motive could you have for asking about her boyfriend? Yet, over and over again, customers in the club seem to think that finding this out is somehow of utmost importance. It’s not. In fact, asking about her
boyfriend
 only serves to remind the girl you are talking to that the fantasy she may be enjoying with you inside the club is not actually real and that her true life and love is probably sitting at home playing video games and watching their kid or something. How can you drawing attention to the man she shares a bed with every night
possibly
help you, or your cause?

If a woman wants to have sex with you, she will do so despite any putative relationship status. Any answer you get from a dancer will be a lie anyway, no matter what the truth is. Whether or not he actually exists, there is nothing served by inquiring after the boyfriend, so just don’t do it,
ever.

TALKING
ABOUT
YOUR
BAGGAGE

This should be so obvious as to go without saying, but guys do it time and time again, so it must not be as obvious as I think it is. Do not,
under any circumstance
, talk about your shitty existing relationship, your ex-wife, the kids or any of that nonsense. Remember how we earlier mentioned the division between things that exist
in real life
and things that exist strictly inside the club? Well, here is a perfect example of that.

You are inside the club right now, and all that other crap that loads you down on a daily basis doesn’t exist here. There is no way that the girl in the thigh-high stockings and push-up bra sitting next to you needs to hear about the amount of alimony you are paying, or the most recent fight with that bitch girlfriend of yours. Not only does she not need to hear about it, but she honestly doesn’t want to.

On one hand, talking about that kind of stuff detracts from the amount of attention you are paying to her. Doing so can make you appear to be distracted by the mundane life you’ve chosen to accept, and to her, those things will seem more significant to you than the time you have to spend with her. Further, going into detail about visits from the in-laws, or admitting that your wife forced you to buy a minivan when what you actually wanted was a Camaro will only serve to lower your
social value
 in her eyes.

LYING
YOUR
ASS
OFF

Seriously, there is no point to this, yet people do it all the time. Now you are saying, “But wait, you just said not to talk about my real life…” Yes, I did say that. Don’t talk about your real life. If the details of your real life were fascinating, you would be out
banging supermodels 
every night instead of lurking around strip joints. Your real life is boring, encumbered by all sorts of baggage, and has a tendency to
lower your social value
in the estimation of your
prospective stripper girlfriend.

That doesn’t mean you should be lying to her though. If the point of this whole exercise is to take your relationship with her to the next level, then I promise you that, at some point, your lies will be found out. Why bother with lies and all the work that they entail to maintain? I said
don’t talk about
your dumb crap, but that does not require you to replace it with even
stupider lies
. Simply don’t talk about it. Instead, focus on her, and focus on the experience you share with her in your
fantasy
 club environment.

If you’re downright ballsy, you could always
role-play
 some kind of fantasy relationship that exists only during the times in which you are in each other’s presence inside the club. You’ll need her permission and active cooperation for that, of course. I guarantee, however, that she will find something of that nature far more entertaining than most other things you do. Plus, if you get proficient at pretending an actual relationship with her, you might just find that one day it stops being play acting and starts being something real. Girls are like that, especially the faded and
broken princesses
 that most strippers truly are inside their hearts.

BRINGING
SAND
TO
THE
BEACH

In the unlikely event that you are unfamiliar with the above saying, it means that bringing something into a situation where that thing already exists in abundance is redundant in the extreme. Bringing chicks with you to a strip clubs is just one of those things. Not only does it not make a whole lot of sense wasting your time dragging some girl with you to the club, but it clearly will divert your time and attention
from the dancer that you are supposedly pursuing
. Since the dancer will be aware of this, it will do little for your relationship except perhaps stall or kill it as she gets pissed off at your idiotic insensitivity.

In addition, while we might not think of it consciously, gentlemen’s clubs are called that for a reason, and it’s not that the patrons are necessarily all
gentlemen
. Strip joints are a place for men to go and enjoy the company of barely clothed female entertainers. Somehow, guys grow up with a basic understanding of strip clubs and how they work. I’m not sure if it’s encoded in our
DNA
or simply passed along socially, although if I had to guess I would say that it’s
both
actually.

Females in our society do not have the same
biological hardwiring 
and
 
social conditioning.
 Hence, females in a strip club rarely understand basic etiquette or behavioral rules that men take for granted. They don’t know what their role or purpose is in an environment like that, so they act out, usually in a
negative
way. They compete, act jealous, purposely divert attention from the dancers who are working, mistakenly believe that they must somehow “out-stripper” the strippers, and become catty bitches that get you thrown out on your ass.

A lot of people will try to convince you that bringing girls is a
brilliant
idea, since it proves to the dancers that you are a safe guy that can pull chicks, thus more attractive than the average dude that shows up to the club
stag.
 While this may work quite well in other social situations, like an ultra-lounge or a party, the people who tell you to pull this move in a strip club
have no fucking idea
what they are talking about.

BRINGING
SAND
TO
THE
BEACH
,
PART
2:
THE
REVERSE

There is one sort of situation in which bringing sand to the beach will work out in your favor, so let’s discuss it. If you have a female friend that
honestly
holds you in high regard is not a romantic competitor, doesn’t mind a night out at a strip club, will positively stay on her
best
behavior at all times, is down to be your wing man for the night, and truly wants to see you succeed, then by all means go ahead and bring her.

This can’t be some kind of spontaneous, “Hey, let’s go hit the strip club,” kind of moment…it must be preplanned and scripted. She has to understand that
she is playing a role
intended to result in getting you laid at some point with the stripper of your choice. She has to understand the purpose of her presence, and be willing and able to play the role to the hilt. This outing with your wing-girl is not about fun or her having a terrific time, it’s about furthering
your agenda
 with the chick in the school girl costume, and your gal-pal genuinely has to get that through her head and be enthusiastic about playing her part.

But what is her part? Is it to pretend to be a girl you’re screwing to create jealousy within your intended stripper target? No, nothing as stupid as that, and remember what we said earlier about lying? Yeah, that’s right, why bother? Your chick friend’s role is
to be honest. 
You are her friend, and she thinks you are some kind of
magnificent fucking bastard.
 She is
so
glad that you bothered to bring her out to the club with you tonight. You and her boyfriend (fiancé, husband, whatever) are devoted friends, and you are the
only
person he trusts to guard his lover out at a strip joint.

Your chick friend should be pouring honey into the dancer’s ear on your behalf. Not going overboard, just letting a few positive things slip her and there that work to establish
safety, security and proven social value
 in the heart of the object of your desire. Be wary though, this kind of thing can easily be overdone and, if not pulled off correctly, could end up doing more harm than good. Still, it is the exception to the rule, and if done well,
can
advance your cause immeasurably.