The Breaking Point (46 page)

Renee took this in, pondered it. “How so?”

“To endurance. God’s and ours. People who know us know what we’ve been through, how close we came to walking away It would have been easy to be yet another example of giving up. But by God’s grace, and only by God’s grace, we didn’t. God’s powerful enough to overcome our biggest problems. Our fiercest struggles.”

“He’s the only One who can.”

“Right. I want people to know that. That He’s sufficient. That He can bring healing, no matter how broken you are.”

Renee fell silent, staring into the fire, content just to be near Gabe.

“So whatcha been readin’?”

She glanced down at the journal in her lap. Grace had told her for years that it would be worth it to endure. She was right. So right. “Something wonderful.”

“Hmmm.” Gabe stood and pulled Renee up and into his arms, Grace’s journal trapped between them. “Wanna tell me about it?”

She shook her head. “Not yet. I will soon, but not yet.”

The slow curve of his lips was pure devilment. “Good.” He plucked the journal from between them.

Renee pulled back slightly, letting her lip stick out. “Good? You don’t want me to talk with you?”

“Nu-uh.” He gave the book a gentle toss so that it landed in her chair, then his arms tightened around her. “Matter of fact, I don’t think I want to talk at all.”

Understanding brought warmth flooding to her cheeks—and her heart. New life. New love. God had given all that to her and more in this man.

Alleluia!
she thought as she lifted her face for his kiss.
Alleluia, amen!

6:30
P.M.

Grace almost flew to the door when the bell rang.

She pulled it open. Renee and Gabe stood there on the doorstep, faces wreathed in smiles. Hands joined.

“Thank God!” Grace threw her arms around them, giving them each a sound hug, then bustling them inside. Oren had come into the room and stood watching them.

“So, the adventurers have returned, eh?”

Gabe went to shake his hand, then laughed when Oren swatted it away and hugged first him, then Renee.

“All right, you two. Into the living room with you. I want to hear everything.”

Grace perched on the arm of Oren’s chair, listening as the younger couple told them all that God had done in those few days in the woods. When Grace glanced up at the clock, she was stunned to see that two and a half hours had passed.

“Oh, my heavens!” She hopped up. “I’ve got brownies and coffee in the kitchen.”

Renee rose from her seat next to Gabe on the couch. “I’ll help you.” She linked one arm with Grace’s as they walked, and when they reached the kitchen, she brought something out from behind her back and held it out to Grace.

Grace blinked. Though she hadn’t seen it in years, she recognized it right away.

Her journal.

So many years had passed since she and Oren gave it to Renee. Grace had wondered about it over the years, but she never felt free to ask Renee about it. And now, here it was—and from the look in Renee’s shining eyes, Grace knew she’d read every word. And understood.

Ah,
Lord God, Your timing truly is perfect. Forgive me for not always trusting that.

“I had no idea, Grace.”

Grace took the journal and set it on the counter. “Not many people do. They see us now and think it’s always been like this between us.” She let a finger trail across the cover of the journal. How many nights had she poured her heart out, weeping, praying, begging for things to change? And so they had. Just not in her timing.

“Gabe and I would like to talk with you more about what you and Oren went through.”

Pleasure filled Grace. “We were hoping you would want that. We have so much in common. God brought us through a great deal, Renee.” She smiled at the younger woman. “Just as He’s doing for you now.”

She turned to the coffeemaker and eyed the dark liquid in it. “Hmm, this has been sitting here for two and a half hours. Suppose it’s drinkable?”

Renee grinned, and they reached the same conclusion: “Give it to the men.”

Grace laughed and put the teakettle on. “Oren and I had a lot of learning to do. A lot of growing up.” She turned the burner to the right setting. “A lot of dying.”

“Dying to self.” Renee leaned on the kitchen counter. “It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. But when I did, I finally came to life. True life. The kind you get when you give everything up to God and let Him have His way.”

“Exactly.” Grace straightened and put her hand over Renee’s, where it rested on the counter. “I’m so glad you understand.”

“And I’m glad you had patience with me.” Renee’s warm smile was shadowed with regret. She sandwiched Grace’s hand between hers. “Grace, you are the truest of friends. God is using you both to help us come to a place of peace.”

The teakettle’s merry whistle split the air, and Grace turned to shut off the burner and pour the water, then set the cups and a small plate of brownies on a tray. “I knew something was different when I saw you two.”

Renee leaned on the counter. “Not something—someone. Gabe and I are both different. We’ve started over so many times, and we know we still have a long way to go. But this time …” She shrugged. “It’s different. It’s as though we’ve finally let go of that last little something that we were holding on to, that kept us from putting our whole hearts into each other.”

“And now?”

Renee’s smile was beautiful, glorious. Free. “Now, for the first time, I think, we’re in this all the way. I’m trying to see Gabe for Gabe, not in comparison to anyone or anything else. And I can tell he’s more open, more honest than he’s ever been before.” She rested her chin in her hands, her eyes dreamy. “It’s like I’m seeing Gabe for the very first time.” A slow smile curved her lips. “And I like what I’m seeing. A lot.”

“It makes me so happy to hear you say that.”

Renee came to hug Grace. “And it makes me happy that we’re not in this alone. You’re with us. God is with us.” She stepped back, and Grace’s heart swelled at the joy she saw shining in Renee’s eyes. “And we’re going to make it.”

Grace sniffled and brushed away the dampness tickling the corners of her eyes. “Well, of
course
you are! I never doubted it for a second.” She picked up the tray “Now, how about we go join those two handsome men of ours?”

Renee’s face glowed as she fell into step beside Grace. “I can’t think of anything I’d rather do.”

The Beginning.

Dear Readers,

No doubt about it, marriage is hard. It’s one of the hardest things we humans can do. And when marriages hit rocky times—as most marriages do—it’s easy to feel that things will never get better, that we’ve “fallen” out of love, and that the only recourse is to walk away and start over with someone new. I considered it, believe me. But I found the bad times, like the good, go in cycles. If we can hold on to God and His truths, His commandments, during the bad, the good
will
come. Because He wills it. Because He honors obedience.

Never forget that God has called us to holy living. While He promises us joy He also calls us to show His servant-love to those around us; to place our rights on the altar; to take up our crosses and follow Him into the light. It doesn’t sound like fun—obedience often isn’t—but oh, it is worth it.

I know some marriages can’t be salvaged; both spouses must be willing to work, to submit themselves to God’s refinement, for healing to come. I was fortunate in that Don was even more determined, more willing than I to seek God’s will and be obedient. I never want to speak condemnation to those who’ve already suffered so much through divorce. But I do want to testify to those who are still in troubled marriages: God
is
sufficient.
Nothing
is too hard for Him. He can restore you and your marriage—and He will do so if you surrender to Him.

Grace joked with Renee that many women long for a man who is a combination of Solomon, John Wayne, and Cary Grant. Well, I’ve got him. And I’m glad God didn’t let me walk away from Don before I realized just how blessed—and grateful—I am to be his wife.

In 1998, nineteen years after we were married, ten years after a year-long separation and years of counseling, Don and I reaffirmed our wedding vows. I want to leave you with what we shared with our family and friends back then. I hope it
helps you see that it’s worth it to rest in God, to lean on Him, and to endure.

May God bless you and grant you His peace.

As always, feel free to drop me a note through Multnomah at:

D
ON:

When I met Karen in the fall of 1978, I had no idea how unprepared I was for a healthy relationship. My definition of love was nowhere near what it is today. I struggled for a long time with feelings of inferiority, hopelessness, and rage. But nothing was ever my fault, always somebody else’s.

As a new Christian in October of 78, I figured all that was behind me. Wrong! Karen and I started dating in the spring of ’79, were engaged in November of ’79, and married
in December of 79. After nine months, the honeymoon was over.

I was a hypocrite, going to church and then going out of control at home. The problems only grew until, in 1992, we separated. That’s when I started counseling. We got back together after a year of being apart and started over, trying to rebuild trust. But the rage in me continued. There have been many times over our nearly twenty years of being together that I was sure our marriage was over. Somehow I clung to the promises I made to Karen and God and vowed not to give up.

With God’s grace, hard work, and lots of friends who also wouldn’t give up, I stand before you now, made new in Christ. I love my wife, my partner, with all my heart. For me, marriage is a commitment made for life—and because of it, I truly have life.

K
AREN:

Over the years of our marriage, I’ve adopted certain credos:

• Divorce isn’t in my vocabulary.
  Murder
  , on the other hand …
  

• Forget time.
  Chocolate
  heals all wounds.
  

• We’ve been happily married for ten years, and that’s not bad out of nineteen.
  

But the most important credo I’ve learned is this: God is in control.

Life may be going crazy, feelings of love may be nonexistent, every day may be a struggle, but none of that changes this fact:

God is in control.

Let circumstances, chaos, and conflicts do their worst—and believe me, they will. Let all our dreams seem to disappear, let sorrow walk beside me every step of the rocky way … it still doesn’t change: God is in control.

Growing up, I watched my parents laugh and love and be each other’s best friend. I knew what marriage was. I had it figured out. Then I got married and discovered I didn’t have
anything
figured out. It took a lot of years and a lot of pain, but God finally showed me that my dream of marriage had become an idol. My focus was on it, not on God or on Don. All I saw was what we weren’t, not what we were. It wasn’t until I could release the stranglehold I had on that dream that I could start being a wife, serving my husband as God’s representative in our house, acting out of obedience to Christ and the vows I’d made, not out of warm fuzzy feelings.

And that’s when it happened. Without the illusion clouding my vision, I saw the truth. Not only was God in control, but He was at work refining both Don and me, making us exactly who we need to be. For Him. And for each other.

Today, through God’s grace, and thanks to faithful friends, hard work, and learning when to keep silent, I can tell you my dream is here and now. I have the husband—and the marriage—I’ve always wanted. We live in love and laughter and the sure awareness of God’s presence, grace, and provision. And when things get rough again, as they’re bound to because we’re human, I know God will be sufficient.