The No Cry Discipline Solution (20 page)

Discipline and Cooperation: Choose Your Adventure

79

Tell a Story

Children love stories. These will hold their attention and can get

them to willingly do what you want them to do. Stories can be

used to teach a lesson, ward off boredom, or keep a child focused

on the task at hand.

Stories can be told in advance of any event to let your child

know what’s about to happen and prevent fussing when the actual

event occurs. You can tell a little tale about a boy who goes to

Grandma’s house for dinner and how he says “please” and “thank

you.” The grandparents are so proud of him. This is in preparation

for an actual visit, of course!

You can tell a story about a puppy who goes to the doctor for

a checkup, a dinosaur who visits the dentist, or a penguin’s fi rst

day at day care. You can use the story format to teach important

lessons about sharing, being kind, being patient, or any other life

skill you are trying to teach your child.

Mother-Speak

“ The storytelling tip is effective with Oscar. He is fascinated

with other kids’ misbehavior. When he observes a situation

he later says, ‘You talk about it.’ This means he wants me to

tell a story about the little boy who wouldn’t take turns on

the slide or the girl who was yelling at her mommy in the

locker room at the Y. Oscar asks me to tell these stories over

and over. I think it is very interesting that he’s not at all inter-

ested in stories about kids who behave well! But I feel he

learns from other children’s mistakes. Now, Oscar will often

tell his dad these stories at the end of the day.”

—Nicole, mother to Oscar, age 3

80

No-Cry Discipline Parenting Skills and Tools

Stories can also be used to keep your child still and mentally

occupied, perhaps when you are dressing him, waiting in a long

line at the post offi ce, or putting him to bed at night. A storytelling

routine can be a handy tool in all of these cases. If you have a talk-

ative, imaginative child, invite him to tell his own stories, too!

Be Silly

Experts say that children laugh about three hundred times a day,

but we serious adults laugh less than fi fteen times a day, and for

many stressed-out parents it’s probably much less than that. Not

only does laughter reduce stress, lower blood pressure, and boost

your immune system, it makes you feel happy, encourages your

child to cooperate with you, and ends fussy moods.

Children don’t require a scripted comedy show for entertain-

ment. Any lighthearted banter will do the job. Humor—pretend-

ing to fall, exaggerated speech, or funny accents—can often create

a joyful moment. Being silly—like putting your child’s sock on

his hand instead of his foot—often elicits a laugh, along with the

desired cooperation.

Mother-Speak

“ When my children start to whine I say, ‘Uh oh, where did

your big-boy (big-girl) voice go? Do you know? Is it under

the table? In your shoe? Is it in your hair?’ Usually one or two

questions and they will fi nd their voice in the middle of their

shirt and tell me, ‘It’s right here!’ I tell them they better hurry

and grab it so it won’t get away.”

—Marisa, mother to Elijah, age 4, and Marin, age 2

Discipline and Cooperation: Choose Your Adventure

81

The added benefi t to acting silly, just like the other cooperation

games, is that it will lighten your spirits as well as your child’s. And

you may fi nd yourself smiling and laughing a lot more often.

5-3-1 Go! Fair Warning Prevents Battles

When children are immersed in play, they usually put their entire

beings into the activity. It is this intensity that allows them to

absorb so much about the world in the early years of their life. They

are always learning, always taking in something new. Because of

this intensity, it can be very hard for a child to switch from one

activity to another without fi rst making a mental adjustment.

When a child is in the middle of a wonderful puzzle and a par-

ent calls him to dinner, it’s an unusual child who can immediately

drop the piece in process and run to the table. (Actually, it’s also

a rare adult who can leave an activity that quickly.)

You can help your children change activities by giving them

time to process the change mentally before they follow through

physically. Prior to expecting action from your children, call out

a fi ve-minute alert, then a three-minute alert, and, fi nally, a one-

minute alert. Watch how this happens:

Julie and Alex are happily playing at the park while Mom is

reading on a bench nearby. She gets up, comes over to them, and

at eye level announces, “We are going to leave the park in fi ve

minutes.” (She holds up fi ve fi ngers.) She returns to her bench to

read. A few minutes later, she calls out, “Julie! Alex! We are leav-

ing in three minutes!” (Holds up three fi ngers.) A few minutes

later: “One minute.” (One fi nger is raised.) A minute later, “Do

you want to have one more slide or one more swing before we

go?” After the fi nal slide, Mom announces that it’s time to leave.

Her children don’t respond immediately, so she segues into a fun

choice to get things moving: “Do you want to run to the car or