Dr. Devin began to speak, giving us a rundown of his credentials and medical training, sounding more like he was on a job interview. He told us that he had just returned from Switzerland, where they were coming leaps and bounds with curing the type of cancer Matty had. I could tell from the look on Julian’s face that he wasn’t impressed. Dr. Devin was talking to Julian as if he were just an average clueless parent of a child with cancer. As I listened to him speak, I noticed that he did have a lot of the same traits that Julian had when I had first met him. He was young and very driven; the only other feature that he exhibited that Julian didn’t have was a very strong characteristic of self-importance. Julian remained polite, listening to everything that he had to offer, until he began to speak of an experimental drug that they had been using on patients in lieu of a bone marrow transplant. Julian stopped him immediately upon hearing this, letting him know that there was no way that Matty was going to be a test case for some drug. Dr. Devin tried to plead his case but Julian wouldn’t listen any longer.
“Dr. Kiron, I’ve read many articles and journal write-ups about you and you are always welcoming of new and innovative treatments,” Dr. Devin continued.
“Not experimental drugs,” Julian answered quickly and sharply.
“These children have been spared the physical and emotional hardship of a bone marrow transplant thanks to this drug,” Dr. Devin said.
“And what side effects are these children going to have years from now because of this so called miracle drug?” Julian asked, clearly already knowing the answer to his question.
“None that they can tell,” Dr. Devin said.
“Well, I was in Germany and was introduced to these so-called types of drugs. The kids that took them are far worse off now, than if they had just gone ahead with the bone marrow transplant,” Julian said with his voice getting a little louder.
“They have come a long way in six years,” Dr. Devin responded.
“I have recommended Matty’s course of treatment and that is what we’re going with,” Julian said bluntly, not wanting to hear any more of what Dr. Devin had to offer.
“What are the drugs that you’re referring to, Dr. Devin?” I asked. I felt Julian glaring at me.
“Kat, it doesn’t matter, it’s not an option,” Julian said, finally acknowledging my presence.
“Well maybe I would like to know what they are, Julian,” I said sarcastically.
He shook his head at me and I could tell he was getting angrier by the minute. “You know nothing about these drugs and the side effects they will have on him for years to come.”
“You’re right, I don’t know; that’s why I want Dr. Devin to explain,” I challenged him.
“Oh imagine that; you’re actually getting all the facts before making assumptions,” he said callously.
I felt my face turning hot and my anger growing. I shook my head in disgust at him as I looked across the table at Dr. Fowler and Dr. Devin, who were clearly growing uncomfortable with the exchange between Julian and me.
“Would you mind if I spoke to Dr. Kiron alone for a few minutes?” I asked.
They both gladly obliged as they got up and quickly left the room.
Julian had a smug look on his face that made me even angrier.
“How dare you sit here and insult me in front of them!” I said angrily.
“I don’t think I was insulting you. If you’ve got a guilty conscience, that’s not my fault,” he said, avoiding eye contact.
“You’re right—I do have a guilty conscience. I can apologize to you a million times and I know it will never give you back what I took from you.” My voice softened. “I understand if you hate me for it, but can we please come to some common ground and at least be civil to one another where Matty’s concerned?”
He didn’t answer but I could tell he was in agreement just by the look on his face. We sat in silence until Dr. Fowler re-entered the room. He sat down slowly with a solemn look on his face. “I just got Kat’s test results—she isn’t a match for Matty,” he said compassionately.
I sighed deeply, trying not to cry. Julian was Matty’s only hope now. I quickly glanced at Julian, who looked disappointed as well. I listened to him and Dr. Fowler going over Matty’s plan of treatment, this time remaining quiet and letting Julian take over. I signed off on everything that Julian had recommended. I never had any intention of doing otherwise. I felt defeated. I didn’t know what would happen to Matty if Julian wasn’t a match and I cringed, just thinking about it.
Dr. Fowler left the room once again to get more paperwork. “What happens if he doesn’t find a match?” I asked Julian.
“He will,” he said confidently, as if he didn’t want to think of any other alternative. “I want to meet him,” he said, finally looking me in the eye.
“Sure—of course,” I quickly obliged.
He began to open up to me a bit. He informed me that he had been tested back in Chicago and should have the results any day now. He was staying with James and would be here until Sunday and then had to fly back to Chicago for another week, assuring me he would be back in time for Matty to start his treatments.
“When did you want to meet him?” I asked.
“Today,” he said anxiously.
I nodded in agreement and started to feel a little anxious and at the same time a twinge of excitement for both Matty and Julian.
Chapter 27
We finished with the paperwork and Julian followed me to my house. I called Claire on the way to make sure they were there. She informed me that she had just gotten back to her house to wait for a delivery but Charles and Matty were up at the bay fishing. I pulled in the driveway, with Julian right behind me. I told him that Matty was up the street fishing and asked him if he wanted to come in and wait for him or take a walk up to the bay. He opted for going up to the bay. I was quickly accommodating as we began the short walk. He had his hand in his pockets the whole time, jingling loose change. I could tell that he was nervous, which was so out of character for him.
“Why are you so nervous?” I asked.
He shrugged.
“You’re great with kids, you deal with them for a living,” I tried to reassure him.
“Yes, but they’re other people’s kids,” he reminded me with a sarcastic tone.
“You are successful at everything you do; I’m sure that this will be no different,” I said, ignoring his coldness. “Besides, Matty is the most easy-going kid you will ever meet,” I added.
We walked onto the beach. It took me a couple seconds to locate Charles and Matty. There were more people than normal on the usually deserted beach. I finally spotted them when I saw Gracie running amuck. Charles turned around and immediately came walking toward us. Matty was oblivious, running around with Gracie chasing the seagulls. Charles greeted Julian with a handshake. He said that he was going to be heading home since we were here. I knew it was because he wanted to give Julian his time with Matty. Matty was still unaware that I was even there or that Charles had left. He and Gracie were having a great time rolling around in the sand.
“Matty,” I called, using my hand to shield the sun that was slowly setting into the water.
“Mommy,” he said as he picked himself up from the sand, running over as fast as he could. Gracie was right behind him. I bent down to give him a hug, getting covered in sand in the process.
“Did you see Gracie and me, chasing all those bad seagulls away?” he asked proudly.
I shook my head and smiled. “Matty, I have someone very special that I would like you to meet,” I said, as he had finally noticed Julian standing there. “Matty, this is your dad,” I said as I stood up.
Matty looked up at Julian as if he were awe-struck. He gave him the shy little smile that he always gave when meeting someone for the first time.
Julian bent down to talk to him, taking in everything about him. His eyes glazed over. I could see that he was getting emotional as he was laying his eyes for the very first time on his little boy. “Hey Matty, how are you?” I felt that all-too-familiar burn in my eyes as the tears began to form just watching him.
Matty’s smile was a mile wide now. “My mommy said that you were far away.”
“I was, but not anymore,” Julian said, still unable to take his eyes off Matty.
“We have the same color eyes,” Matty said, looking at Julian and then at me. “My mommy told me that only really special people have this color eyes.” It amazed me how astute he could be at only five-years-old. Julian looked up at me. I looked away, unable to meet his gaze.
Gracie finally greeted Julian in the usual Gracie way. “She likes you,” Matty giggled as Gracie gave Julian a kiss on the cheek.
“Did you catch anything?” Julian looked at Charles and Matty’s fishing poles still in the water.
Matty gasped as if he had forgotten all about the fishing poles. “Oh no, not yet, but I’m gonna catch a shark,” he said. “Come on, you want to help?” He grabbed Julian’s hand to take him over to the poles. I smiled and looked at Julian. I asked him if he would be okay if I left, wanting to give them some time together. He nodded as Matty whisked him away.
I walked off the beach taking Gracie with me, turning around as I reached the top of the sand dune. I was beaming inside and out as I watched Julian and Matty fishing together, just as the sun was beginning to set - it was the most beautiful picture ever.
They were gone for some time before I finally heard Matty’s gruff little voice coming up the driveway. He came running inside covered in sand.
“Did you catch any sharks?” I asked
“No, but we saw dolphins,” Matty said happily.
I told Julian to sit down and offered him a drink. Matty sat down next to him and whispered in his ear, “Tell her you want ice cream.” What Matty didn’t realize was that his whispering was usually loud enough to be heard in the next room. Julian began to laugh as I just shook my head.
“I’m hungry,” Matty said, getting up from the chair.
“I have homemade macaroni and cheese in the oven; it will be all done by the time you get out of the bath,” I said, trying to get him to get a move on.
“Will you have some macaroni and cheese with me too?” He asked pleadingly of Julian.
“Sure,” he answered.
“Yay,” Matty exclaimed as he went skipping off to take a bath.
I washed his hair, getting all the sand out, and quickly washed his body. Normally he would spend forever in the tub after he was washed playing with his action figures, but tonight he was anxious to get back to Julian. I dried him off and got him in his pajamas as he went running off into the kitchen to Julian.
“I’m back,” Matty said, giggling. I noticed that Julian couldn’t wipe the smile from his face when Matty was around. “You want to see my room?” Matty grabbed Julian’s hand before he could even answer.
“Dinner is just about done,” I said. Matty ignored me as he led Julian down the hallway and into his room.
I removed the macaroni and cheese from the oven and set the table, listening to Matty talk Julian’s ear off. I went into Matty’s room. They were sitting on Matty’s bed amongst all of the action figures that Matty had dumped out, as he explained who each one was.
“Dinner’s ready.” I smiled at the mess.
“Yum!” Matty exclaimed as he ran down the hall.
“I guess I should have warned you, he’s a chatter box,” I said to Julian.
“Can’t imagine where he gets that from,” he joked. For one brief second the old Julian was back; the one who wasn’t angry at me.
We came out to the kitchen where Matty had proudly poured two cups of apple juice for him and Julian, anxiously waiting for him to sit next to him. “Do you even like apple juice?” I asked Julian.
“It’s fine,” he said.
“Well then I guess I’ll just get a glass of water,” I said, noticing that Matty didn’t pour me anything to drink. Matty was oblivious. He was too busy talking Julian’s ear off again.
We finished dinner. I was loading up the dishwasher and cleaning up the kitchen while Julian kept Matty occupied watching cartoons. I finally finished in the kitchen and joined them in the living room. I could tell that Matty was starting to get tired; his energy was fading fast. I felt his head. The fever had come back again. I made him take some Tylenol before he fell asleep.
Julian also must have noticed how sleepy Matty was getting. “Well I should get going,” Julian said as he got up from the couch.
“No,” Matty cried, “Why are you leaving?”
“Because it’s getting late and you’re tired,” Julian said, sitting back down beside him.
“But you’re the daddy, and the daddy and mommy live together with the kids,” Matty said, confused. Julian looked at him sadly, as if he didn’t know how to answer.
“Not all mommies and daddies live together,” I said. I gave the example of his friend Brandon, who lived here with his mom while his dad lived in California.
“I don’t like that,” Matty said as he began to cry.
“I promise, I’ll be back tomorrow to spend time with you,” Julian said. “How about if I stay here until you fall asleep?”
Matty nodded. He finally stopped crying and grabbed the blanket off the back of the couch. He covered himself, moving closer to Julian. He leaned his head against his chest. I knew that it wouldn’t be long before he would be out like a light so I quickly went into his bedroom and cleared his toys off of his bed. I walked back out to find him fast asleep. I caught Julian softly feeling around his neck, concentrating on the lump.
“What are you thinking?” I asked, concerned by the look on his face.
“It’s consistent with what the tests show,” he said calmly.
“I guess I should get him into bed so you could get going,” I said.
I walked over to pick him up, but Julian stopped me. “It’s all right,” he said, wanting to be with Matty for a little longer. He gently pulled Matty closer to him. He wrapped his arm around him. He watched him as he slept, taking in his every breath. Matty looked so peaceful in his arms, like it was right where he belonged. Julian gently kissed him on the top of his head. I was getting emotional watching this whole interaction. I felt like such a horrible person for keeping this caring loving man from his son for so long. We sat watching TV a little longer while Matty snored away. I could tell that Julian was getting tired as well. He finally carried Matty into his room, tucking him into bed, and laughing as Matty did his usual incoherent sleep talking.