The India Fan (30 page)

I made my way back to the rectory. Colin was very kind. He was quite pleased with life. He had stepped into my father shoes and was generally accepted throughout the neighbourhood. My father had been loved more for his foibles than his efficiency. Colin exuded goodwill and bonhomie; he mingled jollity with seriousness, which was very becoming to a man of the cloth. He was ideal for the job.

Moreover, he was already displaying interest in the doctor daughter, Ellen. She was a few years older than he was, but had all the qualifications a parson wife should have, plus the approval of Lady Harriet. What could be more suitable, when Colin only lack to make him an ideal rector was a wife? He was obviously on the way to acquiring one.

He bore me no rancour for refusing his offer. He told me that there was plenty of room in the attics for me to store anything I wished, and after my stay in India I could decide what I wanted to do with it. He would pay me a good price for the furniture in the house, which he was now taking over, and that would save him the trouble of getting his own furniture and at the same time be a help to me.

This all seemed very reasonable and I was grateful to Colin for being so helpful in a practical way. I had to rid myself of all sentimental feeling about my old home and accept the fact that this was the best way.

My excitement grew and as the days passed I realized this was exactly what I needed. I wanted to get right away. My life had come to a dead end. I should experience new scenes, new people.

There was a great deal in the papers at this time about war with Russia. It had been coming to a boiling point for some time and now we were definitely at war.

Despatches were being sent home about the terrible conditions in the Crimea, and a Miss Florence Nightingale had gone out there with a party of nurses. I had read about it and when I was with Polly I had seen soldiers marching through London on the way to the wharf for embarkation. People cheered them and sang patriotic songs, but I am afraid I was so immersed in the dramatic change in my own fortunes that I paid less attention than I would otherwise have done.

I went to the church when Miss Lucille was buried. Colin took the service and I hovered in the background. I was aware that Lady Harriet might think it presumptuous of me to assume the status of a friend.

While the coffin was being lowered into the grave I caught a glimpse of Ayesha, who looked very sad and lost. I went over to speak to her.

She smiled at me and said, he would be glad you came. She often talked of you.

felt I had to come,I said. lthough I saw very little of her, I never forgot her.

o. And now she is gone. She was glad to go. She believed she would join her lover. I hope she will. I hope she will find happiness again.

The mourners were dispersing and I went slowly back to the rectory.

The next day one of the Framling servants came over to the rectory. Lady Harriet wished to see me at once.

I went over immediately.

his is rather unexpected,Lady Harriet said. iss Lucille has left something to you.

o me!

es. Ayesha tells me that you interested her when you came to play with Lavinia.

did see her once or twice since then.

ell, she has requested that one of her possessions should be passed on to you. I have told them to bring it here.

Just at that moment one of the servants came in. She was carrying a case, which she laid on the table.

his is the object,said Lady Harriet. here were instructions in her will that it should go to you.

I took the case.

pen it,said Lady Harriet.

I did so. The sight of the peacock feathers was not really a surprise to me. I knew before I opened it that this would be her bequest to me. I touched the beautiful blue feathers, and as I did so I felt a faint shudder of revulsion.

I could not resist taking out the fan and unfurling it. I touched the little spring in the mount and disclosed the emerald and diamonds I had seen before.

Lady Harriet was beaming at me.

orth, I have heard, a small fortune,she said. ell, you may regard it as your nest-egg.

hank you, Lady Harriet,I said.

She inclined her head. iss Lucille was a somewhat eccentric lady. A tragedy in her youth affected her deeply. I can comfort myself by the thought that I always had her well looked after to the best of my ability.

So I came back to the rectory carrying the peacock-feather fan.

Ayesha came to see me.

She was very sad. She had spent a great many years looking after Miss Lucille. We walked in the rectory garden, for she did not wish to come into the house.

I asked her what she would do now.

She told me she would decide later. Miss Lucille had left her well provided for, so money was not a problem. She might return to India. She was not sure. Although she had been expecting Miss Lucille death, it was still a shock to her. She had permission to stay at Framling until she had decided what she would do.

She talked about Miss Lucilleer kindness and gentleness and her terrible grief.

he always said you must have the fan,she said. he thought it the best way of disposing of it as you had already had it in your possession.

ut she thought it brought ill luck.

he had listened to legends. She was told those stories after her lover died and in her grief she accepted them. Perhaps it assuaged her grief to believe that it was to be. You see, she blamed herself. She had wanted the fan and he had bought it for her; she had been so attracted by it that he wanted to embellish it for her, and while he was actually dealing with this he met his death. It was the only way she could stop blaming herself, to blame the fan which in her eyes represented fate.

could never understand why she did not destroy it if she thought it brought evil.

t was because she thought it would bring more bad luck if she did so. It carried the curse. She had suffered; it would harm her no more. She believed too that you had suffered through your connection with it. There was gossip at the House. She heard some of it. She was interested and pleased when she thought you might marry Mr. Carruthers, who became the Earl. When he became engaged to Miss Lavinia she was sure this was due to the curse of the fan. It had robbed her of her lover and now you. She said, he curse worked on her, poor child. She has paid the price. She is young. She has many years to live. But she has paid the price so she is now free from its evil.

t doesn seem to be very logical reasoning.

oor lady, she was never reasonable. Her tragedy changed her. It touched her mind.

t seems a strange legacy to pass on evil.

he felt it was best. The fan would harm you no more. You had already paid the price. She felt it was best with you.Ayesha touched my hand lightly. ou are no dreamer. You have what is it they say, two feet on the ground. You will see that this is a nonsense. And in the fan is the jewel. It is there when you need it. We never know in this life what will happen to us. Who knows? One day you might be in need of money desperately in need. Then you sell the jewel and when the jewel is gone what is it but a few peacock feathers? You will be wise, as my poor mistress never could be. Remember this. We make our own luck. If you believe in ill luck, it will surely come. Mistress Lucille, she was stricken and she made no attempt to cast off her grief. She nursed it; she nourished it. She told herself that it was the curse of the peacocksfeathers and what did she do? She preserved the fan; she liked to look at it. At times she asked me to bring it to her and she would unfurl it and gaze at it until the tears rolled down her cheeks. You have much sense. You will know that Miss Lavinia marriage to the Earl was in no way connected with the fan.

f course I do. But I was not deeply involved. I suffered from hurt pride, not a broken heart.

nd who knows, it may be in a few yearstime you will say, hat was good for methat is, when you find great happiness. Believe this will be so, and it will come. You are going to India. It will seem very strange to you. I shall pray for you that all good may come your way.

After that she talked awhile of India, of the strange sights I would see. She told me of the religion, the conventions, the different castes and the old customs.

he women ah,she said, hey are the slaves of the men. You will know that the world over the man wants to dominate. It is so here in England but in India doubly so. There was a time when widows burned themselves to death on their husband funeral pyre. That was the custom of suttee, but it is so no longer. The Governor General Sir William Bentinck made it against the law. But the people do not like their customs changed especially by foreigners.

t was good to abolish such a custom.

es that and thuggery but there are those who do not care what is good, only that their old laws are being interfered with.

t is bringing civilization to the land. Surely they want that?

She looked at me and shook her head, her dark eyes mournful.

hey do not always want what is good. They want what is theirs. Ah, you have much to see and you will understand Miss Lavinia will be glad to see you, I know.

We talked on about my journey and India. I said we must meet again before I left.

I spent a busy time preparing. I was in close touch with Framling and constantly being sent for by Lady Harriet to be grounded in what I must do.

She had already written to Lavinia, who would be getting ready to welcome me, and during one of our meetings she let drop the news that Lady Geraldine, she was sure, would soon be travelling out to Indiaor a certain purpose,she added slyly. I felt a little twinge of anger because everything worked out as Lady Harriet wished it to, and even Fabian seemed to consider it imperative to obey her.

We were to stay two nights in London and I would spend those with Polly and Eff. It was what I wanted as I wished to say a proper farewell to them. Lady Harriet had thought it an excellent idea, as we would have to go to London in any case.

About a week before we were due to leave, Alice Philwright came to Framling. I was summoned to meet her.

She was a tall woman about thirty years of age, by no means beautiful, but her face suggested character. She looked a little formidable and extremely efficient. Lady Harriet had interviewed her personally and was pleased with what she had discovered.

First we had tea with Lady Harriet, during which the conversation was predictable, mainly given over to Lady Harriet views of the upbringing of children. But later, when we were alone together, we came to know each other, which was a pleasure for me and I hoped for Alice.

She told me that she was one of those women who did not care for interference in the nursery, and if it had been Lady Harriet children she was to care for she would have declined the post without hesitation. will not be told what to do in my nursery,she declared. nd I decided that one would not be able to stir outside her ladyship ideas, which I fear might be a little antiquated in any case.

I laughed and assured her that it would be quite different with the Countess.

ou know her well, I suppose.

ery well. We were at school together.

h. So the friendship goes right back.

h yes earlier than that. They used to send to the rectory for me to come and play with Lavinia.

avinia is our Countess?

I nodded. he was rather a spoilt child, I afraid.

poilt! Under that martinet!

he thought her children were formed in the same divine mould as herself.

nd this is my new mistress!

am convinced that you will have a free hand in the nursery.

believe there is a brother, too.

h yes, Sir Fabian. I doubt he will be aware of us.

e is going to be married, Lady Harriet tells me.

had heard that. A lady of impeccable lineage will be going out to marry him.

hat will be interesting.

pparently there was not time to arrange the marriage when he was home, for he was called away on sudden business.

onnected with the East India Company, I gathered.

re you looking forward to going to India?I asked.

always look forward to new children. Ie had two families so far and it is a wrench when you leave them. One has to steel oneself not to become emotionally involved with them, and remember all the time that they are not your children, although youe inclined to think of them as such.

have never lost touch with my nanny,I told her. nd I never shall. In fact, she is the best friend I have.

I talked often about Polly and Eff and the house.

he was lucky,said Alice. he had somewhere to go. Nannies, governesses they spend their lives with other families and never have one they can call their own.

nless they marry.

hen they cease to be nannies and governesses. It a strange thing. In my profession we understand children we love children we would make the best mothers but we rarely marry. Men are notorious for turning away from the women who would make the best wives and falling in love with some flighty creature because she looks pretty in moonlight and often they regret it later.

see you take a cynical outlook on life.

hat comes with increasing years. You wait.

h, you are not so very old.

hirty-three. Considered to be most definitely on the shelf. Mind you, there is still a chance a very slight one that someone might see one and take to one. But very, very remote.

She laughed as she made these pronouncements, and I felt we were going to get along very well together.

There was one more session with Lady Harriet. We were given letters for Lavinia, which I was sure were full of admonitions. I went round the neighbourhood saying goodbye to my friends; I took a last leave of Ayesha and then we left.

Polly and Eff were waiting to give us a good welcome.

Alice Philwright was to spend the two days in their house. They had said it would be an easy matter to put her up. I think Polly was secretly pleased to have the opportunity of assessing my companion. I was delighted that they seemed to like each other from the start. Alice was completely at home in the kitchen and even partook of a glass of poker-heated stout.