The Strip Club Dating Survival Guide (13 page)

When a dancer first makes it out into the club proper, she will usually take a moment to survey the room to see if she recognizes anyone, and to assess the overall flow of the room. She’ll be checking for obvious money customers or clear, dead-money
marks
. She’ll want to know who is working, and where her friends or allies are, if she has any.

SEEING
UNSAID

This is the chance for you to see her, and let her see you see her. If you are unsure what I mean by that, listen up.
Seeing
a woman involves looking at her in totality, as a person. You see their face, you see their body, you notice the way they are holding themselves. You notice posture, body language, the expression on their face. You see, superficially, if they are someone who takes care of themselves.

Does she lean toward or away from people? Is she listening when people are speaking to her, or just listening half ass as she texts away on her stupidly expensive cell phone with an already, inexplicably cracked screen? This is not about staring a girl down, making eye contact, or doing an up-and-down physical once-over. It’s not some kind of lingering creepy
eye-fucking
sort of thing.

Just take a moment to see her with your eyes, and let her see you do it. Use your
body language
to communicate your openness to interacting with her. You can do this by adjusting your body into an open, secure position facing her to whatever extent possible. Put your feet flat on the floor, with your lower legs at an angle slightly forward of your knees. Keep your chin up, chest open to view and arms relaxed at your side. Your feet should point in her direction, even if it is not possible for your torso to do so. Don’t block the front of your body with your arms, keep your hands away from your face, and lean back in your chair slightly.

Don’t look away in embarrassment when she catches you at this, you want her to catch you at it. When she does, just smile and go back to whatever it was you were doing before she walked out onto to the floor. If, for whatever reason, she doesn’t come walking right over to you, just briefly repeat the process every few minutes. 

Keep in mind that you aren’t staring her down for prolonged periods, just seeing her for a few seconds (it’s hard to check someone out effectively for less than 4–5 seconds;
creepy
starts happening around 9–10 seconds) before shifting your attention elsewhere, to something or someone else in easy view before returning to her once again. Eventually she’ll get the picture, and come over.

In most cases, a dancer will view your friendly, yet reserved appraisal as marking your seat as an initial safe harbor as she ventures out onto the floor. This can give you the opportunity to meet strippers you don’t haven’t met yet without waiting for them to ambush you with some kind of hard-sell attack. Acting in a safe, inviting fashion creates the chance for you to say hello and make an impression on your own terms.

DECISIONS
,
DECISIONS

Another advantage to this is that normally a dancer will not hang around all that long on her first pass around the room. She is probably going to want get around to all the customers, get over to the bar, and go say something to the people that she knows. If you are appropriately greeting the girls when they first hit the floor, they will usually come talk to you for a bit, then move on to get working. That means that you don’t necessarily need to get caught up in the strip club decision cycle.

The decision cycle
 is the point of any club interaction in which the salesperson (a stripper) puts out a hard offer for services (dances) requiring a decision to be made by the sales prospect (you, the customer.) Getting caught too early in this process can be disastrous to the desired outcome you are actually after: forming relationships with strippers that don’t involve money. 

If you say yes, then you become a mark, nothing more than a source of income in other words. If you say no, then you are rejecting the dancer (spurning any woman is never a bright idea) and wasting her time. What you need is a way to postpone indefinitely having to make this decision at all. I am not suggesting that you don’t get dances, or enjoy the benefits of being in a gentlemen’s club with money in your pocket. After all, what would be the point of that?

What is actually required here is the ability and opportunity to hold the high ground in your interactions with the dancers, to use the services of some of them at the time of your own choosing, permanently brush others off without creating ill will, and put a select few into the category of looking but not touching. It is dancers in the last category that you will be focusing your attention on. 

Getting proficient at welcoming girls as they arrive, being friendly, generous, and polite and ultimately providing some degree of safe
comfort
 in a sea of perceived hostility and critical judgment is one essential part of that process. Doing so quickly in a manner that dictates how and when strippers can interact with you is another.

FLIPPING
THE
SCRIPT

Perhaps we should take a moment and get a little clearer on why you are doing this, and exactly how it’s going to help prevent your relationship with a dancer from immediately devolving into a decision cycle driven money exchange. See, the thing is, every dancer out there is working a basic
sales script
. While there is a wide variety of possible script approaches, they are all essentially variations on a theme. 

No matter how this script is presented, or how it is uniquely customized to any individual stripper’s preferences and personality, it remains simply a prepared set of interactions meant to drive a sale of some kind. For the most part, this means that, despite any superficial appearances of differentiation, all the girls are going to be coming at you in the same basic way.

Functionally, a script of any kind is just a pattern, meaning that if A happens, then B. If B results in C, then go on to step D but if B does not result in C, go back to step A. It’s like a flowchart, one thing leading to the next as you seek some kind of predetermined outcome. It’s all set up in an
if/then
format, as in:
If
this happens,
then
do this next. An example of what I mean would be a dancer looking at a customer and saying,

• If he is alone, then go try talking to him.
  
• If he seems to like me, then sit on his lap.
  
• If he allows me to sit on his lap, then ask him for a dance.
  

It’s just a type of
nested pattern
, a sales script. It’s nested because it’s just part of a larger part of an overall money-making pattern, which is of itself part of a pattern called stripper, which is just a part of another pattern and so forth. We’re all driven by this kind of automatic,
limbic brain
 programming; it’s not in any way unique to exotic dancers. The point, however, is that understanding that there is an unconscious pattern driving how this girl is interacting with you confers the ability to take control of the situation to your benefit.

In order to change what is happening, and to escape the
sales funnel
 leading to positive engagement in the decision cycle, you must become disruptive. That is to say that your actions will purposefully
disrupt her pattern
 at any point where it normally would be both driving her behavior and informing her conscious choices. Once a dancer has her pattern repeatedly disrupted, she will go “off script.” Without this unconscious
programming 
to back up her moves, she will be forced to improvise, act out of character and move forward without the benefit of an existing
blueprint
.

When a dancer comes out into the club, she will have certain expectations and will seek to match them up with the reality as it exists within the club at that moment. It is at this point where you will disrupt her pattern for the first time. She will then make an approach, using her script to frame her interaction with you; yet again you will disrupt her pattern. Slightly off script at this point, she will become unsure, hesitating, her scripted behavior unable to predict what will happen next. As she joins you at your table, again you will disrupt her.

At this point, a stripper’s script will no longer be particularly helpful to her, and you will have not only the initiative, but her attention, as well. Within your power will now be the ability to create your own
frame
 for what will happen next, and she will become responsive to you, passively waiting to see what happens next. The frame you create will itself serve as a powerful interrupt to her patterned sales script and stripper
persona
, causing her to rely on a genuine, underlying identity as she is forced into a reactive posture. Since her non-stripper personality is not socialized to the club environment, she will find it difficult to relate to you as a stripper and customer, and default into woman and man modalities instead.

During any future meetings, and as your relationship develops, you will maintain this disruptive behavior, forcing your girl out of her protective stripper personality projection. You might think of this as a form of
white noise generator
 like the kind used by intelligence agents and criminals to make listening devices useless. In this same way, your mild, sustained interrupts will make your dancer’s pattern inoperable and her ability to go into full on stripper mode, pushing you into the decision cycle.

In the earlier section we talked about engaging a dancer simply by seeing her from across the room, and by doing it all in an open, welcoming manner. This was your first interrupt of her pattern, albeit a relatively mild one. She came out into the showroom hoping that someone worth talking to would be there, but truly expecting the worst. Your open invitation went against expectations, playing to her vague hopes instead. This is disruptive enough to get her to focus on you as a first target, but with a level of uncertainty that you can leverage to your benefit.

HELLO
,
MY
NAME
IS

So, let’s say a girl has appeared in the club, and you have used your eyes, smile and body language to convey that she would be welcome to stop by your table. She has picked up on this and finally come over to you. At this point, 95 percent of all club customers will remain in their seat, attempting to ignore the stripper until she actively makes herself known, typically by throwing herself down in his lap or putting a hand on his shoulder. 

Alternatively, some customers seem to believe that acting in some way or another like a juvenile slob will attract the girl more quickly. While it is true that dancers will respond to general idiocy just as a shark responds to noise and movement in the water, it doesn’t exactly endear you to them. Instead of acting like a complete jackass, you need to take control of the situation proactively.

To do this, you’ll start by standing up as she arrives. Standing up like a gentleman upon the arrival of a lady will accomplish a number of things. First, it demonstrates respect for the person joining you in a social situation, and actually applies regardless of that person’s gender…meaning you should do that even if we were talking about your best buddy joining you for lunch. Secondly, coming to your feet is a sign of recognition that your companion is a lady and that you are a man.

Yes, we can all have a long discussion at our
Women’s Studies
tea party regarding the chauvinism involved in a man making way for the “weaker sex,” and all that other crap, but I am telling you that women still appreciate
classic courtesy
.
Strippers especially can be taken off guard by this kind of thing, since their lives tend to lack those little hallmarks of conventional social courtesy. 

If the dancer to whom you are speaking is incapable of appreciating this behavior, then perhaps you’re talking to the
wrong girl
. Lump her in with the girls who are willing to go home with you for money, or who are known to give customers head in the VIP room…and move your ass on to someone else.

So, you have caught her attention, and she has responded by coming over to your table. You have stood up as she arrived, most likely to her pleased surprise. Now, make eye contact, and lightly but firmly
take her hand
for a moment (don’t go for the finger-crushing good American handshake for crying out loud) and smile as she introduces herself to you. 

You may be asking how you should
take
 a woman’s hand. You will do this by reaching out to her as if to shake her hand, and as you make contact, twist your wrist gently from left to right so that your palm is facing up and hers down. Reach out with your off-hand and place it over hers so that you are essentially cupping her hand in both of yours. Introduce yourself and repeat her name back to her.

Watch, it’s like this:

She walks up to your table, and you stand up and face her. She introduces herself and puts out a hand (if she doesn’t do this, you may always initiate physical contact on your own by lifting your hand in the “handshake” move.) You take her outstretched hand in yours and say,