Surviving Love (Surviving #2) (7 page)

“Sorry bud, but this is mine. You aren’t keeping it. And by the way, it was pretty fucking fantastic watching the little guy on screen.” He snatched the photo back, smoothed out the tiny wrinkles and held it to his chest protectively. He turned and walked towards me. When he got to me he leaned in and whispered, “Sorry, grumpy, but this is mine and I’m not sharing.” He held up his scan picture and shook his head. He placed his hand at the small of my back and guided me away from dickhead Darren. And I have to admit, it felt pretty amazing having his hand there.

When we reached my car, Johan turned me to face him. “Do you have to go back to work now?”

I nodded. He lifted my chin to meet his gaze.

“Well, drive safely, no using your phone. And don’t let him spoil this, my little buddy is perfect. You are perfect, and you are going to make a fantastic momma.”

“Will you come to Mum’s tonight to have dinner with Ellie and me?” I asked.

“Can’t, sorry, I er...have plans.” His cheeks pinked and my heart fell.

“Okay,” I whispered and turned to get in the car.

“What time?” he asked quickly.

“Uh?”

“Dinner, what time?”

“No it’s okay, you go out, we weren’t having—”

“What time?” he repeated.

“Five-thirty, gives me time to wash up and get Ellie bathed before bed.”

“I'll be there.” And with that he turned and walked away. I watched his back as he sauntered across the car park, his head dipped again as he looked at the photo of
his little buddy.
I smiled because I seriously liked him saying that. Shame the little one’s daddy couldn’t be as excited. And just as quickly as Johan had inflated the happy balloon, the thought of Darren burst it, scattering the fractured pieces at my feet. 

Punished by a Monster

Chase Dermont Junior III

7 Years Old

Boston Massachusetts

I hated being alive, I hated God, I hated my mom, I hated my dad and I hated this house with everything my broken body would allow. The only friend I had was taken away. Grandpa sent Ryan to college in Pittsburgh. I hated that Grandpa made him go away, but I felt happy that he couldn’t hurt Ryan anymore. One day I could escape like that; I had eleven years to go. Ryan had argued with Grandpa about college, and said he wouldn’t leave, he even started skipping football practise and drinking so much with his friends he would pass out in the driveway. But then Grandpa used his massive fists on me and said until Ryan learnt to do as he was told I would be beaten.

I had mastered hiding like Tate and Gray had gotten good at sneaking Grandpa’s liquor; we were awesome at it. There had only been a couple of times he had found me, or should I say caught me before I had time to run away. I didn’t go to school anymore, the kids started beating on me and saying things about me that Grandpa Chase didn’t like. So he pulled me from school and every day I had a tutor come teach me stuff. I liked reading, and I liked math but everything else pretty much sucked. Miss McKenzie was really nice, she sometimes brought me candy if I completed my work. We didn’t tell Grandpa Chase or Grandma Violet because they made her take them away.

“Chase!” called Grandpa. I curled tighter into the ball and tried to melt into the metal. “Chase!” His voice came closer; this was a hiding place I had found which he had yet to discover. “Where is that damn boy?” He cursed. I saw his large legs stride past the glass. I knew he was still in the room because there wasn’t another way out. I waited until he came back again. A loud thump above me startled me but I bit down hard on my lip to stop from making any noise. Slowly his legs came into view.

“I know you’re here somewhere, boy. Coming to me now will be better for you,” he said angrily. I knew why he was looking for me. It was the same every time Grandma Violet went to play bridge with her friends. I didn’t want to go to the boathouse; I didn’t care if he put me in the basement again. I didn’t want to go there. It hurt and made me feel sick when he made me go there.

“Boy. Come. Out! Now!” He roared like an angry lion. His hand thumped down on the top of the dryer again but I didn’t move. I prayed in my head, I begged for Ryan to come home, come get me and take me away with him.

His legs disappeared from view and I sighed, letting out the breath I was holding. I tasted metal in my mouth and realised I was bleeding from biting my lip so hard.

I stayed inside the dryer until I knew the others were home. When I heard Tate throw his gym kit in the laundry hamper I knew I was time to come out. Grandpa would ride my hide but he wouldn’t take me to the boathouse. I crawled out and stretched my cramping legs. I hadn’t grown much so finding places to hide was easier because I could curl into a small space. Other kids teased me for being so small but I was happy I didn’t grow to be a giant like Ryan; I wouldn’t be able to hide if I was as big as him.

I’d learnt to walk silently through the house too; it was easy to stay invisible when no one wanted to see me anyway. I was a ghost because no one cared enough to release me, I was trapped between hell and
nothingness
. What was there other than pain and sadness?

“Chase?” Kyle said as he walked out of the kitchen holding a sandwich and glass of milk.

I forced a smile and carried on walking.

“Hold up,” he said, catching up. He pushed me into his room and closed the door. My body stiffened, I hated when people did that. Kyle had been nice to me, he didn’t hurt me and sometimes helped me hide. He said Ryan told him to be nice or he’d beat his ass.

“Ryan’s coming home for you,” he whispered.

“What?”

He put his sandwich down and came over to kneel before me, Kyle was almost as tall as grandpa.

“He has a plan to get you out of this shithole,” he whispered then looked over his shoulder as if we’re going to be heard. “When you go to bed tonight, keep your clothes on under your pyjamas. I will come get you so don’t freak out, okay?”

I nodded.

“I’ll take you to him, but we have to be quiet.”

Again I nodded. I didn’t know whether to believe him or not. Kyle and the others always received beatings if they helped me or Ryan when grandpa punished us. He didn’t like when people
interfered
with his
special
boys.

That night I brushed my teeth and washed my face. I leaned forward and spat into the sink. When I straightened, Grandpa was standing behind me. His reflection took up the entire mirror.

“Where were you today, boy?”

“I...” I couldn't think. “I went down by the lake, I wanted to...see the...to watch the fish,” I stammered.

“Hmm. What have I told you about going near the water? It’s dangerous when you can’t swim,” He placed his large hand on my shoulder. “Tomorrow we are going for a walk. You will not avoid me again, boy, do you understand?”

I nodded and swallowed the sick feeling.

“Good. Now say your prayers and get to bed.” He let go of me and walked out of the bathroom.

I stared at the empty doorway before looking myself in the eye.
Prayers? Who do I Pray to? No one answers my prayers. I was a forgotten boy in hell.

***

I felt someone shaking me. I hadn’t fallen asleep, I felt too excited at hopefully seeing Ryan. I rolled over and faced Kyle. He motioned for me to get out of bed. We crept out into the hallway and through the house. My heart beat so loudly I was sure Grandpa would hear it.

The cold night air hit me like a slap in the face.

“This way,” Kyle whispered and pointed towards the woods. I shook my head because I knew what was in that direction.

“Chase, buddy, come on. Ryan is waiting.” He grabbed for my hand and started pulling me towards the woods near the lake. But beyond the woods was the boathouse. I dug my feet into the dirt and pulled against his hold. “Chase, listen we don’t have time for this.”

I scratched at his hand and fought against him.

“Chase—” He paused when the porch light came on. He grabbed me round the waist, covered my mouth with his hand and started to run with me towards the woods. Tears broke from my eyes and fear clawed out of me. He was taking me there, to the dark place I hated. To the place men liked to visit and do things I hated.

“I’m not going to hurt you, I swear.” He promised, but I had heard that so many times. ‘
If you relax it won’t hurt.’
But it did hurt, it hurt a lot.

“Look.” He whispered as we neared the water. I opened my eyes and standing by the water were two giant figures. “I told you he was coming for you.” Kyle put me on the ground and carried on walking. The biggest of the two shadows started walking towards me. When the moonlight broke from behind the clouds it was like the sun coming out on a rainy day. Because it brightened the night and let me see that Ryan had come for me. He was walking towards me with a big smile on his face.

“Hey little buddy,” he whispered. I ran at him and jumped into his arms, squeezing as tight as I could.

“You came.” I cried.

“I promised I would. I promised,” he said, squeezing me back. “I will always come for you. Never doubt that.”

I wrapped my arms and legs around him like a tiny monkey and clung to him.

The other shadow came towards us and I saw that it was Will, Ryan’s friend from across the lake.

Ryan turned us to face him as he stood staring at us. “Will, this is my little buddy Jo.” Ryan started calling me Jo because he said I didn’t deserve to be named after such an evil...he said a cuss word but I don’t say those, so I will say evil man. He said I was like my momma so he called me Jo, her name was Johanna. He said it was a curse to be named after my father and grandfather.

“Hey Jo,” he said, and his voice was incredibly deep. He was tall like Ryan and had really wide shoulders.

“Will is going to help us get you away from here,” Ryan said and I looked at him in shock. “But we can’t tell no one you hear?”

I nodded.

“I have to go back to college so that when you
disappear
no one thinks it was me. Kyle will be in school. No one will suspect Will because he don’t come round here.” Ryan chucked me under the chin. “Do you think you can be a big man and listen to our plan and do exactly what we say?”

Yes, I could.

According to plan, I had to go down to the lake and pretend to be playing near the water. I had to throw my sweater near the water’s edge and toss one of my sneakers into the water. Then I had to meet Will near the boathouse. I cried and begged not to be taken there, but Ryan said nothing bad would happen, it was just easier to get across the lake from there. Will was taking me to his house and I had to hide in his pool house. He had a massive house just like Grandpa Chase and Grandma Violet, but they didn’t have a pool house like Will. I had to hide in there until Ryan came home to get me. He said doing it this way would stop Grandpa from hurting me anymore.

I told Ryan about having to take a
walk
with Grandpa tomorrow and he said that wouldn’t be happening no more. Will would be coming to get me before it happened.

I had to stick to the plan and I would be free, so that night I prayed to God to help me remember. I prayed so hard my fingers cramped from holding them together, but I prayed and I begged for God to let me escape.

C
hapter 4

Louise

York, England

1
Week Later

It’s been three weeks since Eve’s hospitalisation. I’m still staying at my parent’s house with Ellie. I haven’t been home to my house in over a week. I packed a suitcase so that I didn't have to keep returning there for my things, and to be honest a lot of my stuff is still at Mum and Dad’s anyway. Johan no longer stays here with us; he eats with us and plays games with Ellie until bedtime but then he goes back to our house to sleep. It’s kind of a routine we’ve gotten into .

I’d received a few apologetic phone calls and texts from Darren, but to be honest I didn’t have the energy or mental strength to fight with him, so I let him blame my ‘outburst’ on my unstable hormones. I love him, or at least I think I do, but he is not willing to be a father and I am unwilling to choose him over my child. So we are at an impasse that I cannot see changing. My heart suffered heavily, thinking this was going to inevitably end our relationship. I do believe he loves me, just not enough to raise a family with me and that hurts more than anything. I rubbed my temples as an impending headache threatened to ruin my day completely. 

“I want to go to see Jill,” Ellie said, tugging at my sleeve. I looked down to see she had dressed herself this morning in green tights and a pink pinafore dress. They didn’t go together and none of the buttons on her dress matched up, but I wasn’t going to tell her that.

“I'm not sure about that, sweetie, Jill might be busy.”

“Na-hu,” she said, shaking her head. “I just seen her go in the house.” She jumped up and down, pointing out of the window in the direction of Jill’s house.

“Okay, we will go see, but if she
is
busy then we come back here, deal?”

“Deal,” she said and ran for the front door. I grabbed my keys and phone and followed her. She was already at the bottom of the drive by the time I had locked the front door.

“Ellie, wait, don’t go near the road.” I jogged down the drive to catch up with her.

I’d tried to go over and see Jill at least once a day, just to check on her and see how things were. I think more than anything she missed Dominic, but he had spent all of his spare time at the hospital. Mum and dad came home at night, slept, Dad went to work but Mum went straight to the hospital. I took Ellie to school, and that was how the weeks passed by. Today was Saturday so neither of us were in school. I’d tried phoning Johan earlier to see if he wanted to go to the play centre with us, but he didn’t answer his phone. He’d been acting a little odd lately, I’d say secretive but it was more than that.

“Ellie,” I called but she opened the door and ran straight into Jill’s house. With everything that had happened Jill had been avoiding us the best she could. If I didn’t go to her I know for a fact she wouldn’t have come to me. And when she saw me with Ellie she would go back into the house as if she hadn’t seen us. Ellie didn’t understand it, she wanted to see her aunt. Dad had asked that I keep a check on his sister; when I asked if he would go round he told me he had tried but Jill wasn’t home. In truth I think she was avoiding him also.

I knocked on the door even though it was open.

“Jill, Jill, I missed you. I come to play with you.” I heard Ellie shouting enthusiastically.

“Oh, Ellie sweetheart, I...I don’t think your Mummy and Daddy will be happy if you’re—”

“Mum said she was sick of hearing the little squirt pester to come over and play,” I said as I walked into the room. Jill was standing behind the sofa, shielding herself from Ellie as if she didn’t want her to go near her.

“Really?” Jill turned to ask me. She lifted a hand to her mouth and her eyes glossed over. She blinked rapidly.

“Oh, little darling, come here,” she held out her hands and Ellie jumped onto the sofa and into Jill’s arms. “Gosh I’ve missed you,” Jill said, hugging Ellie tightly. “Missed you so much.”

I swallowed repeatedly to rid my throat of the huge lump there.

“Jill, Mum and Dad have tried to come and see you,” I choked. I refused to lose control and lumber her with my emotional turmoil. I tried to seem indifferent about visiting Eve, but the truth was, it was killing me not seeing her, sitting with her and holding her hand. I wanted to let her know I loved her and I was so sorry about what happened. I wanted to talk to her about Johan and his nightmares, Darren and his dick-headedness, and show her my scan picture of our little bean. I still hadn’t shown Mum and Dad. It didn’t feel right when Eve was in the hospital.

“I know, I just don’t...I can’t handle them at the moment. I know they’re angry but...I don’t have it in me to take it yet.” She took a deep shuddering breath. “I know it’s deserved—”

“They don’t want to argue with you. Dad’s worried about you. He comes over every time he nips home, to
see
you. He wants to see how you are, not rage at you.”

“Pardon?” She looked at me with wide eyes.

“None of us
blame you.
You do realise that, right?” I took a step toward her. She still held Ellie in her arms.

She shook her head.

“I’m angry at Elliott, not you,” I said, praying she believed me.

“Ell-ot was naughty and hurt Evie-beevie so he’s gone away,” Ellie offered,
unhelpfully
.

Jill gasped and looked down at Ellie. She pulled her to her chest and rocked her. “He did, sweetie, he was very naughty. But he isn’t coming back so he can’t hurt her again.” Jill closed her eyes, forcing tears to fall down her pale cheeks. I watched as she silently mourned her son and the effects of his betrayal.

“Will you stop hiding from me now?” Ellie asked. “I shout you, and you not answer me. It makes me sad.”

“Yes, I promise,” Jill answered, trying to sound as normal as possible, but I could see her heart breaking.

I wanted to go to her and hold her, show her that we held nothing against her. But my phone started ringing. “Sorry, that will be Johan, I’ve been trying—” I stopped talking when I saw the screen. “It’s Dominic.” I looked up at Jill, who had straightened, watching me expectantly. I slid my finger across the screen.

“Hello?”

“She’s awake, Lou, she’s a-fucking-wake,” he shouted excitedly and my heart pounded in my chest.

“When? How? Is she okay?”

Jill stepped towards me.

“The doctor said it was muscle spasms, because her fingers kept twitching through the night, they were doing it for hours. So I sat by her bed holding her hand as I always do and they got stronger and stronger. Then her eyes started fluttering open...fuck me, I can’t tell you how much I’ve wanted to see those gorgeous brown eyes. She’s awake, Lou.” He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “We have her back. My beautiful Eve is back.”

I covered my mouth as an emotional teary laugh escaped.

“Lou?” Jill asked, coming closer and placing her hand on my arm.

“Who’s that?” Dominic asked.

“Your mum.”

“Put her on a sec.”

I held out my phone to her but she shook her head. When I insisted, she took the phone, placing Ellie gently on the floor.

“Dominic?” she whispered.

I could hear him talking but not what he was saying.

“I’m so sorry,” she sobbed, covering her eyes with her hand. She nodded a response to something he said. Then clearly realised he couldn’t see her. “Yes...I love you too,” she whispered and again I was back to battling my emotions.

She handed my phone back and turned to leave the room, her shoulders shaking with silent sobs.

“Dominic?”

“Is Mum okay?” he asked softly and I could hear the concern in his voice.

“Not really. She thinks we all hate her.”

“Jesus! Listen, thanks, for being there for her.”

“I wanted to come see Eve. I just, I wasn’t allowed and—”

“I told her, I said you’d be getting ready to kick NHS butt if they didn’t let you in soon.”

I laughed at that. “Yeah?”

“Right, I gotta go see my girlfriend...how fucking ace does that sound?”

“Fantastic. Tell her I miss her.”

“I will. See you in a bit.” He ended the call.

I stared at my phone and for the first time since my sister was taken to hospital I genuinely smiled. I tapped my phone screen and held it to my ear, then called the only person I wanted to speak to right now. I needed to hear his voice and I couldn’t explain why. No, that was a lie. I could explain why, I just didn't want to acknowledge it.

“
I’m not available so you know what to do.
” I hated his answering phone message.

“Johan, it’s Lou...” I ended the call. I didn’t want to tell him like this, I wanted to be there, to see his face light up.

“Jill?” I shouted. I walked into the kitchen to her. “Jill, would you watch Ellie for me, just for a little while. I want to go see if I can find Johan and tell him about Eve.”

She looked stunned at first then a slow smile spread across her face. “Definitely.”

I kissed Ellie goodbye and told her to behave whilst I was gone and practically ran to my car.

Guilt seeped into me as I drew closer to the house, when realisation struck that Johan must have been the one to clean the place after everything that had happened with Eve. I understood from her injuries there must have been a lot of blood around. I had left him to rectify the house and deal with it all by himself and I felt like shit for that. He already had so much on his shoulders to deal with and I’d added to the nightmares by being so selfish. God, I really am the bitch everyone believes me to be.

I put the car in first gear and crawled it towards our house. I frowned when I noticed a small blue car in the drive. It wasn’t Johan’s; his was parked further up the drive. I parked on the road and got out of the car. Just as I turned to walk up the drive, the front door opened. I smiled and my tummy did a silly little flutter. It quickly plummeted to my toes though when a gorgeous blonde walked out. She had her hair in a messy bun, but still looked like she’d walked out of a fucking salon. She had a ratty sweatshirt on and a pair of black leggings that were splattered with what looked like white paint. On me that outfit would make me look like a homeless tramp, on her she looked like the fuckable wench she clearly was. She’d been shagging my...I mean, Johan in
my
house, whilst I’d been trying to call him about Eve. I felt enraged because my sister was the important element in this scenario, not my trampled heart. And why did I assume they had been shagging? Because the infuriatingly gorgeous Johan was
topless
in a pair of...
oh God
...low-riding tracksuit bottoms while he rubbed his damp hair with a towel.

He laughed at something she said just as he spotted me, and just as quickly as they had appeared in the door his smile vanished. Yeah, arsehole I’ve caught you. Why it bothered
me that I’d caught him saying farewell to his skank, I had no idea. Oh yeah, Eve!
Arsehole.

“Shit!” I heard him mutter, though clearly not quietly enough. Gorgeous blonde turned to see what he was looking at. She caught sight of me, looked confused at first then I saw the moment she realised who I was. She turned to Johan and whispered something. He nodded and looked back at me. They had a weird whispered conversation that I hated and then she lifted her hand and patted his forearm. He nodded and walked towards me, plastering a completely fake smile on his face. I knew it was fake, because his dimples didn't show.

“Lou, I didn’t expect you.”

“Obviously,” I snapped, glaring at him.
Chill the fuck out, Lou
.

He scowled at me. “This is Emily, she’s Dominic’s secretary. Em, this is Lou, Eve’s sister.”

“Hi, I can tell. You look so much alike.” She spoke in such a sweet voice I hated her even more. Gorgeous and sweet with hair I would kill for.

I ignored her and glared at Johan. “I’ve been phoning you
all
morning. Ellie wanted us to go to a play centre. You said you’d spend the weekend with us.” Okay, so I made it sound like he had obligations when in reality he owed us shit.

“Oh, er...my phone must be off.”

“You left it in the bedroom, it rang whilst you were—”
Emily
offered, and I narrowed my eyes at her.

“And another thing...” I paused for added effect. Johan cocked his head to one side regarding me like I was some strange specimen. “Eve is awake. Dominic called earlier and said she’d woken up.” I hated that I got to tell him like this; I wanted to share the happy news, I wanted to celebrate with him. Not be this raving angry bitch that I always seemed to be.

“Seriously. Oh my God, that’s fucking fantastic. When? Is she okay? Can we see her yet?” He dropped the towel,
my
bloody towel I might add, onto the ground and gripped at his hair. Okay, so I’m hormonal; his body tensed and muscles danced in places I never knew they existed, his arms had the most amazing bulges and dips where skin stretched over—

“Johan, that’s brilliant.”
Emily
smiled and threw her arms around his neck. His shoulders tensed fractionally as he laughed and hugged her back, awkwardly at first. She giggled and he pulled her off her feet and they both started laughing. My chest constricted and a tight fist grabbed at my heart and squeezed. Tears sprang to my eyes and my lip trembled. I realised I had no one in this moment to share this joy with, I’d left my family to share
my
moment with Johan. I blinked rapidly; there’s no way I was bawling in front of these two lovers. I turned and walked back to my car. Just as I reached for the handle a large hand wrapped around my elbow and turned me around. Have I mentioned I’m a short arse, yeah well, given the hunk of man flesh in front of me all I had in my line of vision were two very defined pectorals. Johan placed his finger under my chin and lifted so I had to look into his dreamy blue eyes.