The Breaking Point (44 page)

No wonder he’d grown angry. No wonder he’d turned away from her. No wonder he’d sought understanding and acceptance from another.

A wretchedness of mind such as she’d never known before settled over her, its weight pressing on her until she thought she would die from the burden. But she wasn’t so lucky. Death would not come to release her from the consequences of her foolish choices.

Forgive me … Forgive me …

How often had she complained to God that her life wasn’t what it was supposed to be? And why hadn’t she seen before now that such a question was the height of arrogance?

Her life was far beyond anything she’d hoped for. Certainly beyond anything she deserved. Gabe loved her. He sacrificed for her. He gave up his own will and way to meet her needs. He sheltered her, protected her. He showed her every day that he cherished her. She had just been too fixated on herself and what she wanted to see it.

Forgive
me …

Be still.

Lord, I’m sorry.

Be still. Be still and know. I am God. Trust in me, for I will make all things new.

Renee lifted her face to the sky. It was true. God was here. With her. With Gabe. He’d always been there, and He had made them new. Over and over, one small step at a time. He’d changed them.

And He’d changed her. In spite of herself. Through all she’d had to face—about Gabe, about herself, about life. Despite all her kicking and screaming, her complaints and struggles, despite the fact that she got herself into the trouble she experienced, God had used it all.

To refine her.

And to give her exactly what she’d always wanted—and exactly who she’d always needed.

D
ECEMBER
20, 2003

4:15
P.M.

GABE FELT A HAND ON HIS SHOULDER. EVEN IF THEY’D
been in a press of people rather than alone in the wilderness, he’d have known it was Renee. He knew the touch of her, the feel of her.

He moved his hand to cover hers.

“I’m sorry.”

Gabe couldn’t accept her soft words. “No, I—”

She knelt in front of him then. He looked into those green eyes. Something flickered deep within her that he’d never seen before. A kind of … brokenness. That was the only word that fit.

Renee reached for his hand, and the simple action warmed his chilled soul. She lifted his hand, pressed it to her lips, and looked up at him. “I’m sorry.”

He knew she was talking about more than just their argument. Just as he knew she meant it. Something had happened, he
could see it in her face, feel it in her touch. She was different. Vulnerable.

Gabe knew he had to take the next step. She’d opened a door, and he had to go through.

He laid her hand over his heart. The words he wanted to speak were there, perched on his lips. Easy words, words he’d said over and over through the years. “I’m
sorry, too.”
But so many times before when he offered her those words, she turned from him, not accepting, not believing. How often had she told him the words didn’t matter if his actions didn’t prove them?

Too often.

He didn’t want to do that now. To give her words that he knew she wouldn’t fully believe, no matter how much she wanted to. He’d used those words too often before without any real change. He wouldn’t do that again.

He wanted her to know this was different. He was different. Words wouldn’t do that.

If you give up your life for me, you will find true life.

He understood. All or nothing. He’d had his fill of nothing. It was time to try all.
It’s in Your hands, Lord.

Gabe slid his fingers along her face, cupping her cheek in his palm. She turned to press a kiss there. It was a pledge. An offering. Leaning down, he pressed his lips to hers, asking nothing, giving everything.

Another beginning. Another new start.
Please, God, let this be the last. I don’t want to end up here ever again.

Give up your life …

I will. I do.

A high whine broke them apart, and they both turned to look at Bo, who lay in the snow, head on his paws, watching them with thinly veiled impatience.

“I think somebody’s hungry.” Gabe directed Renee’s attention to their pathetic pet.

Her laughter filled the empty places inside him. “I think somebody’s internal clock is messed up. It’s not even five yet.”

Gabe tugged at her sleeve. “Come on, Mom, how can you resist a face like that?”

She looked from him to Bo—whose tail thump-thumped his hopefulness in the snow—then back to Gabe again. She pulled a tissue from her pocket and began to wave it.

Gabe quirked a brow. “Let me guess … a white flag.”

She tossed it at him with a flick of her wrist. “You always were a good guesser, Roman.” With a dramatic sigh, she stood. “Guess I’ll go scrounge up some dinner.”

He caught her hand before she walked away, and she hesitated, her eyes resting on his face. “We’re going to be okay.” He believed it. Really believed it.

The radiance that touched her features, bringing her a new beauty, told him she did, too. “Better than okay.”

As she walked to her pack and began pulling out the protein bars, Gabe tried to decipher the feelings surging through him. His eyes widened when it finally clicked.

Freedom. He felt like a man set free. It was as though he suddenly realized a band had been fastened around his heart, restricting it; and now that it had finally been cut, his heart beat solid and true for the first time in a very long time.

He smiled. Welcome to true life. It was even better than he’d hoped.

11:45
P.M.

Gabe fed another stick into the fire, then leaned back to slide his arm around Renee’s shoulders. She smiled up at him and nestled close.

Their second night in the woods. He wasn’t the least bit disappointed. In fact, he was having a great time.

He and Renee had walked for a little over an hour after they ate, but he could tell each step made her bruised ribs
hurt. She didn’t complain. She would have kept on going if he hadn’t touched her arm.

“Better find a place to set up camp, hon.”

She nodded. No argument, no alternate plans. Just acceptance.

They laid out the space blanket, got a fire going, and settled in. They had been sitting here, looking at the stars and talking, for hours. He rested his cheek on the top of her head, tightening his arm around her.

“Hey!”

He looked down at her laughing protest and saw the same peace he was feeling reflected in her eyes.

“Hugs are great, but not so tight. I mean, have mercy on my poor aching ribs.”

Gabe knew he looked decidedly sheepish. “Well, they say to bind bruised ribs, don’t they?”

“Uh-huh, so it was for my own good?”

“Okay.”

Her bubbling laughter was a soothing balm on his healing spirit. He pulled her close again, and they sat in comfortable silence, Bo curled beside them. Gabe leaned his head back to watch the stars twinkling in the sky, then let his gaze fall to the woods.

What the …?

“Renee. Hold Bo. And keep him as still as you can.”

She did as he directed, which told him the alarm he felt had come through clearly in his words. He eased away from her, ready to jump in front of her and Bo if he needed to, and nodded toward the woods. She followed the action, and her eyes widened.

There, in the darkness just beyond the light of the fire, were two glowing eyes. Feline eyes. Wild eyes. Watching them.

“The cougar.”

At Renee’s strangled whisper, he put a hand on her arm,
doing his best to comfort her with his touch. “We’ll be okay.”

She nodded at his quiet words, though her tension was evident in the rigid muscles beneath his hand. Gabe looked back at the cat and tensed. It had stepped out of the woods and was now standing there, studying them. It was so close he could see the dancing flames of the fire reflected in its large, golden eyes. Flickering light from the fire highlighted its tawny coat, muscular body, and huge paws.

Paws, he knew, that could deliver a deathblow with far too little effort.

And yet …

Gabe wasn’t afraid. For no reason he could explain, his alarm simply melted away. He glanced at Renee and saw his own surprise reflected in her features. But the greatest wonder of all came when he looked at Bo. Earlier, the mere scent of the cougar had almost sent the dog bolting into the woods. Now the husky lay there, beneath Renee’s arm, watching the cougar watch them, looking completely at ease.

Father, what are You up to?

Gabe looked back at the cougar just in time to see it turn and pad back into the woods. Within seconds, it was swallowed in the darkness.

Gone.

Just like that.

He leaned forward, blinking.

Beside him, Renee squinted into the night-shrouded woods. “Did I see what I think I just saw?”

Gabe’s wonder slipped out on a breath, and he shook his head. “If what you thought you just saw was a cougar, then yes. Because I saw it, too.”

“But—”

He turned to her and couldn’t help but smile at the confusion on her face. He felt the same way.

“Why didn’t Bo react? You saw him earlier—”

“I know.” Gabe reached for his flashlight and a large stick,
then stood. “It makes no sense whatsoever, and yet—”

“It makes perfect sense.”

He met Renee’s wide-eyed stare and grinned. “Yeah. Exactly.”

She shook her head, then pointed at the stick in his hand. “What’s that for?”

Gabe looked toward the woods. “I figured I’d just make sure he was gone.”

“He is.”

He nodded at the confidence in her tone. “Yeah, I know. But I wanted to check anyway.”

“We’ll wait here.”

At the somewhat dazed humor in her tone, he leaned down and kissed her on top of her head. Then he reached out to give Bo a scratch behind the ears. “Curiouser and curiouser …”

Renee laughed. “So now you’re Alice in Wonderland?”

Gabe grinned and started toward the woods. “Yeah, but if I see a white rabbit with a pocket watch, I’m sending him your way.”

Renee’s chuckle followed him into the woods. He turned on the flashlight, shining the beam on the ground in front of him. Large paw prints in the snow bore mute testimony to the fact that they hadn’t been hallucinating.

A cougar really had come calling.

He directed the light along the path of the prints, peering into the woods ahead. No sign of the animal. It was as if it had vanished into the surrounding trees.

No wonder they called cougars “ghost cats.”

Gabe cast one last look at the woods ahead—and froze. He frowned. Was that …?

He squinted, then flicked off his flashlight, letting the darkness bring it into better focus.

It was. There was a light just ahead. He was sure of it!

Thank You, God! Thank You!

He turned the flashlight on again and hurried back to Renee. “I saw a light out there!”

She jumped up and came to stand beside him. He took her hand and led her to the spot where he’d seen the light. “There—a dim yellow glimmer, beyond those trees. It has to be a cabin.”

“Oh my …” Her eyes glowed with wonder. “We never would have seen it if you hadn’t made sure that cougar was gone.”

He nodded. “And if it hadn’t been dark. If we hadn’t stopped.”

Gratitude, joy, exultation—they exploded through him, carried on the sure awareness of God’s provision. Gabe turned to Renee, opening his arms. She moved into them without hesitation.

Renee’s heart was full as Gabe’s arms closed around her, sheltering her, covering her.