Surviving Love (Surviving #2) (24 page)

“One day mom and I were outside playing in the yard when he came home early. The terror on her face made me want to run and hide under the house. But she grabbed me and ran inside. He didn't like that, he was furious when he came in, saying she acted like some crazy person. What did she think he was going to do? He just wanted to spend time with his son. Mom said she didn't think it was a good idea when he was so worked up, that’s when he backhanded her and sent her flying across the room. I ran at him and kicked and punched at him, but obviously being the tiny pathetic kid I didn't make a dent.”

“How old were you?”

“Four.”

“Jesus.”

“He laughed at me and grabbed a handful of my hair and lifted me into the air. I screamed, I remember crying because it hurt so much. But he just laughed some more. Mom was shouting at him to let go. But he said I needed to learn some manners, and men didn't cry. God, I hate that fucking saying.” I took a deep breath. “He slapped me across the face, ordered me to stop crying like a pussy. But the more he hit the more I cried. Mom ran at him and knocked him off balance; she yanked me out of his hand and ran like the devil himself was chasing us. She locked us in her bathroom and begged me to hide, she said she would calm him down.” I stopped, the vivid image of the last time I spoke to my mom etched in my memory forever.

“What happened?” Lou asked quietly.

“I didn't stay where mom told me to, I followed her out into the bedroom. Dad was shouting at her, right in her face, screaming shit at her. Then he caught sight of me. This really sick twisted grin crossed his face and he laughed. Fucking
laughed
like what he was doing was funny. He said something about taking me to Grandpa and having
him
teach me what a man really was. Mom went nuts, she started railing at him, screaming she would kill him before she let me anywhere near that guy. I never understood why we couldn't see Grandpa Chase. Now I wish I’d never laid eyes on the bastard. Dad didn't take kindly to Mom’s reaction so he started hitting her, and he didn't stop until she stopped moving. He knelt beside her panting as we both watched the life drain from her. I watched her eyes fade, the sparkle dimmed to nothing, she watched me, she reached out for me, I was the last thing she saw before she died. A weak pathetic little boy who caused her death. Dad sat there crying like a fucking baby, then he looked up at me and said it was my fault. If I hadn’t been born she would still be alive. After what I went through with my mom, I saw the fear in Eve’s eyes and I knew what was going on.” I choked, I couldn't get any more words past the lump in my throat. Lou’s arms slid around me and tightened. She didn't say anything, the only noise in the room was her harsh breaths and soft sobs. I felt warm tears on my chest.

“I’m sorry,” she said quietly.

“Why?”

“No child should experience that.”

“Trust me, I hadn’t arrived in hell just yet. That happened the moment I met Grandpa Chase, the devil himself.”

“Your mum said you were called Chase.”

“I changed my name when they officially adopted me. Every firstborn son takes the name Chase like it’s some fucking privilege, it’s a bastard curse. My grandma signed the adoption papers like she was handing over lease of a company. Like I meant fuck all.” I snorted. “Truth is she didn't give a fuck about me, she hated me. When I first arrived she would hit me and punish me for stupid shit any four-year-old would do. I became Johan Senior because I despised everything associated with the Dermont name. I was once told it was a legacy, more like a fucking death sentence. My mom was called Johanna. When Ryan helped me escape and took me away from them he said I had my momma’s eyes so he called me Jo, he hated the name Chase as much as I did. So when Mama-su and Dad wanted to adopt me, I asked to change my name to Johan.”

“That’s sweet. A happy ending.”

I shook my head in denial. “I became a freak, a fucked up mess no one wanted to be around. I was on meds, anti-depressants and sleeping pills. I was begged on numerous occasions to see a therapist.”

“That doesn’t make you a freak, it makes you a survivor. Jesus, anyone who survived the hell you did would come out with some battle scars. Give yourself a break.”

“Why do you like me?”

“Whoa, let’s not go crazy, who said I liked you?” She laughed as I tickled her sides. “You have a beautiful heart, and you saved my sister. You make me laugh, you make me want to kick you in the balls, and I find I
want
to spend time with you.” The little minx always had to add sass.

I kissed her temple. “You’re going to be the death of me, Louise.”

“But what a way to go, eh?” She tittered and pressed her lips to mine, and for once my nightmares disappeared.

***

I listened to her gentle breathing, the soft rise and fall of her chest as she slept beside me. I kissed her bare shoulder and wrapped my arms around her. I threaded my fingers between hers and held our joined hands over my little buddy. I shifted closer to her, not that there was much space between us, I pretty much crowded her, but I needed her. She had just given me such a gift by allowing me to make love to her. I loved having her sleeping in my bed. The sun rising in the distance cast a soft glow on her skin making her beauty ethereal. And I was starting to sound like a chick!

I pressed my cheek against her back and listened to the soft thump of her heartbeat; I let it lull me into sleep, my muscles relaxed, I felt light and free for the first time I could remember, and it was all thanks to my beautiful sunbeam. I sighed against her back and snuggled closer to her. Sleep was coming and for a change I wasn’t afraid, I welcomed it.

“Johan?”

I pressed my nose into the back of her neck and inhaled her warm scent.

“Hmm?”

“I’m falling too,” she whispered so quietly I hardly heard her.

“Uh?”

“With you, I'm falling for you too,” she said, and my heart stopped. I was fucking dreaming and this was the cruellest of them all, because I didn’t want to wake up and find out it wasn’t true.

She turned in my arms and I opened my eyes to look at her, then held my breath and my skin itched to hear her again. My ears buzzed with anticipation. She lifted her hand and stroked my cheek, my stubble rough against her velvet skin.

“I—”

I crashed my mouth against her before she could speak. “I love you, I love you, I love you so fucking much.” I didn't give a shit if it was too soon or if I scared her mindless. I needed to say it before she disappeared. If she walked out on me at least she would know how I felt.

I rolled her onto her back and slid on top of her, my cock pressing against her.

“Jesus, give a girl time to recoup.” She giggled.

“Sorry,” I said, laughing, as I pressed my lips to her shoulder at the same time I pressed my hips into her inviting warmth.

“That’s not...playing fair.”

“What?” I asked innocently as I pressed against her again.

“Do you not think three...four, maybe more orgasms are enough?”

“Isn’t that breaking some kind of woman code asking such a question?”

“Probably. But no one has had a Johan in their bed before, I think they’d understand.” She lifted the sheet to look down at my groin. “I mean, look at the victory V for Christ sake.”

I laughed at her, she was so adorable. “What do you reckon to one more
victory
roll.”

“That’s cheesy, you need more—”

I slid home, moaning her name, her nails biting into my shoulders.

“I take it back.” She moaned.

She was mine, I was keeping her.
Hear that, fate? A big fat fuck you
!

C
hapter 13

Louise

I became aware of three things simultaneously as I opened my eyes: the delightful tenderness between my thighs, the heavy weight of an arm over my legs, and soft wet kisses being pressed against my stomach. I stretched my arms above my head and moaned loudly.

“Morning sunbeam, or should I say good afternoon? We slept right past lunchtime.” He peppered kisses up my stomach and placed a soft kiss between my naked breasts. “My little buddy seemed lonely down there all by himself.”

I smiled and ran my fingers through his sleep-rumpled hair. His jaw had a sexy dark shadow of morning stubble. He moved his lean body over me and pressed his warm lips to mine. I sighed softly against his mouth.

“I could get used to this kind of wake up call,” I said sleepily.

“You hate mornings.” He chuckled, kissing my jaw and ever so gently suckling at my neck.

“Like I said I could be persuaded to like mornings, if this is how I get to wake up.” I stretched my arms above my head again and arched my back, effectively pressing my sensitised nipples against his chest.

Johan dipped his head to look between us, then up at me with a mischievous smile. “When it’s offered on a plate, a man’s gotta eat,” he said as he sucked one tightened peak into his mouth, hard. I gasped at the sensation, arching into him. He moaned, sending a vibrating heat straight to my core. His other hand cupped my other breast and when his thumb stroked across my nipple I nearly shot off the bed.

“Johan!”

“I got you, I got these babies too,” he said, paying the same attention with his mouth to my other nipple. I threaded my fingers into his hair, holding him to me. His hands slid achingly slow down my sides, causing a tickling sensation that was almost too much to bear. My skin felt electrically charged and the softest touch was like a million bolts of electricity. His hand continued its descent, curving over my hip, and I wriggled to the side to encourage him to my aching centre, but he ignored me and caressed my thigh, stroking a maddening pattern along my sensitised flesh. He slid his finger in the crease of my knee and pulled my leg up and around his waist, stroking his large hand up my thigh. He lifted his head and smiled at me, but I saw a brief moment of hesitation. I cupped his face, leaning on my elbows to bring my mouth to his.

“Can I...I need...” he stuttered, blowing out a perplexed breath, hiding his face in my neck.

“Honey, talk to me.”

“I want to taste you,” he said in a rush. I smiled when I realised what he meant. I adored cocky Johan, mischievous Johan was a turn-on, shy, unsure Johan grabbed my heart and held on for dear life.

I didn't say anything; I kissed the side of his jaw and leaned back against the pillows. I lifted my knees and opened myself for him. I had never done this before, never been this open. I had tiny stretch marks on my pregnant belly, my thighs had cellulite, and I seriously needed a good waxing, but it seemed inconsequential when Johan had bared his scars to me. He shared secrets, opened himself to me and exposed a broken inside. I was here to bring those shattered pieces back together.

“Fuck me, you’re beautiful. All open and waiting for me.” He admired my naked body as if I were his last meal to be devoured. “You are perfect, Lou, absolutely perfect.” He ran his index finger down the centre of my breasts to my navel; he leaned forward and placed an open mouthed kiss there. He pulled back to look down at my exposed core, I resisted the urge to close my legs and hide. I felt a blush creeping up my neck to my cheeks. He looked up at me through those ridiculously long thick lashed of his and his dimples appeared. My body quivered in response, the effect of those perfect dimples was lethal.

“I was right,” he said, smiling. I frowned at him. “When you blush, the pink in your cheeks matches your perfect nipples.”

My mouth dropped open in shock before I giggled. “You imagined what the colour of my boobies would be?”

“Every man who has ever met you has imagined you naked, Lou, I have a dick so clearly I pay attention to detail.”

I laughed again. “What else did you imagine?” I smiled down at him as his chin rested ever so gently against the swell of my stomach. He lifted his head and looked between my thighs.

“What your pussy would taste like.”

I threw my head against the pillow, emitting a loud moan as his tongue sought its first taste.

“I said you would be my elixir, this right here sunbeam, is pure fucking ecstasy.” 

I wanted to make a witty remark, continue our banter, but all coherent thought flew out of the window when he sucked my clit into his mouth and flicked at it with his tongue. I was lost and Johan was the only one who had the capacity to find me.

Soon, I laid breathless and incredibly satiated in the crook of Johan’s arm. He had one of his strong arms around me and one thrown over his eyes. I kissed his slightly perspired chest and watched his skin pebble with goose bumps, he made a low moaning sound in his throat and looked up at him.

“Give a guy time to recoup, woman.”

I smiled and rested my chin against his soft skin to watch his beautiful face, the strong line of his jaw, the dark shadow of stubble. His lips were red and swollen, I wanted to take his bottom lip between my teeth and taste the plump flesh.

“I thought you had the stamina of a man half your age?”

“That was before I met the woman with the libido of a nympho.” He grumbled.

I gasped and slapped the centre of his chest. He laughed and curled his arms around me, bringing me onto his chest. He pressed a soft kiss to my nose and smiled.

“You’re okay though? I’ve...it’s been okay...with me?” he said nervously.

I pressed another kiss to his chest and smiled brightly. “More than okay, you’re a
nympho’s
dream catch.”

He threw his head back against the pillows and laughed loudly. The roar of his laughter and the bright smile on his face warmed me immensely.

“I’ve not...” His face sobered and his blue eyes lost their sparkle. “I haven’t hurt you or anything?”

“I’m sore, my muscles ache, I may not walk for a week but I’d say that’s the sign of a woman well fu—”

“I get the idea.” He laughed, covering my mouth with his hand. I poked my tongue out and licked his palm and watched the clear blue of his eyes cloud with lust.

“You’re going to be the death of me, sunbeam.”

“I repeat, what a way to go.” I covered his mouth with mine and felt his arousal against my thigh.

He groaned when my phone started ringing. I laughed and turned away from him to grab my mobile from the nightstand.

“Hello?”

“Hey sweetheart, it’s Mum.” It always made me smile when she felt the need to clarify who she was.

“Hiya.”

“I have a favour to ask?”

“Yeah?” I said breathlessly when Johan pressed warm kisses along my jaw.

“Your dad and I wanted to go see Eve tonight and wondered if you’d watch Ellie, she’s been pestering to see Johan and I thought she could come over, but if you have plans...?”

“Mum, I don’t have anything planned, she can come over. What time do you want to bring her round?”

“Is five too early?”

“I tell you what, I’ll come over and pick her up and take her for a Maccy D’s treat. Tell her we can have a girly night and to bring her dress up stuff.”

“You sure?”

“No, I just said it for the fun of it.”

“Smart mouth.” She laughed.

We said goodbye and I placed the phone back on the night stand.

“I’m babysitting tonight; Ellie is coming over while mum goes to see Eve,” I said guiltily, recalling how Darren used to get so annoyed if our plans changed at the last minute.

“Cool, can I come with you for dinner? You need to feed me, woman, I’m wasting away.”

“You don’t mind?”

He frowned at me and shook his head. “Why would I mind? I get to spend time with my favourite girls.”

A lump lodged in my throat at his sincerity. “It’s just not—”

“Sunbeam, I love your little sister, she’s pretty awesome to be with. And she has excellent taste in
me.”
He laughed when I poked him in the side. He pressed a kiss to my forehead. “Let’s go get her now, we can take her to the park first.”

I smiled up at his handsome face. “You’re pretty bloody perfect, you know that right?”

“I knew you’d finally come to your senses.” He chuckled.

I jumped out of bed, or in reality I waddled and rolled.

***

“Jo-haaaaan, can I paint your nails?” Ellie asked sweetly. I lifted my eyebrow at him in a silent dare to turn her down.

“Erm...well, men don’t have polish put on their nails, princess.”

“Yeah they do, I saw it on MTV,” she retorted with her usual sass.

Johan looked at me with pleading eyes and I smiled and shook my head, there was no way I was giving him an easy out. I looked like a frigging circus clown with the amount of eye shadow and blush I had on.

“Well—”

“Pleeeeeease.” She pouted and I grinned, because he was a goner. He rolled his eyes, threw down the papers he was working on, and sat beside her on the floor. She squealed in happy delight. “Daddy never lets me put it on him.”

Johan’s jaw dropped when he realized he was being played.

“Sucker!” I laughed.

“You, Ellie Beaumont, are going to be a lawyer when you’re older,” he said, frowning at me. 

“Nope, I’m going to be a singer.” She turned to look at her array of torture products, more commonly known as makeup.”I don’t have any boy colours.”

“Because boys don’t have their nails painted.” Johan sulked.

“Purple. I have purple, that can be a boy colour.”

“Yeah, it totally brings out the colour of my eyes.” Johan huffed dramatically.

I laughed loudly.

Ellie leaned forward and squinted at him.

“Nuhuh, you have blue eyes.”

He rolled his eyes again.

“Keep still. It looks messy if you move.”

A while later, Johan grumbled as he walked into the kitchen. “How the hell do I get into these kinds of situations?” He grabbed a beer out of the fridge and upon closing the door leaned against it, taking a long drink from the bottle.

I suppressed my giggles. “Mum said you looked pretty.”

“Was that before or after she started breathing again because she was
laughing
so hard? It’s a good job your dad stayed in the car, I seriously would have lost man points.”

I laughed at him. When Mum had come to collect Ellie she had walked in the lounge, taken in the scene and fallen about laughing. By the time she left she was panting, and tears had messed up her mascara.

“But you
do
look pretty. The blue eye shadow brings out the colour in your sexy eyes.”

He snorted and had another drink. I leaned against the counter watching him.

Ellie had used her cute little pout and wobbly lip to convince Johan to let him be another of her makeup models. She painted his nails with a bright purple, then she did his hair with so much gunk I swear a hurricane wouldn’t move it. Then she said she wanted to make him look like a rock star with makeup. I think dad letting her watch punk
and
rock music videos was becoming an issue. At first Johan was adamant he wasn’t going to allow it, but then she used her ‘okay, it doesn’t matter’ and started the little lip tremble. As soon as she did that Johan couldn’t say no, and he stayed quiet while she painted his face. I do have to say I was pretty bloody jealous how fantastic his lashes looked with mascara.

“You’re eyes are seriously sexy all hell. Makes me think naughty thoughts.” I smiled at him when his head snapped in my direction.

“You think I have sexy eyes?”

I bit my bottom lip in what I hoped was an enticing manner, and nodded.

He pushed away from the fridge and walked towards me. He placed his unfinished drink on the counter. Then he braced both hands on either side of me, trapping me.

“So the naughty thought was...?” he asked in a husky voice, sending tingles down my body.

“That I—”

Thoughts fled when he rubbed the tip of his nose up my neck, inhaling my scent.

“You?”

I whimpered and grabbed at his shirt when his mouth sucked at my pulse point.

“Talk to me sunbeam.”

“I, I—” currently had no coherent thoughts other than the exploding of shivers and pure delicious longing racing through me as his hot hard body pressed against me. The cool worktop at my back was welcomed against my flaming skin.

“I—”

His hand curled around the back of my knee and tugged, sliding it up his hip. Slowly, torturously, he slid his hand up my thigh, under my nightshirt to my knickers. His finger traced the elastic at my hip, and teasingly retreated back down to my mid-thigh. I whimpered at the loss. I wanted him to rip my knickers away.