The India Fan (29 page)

Colin talked to me on the night of the funeral. I was sitting by the window staring out on the graveyard and an infinite sadness had taken possession of me. I had come to the end of a path and I did not know which way to go. And there was the easy road to take and everyone was pushing me towards it.

hat a sad day,he said. know what your father was to you. I was fond of him. He was a wonderfully good man.

I nodded.

fter all these years you have been together, except of course when you were at school.

Ah, there was the point. What had happened then had changed me. If I had stayed all my years in the rectory would I have felt differently? It seemed that I had briefly stepped into a world where people did wild things and paid for them; but it had made me see that there was more to life than being comfortable and living one day after another, quietly, unadventurously, almost like waiting for death.

t a great blow to you,he was saying. rusilla, won you let me share it with you?

ou are doing that,I told him. ou have taken on everything and done it perfectly.

would be only too happy to care for you from now on.

I wanted to say that I did not particularly want to be taken care of. I felt capable of looking after myself. I wanted life to be adventurous, exciting I was not looking for comfort, pleasant as it might be.

here could be an early wedding. Lady Harriet has said that would be best.

do not allow Lady Harriet to run my life, Colin.

He laughed at me. f course not. But she is important, you know. Her word carries weight.He looked a little anxious. he is worried about you. We are all worried about you.

ou must not be. You must leave me to plan for myself.

ut you have had a great shock. I don think you fully realize that. I want you to know you just have to say the word. I won hurry you. This is your home. It should always be your home.

h, rectories are like tied cottages. They go with the job.

es, that is so.He looked so earnest. I had learned that he was a man who hated indecision; and I knew I could never marry him and that it was only fair to tell him so.

olin,I said, have to tell you that I shall never marry you.

He looked taken aback.

am sorry,I went on. am fond of you but differently.

rusilla, have you thought ? Just contemplate. Where will you go?

I said on the spur of the moment, shall go to stay with Polly for a while. I shall discuss my future with her. She knows me well. She will advise me.

am thinking of what is best for you and what will make a happy solution. It is clear, Drusilla, you must marry me.

cannot do it, Colin. You are good and kind and have done a great deal for my father and me. But I cannot marry you.

ater perhaps

o, Colin. Please forget it.

He looked abashed and I added, am most sincerely grateful to you for everything and for asking me.

ou are distraught just now.

o,I said almost angrily, for it seemed he was saying I must be foolish to refuse him. But somehow I managed to convey to him that I meant what I said. I said, want to retire now. It has been a stressful day.

He said he would send one of the maids up with hot milk for me to drink. I tried to protest, but he waved that aside; and later the milk was brought to my room.

I sat by the window looking out. In the distance I could see the lights of Framling. I felt lonely and lost. There would be revelry there. The Lady Geraldine and Fabian would dance together, ride together, talk not today, of course, out of respect for my father, but later. It was Lady Harriet wish that he should marry her. I wondered if he would. He would be the first to agree that it was suitable.

I told myself angrily that he was the sort of man who would marry suitably and indulge his fancies somewhere else with lesser mortals who would be good enough for a light divertissement but not for marriage.

I said to myself: I will go to Polly.

The next day I saw Fabian ride by with a young woman whom I presumed was Lady Geraldine. She was tall and handsome. She had rather a loud voice and they were chatting animatedly together. I heard Fabian laugh.

I went into the house and put some things together into a bag. I did not know how long I would stay, but I must make up my mind what I was going to do before I returned.

With Polly I found the comfort I was so sorely in need of.

Fleur was now five years old. She was a sensible child and full of high spirits. p to a trick or two,was Eff fond comment and Polly added that she was as sharp as a agon load of monkeys.

She welcomed me. Both Polly and Eff always referred to me in near reverent terms when they spoke of me to her and it had its effect. I spent a lot of time with her. I found some books in a secondhand shop books that I had had as a child and I started to teach her. She was an apt pupil.

I began to think I could make a happy life for myself with Polly and Eff. I had my little income, which would suffice. I could teach Fleur and we could all be happy together.

Polly was worried about me.

hat will you be doing?she asked.

have time to make up my mind, Polly,I replied. don have to rush into anything.

o. That a mercy.

like to stay here for a while. I love being with Fleur. It takes my mind off things.

ell, for a bit, but it no life for a young lady as has been educated like you have. Where are you going to meet anyone here?

our mind runs on familiar lines. Are you thinking of getting me married?

ell, it a lottery, they say, but there is a chance of the right number coming up and if it does, well, there nothing like it.

sure youe right, Polly.

t a pity about that Colin.

couldn marry him just because it provided the good solution.

obody asking you to.

h yes they are. Lady Harriet for one and Colin Brady for another.

h, them …

know youe different, Polly, but good solution though it might be, I couldn do it.

hen let go on from there. Youe not still thinking of that Dougal. A nice one he be leading a girl up the garden path and then liking the flowers in the garden next door.

h, Polly,I laughed, t wasn quite like that.

ow else, I like to know. There he was coming to see you and the rector and that Lavinia comes along and gives him the glad eye and it whoops and away.

I couldn help laughing, which showed how little I minded that it had happened that way.

el rue the day he ever came into his fortune.

erhaps not, Polly. She very beautiful and let face it I not.

oue as God intended you to be.

ren we all?

nd youe as good looking as any. There some men as can resist that ome hitherlook, and they are the ones to avoid, so thank your lucky stars you fell out of that one. I wouldn touch that Dougal with a barge pole even if he come crawling back on his hands and knees.

spectacle, I assure you, we are unlikely to see.

el soon be seeing he made a mighty mistake. Hel be wishing he hadn been so daft. You take my word for it.

think Lavinia may have changed now she has a child.

eopards don change their spots, so Ie always heard.

avinia is not a leopard.

he as likely to change as one of them. Mark my words, he regretting that hasty step. But it you wee got to think of.

happier here than I could be anywhere else, Polly.

or a while, yes but something has to be done.

et wait, shall we? Let wait and see.

She nodded.

The days passed. Fleur brought a lot of pleasure. We played games together. Then when she was in bed asleep I would sit with Polly and Eff and listen to their racy talk about the tenants.

e do see life,said Eff with a chortle.

Polly agreed, but I could see she thought it was not the life I should be leading.

Then the letter came from Lady Harriet. Her family crest was on the envelope and Eff hoped the postman noticed it. She would bring Lady Harriet into the conversation next time she talked to Second Floor No. 32.

I stared at the letter for a few seconds before opening it, wondering what Lady Harriet would have to say to me.

y dear Drusilla,she had written.

have been quite concerned about you. Poor Mr. Brady is most distressed. I only hope you will not regret your hasty decision. The best thing you could have done was to marry him and continue in your rectory home. I am sure in time you will come to regret your stubborn attitude.

owever, I have a proposal to make. Lavinia is very happy in India. She has little Louise, as you know, and I am delighted to tell you that she has just given birth to another little boy. Lavinia would like you to go out and help her. I must say she has made me see that this could be quite a good thing. I am sending a nanny out to her. I do not care that my grandchildren should be brought up by foreigners. She has an ayah at the moment, but I want her to have a good English nanny. I have found the right person for the post and I am sending her out almost immediately. Lavinia has expressed a wish that you should go out to be a companion to her and I am of the opinion that this is an excellent idea. It would serve Lavinia needs and your own. Lavinia wishes the children to be taught in an English manner and she believes that as well as being a companion for her you could instruct the children.

avinia and her husband, the Earl, expect to return to England in two yearstime. I am sure you will decide that this will be an excellent opportunity for you. I shall expect an early decision. The nanny will be leaving at the beginning of next month and it would be most convenient if you travelled out together, so there are three weeks for your plans to be made. I shall appreciate an early reply.

I stopped reading the letter. I felt numb with surprise and a certain tingling excitement. To go to India! To be with Lavinia and the children. I would see Dougal and Fabian.

Polly came and saw me staring into space.

ews?she enquired.

olly I cried. t amazing.

ell?

his is from Lady Harriet.

nterfering again?

ou could say that but in a rather exciting way. Polly, she is suggesting I go to India.

hat?

would be a sort of governess to Lavinia children and a companion to her.

Polly stared at me in amazement.

hat Lavinia,she said.

I read the letter to her. I could hear the thrill of excitement in my voice as I did so. It seemed to me that the Framlings had always been a great influence in my life.

Polly said, hen do you have to say?

oon. I would leave in less than a month.

,said Polly.

We talked it over for hours, but I think I had long before made up my mind that I would go. Polly came round to the idea very soon.

t knocked me off my feet at first. India. It such a long way. But perhaps it would be for the best. It no life for you here much as we like to have you. A girl of your education she shouldn be stuck here. Fleur ? We been thinking of getting a governess for young Fleur. We want her to be educated, you know. And we can use the money he put by for her. I don see why we shouldn. After all, he her uncle. We wouldn take anything for ourselves, but Fleur different. She got to have the best.

Eff agreed with Polly. It was no place for me here. Eff reckoned it was a bit risky going off to foreign places, but Lavinia had gone and she seemed to have survived.

I was going to write to Lady Harriet, but as there was so little time I thought it simpler to return. I had my room in the rectory still and many of my possessions were there, so it was the best place from which to make my arrangements.

Two days after receiving the letter I was on my way back.

I went straight to the rectory. Mrs. Janson had news to impart. Framling was in mourning.

t that Miss Lucille. She had a few funny turns and this last one was too much for her. It finished her off. I always say one funeral begets another.She often became biblical in her role as seer. irst the dear rector and then Miss Lucille. Well, it seems this was a happy release for her. We were hoping for a wedding, but I suppose that would be rushing things a bit.

wedding?

ady Harriet was all for Fabian marrying Lady Geraldine, but he had to go back to India or somewhere. He had to cut his stay a bit shorter than he thought. Il tell you what.She was the seer once more. reckon there some understanding. Shel be going out there to him and theyl be joined in holy wedlock, you see.

s that so?I said. want to see Lady Harriet immediately. She wrote to me suggesting that I should go to Miss Lavinia in India.

y goodness gracious me! Indeed indeed! I don know but I reckon if the Framlings are there

think I should go now. I do need to let her know.

Lady Harriet received me at once.

y dear Drusilla, I was expecting you.

t seemed quicker to come than to write.

nd your decision?

want to go, Lady Harriet.

A smile of satisfaction spread across her face.

h. I thought you be sensible this time. There will be so many arrangements to be made. Alas, we are now a house of mourning.

am so sorry. I heard about Miss Lucille.

oor dear creature. It was really a happy release. We shall be concerned with the funeral, but in the meantime we will set our plan in motion. I shall write immediately to Lavinia. I know she will be delighted, and I am sure you will be able to teach Louise. It is a relief to me to know who will be in charge of her. Alice Philwright will be coming here for a few days and it would be a good idea for you to get to know her, as you will be travelling together. I think you will be safe with her. She has travelled before and has been looking after children in France. You will go by ship to Alexandria and there travel across country to another ship at Suez, I think. But there will be more details later. In the meantime you will have certain things to prepare your personal things at the rectory and so on. I don know quite what arrangements you will make but I will leave that to you.

She went on talking, obviously pleased that at last I had fallen in with her decisions and seen the wisdom of following the plans she had made for me. There was little she liked better than arranging the lives of others.