Surviving Love (Surviving #2) (10 page)

C
hapter 6

Louise

York, England

Three days later, and three-thirty couldn't come quick enough. Why? Today I finally get to see my big sister after nearly four weeks of waiting. They moved her onto a general ward this morning, Mum phoned me at lunch time to let me know, so as soon as school finishes I am out of here and I’m going to go see my sister come rain, hail, or shine. Johan said he would be meeting me outside the school reception and wanted to come with me, but if he isn’t there waiting, I’m going without him. I can’t wait much longer to see her. Mum said she would be here to pick Ellie up, a little surprise for her, seeing as Mum hasn’t collected her in over four weeks. We haven’t told her that tonight she is going to see Eve.

“Miss Beaumont, I need a wee.”

“Okay, Sophia, don’t forget to wash your hands,” I said to the little raven-haired girl.

“Miss, me need toilet too.”

I rolled my eyes because one child needing the toilet always started the wave of toilet breaks.

“Okay, go ahead Harry.”

I turned my attention back to the little boy reading to me.

“...ch..ch...ch...” His sweet little defeated face looked up at me. I smiled at him.

“Let’s break it down and use our fun phonics.” I pointed with my pencil. “Read the letters first, sound them out, and see if we can get the word.

“Ch..e...e...”

“Remember
e
and
e
together are magic, they make an ‘
ee
’ sound,” I said quietly. He smiled.

“Ch...ee...ssss...e. Cheese.” He grinned up at me, feeling proud of his little accomplishment. I loved seeing little ones accomplish tasks they feel beyond them. A simple feat to us, a mammoth task to them.

“Great work, now let’s find out what that cat is going to do with the cheese.”

“I think he’s going to get the mices.” He laughed.

“Let us find out if he does get the
mouse.”

“Miss, Ellie’s crying in the toilet,” Sophia said as she came running towards me.

“Don’t run inside Sophia, now tell me what’s the matter with Ellie?”

“She crying in toilet, Miss White shouted at her cos’ she not got her P.E. kit,” Sophia said, her eyes filling with tears, she was such a sensitive little girl.

“It’s okay, I’ll go see what the matter is.” I stood up. “Mrs. Havers, can you continue listening to Jake for me please?”

She nodded and walked over to us, giving me a wary look because she knew more than anyone what a raging frigging bitch Samantha White is. And she’d gotten worse since finding out I’m carrying her brother’s child. Yes she is
one
of Darren’s sisters.

I walked into the bathroom to sounds of Ellie sniffling; I could hear her soft little cries coming from the small cubicle. I closed the door, although it was supposed to remain open, especially when faculty were dealing with a child, and more importantly alone. But seeing as this was my little sister I was taking liberties and saying
sod
the rules.

“Ellie sweetie, it’s Lou,” I said, peeking over the child-sized doors.

She sniffled again and wiped her nose on her sleeve. “It’s Miss Beaumont in school.”

I laughed. “Good girl, silly Lou-Lou. Now come out here and tell me what is wrong.” I kept my voice gentle and coaxing.

She unlocked the door and her little shoulders were drooped, her head hanging forward so her hair hid her face. I knelt in front of her and lifted her chin with my finger. “Sweetie, why are you crying?”

Her little lip quivered again and my heart squeezed, I hated seeing her upset.

“Miss White shouted at me, I didn’t bring my P.E. kit.” She sniffled again and I pulled her into my arms. I rubbed my hand up and down her back, rubbing in gentle circles.

“I thought we packed it last night, I remember you putting it all in your little bag perfectly.”

She nodded. “I left it in the car, I forgot when we got out.”

“So it’s in my car?”

She nodded.

“Sweetie, why didn’t you say that, I can go get it for you.” I swept her hair away from her face and out of habit started braiding it into a plat for her.

“Miss White said I not allowed to do P.E.”

“What?” I snapped. “Did you say it was in my car?”

She nodded.

“Right!” I stood up after I finished her hair. I slid my hand into hers and walked us out of the bathroom. Our two classrooms were joined by a cloakroom, so coming out of the bathroom I could go left back to my classroom or right straight into year two, Miss
White’s
classroom. The kids were just starting to change; thirty odd kids took a
long
time to change.

“Miss White,” I called in my most formal voice. “May I have a word,
please?”
She turned and the bitch cast me such scathing look I wanted to slap the vapid tart across her face.

“Not right now,
Miss
Beaumont. We are getting ready for P.E.” She shrugged and plastered a fake smile across her face.

“But—”

“Miss—”

All of a sudden, Joyce, or should I say Headmistress Durnham came into the room and paused when she caught sight of Ellie’s tear-streaked face.

“Ellie, whatever is the matter?” she asked. She stepped towards us bypassing Samantha.

Ellie burst into another round of loud sobbing. I knew she would automatically assume she was in more trouble with Mrs. Durnham getting involved.

“We were just sorting it out, weren’t we Miss White?” I asked, shooting Samantha a daring glare.

Joyce looked between the two of us and sighed. She knew the problems I was having with Samantha, but I’d begged her not to get involved.

“Miss White, may I ask what’s going on?”

“Ellie has forgotten her P.E. kit, and just as I would with any
other
child I said she wasn’t allowed to do P.E.”

“Oh.”

“Did she forget her kit though?” I asked.

Joyce frowned at my tone and I offered her an apologetic shrug.

“It isn’t on her peg,” snapped Samantha.

I let out a loud sigh. “Listen, I can run to the car, get her kit, and be back before this lot has even changed and you know it,” I said in a hushed tone. Ellie squeezed my hand and pressed closer to my leg when Samantha’s lip curled and formed a snarl.

Joyce stood up and squared her shoulders. “Miss White, I think we may need a chat in my office. I will get Anne to schedule it. I am not allowing this to continue.” She turned to look at Ellie. “Ellie, Miss Beaumont can go get your bag, but in the future please remember to bring it into school.” She tapped Ellie’s temple. “Or I might have to start calling you Miss Forgetful.”

Ellie giggled and nodded.

Panic averted, I returned to my classroom. I hated that Samantha had Ellie in her class. The problem we faced was that if Ellie moved to a different class she would be leaving her friends behind. I wanted to protect my little sister but I couldn't face tearing her away from her little social network.

***

“Could you have gotten a bigger bouquet?” I asked, smiling at Johan as we drove to the hospital.

“Hey, my gorgeous girl deserves the best, and these were the best,” he said proudly. I felt a little pang of jealousy at his obvious adoration of Eve, but I quickly pushed it aside feeling ridiculous.

“Yeah, she does,” I said quietly and glanced across at the fragrant bouquet of happy yellow flowers. A beautiful glass vase held an array of bright yellow sunflowers, Peruvian lilies, yellow daisies, and dahlia. The green foliage set it apart and offered some other colour but the array was stunning. It was such a vibrant sunny yellow I couldn't help but feel uplifted by it.

“They remind me of her,” he said absently. “She always brought a certain light into the room, like she’s our own personal sunshine.”

My ears stung with his words, and  his gentle worshiping tone. “Yeah, I’ve missed her too,” I choked, and thankfully I could keep my eyes trained on the road. He was right though, Eve always had a certain light about her, it was like she had this innocent quality, an angelic presence that drew you in. She was the good happy side, I was the miserable dark side. It’s just the way we were; I don’t resent my sister, in fact I love her with everything I have. I’d like some of her light to rub off on me but after twenty-four years I’m still waiting on that.

“When are you coming home?” he blurted out, startling me.

I looked across at him, then back to the road. “I, I haven’t—”

“Sorry, I know you...sorry.” He cleared his throat and shifted in his chair. “I didn’t mean to just blurt that out. I just thought...once I fixed the house up, it would make you feel more like coming home.”

I let that seep in and play around in my mind,
he thought I was staying away on purpose? “
Johan, I hope you realise I’ve not come home because Mum and Dad have been at the hospital and I needed to be with Ellie. I can’t wait to come home, truly, I just think it’s better for
Ellie
if I keep her in a routine and part of that routine is her own surroundings.” I chanced a look at him and saw his cheeks redden.

“Sorry, I sound like a selfish ass.” He spoke so quietly I almost didn’t hear him.

“No, no you don’t. It’s nice to feel wanted for a change.” I laughed to ease the tension.

He cleared his throat and adjusted himself again.

Clearly I had said the wrong thing, because the tick in his jaw indicated he was pissed off at my comment.

The rest of the journey to the hospital was done in horrible uncomfortable silence. I wanted to say something to take the tension away, but whenever I did I either pissed him off or became a complete raving bitch so I remained silent.

***

I took a deep breath before I entered the room, I sucked in air to try to control my tumultuous emotions. The last thing I wanted was to bawl like an idiot in front of Eve especially with everything she has been through. My hands started shaking because my sister was laying beyond this door, and I had no idea what she was going to look like after Elliott’s attack. I didn't want to cause a scene, I wanted to be strong for her.

“You okay?” Johan whispered close to my ear, sending shivers down my spine. I took another breath to steady my wild pulse. I nodded because I didn’t trust my voice to work properly. “I’m here with you.” His hand settled at the small of my back. A gentle reassuring touch meant to sooth me, instead it sent my scattered brain into sensory overload.

I stumbled forward and pressed my hands against the door to steady myself. Johan stepped in close behind me. His heat burning through my clothes, branding me. He slid his hand around my waist and with slight pressure pulled me to him.

“Grumpy, you can do this,” he whispered. His breath fanned across my cheek, my spine tingled along with other areas of my body that should not have tingled.

“I can’t...with you touching me like that,” I breathed. My knees were seconds away from buckling. His fingers flexed and held tighter. I loved the feeling of him, his hands on me. I closed my eyes and let out a shaky breath. I almost gained some composure when his lips brushed against my ear.

“I have a feeling you are going to be my elixir, my drug. Can you heal me,
Grumpy
? Can you make the pain go away?” His lips caressed my ear with every word. “You’re addictive, Lou, and I can’t allow myself to fall under your spell. I’m not what you need.”

“How do you know?” I sighed. My body moulded into him.

“Because no one needs me,” he said sadly, his head pressing against the side of mine. We held one another, locked in our own pain. He sucked in a deep breath and gathered himself. He pulled away abruptly then manoeuvred past me, and entered Eve’s room leaving me aghast in the doorway.

“There’s my gorgeous girl. Have you missed me? Because let me tell you my life has been hell without you.”

I saw his full dimple smile and my heart cracked. He was playing me, teasing me and stringing me along. The special smiles and little touches were nothing more than what he offered every other woman in his life; I was nothing more than a game to him. The lonely
, dumped
pregnant girl in need of attention. Well fuck you, G.I.
bastard
Johan.

I squared my shoulders and held my head high. Instead I wanted to crumble and weep, but I refused to do that here. I would suck it up, hide it away until...well until I forgot and no longer needed to pretend.

Eve turned her attention to me and the brightest smile crossed her face and the beam I returned was pure, genuine joy. She looked tired, and you could see shadows of old bruises peppering her beautiful face and neck. But she was alive and after weeks of not seeing her, I realised Johan was right: she was the light we’d all been missing.