The Nothingness of Ben (14 page)

They continued like that for several minutes, until Travis pulled away and flipped onto his back. He lifted his legs into the air and dangled his feet in front of Ben’s face. Ben grabbed them and tasted each toe.

The footplay drove Ben so wild that he pulled some condoms and lube from the nightstand drawer and threw them onto the bed. Travis looked at them and Ben saw anxiety flash across his face.

“So,” Travis said. “Here we are.”

“Here we are. Unless you want to back out.”

“No, we’re gonna do this. I got to know what all the fuss is about. No more being a coward.”

“You’re sure?”

Travis threw his head back and laughed. “Fuck, yes, I’m sure!”

Ben wrapped his cock and thought about how to begin. Bottom on top could work, but he had to take the lead on this. He wanted them to look at each other and kiss. So he nestled in between Travis’s legs and lifted one of his knees. He kept shifting his position until the tip of his dick rubbed up against Travis’s waiting hole.

“I’m the first guy to fuck you?” Ben asked. “Ever?”

“Ever.”

“That is so hot.”

Ben pushed a little. At first he felt only resistance, so he pulled back. He started to kiss Travis, brushing and licking his lips while he gently rubbed the tip of his cock against the tight hole. Finally, the tip slipped in and Travis gasped.

“Don’t pull away,” Ben insisted.

Travis held steady but tightened his grip around Ben’s neck.

“It hurts.”

“Count to eight.”

“Why eight?”

“I don’t know, but it always works.”

Travis began to count.

“… five, six, seven, eight.”

“Now kiss me,” Ben said.

Travis kissed him full on the mouth, holding on for dear life. His whole body relaxed, and Ben moved his cock forward in painstakingly slow motion.

“Does it still hurt?”

“Nu-uh.”

“See, I told you.”

“Eight seconds,” Travis mumbled.

“What’s that?”

“Eight seconds. It’s how long a rider has to stay on the bull. At the rodeo.”

Travis rubbed the back of Ben’s neck and ran his fingers through his hair. Ben could feel him opening up as their lips met again.

“Travis?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m in. All the way.”

Travis took a deep breath. Ben pulled him up so that they sat Indian style, facing each other, Ben’s dick piercing upward into Travis’s ass.

“Put your arms around my neck,” Ben told him.

“I ain’t too heavy?”

Ben laughed.

“No. I got you. Trust me.”

Travis put his arms around Ben’s neck and kissed him again. They stayed that way in a kind of facing-lotus position, kissing softly and humming with pleasure. Travis would occasionally grind his butt onto Ben’s dick, lifting up and down as he surveyed its length and girth. Ben pulled back, and they looked at each other. That’s when he saw it. Travis’s eyes rolled back into his head.

“Good fit?” he asked.

“Good golly,” Travis moaned. “I had no idea. Perfect fit.”

Ben pulled his legs under him and rolled Travis onto his back. While he kissed him, he pulled his cock all the way out and then slowly thrust it back in, making Travis arch his back and lift his legs so that he could accommodate the entire length. Ben repeated the motion again, and then a third time, until he was long-dicking Travis’s ass at a steady pace. After that, Ben short-fucked him, using only the first inch of his dick with an increasingly quickened rhythm.

“What are you doing?” Travis moaned.

“I’m loosening up your hole.”

“You’re teasing me is what it feels like.”

“Is it working?”

“Hell, yeah, it’s working. Give me more, Hotshot.”

So Ben went in deep, full up to the hilt, and then started to really fuck, rocking back and forth on the bed, increasing his stride with each thrust. Travis tightened his arms around his neck again and increased the pace of his breathing.

“Ben? I think….”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Don’t stop. Keep fucking me. But I feel like I’m gonna shoot.”

Ben didn’t respond but slammed into Travis with an extra hard pound. He started to fuck faster as a growl escaped from Travis’s mouth. Ben moved his lips across Travis’s cheek and kissed him furiously. He could feel Travis’s body tense up and knew what he needed to do. He slowed his pace but increased the power of his thrusts, providing Travis with the long and muscular strokes he needed. Travis threw his head back and muffled his cries.

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck me.”

Come started to spray from Travis’s cock. He shot long streams of semen into the space between their bodies, which sent Ben over the edge. He reared up and dumped his seed deep into Travis’s butt, wave after wave of juice spurting out of his body. Ben looked down and locked onto Travis’s eyes.

Travis pulled him close and whispered into his ear, “My ass is yours.”

Ben thought he might start crying but instead collapsed on top of Travis, allowing the tension in his body to ooze out of every pore. He’d just had the best sex of his life. The revelation of their orgasm, combined with everything he already felt for Travis, produced an entirely foreign emotion. Was this what he’d been missing all along?

After a moment, Ben rolled over onto his back and lay next to Travis.

“How is that even possible?” Travis asked.

“How is what possible?”

“Coming without touching myself. I couldn’t even control it. It ain’t always like that, is it?”

Ben laughed. “I don’t know. I’ve seen it before, but it’s rare. Who knows? Maybe it’s always like that for you.”

“Damn, I’m in trouble, then.”

“Why?”

Travis stopped himself.

“Nope. I need to shut my pie hole.” He rolled over until he was on top of Ben. “Any regrets?”

“Are you kidding? You?”

“Nu-uh. But now I just want you to turn into a pizza.”

“Typical guy,” Ben said. “You need to clean up?”

“Nope. I like the way it smells.”

“Good answer. Let’s head to the kitchen so you can make us something to eat.”

But they started making out again and didn’t get far. They both grinned wildly and laughed when they came up for air and looked at each other.

“What?” Ben asked playfully.

“Am I spending the night?”

“I would like you to.”

“You got more condoms?”

“Listen to you,” Ben said as he got up and rummaged around the floor for their underwear. He tossed a pair of briefs to Travis, who lifted up his legs and slipped them on. “I got a whole box. Be careful what you ask for, though.”

“Why’s that?”

Ben put on his boxers and opened the bedroom door.

“Ancient Chinese proverb,” he said, heading toward the kitchen. “He who butt-fucks all night wakes up with sore asshole.”

Travis laughed and followed him.

“Well, as my mama used to say, if you ain’t sore then you’re not doing it right.”

Chapter 11

W
HEN
Ben woke up the next morning, he thought he might be dreaming again. After all, there was Travis in his arms, the curve of his shoulder and arm exactly as he had imagined it. He felt Travis push against Ben’s morning wood. Ben reached over to the bed stand and grabbed another condom. He slid his cock into Travis’s asshole and the two of them moaned together.

“That’s more like it,” Travis said.

This was no dream.

“Good morning,” Ben whispered.

“What time is it?”

Ben looked over at the alarm clock.

“Two minutes after seven.”

“When do the brothers wake up?”

“Cade gets up first. We have about an hour.”

“They don’t go to church no more?”

“No. But that was their decision.”

Ben continued to fuck Travis gently as they talked.

“Are we gonna tell ’em anything?”

Ben hadn’t really thought about it. He’d been mesmerized by Travis’s ass all night.

“What do you want to tell them?”

Travis huffed and reached around, grabbing Ben’s ass and pulling him in deeper.

“You’re exasperating sometimes, do you know that? Do you even realize you answer questions with questions?”

“I picked that up in law school.”

“Well, it’s damn annoying.”

Ben started to pull away.

“Oh, no you don’t,” ordered Travis, pulling him back in. “Don’t you dare stop what you’re doing. I ain’t mad. Don’t mean I want to change you or nothing. Just that sometimes I want to box your ears.”

Ben smiled and kissed the back of his neck.

“Now,” Travis continued, “what should we tell ’em?”

Ben didn’t have to think about it long. “We’ll tell them the truth.”

“So what’s the truth? Are you ready to DTR?”

“What’s DTR?”

“Define The Relationship.”

Ben chuckled and slammed his cock in deeper. “No, I’m not ready for that. How do you feel about sneaking around for a while?”

Travis didn’t speak for a moment; then he said, “I’m okay with that. For a while.”

S
O
FOR
two weeks, Ben and Travis fucked on the down low. Since they could hardly keep their hands off each other, that meant taking advantage of every opportunity. Travis stopped by the house almost every day at lunch. Every night, they waited until the brothers went to bed and then did it again. In the morning, before Travis slipped out of the house, Ben often woke up with a condom on his cock and Travis waiting to mount him. Every chance they got, they fucked. They never sucked each other off or bothered with any kind of foreplay. When Travis wanted to have sex, and he pretty much wanted to have sex all the time, it meant Ben’s cock in his ass. Once he got it inside him, they explored a lot of variety in pace and position. But if Ben tried to pull out, Travis would whimper and protest. Ben had to admit, it turned him on, especially since Travis could fuck for hours at a time. Often they would have entire conversations while they screwed, Ben slowly moving his cock in and out of Travis’s ass. Other times they fucked like dogs, literally, as Travis discovered the specific joys of being on all fours with his butt in the air. When Ben wanted to make him come, all he had to do was pound away at a certain angle and soon Travis would be spewing jizz.

Finally, on a Friday morning that also happened to be Valentine’s Day, Travis woke up and didn’t want to leave. He curled up in Ben’s arms and nuzzled into the crook of his neck.

“I need to ’fess up. I ain’t okay with sneaking out before your brothers wake up. Not anymore. It’s Valentine’s Day. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could have breakfast together? We need to tell them what’s going on.”

Ben agreed. “Let’s do it. Stay for breakfast and we’ll tell them. Better yet, make breakfast and we’ll tell them. Everything goes down better with your pancakes.”

The conversation went as well as could be expected. Ben didn’t beat around the sex bush. He explained that Travis would be spending the night in his bedroom for the foreseeable future. He looked sideways at Travis, not wanting to assume. From the smile on his face, it didn’t look like he had a problem with that.

Quentin, of course, displayed no surprise when he heard the news. Ben laid five twenty-dollar bills on the table and pushed them his way.

“Thank you,” Quentin said, gathering up the bills and then stuffing them into his pocket. “Glad it worked out for you two lovebirds. Welcome to the family, Travis. Again.”

“What was that all about?” Travis asked.

“I’ll tell you later,” said Ben.

Cade didn’t understand how Travis could like girls all his life and then all of a sudden like boys. Ben said he wondered the same thing, but Travis explained that life is full of surprises.

“Some things you just know are true. Even though you can’t explain ’em.”

“I don’t know,” Cade said. “This house is getting super gay. But if you’re happy then I’m okay with it. I guess.”

Jason didn’t have much to say, and Ben knew he needed to sit down with him. But that would have to wait. Again. Ben had a little plan for Valentine’s Day, which would be his first official date with Travis, and it required some rehearsal. So after he dropped the brothers off at school and Travis went to work, Ben sat down at his mom’s piano in the living room and brushed up on his skills. The arts council in Austin had placed upright pianos all over downtown. One of these pianos sat on the Lamar Street pedestrian bridge. Ben did some musical theater in high school and could bang out a few chords. He looked through his mom’s sheet music, which she kept under the cover of the piano bench. He found the Rodgers and Hart classic “My Funny Valentine.” Perfect. He practiced it a few times, simplifying the chords to suit his skill level.

Since everyone and his brother had a dinner reservation on Valentine’s Day, Ben got barbeque takeout for the two of them instead. He knew by now that nothing made Travis happier than a plate of brisket and some Elgin sausage. When Travis showed up after work, Ben ushered him into the backyard, where he had set up dinner on the small table between the two lawn chairs.

“What have you gone and done, Obi-Wan?”

“I thought we could have a romantic dinner out here. To celebrate our coming out. To the brothers.”